Should I keep on doing this?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Pyreath, Feb 3, 2010.

  1. Pyreath

    Pyreath Member

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    I seriously need some advice, I feel like I'm just hurting myself here.

    So basically, theres this guy in the campus whose openly gay, and I myself still keep my bisexual identity somewhat of a secret. One night I was drunk and he tried to help me to my room, I told him I wanted him and I ended up getting fucked by him.

    I thought it was just a one time thing, and somehow I just wanted more from him. Since then, we've had sex together like four times? The thing is though, he refuses to suck me, or stroke me. I'm just a bottom for him to fuck, and even though I ask, he refuses.

    Today we fucked again, and he was seriously hurting me. I was bleeding after he was done, and he didn't really give a damn.

    It dawned on me that he just needs an ass to fuck, and I don't really matter at all. I for one, don't enjoy the sex because he's always rough and I'm always just hoping he'll cum soon so the pain doesn't last as long. I know this sounds childish, but what I enjoy the most, well, what I only enjoy is when we make out, when he touches me.

    Everytime we fuck, I tell myself, no it cannot happen again, he is just using me, but then again I find myself going back to him.

    I really don't know what to do, I feel like shit everytime he just cums, pulls out and just proceed to clean up and leave, and I end up jacking myself off.

    Any advice is greatly appreciated.
     
  2. crescendo69

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    He has intimacy issues; find another guy more suited to your emotional needs. Are there any gay groups on campus you can frequent? Or maybe in town? I go to a men's talk group here that tries to remain discreet about anything said in the meetings. Perhaps as you come out gradually in small groups you will be able to meet more quality people.
     
  3. California07

    California07 New Member

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    If he is not pleasing you, then I would stay away because he is obviously using you. He makes you feel like shit and used, do you really want something to do with a person like that? There are other people out there who will appreciate you, run away before you get more attached to this jerk. Remember its his loss not yours.
     
  4. B_mitchymo

    B_mitchymo New Member

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    If a person seems only interested in one thing then their ideal is also interested in that one thing. You clearly want to appreciate the affection of a sexual relationship probably because it seems more meaningful to you. I would much rather save the sex until after a clear bond has been made rather than have sex for the sake of it.

    Stop now is my advice, this guy aint worth it, not saying he is worthless just not right for you.
     
  5. B_jeepguy2

    B_jeepguy2 New Member

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    Dude, enjoying being touched is not childish at all. You need to find a guy who will make love to you. Sex is about pleasure for BOTH partners. This guy is just using your hole to get himself off and seriously does not give a shit about you. Hell NO, you should not keep on doing this!
     
  6. D_Dick_Dock_Doe

    D_Dick_Dock_Doe Account Disabled

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    Sounds to me like you know what you should do. It would be one thing if you enjoyed yourself, but you're not even having fun. Sex should be fun, even if it's no-strings. If he can't give you what you want/need, go get it from someone who will. Easy.
     
  7. Countryguy63

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    I hate to see someone hurting themselves like this. You desire more than the physical contact and this guy is not going to cooperate. As long as you allow him, he will continue to use you.

    Be better to yourself. You are letting the sexual pleasure that you get from him to overrule the emotional connection that you really need. :frown1:
     
  8. rbkwp

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    as all have suggested Pyreath
    be strong, snd tell him NO more, if you cant do that, thats OK
    , i believe there is help on the Campus that you can approach to put a stop to such
    Have a friend USA (and he wont mind at all me relaying this)
    Similar happening, he went to the Medical, the nurse there helped him sort it all out
    If its unprotected sex, then you have more rights to complain to Medical
    Your not alone, getting to be a Rape case now, by the sounds of it.
    enz
     
  9. dad4you

    dad4you Member

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    I had to make a comment here. I have had far more sex than intimacy in my life, and the sexual contact by itself has not been worth it. Sure I have a need to find a guy to fuck me, but it has been a long time since I found anyone for intimacy. I am tired of selling myself short. Giving sex to get intimacy has not gotten me anywhere. The last guy I was with was a little unpleasant, and when he wanted to come back I turned him down. He wasn't happy about that, too bad.
    It does sound like this guy is using you, and if he is only after his own nut, that is real close to rape. The cops used to say that you can't rape the willing, but there is also the fact of emotional rape. I would say for you to find your strength and move on from this loser. You are better than him, I think.
     
  10. piratebulldog

    piratebulldog Member

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    The men above gave excellent advice. One concern for you I have is the fact that you allowed this to go on when after the first incident you knew the kind of man he is. The fact that you allowed it to continue is a concern. Even if this situation with this particular man is over and done with, you still have to deal with not allowing yourself to fall into this situation again. Be strong, know what you want, and don't feel the need to service anyone. Choose wisely and well.
     
  11. AngelKOF

    AngelKOF New Member

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    Not only is he denying you the emotional connection you want, the physical sex isn't even pleasurable, so why bother?
     
  12. D_Passmoore Fearsomgas

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    why do it if u know he ia just using you.
     
  13. Pyreath

    Pyreath Member

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    Guys, thanks for the support, honestly thank you.

    It just scares me so much that everytime we have sex, i tell myself "what the fuck are you doing". But then a day or two later, I just want him again.

    False hope that someday he will reciprocate?

    I really don't know. Sometimes I just tell myself, maybe for those few moments of intimacy (when he kisses me and touches me) its worth the pain...
     
  14. Countryguy63

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    Your last 2 sentences worry me. So many times, folks come here asking for help, when they really don't want out of the situation.

    I can understand wanting the compassion or caring from him, but I can promise you that the only chance you have of ever geting it (if it's at all possible) is by letting him know that you're not going to continue without it.

    As hard as it is, stop seking him out. If he contacts you, don't immediately run to him.

    You can stop this. If you don't want to that's fine.
     
  15. helgaleena

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    It sounds to me like you are using him to punish yourself in some way. What is it in you that actually wants to be treated like crap? Until you answer that question you will remain at the mercy of your 'just want him again' habit.

    Grow a backbone and protect your self esteem better. Masturbating is way kinder and more self-nurturing than this.
     
  16. Wish-4-8

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    The quick answer to this is no.

    Why, because you are not happy. Period. Hes happy. As far as he is concerned, he is getting what he wants. And in his mind, you must like it because you keep coming back to him for more. But really, he probably could care less how you feel.

    That fact that you want to make someone change, or hope they do is the real problem. And I am sorry to say, that is the lazy way to get what you want. You aint going to get it with this guy, period.

    People have already said it. Find someone who will. Keep kissing the frogs, coz it may take a while. The only person to blame in all of this is yourself.
     
  17. salthebb

    salthebb Member

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    Dad4you is not far off. While it may not legally be a rape since you are a consenting participant, rape is not a physical event, but also a mental event. Many rape victims I have been in contact with over the years express the same sentiments that you state, they blame themselves for the ongoing chain of events. You are a victim of this person's physical and emotional abuse. Run, not walk to the door. Shut this guy out of your life and move on as best as you can. I would recommend you contact a counselor, therapist or psychologist with a bent towards sexual abuse. Stay away from this guy. All people deserve better and not to be uses lilke a piece of meat.
     
  18. Roark1976

    Roark1976 Member

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    get out of that. there are way too many nice ones out there to waste your time with this.
     
  19. D_Randy_Cox

    D_Randy_Cox New Member

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    Have to say that since you keep returning, the problem is with you. He may have issues but you're the one who sets you up for this. He is satisfying a need of his and is giving you exactly what you keep returning for. Fix you. Don't worry about him andDO NOT EXPECT HIM TO CHANGE! Gay or hetero doesn't matter. People put themselves in these situations.
     
  20. dolfette

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    go to the library and borrow a big pile of self help books for victims of sexual abuse. read them. look at the way you're punishing yourself sexually, look at the way you're seeking his affection at the cost of your own health and sanity, look at the way he lacks compassion and empathy.

    getting out of this situation isn't enough. it's just a symptom of some deeper wound within you. you need to address this wound or the situation will repeat itself.

    where is this really coming from?
     
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