Should I Make a Move Now or Wait?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by jason_els, Oct 3, 2007.

  1. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    I wasn't looking, didn't want to think of it, couldn't imagine it. While lurking I learned a lot about the people here who intrigued me, frequently reading their old posts so before I came out of the shell and began posting I had a good idea of what some people were like. Fate, having a twisted sense of humor, decided to play with me and I find I'm well on the road to falling in love with someone here.

    At this point it doesn't much matter if he looks like he does in his pictures. He hasn't indicated any attraction to me though I have a sixth sense feeling he suspects how I feel. I know he gets all kinds of comments and PMs to the point they're annoying. I know other people think he's hot. He's wonderfully kind, cracking bright, thoughtful, and I feel a compatibility on many levels. I think we'd get along really well together. I wrote about my feelings for him (in the sappiest terms) in the Who Are You Attracted To? thread. Suffice to say, there's much more to my feeling than simple physical attraction.

    This, being the internet, has pitfalls I'm not a little unaware of. I could be very wrong about him or about how well we'd do together. Still, I think I'd be doing us both a disservice not to at least investigate it.

    Right now I'm going through a lot of changes for the better yet when I regard my situation I must admit that I'm not mentally, physically, or financially able to get into a relationship now. Nor do I have the slightest idea if he's in a relationship himself. At first I thought it was just a passing fancy, a friendly attraction. It's not. I really, really, want to ask this guy out for just one date to see if my suspicions are right. It would be great if it turned out there really is a spark between us yet I must look at the result honestly. If there was, could I follow through with it? Am I in a position to be the best partner in the relationship that I could be? With all candor, I have to say probably not. Right now I need to focus on re-establishing my life with a new place to live, new job, and more stability. It wouldn't be fair to myself or to him for me not to be at my best. If there isn't a spark, he's taken, or just not interested, then I have to live with that too. I'd rather live with that rejection when I'm best able to handle it. So much in my life is uphill right now that adding romantic rejection to it would just create more problems.

    I know I have a lot to offer the right guy, though I don't give myself to just anyone. So if I am right about this, I want to be as ready for it as I can be not just him, but for myself. When the time comes, I'll ask him for a date and if he says yes, I'll hop a plane to make it happen. That's how strongly I feel about how good this could be and I'd be stupid not to put myself in a position to make the most of the opportunity.

    The counterarguments I make to all this are pretty simple. I want to know where I stand. Should I strike while the iron is hot? Who is ever really ready for a relationship when it appears? What if he drops off the face of the earth tomorrow or finds another guy? If this does work out, wouldn't it make sense to move nearer to where he is rather than go somewhere else first? I've just got a small U-haul's worth of stuff, two dogs, and a desire to move somewhere more dynamic as it is. Nor am I playing Mr. Mysterious. It's not as though by waiting he'd suddenly be unaware of my past. Some important parts of it are already disclosed here for the world to read. The final consideration is that I've also found that the best people to have around are those who bring out the best in us as well.

    This is tough. Do I go with my head or my heart? Is there a middle ground I'm not seeing?
     
  2. SpoiledPrincess

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    Go with your heart, only the brave deserve the fair or something like that :) If we don't take chances it means we'll stay in our pleasant little rut forever, he might say he's not interested but if he does how does that change your situation? He might say he is interested in which case it's a whole other ball game :)
     
  3. Principessa

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    My Random Thoughts on This:
    1. Follow your heart!
    2. Don't wait to get all your ducks in a row.
    3. Tell him you like him and go out on a date.
    4. Assuming he falls for you (he will cause you're a great guy) then you can move across the country or planet as the case may be. :smile:
     
  4. dreamer20

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    Here's a kiss for luck::kiss:

    Now go out and get him Jason!:wavey:
     
  5. Osiris

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    Jason, from your posts, you seem a genuine good guy. Follow your heart. I think you'll end up where you want to be.
     
  6. silvertriumph2

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    Well, I don't know Jason....I want the best for you and don't want you to be disappointed or hurt unnecessarily. I really don't think that you have persued this far enought as yet. You need to put your cards on the table and see where it goes from there. If you two are that close, as you seem to think, then it should not be a problem.

    I think you should stop, take a good deep breath and make a plan. Don't let your emotions and your gonads rush you into making a quick and possibly unwise decision.

    It might be better to explore the situation a bit further, on a more personal basis, than just Online. Before you spend the money for a long flight to somewhere, and I get the impression it would be a cross-country flight, and if it hasn't already been done, I would ask it were alright to begin writing to him. Jason, you are excellent with the written word, and I believe you could probably sell an ice cube to an eskimo. Write, persue the possibilities, and see what develops from there.

    Or, if not too expensive, start a telephone relationship. You can tell a lot more from the tone of a voice than from a letter. I have one of those phone deals where I pay a flat x amount a month and get unlimited local and US long distance calls. That kind of plan would be great for spending a lot of time together, cheaply. It's wonderful. I talk to old friends all over the US, sometimes for hours! It is a very good way to keep in touch, or start and feel out a relationship. It certainly would be cheaper than an air ticket!

    Good Luck, my friend. Keep us informed. We care.
     
  7. got_lost

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    You had to know this would come back and bite you on the arse, didn't you?!?!

    Take your own advice, cos it's bloody good advice!

    As folk have said to me here, you only get one life... live it.

    And there is no point in planning for a future which is not what you want. Ask the question, then you have all the info you need to plan for said future peoperly!

    Good luck mate!
     
  8. viking1

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    Give it a try! Good luck!
     
  9. funnyguy

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    Oh! Jason,
    You are so sensitive, kind, observant. Your thoughtful advice is always helpful. It took courage to write this to us.
    I would suggest that "It is better to have loved and lost rather than not to have loved at all." I feel sad that you torment yourself without knowing. You deserve so much more, my dear, dear, Jason!
    I only hope that it will work out for you in the best, most beneficial, positive way for you!
    I will be thinking of you!
     
  10. B_NineInchCock_160IQ

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    If he suspects something as you think he does, this kind of puts him in an awkward spot, doesn't it? Better to come clean about your feelings than post something like this, I think.
     
  11. Big Don

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    You'll keep coming up with reasons not to follow through. It's always easy not to take a chance.

    What's the harm in one date? Who knows, you might find the right path to follow after one night.
     
  12. Big Don

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    see above
     
  13. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    Yes and I hadn't considered that. Thank you for pointing it out. When it comes to this I have a hard time thinking clearly. I've heard that's not uncommon.

    I won't name names if that's the case. I don't want to put anybody on the spot like that. It's not fair.

     
  14. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    My thanks to everyone who replied. You all were an enormous help.

    I'm sorry to say it didn't work out as I had hoped.

    Thank you all so much again for your support.
     
  15. yhtang

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    I am sorry it did not work out the way you hoped. Do not let this set you back. At least you would not have to lie in bed wondering over a heap of "what if's" - unfortunately, I am one of those doing that.

    Best wishes on your future endeavours.
     
  16. silvertriumph2

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    Jason, I'm really sorry that it didn't work out as you wanted. But, life's like that sometimes, we learn something from it, and then we go on pursuing our dreams. I hope that your dreams will be fulfilled some day soon. Keep the faith. I'm pulling for you, man.
     
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