I wasn't looking, didn't want to think of it, couldn't imagine it. While lurking I learned a lot about the people here who intrigued me, frequently reading their old posts so before I came out of the shell and began posting I had a good idea of what some people were like. Fate, having a twisted sense of humor, decided to play with me and I find I'm well on the road to falling in love with someone here. At this point it doesn't much matter if he looks like he does in his pictures. He hasn't indicated any attraction to me though I have a sixth sense feeling he suspects how I feel. I know he gets all kinds of comments and PMs to the point they're annoying. I know other people think he's hot. He's wonderfully kind, cracking bright, thoughtful, and I feel a compatibility on many levels. I think we'd get along really well together. I wrote about my feelings for him (in the sappiest terms) in the Who Are You Attracted To? thread. Suffice to say, there's much more to my feeling than simple physical attraction. This, being the internet, has pitfalls I'm not a little unaware of. I could be very wrong about him or about how well we'd do together. Still, I think I'd be doing us both a disservice not to at least investigate it. Right now I'm going through a lot of changes for the better yet when I regard my situation I must admit that I'm not mentally, physically, or financially able to get into a relationship now. Nor do I have the slightest idea if he's in a relationship himself. At first I thought it was just a passing fancy, a friendly attraction. It's not. I really, really, want to ask this guy out for just one date to see if my suspicions are right. It would be great if it turned out there really is a spark between us yet I must look at the result honestly. If there was, could I follow through with it? Am I in a position to be the best partner in the relationship that I could be? With all candor, I have to say probably not. Right now I need to focus on re-establishing my life with a new place to live, new job, and more stability. It wouldn't be fair to myself or to him for me not to be at my best. If there isn't a spark, he's taken, or just not interested, then I have to live with that too. I'd rather live with that rejection when I'm best able to handle it. So much in my life is uphill right now that adding romantic rejection to it would just create more problems. I know I have a lot to offer the right guy, though I don't give myself to just anyone. So if I am right about this, I want to be as ready for it as I can be not just him, but for myself. When the time comes, I'll ask him for a date and if he says yes, I'll hop a plane to make it happen. That's how strongly I feel about how good this could be and I'd be stupid not to put myself in a position to make the most of the opportunity. The counterarguments I make to all this are pretty simple. I want to know where I stand. Should I strike while the iron is hot? Who is ever really ready for a relationship when it appears? What if he drops off the face of the earth tomorrow or finds another guy? If this does work out, wouldn't it make sense to move nearer to where he is rather than go somewhere else first? I've just got a small U-haul's worth of stuff, two dogs, and a desire to move somewhere more dynamic as it is. Nor am I playing Mr. Mysterious. It's not as though by waiting he'd suddenly be unaware of my past. Some important parts of it are already disclosed here for the world to read. The final consideration is that I've also found that the best people to have around are those who bring out the best in us as well. This is tough. Do I go with my head or my heart? Is there a middle ground I'm not seeing?