Should I Stop?

What should I do?

  • Cut ties now

    Votes: 15 55.6%
  • Tell him how you feel

    Votes: 6 22.2%
  • Wait until he's single to tell him how you feel

    Votes: 6 22.2%

  • Total voters
    27

ktfornby1

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Hey,

So having a bit of a headfuck moment and wondering if I need to stop or not.

So I hooked up with a guy a couple of months ago from good ol' Grindr. I knew hooking up that he was in a relationship but from the second hook up I realised that he was not happy. At the time, I suddenly felt he was a really good guy so we exchanged snapchats. We spoke for ages. At the time I was casually dating someone and knowing he was in an unhappy relationship, we just chatted - sometimes flirty sometimes just like mates.
I've stopped seeing the person I was for unrelated issues and I've since found out that this guy does want to leave his partner but needs to save money to leave. He's said that they haven't had sex in well over a year. Me and this guy have both done new sex stuff that we haven't done before.

Now I'm really starting to fall for him. Like hook line and sinker. I see him active on Grindr but he's always at home (I can see the map on SC) and me and him talk EVERY day. I had a nap the other day and didn't reply so he spammed me with messages. He even offered to drive me an hour to my family on xmas eve.

In other conversations, before we started getting proper chatty, he said that he's in a bit of a dark place and once he has separated from the boyfriend then he probably needs to be alone to work on himself, potentially move away.

Now, currently, I'm not stupid - I'm not waiting around for him whilst he's with this guy so I'm still using other dating apps etc. but do I tell him how I feel or do I wait until they've separated and then take the plunge. We have said that we wanna meet up and will do when we have the time. Or should I just cut ties now?

Cheers,
 
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Based on your post, there are three reasons why this guy is not ready for a stable relationship with you:

1) He's still with someone else and doesn't have the money to move out.
2) He's aid he think he needs to be alone and/or move away.
3) He spammed the crap out of your phone because you didn't answer.

If despite all the above you are okay with being a side piece with a likely end date of sooner rather than later, then go for it. If you want to gamble that he will be able to fix all that ails him so that the two of you can have a real relationship, then tell him how you feel about him. Otherwise, cut ties with him.
 

dreamer20

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having a bit of a headfuck ...an unhappy relationship.."Guy" does want to leave his partner but needs to save money to leave. He's said that they haven't had sex in well over a year. Me and this guy have both done new sex stuff that we haven't done before..Now I'm really starting to fall for him... me and him talk EVERY day.. the other day ...He even offered to drive me an hour to my family on xmas eve...before we started getting proper chatty, he said that he's in a bit of a dark place and once he has separated from the boyfriend then he probably needs to be alone to work on himself, potentially move away.
do I tell him how I feel(?) or do I wait until they've separated and then take the plunge(?)... Or should I just cut ties now?
Cheers,

ktfornby1 I congratulate you for bringing "Guy" out of his dark place and into your loving embrace. However he is financially strapped - without the support of his present partner he would be broke - but he is still free to see you. You don't have to wait until they are separated. You have options. You could tell him you suspected he wasn't ever going to leave his partner and call it quits. You could tell him you don't mind sharing him with that other fellow and have a polyamorous relationship. Or, if you have the money and a place for the both of you to dwell in, profess your feelings to him and find out if he wants to take the plunge with you.
 
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halcyondays

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Depends on how intense the hurt is. Hook, line and sinker sounds quite intense.

The sharper the hurt the more I lean towards cutting ties. Good luck!
 
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elklindoxxx

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Right up front you need to establish the ground rules so you are both clear about the expectations.

I tell everyone that I have a committed partner and that you will be my FWB on the side....and that's it period. If they can't get it then you need to move on.
 
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Sklar

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Run away and don't ever look back.

You're going to end up in the exact same place he is, if you keep him around.

He has nothing to offer/give you except his own current problems.

Your first priority is, and always should be, you.

If he can't be your equal, he becomes an anchor dragging you down.

Run.

Run far.

Run Fast.

Don't look back.

Ever.

Sklar
 
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HungBtmVegas

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Sounds like a sad situation, but from what you explained, nothing healthy is going to come out of this and you can't trust that the connection you guys have developed is genuinely bc he likes you back or bc he's looking to feel something positive with someone bc he's stuck in a bad relationship