Should I tell my girlfriend...?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Charlie14, Dec 24, 2006.

  1. Charlie14

    Charlie14 Member

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    I have recently gotten in a serious relationship and have realy strong feelings for my girlfriend and have tried to be as honest as possible with her about everything.. because I don't want to jeopardize our relationship by being dishonest about anything. I had a relationship go south for this reason in the past. I have told her about everything.. I have been brutally honest telling her about my past as an escort and everything that that entailed. But now I don't know if being honest with her about something that heppened will hurt our relationship more than not telling her could hurt it.

    What happened is that just a couple nights ago I was at a holiday party with my girlfriends family and my girlfriends sister made a move on me when we were alone.. she told me that my girlfriend told her how big my cock was and how she just wanted to see it and it wouldn't go beyond that.. but you know how long that would last.. right.. but the really stupid part is that she asked me to promise not to tell anyone what she was going to tell me before she told me. And I had no idea what it was going to be about.

    I just don't know what to do now.. I just don't want to do anything to screw my realtionship up. And in this situation I don't know which is the more dangerous decision.. her sister did seem drunk.. but she might have been acting too.. who knows? What would you do in this situation and why? If I was in her situation I would want to know what my brother did on one hand and on another I wouldn't want to know..

    And also.. who knows what the sister might say if she was confronted about it.. she might say I made a move on her or something..
     
  2. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    Did you show her?

    I'm assuming you didn't.

    Do nothing. She was drunk, it was a party, she may become your sister-in-law for years to come. Nobody has anything to gain by your girlfriend finding-out.

    Let it go and chalk it up to her sister having had too much to drink and being a little over curious. She may not even remember it but if she does, you'll make a friend of her by not mentioning it ever again.
     
  3. Charlie14

    Charlie14 Member

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    No, I didn't show her or anything

    That's how I feel about it too.. and that's why I haven't told her yet.. but it also occurred to me that maybe this was alll a test on my girlfriends part.. I mean.. if I was hin her position and I am a guy dating a girl that worked as an escort and slept with all these people even when she wasn't an escort I might wonder if he would revert to his old ways.. so what if I don't tell her and then she thinks I'm lying about it..

    But since I didn't do anything I can't see how she would get mad about it..

    But her sister did say she thought I was getting hard but I wasn't and I told her I wasn't repeatedly. But she might have just been trying to get me to let her see it or feel it or something.

    I don't know.. I'm probably stressing about this way too much.
     
  4. Pye

    Pye
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    Actually-- tell you girlfriend that you didn't like the idea that she told her sister about the size of your penis and now you feel uncomfortable and nervous around her and that you almost felt like it was a test.

    Honesty is always best.
     
  5. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    That's you projecting your own insecurity on your girlfriend. Either way, you passed the test by not showing her sister and you acted as gentleman by overlooking a drunken lady's indiscreet comment.

    Nobody is lying about anything.

    No, it isn't. In this case Charlie has nothing to gain by sharing this with his girlfriend. In fact he loses, the sister loses, and his girlfriend loses.
     
  6. Charlie14

    Charlie14 Member

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    Thanks Pye.. that's also what I had been thinking.

    But I can understand her telling her sister about it.. her sister said she told her when we were just starting to date.. but maybe my girlfriend will understand her wanting to see. I mean hell.. I have had guys want to see and they didn't want to do anything.. but I thought her sister was trying to seduce me but maybe I'm wrong? I don't know her that well.. but why wouldn't she just tell her sister she wanted to see it then?

    Maybe I could try to bring it up with my girlfriend and see what she thinks about the idea of someone she knows wanting to see me? Then see what she says.. like a hypothetical.. but then it might sound like I'm hinting at a threesome or wanting to show off or something.
     
  7. Pye

    Pye
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    well-- if you expect a good relationship you'll either let the whole thing drop or tell GF about it....with the way it's weighing on you you should do something
     
  8. Charlie14

    Charlie14 Member

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    What if I tell my girlfriends sister to tell my girfriend? So, that way, by the sister telling her, then she won't look so bad, and I won't have to worry about it.

    Maybe they have somekind of issues to work out? But if I did tell her to do that then her sister might try to say I did something to protect herself...

    Just an idea.. Maybe I should email dear abbey.. or Dr Phil or something..
     
  9. B_NineInchCock_160IQ

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    I would have to say no, don't tell your girlfriend. What would this accomplish? You'll make her mad at her sister and her sister will be mad at you because you promised not to tell. Your girlfriend probably won't believe you that nothing happened, because she'll think that if nothing happened you probably wouldn't be bringing it up in the first place. There's no reason to tell her, you'll just make everyone involved unhappy. Why would her sister even bring it up if you don't say something about it first? If she does, then it's going to come down to your word against hers anyway and it ultimately won't matter much who brings it up first. Telling your girlfriend has no net gain at all. Jason is absolutely right in this situation and Dr. Phil would probably agree.

    P.S. fuck Dr. Phil. but he'd still probably agree with Jason and I in this. The only POSSIBLE gain you get out of this is to alleviate some of these inexplicable feelings of guilt you have (which don't make sense- you did nothing wrong), and that's completely selfish.
     
  10. Charlie14

    Charlie14 Member

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    NineInchcock, you make a strong case. I guess the reason I am worried about this so much is because I screwed up a relationship by not disclosing everything about my past.. and I wanted to make sure not to do anything like that again.

    You only meet people like this once in a lifetime.. if your lucky. And honesty is something we have talked about a lot.. we always talk about being able to talk to each other about anything.

    Right now I am leaning to just letting it lie.. but I hope I'm making the right decision. Thanks to everyone for trying to help me out.
     
  11. B_NineInchCock_160IQ

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    Look, I'll agree that honesty can be an important component to a healthy relationship (though I think good lies can also be an important component), but in this case, there is really nothing that needs to be disclosed. Unless the subject ever comes up "has my sister ever asked to see your penis while drunk at a party"... or unless you've already agreed to disclose such information beforehand... then you're not lying about anything. You also haven't cheated or done anything wrong, so it's not like you're covering up your own bad behavior. If she finds out about this later and can't see that you were making the right decision to try and protect your own relationship as well as the relationship between your gf and her sister, well then she's probably not very bright.
     
  12. Charlie14

    Charlie14 Member

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    I guess it just really comes down to the sister. As long as she doesn't ever say anything about it or say anyhting to make me look bad then it will be ok..

    I don't think she would.. she doesn't seem like the type to do somehting like that.. but I was also really shocked she did what she did.. she seemed so reserved. Both my girlfriend and her sister are very reserved.. maybe that's why I am worried.. my life is much different than hers and her family. 2 different kinds of worlds.
     
  13. JMeister

    JMeister Member

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    How do know you girlfriend told her sister about your size for sure?

    Independent of the above I would tell her that her sister got drunk and was hitting on you because I suspect that this is not going to be the only time it is going to happen. I am sure she will hit on you again
     
  14. dreamer20

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    Say nothing Charlie. You refused her sister. If the sister asks to see your penis again tell her that "This is nothing to do with curiousity. You are trying to destroy my relationship with your sister. It's not going to happen so don't ask me again."
     
  15. Ethyl

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    What her sister did to you was very unfair. She put you in a precarious position just to get her drunken jollies. By asking you to keep her wishes a secret before revealing them to you, she's trying to make you feel responsible for what happened and you aren't. Don't mention it to your girlfriend. You have nothing to hide - her sister does. She's the one who created the situation. If her sister ever mentions it to you or anyone, remind her of who brought the subject up for discussion. Don't accept responsibility for what happened and what happened? Nothing. Her sister made the comment. She's the one who should be feeling the pressure, not you.
     
  16. Peter Pud

    Peter Pud New Member

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    Do not tell your girlfriend. If she approches you again with the proposistion of I want to ask you something but do not tell anyone, do not agree to it. If she asks to see your dick again definatly tell your girlfriend she needs to know what her sister is up to. This may be a patern for her. You need to determine if your relationship is more important or your girlfiend sisters secrecy is more important.
     
  17. Chrysalis

    Chrysalis New Member

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    I agree that telling your girlfriend doesn't help anyone.

    It sounds like the bottom line in all of this is that you are afraid. You are afraid your gf's sister will tell her and 'make you look bad' so you're having the urge to do damage control before the fact. But your 'damage control' could potentially cause much more damage than if you just allow the situation to unfold as it will, especially since it may never unfold at all.

    As MB said, you didn't do anything wrong. Be utterly confident in this and absolve yourself of any blame. If her sister really is twisted enough to make something out of this, then remember, your girlfriend has known her sister her entire life and probably has a pretty good idea what she is capable of.

    In any situation, when choosing whether to "spill the beans" or not, these are some thoughts to consider:

    1) Is your primary motivation to help yourself (i.e. relieve fear, relieve guilt), or is it to help the other person?

    2) Will disclosure do more harm than good to the other person? There's a difference between leveling with someone and leveling someone.

    IMO, it's important to be honest whenever you can, but there are some things that are better left unsaid, and some times when the kindest choice is to lie.

    Some examples:

    (better left unsaid):

    Me: Your crew foreman is really hot. I'd like to fuck him.
    TM: I really didn't need to know that.

    (appropriate times to lie):

    Woman: Do you think my tits still look good?
    Man: Yes.

    Co-worker (one that you like): Do you think my new haircut looks stupid?
    You: No.

    Sometimes I lie, I'm not sorry, and that's the God's honest truth! :biggrin1:
     
  18. B_NineInchCock_160IQ

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    Your tits still look great.
     
  19. B_horribleperson

    B_horribleperson New Member

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    do what pye said and tell her your piss off

    2nd dont go about telling her everything at once just let your past come out naturally in the course of normal conversation with her and if she dont like it then tell her to hit the road
     
  20. roosevelt

    roosevelt New Member

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    If she's as amazing as you say, it won't matter either way.

    I agree with the sentiment that telling her gains nothing. if you did nothing wrong, you've got nothing to feel guilty about.
     
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