Should I tell my parents and friends my sexuality?

3345

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I'm in a weird head space. I'm in my mid-30's, I haven't had a relationship since my early 20's (which was with a female). I have no interest in getting into a relationship though at this point in my life. I like being independent and being on my own, no one to worry about. I own my own house, have a good job, etc.

As much as I would like to find a woman that I would be interested in, that woman has not appeared and honestly I am not really pressed about it. I don't care about dating or trying to find someone. The only pain point is what other people think- work Christmas parties, weddings, etc.

I have never done anything with a guy. I've been curious my entire life. Now a days I mainly get off on gay porn. I can get off straight or gay porn (but I'm usually focusing on the guy).

At this point in my life though, I don't feel a need to "come out" to friends and family given I have no intention right now to get into a relationship. I could come out as bi I guess, but I don't really think that would matter since I'm not looking for a partner.

I think no matter what I told my parents (who ultimately are the most I'm worried about) they wouldn't really care. I also don't see a point in stirring things up by telling them I'm gay, bi, or anything, since nothing will change.

I guess I see it as it's really none of anyone's business anyways who I'm interested in especially considering there's no one else involved.

Any validation? Words of advise otherwise?
 

bravesoldier

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I'm in your situation exactly, only I'm older. I have been married; I have children. After the divorce long ago I dated women some, but it was one of the most humiliating experiences to do so while knowing in my heart I was gay. Here's the long and short of it as I have experienced it- Don't worry about it at all, just do your thing, whatever that is. People may not accuse or know anything for sure, but they (probably) know and understand quietly. Literal coming out is not always necessary. This situation is as old as time and a lot of people surmise these things in a rational, decent way. Honest, mature adults and levelheaded friends won't judge because they know this is a part of everyday life, especially when they have a dear friend or family member in the same situation.

It is awkward and uncomfortable though at parties and social outings in a traditional straight setting. I have gotten to where I usually don't attend those.
 

dreamer20

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I'm 30+ & haven't a relationship since my 20's (with a female). I like being on my own, no one to worry about, my own house, good job, etc..The only pain is what others think @ work Christmas parties, weddings, etc. I've been curious to do a guy my entire life. I get off on gay porn or *straight porn (*usually focusing on the guy).. I don't need to "come out" as bi to friends and family as I don't intend to get a partner now. I think if I told my parents (a deed I'm most worried about) they wouldn't care. It's really no one's business, especially considering no one else is involved. Any validation? Words of advise otherwise?

I think you should say nothing more than you are happy being single - end of story.
 

curtdude

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Dude what would it matter I personally am on a need to know bases. unless someone asks bit is none of thier consern. if I am asked depending on the person I tell them I am bi. some of my friends know but not all need to know bases
 

kutjebef

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I wouldnt care about the label,
More intrigued about you denying yourself potentially love and intimacy by not exploring further.

Can you allow yourself to experiment with men, regardless of putting a label on it?
 

jafar

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I have decided to come out totally in my 30s. Having come out, my Mom actually said that I should not care about what other people thought about me because they were not to provide me for the rest of my life anyway. Turned out that my Mom was quite ahead of her times.
 

ILoveGames48

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The thing is this.. you e never been with a guy yet… you’ve thought about it your whole life but never took the opportunity to be with one..


Meet a guy.. sit and talk with him and get to know each other a little bit.. make sure he knows you’ve never been with a guy and tell him why..


A lot of gay men have hard time coming out .. others don’t.. in fear of wondering if they will have the support of their friends and family..

You can’t live your life by making them happy while you are miserable…

I’d date a guy and see how it goes and if the time comes that you say you yourself that you are gay.. then I’d tell family and friends.. true friends will stay around …

I go to parties and go straight guys houses.. they don’t mind that I am gay.. and sure couple friends disappear but it’s sad to find out they aren’t true friends..

One person I was having sex with quit coming around because he didn’t realize that I was openly gay.. and he didn’t want others to think we were doing it even though we were


Just work on figuring yourself out and be secure with your sexuality then go from there
 

Sandymat

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If you found a spot on your leg ..would you run and tell everyone it was cancer ? Figure out what’s going on yourself ... if you develop a relationship then you can consider your next move . I have been I. A similar situation as some of the others above . Figure out just what it is you are looking for or comfortable with to make you happy . No sense adding extra stress to what should be an enjoyable experience .
 

thom_green2003

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I'm in a weird head space. I'm in my mid-30's, I haven't had a relationship since my early 20's (which was with a female). I have no interest in getting into a relationship though at this point in my life. I like being independent and being on my own, no one to worry about. I own my own house, have a good job, etc.

As much as I would like to find a woman that I would be interested in, that woman has not appeared and honestly I am not really pressed about it. I don't care about dating or trying to find someone. The only pain point is what other people think- work Christmas parties, weddings, etc.

I have never done anything with a guy. I've been curious my entire life. Now a days I mainly get off on gay porn. I can get off straight or gay porn (but I'm usually focusing on the guy).

At this point in my life though, I don't feel a need to "come out" to friends and family given I have no intention right now to get into a relationship. I could come out as bi I guess, but I don't really think that would matter since I'm not looking for a partner.

I think no matter what I told my parents (who ultimately are the most I'm worried about) they wouldn't really care. I also don't see a point in stirring things up by telling them I'm gay, bi, or anything, since nothing will change.

I guess I see it as it's really none of anyone's business anyways who I'm interested in especially considering there's no one else involved.

Any validation? Words of advise otherwise?
Hey 3345 - I would say no, not now at least. Perhaps never? I'm happy for all the people that come out and are glad they did, there is also a huge group that did and regretted it. Or paid a price. I know you said you are older and independent, and that's great. In my observation, the people that are most likely to "lecture" or encourage others to come out are celebrity types that are ALREADY in a comfortable place when they do so. Ricky Martin, Ellen, Kenworthy, Sam Smith, Adam Lambert, whomever you think of, most have already established their careers, finances, and only then do they come out. And tell everyone else they should also?! I'm tired of the "authentic you/life" crap. My authenticity being a musician, teacher, son, brother, Uncle, friend, so many other things. My sexuality is private. I'm alone and celibate by choice anyway. Is telling everyone that I'm authentically celibate really necessary? Ha.
 
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