Should I tell women I date I'm a virgin?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by shyyguy123, Jul 22, 2010.

  1. shyyguy123

    shyyguy123 Member

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    Yes I'm 23 and I'm a virgin. I've been pondering lately whether or not I should just tell women I'm dating that I'm a virgin. I'm thinking it might take some of the pressure I put on myself regarding the need to have sex/make moves off.

    Quick background on myself: I have the ultimate curse regarding women. For some reason women have always found me attractive but I had severe social anxiety most of my life and hid away from social interaction until I was about 20/21. You'd think knowing that a lot of women find you attractive would give you the confidence to approach/make moves on women but my extreme shyness always seemed to win that battle. I have made progress, my 1st "real date" was last year and I've now gone out with about 7 women in the last 6-8 months or so. I still have extreme anxiety when it comes to making moves/having sex though.

    I really want to have sex and I think I'm hurting myself and making it scarier than it is the longer I wait but I just seem to have a barrier when it comes to making a move. I'm thinking that maybe by telling them I'm a virgin it will take a lot of the pressure off thinking about making that move since they'll know I'm inexperienced. What do you guys think?
     
  2. unabear09

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    nahh, I wouldn't really. Honestly, when you do decide to give your virginity away, the woman you will give it away to will be able to tell.
     
  3. sargon20

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  4. Mr. Snakey

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    Do what your heart tells you. If its giving you anxiety, tell them. Relax. When the time is right and it's the right woman, you will have sex. Being open and honest will take the pressure off you. Perhaps if you ran a personal ad in your local paper? Wouldn't it wonderful to meet a woman who is a virgin and has a bit of social anxiety just like you? It can happen. Give it a shot.
     
  5. B_spotted_duck

    B_spotted_duck New Member

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    You are obviously making progress... but don't be averse to talking to a counselor of some kind-- they can help you move along, get you past the shyness issue more quickly than you will otherwise. One of my great regrets is not doing that much, much sooner.
     
  6. Wish-4-8

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    I think you need a girlfriend. That way, the approach is easier on your nerves. You are interested in her and not just sex. As adults, you will probably engage in sex without all that pressure BS. And, you will have someone that cares enough about you to walk you thru the lovemaking process without rolling her eyes.
     
    #6 Wish-4-8, Jul 22, 2010
    Last edited: Jul 22, 2010
  7. hot97

    hot97 Active Member

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    your are not alone. i am also a 23 year old with my v-card...........sigh
     
  8. aetherael

    aetherael Member

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    You have described yourself to be functionally identical to myself. Thanks for putting the question out there so I don't have to...
     
  9. DasLeezard

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    I had the honor of being given a guy's virginity once (okay... more than once). It is better to tell, in my opinion.

    And trust me... sometimes lack of experience can be a good thing, as most guys will make up for it in enthusiasm... which is awesome in its own right :)
     
  10. petite

    petite New Member

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    I think you should tell, just not on the first date. Maybe on the third date.

    I've taken a few virginities. I took a male friend's virginity once because there was nothing on TV that night. Seriously. I'd been attracted to him since we'd met a year and a half before, but neither of us were single at the time. We were just hanging out together at his house, there was nothing on TV that was interesting. We were both bored and at some point we started talking about sex. I suggested having sex together, if he wanted to, of course. He wanted to. He was hung, too, but not great in bed because it was his first time. It was okay, the thrill of it was still a lot of fun. There's something really fun about being someone's first, an extra thrill.

    He's been trying to have sex with me again ever since then, and that was 17 years ago! Every time we run into each other, he looks at me like he wants to devour me.
     
  11. shyyguy123

    shyyguy123 Member

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    I agree but the problem is these days sex usually comes before the "were in a relationship" label. There have been girls that were clearly interested in me but lost interest when I didn't make a move!

    I'm not entirely sure why making a move is so hard for me. There's a lot of irrational fears there. I'm not worried about my size (I'm 7x6). I just lack the confidence since I have no experience I guess. And I'm kinda worried I won't get it up since I'm so nervous. I really should probably go and talk to someone about it.

    But back to telling them whether I'm a virgin or not. So the consesus is tell them after a couple of dates? Women don't look at a 23 year old guy and wonder what's wrong with him if he's a virgin and get scared off? That's definitely one of my fears if I were to tell them.
     
  12. petite

    petite New Member

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    Say that you're a virgin because you haven't found the right woman yet and you're shy. That's endearing for most women to hear, since most guys will jump at any opportunity to get laid.
     
  13. DeepDish

    DeepDish Member

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    That's great advice, petite!

    Additionally I would not worry about scaring any one off. If something like that scares the woman you are dating, then she is not the one you want to give your virginity to.

    I did lose my virginity untll late either. 20? 21? Anyway, it is time for you to start living, don't let this drag on because of your shyness. You are going to do great!
     
  14. josty

    josty Member

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    Nothing weird about being a virgin at 23. Don't worry about it.
     
  15. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    I think if it's a woman you're just gonna fuck, you shouldn't tell her. Why expose yourself to a possible negative reaction if it's just sex?

    If you are actually thinking about having a relationship with her I think it's important to tell her. Firstly, because I think honesty is important in a relationship. Secondly, because she can then support you through it and knows to be gentle with you :wink:.
     
  16. Wish-4-8

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    True. Then in those cases, where the women are already into you, you should fess up. Here is why:
    -It would explain to them why you havent made a move, which may be offensive to some.
    -It puts them in the "fix-it" role. And one thing I do know about women, (at least the ones Ive been with), they love to take on projects.

    You are a project. And for them to have a say in it, that is like catnip to a cat. Again, Im speaking from my own experiances.

    I was going to give you the "fake it til you make it" spiel, but now that I remember who you are, the "friend into girlfriend" approach is better for you.

    BTW, assuming BJs dont count, I didnt lose my v-card til 22. No shame in that game. And I certainly made up for after that, because once it got going, somehow became more frequent and with more partners. Weird. Like a flood gate was open.
     
  17. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    Definitely no shame. My ex was 24 when he lost his virginity. By the time I got to him he was 29 and had only had 2 one night stands and one gf. I didn't even realise he was inexperienced until he told me.

    Since me he has had at least three more gfs, that I know of (in 5 years). Kinda supports Wish's flood gates theory :biggrin1:
     
  18. B_hardasarokkk

    B_hardasarokkk New Member

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    Yeah!!! 39 pics and not one cock shot!! no wonder...
     
  19. easytoremember55

    easytoremember55 New Member

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    Are you a lucky charm type, kind of like in that movie Good Luck Chuck? :tongue:
     
  20. hud01

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    I would wait until it gets to the point where it looks likely. It isn't the number of dates as much as what you are doing with her. If you guys are making out, feeling each other up, if she reaches for your crotch....etc. a good time, but no need to tell a girl who you have a small chance of sleeping with.


    I know some people are going to slam me and say the first time should be special, but my advise is if you have the money find a pro. That way you get practice and the performance anxiety should be out of the way.
     
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