Should men be afraid of us?

[EllieP]

I love men. I really do. But there are bad actors everywhere.

I am well-equipped to defend myself, but fortunately, I've never had to resort to extreme physical means. A wrist grab, a shoulder push, or a well-aimed elbow have been the extent of physical force for me.

My death stare is highly effective, and seems to be enough of a defense in most cases. My husband says it's amazing how I can go from sexy to scary in a single breath. It's a gift. I know.

Should men be afraid of me? Only if they give me a reason to make them afraid.

If I were that waitress, I do not believe he would have been able to leave that restaurant.

 

[AlteredEgo]

If I were that waitress, I do not believe he would have been able to leave that restaurant.

This. My mother taught me that anytime I do something violent to a man, I also have to prevent him from retaliation, or re-commitment to his original transgression. To that end, I'd have broken his knee or ankle, or at least pushed in an eye. Don't grab me, especially if leaving is not an option for me. It's very disturbing.

 

[MickeyLee]

If I were that waitress, I do not believe he would have been able to leave that restaurant.

This. My mother taught me that anytime I do something violent to a man, I also have to prevent him from retaliation, or re-commitment to his original transgression. To that end, I'd have broken his knee or ankle, or at least pushed in an eye. Don't grab me, especially if leaving is not an option for me. It's very disturbing.

Same. If someone makes me feel threatened my goal is to remove that threat. Should my intent require putting someone in the hospital so be it.

 

[286798]

On occasion, I've taken a different approach... a drunk guy copped a feel similar to that video at a college party. I was hella pissed but played it cool. I walked up to him and his friends, said that i wanted to talk to him and strolled away. Of course, he followed. We got to a slightly quieter area, and i put my hand on his chest and asked if he enjoyed himself. He blushed, sheepishly said yes. I started to let my hand drop to his waist. His eyes got bigger the lower my hand went. I told him that grabbing my ass wasn't polite and all a nice looking guy like him really needed to do was say hello. My hand dipped to his crotch... and as i found a nut, i squeezed... HARD. His eyes bugged and i sternly said "now you know what it's like to be touched in a way you did not invite. Do not grab girls asses. Do you understand?" He nodded, and i released. His frat brothers stood there stunned. I told them that ass grabbage wasn't ok and polite conversation or a good joke was the best way into a ladies panties.

Later on in the semester, he apologized to me.

 

[EllieP]

This. My mother taught me that anytime I do something violent to a man, I also have to prevent him from retaliation, or re-commitment to his original transgression. To that end, I'd have broken his knee or ankle, or at least pushed in an eye. Don't grab me, especially if leaving is not an option for me. It's very disturbing.

When I took handgun training the police officer told me to aim for the torso. I asked wouldn't it be better to hit him in the knee and incapacitate him? He said no, two reasons: the knee is a much smaller target and you may miss, and most importantly you want to stop him completely, not slow him down.

That made me realize that I had to be sure that life was in danger in order to use my gun. I have been tempted to go for the gun, but I've never had to. I still go to the range every couple of months just in case.

 

[AlteredEgo]

When I took handgun training the police officer told me to aim for the torso. I asked wouldn't it be better to hit him in the knee and incapacitate him? He said no, two reasons: the knee is a much smaller target and you may miss, and most importantly you want to stop him completely, not slow him down.

That made me realize that I had to be sure that life was in danger in order to use my gun. I have been tempted to go for the gun, but I've never had to. I still go to the range every couple of months just in case.

My grandmother said to never brandish. She said if I draw, immediately aim for center mass and squeeze-aim-squeeze until the danger is past. I wouldn't have a pistol in a bar or restaurant. One thing my mother said was if I had a male assailant on his back, immediately lift his ankle while stomping his knee. My ex disagreed. He told me to push in his eyes until my hands were wet. Both said I was then free to walk cautiously to safety before alerting authorities. I have once regretted being without my pistol, but left unscathed. I have stabbed a man. I have been nervous in the dark, and placed a loaded pistol where I or the woman I was assisting could reach it because it made her feel safe. I have never opened fire except at paper targets. I need lessons with throwing knives. I still have a tendency to lodge the handle in my wooden post. That's the wrong end if I want to be able to run over, grab it, and stab the person. Still, I feel confident that I'm the wrong mark to choose. Safer and easier to fuck with someone else.

 

[AlteredEgo]

To be clear, I can't recall ever being molested in a bar or club in quite that way. Men tended to grab me by the arm, or put their arms aroumd me, and always let go before I had to escalate to violence. I think they may have read it in my face that I was deciding how to hurt them. On subways in NYC since they were generally rubbing against me, and trying to be surreptitious, I surreptitiously stood on insteps or kicked shins, occasionally pushing a man off the train and announcing it was his stop. When an Uber passenger gets inappropriate, they are usually touching my hair or face. They stop when I tell them to. A few have stroked my arms or legs. I told them I would stab them, and still make them walk the rest of the way. They all apologized, though one said a few minutes later he couldn't wait to feel my thighs around him. He tried very hard to get me onto his boat, but not by touching me, so he didn't get shot. Too many have kissed my cheek. Gross, but sometimes drunk peeps are mad affectionate. The one who kissed my lips is very, very sorry, and terrified I will report him to the Navy. He has purchased my silence.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

I have been groped the way that waitress was. While I was a waitress. During concerts. At parties. In every case, the one thing that was the same, no one ever did anything other than me. I've even been told to calm down, which I certainly did not.

Now that I think about it, I've been fucking molested by strangers so many goddamn times. I have thrown fists, I have wrestled free, I have helped other women who were being violated.

Sad thing is, I bet none of those assholes even remember the incidents. I remember. I remember every single time.

 

[Enid]

What @MickeyLee said, in this particular instance where she stated "Respect her space, her boundaries, and her agency" is something that I wish more men would realize. I really do. Right now it kinda feels like a lot don't. I wish I could say most do, but I kinda feel like it's 50/50 right now.

I had this particular experience last night. Some of you know I had my car stolen yesterday, and a whole long day of exhausting bullshit to deal with ensued.

So my sister and I get home after this long day of crap, to our relatively nice new apartment, and the new maintenance man is waiting for us. He is sweet on my sister. Not surprising, she is a total man magnet. I think she has 17 "boyfriends."

He just wanted to check up on the cabinet work he did for us the other day and he brought over a quarter of a joint. He knew my car was stolen and was sympathetic to the situation.

But dude. Just because you brought a little bit of pot doesn't give you the right to fondle my sister, try to hug me 10 times, keep repeating yourself over and over, and then pass out on our floor. I was so proud of her. When he kept trying to move his hands up her leg she yelled BOUNDARIES!! several times and he was muttering "sorry, sorry."

We each locked our doors last night and I heard him leave at 4 am. I slept with one eye open.

I'm glad he didn't get behind the wheel though. He seemed pretty wasted.

 

[MickeyLee]

 

[918177]

At least Rattlesnakes give warning most times.

I have a pair of Eastern Brown snakes ~ Pseudonaja textilis, living under my laundry room slab and
they are very very fat and very aggressive and give no warning at all.
I love 'em to bits.
I call them Mr and Mrs. Johny Death.

It would seem that most Australian critters *ahem* seem to have a short fuse.

Something to think about perhaps.

 

[918177]

*Epic face palms*

Fast...FAST...not fat.

Unless we're talking phat then yes..totally epic phatness happening there

 

[MickeyLee]

I like the assumption that rattlesnakes always rattle before they attack/defend themselves. Not always the case. Snakes have learned that around humans the "back off rattle" often prompts awareness and an attack from the human. A rattler is more likely to straight up strike a human being with no warning at all.

This is a lesson to men who approach women aggressively. We might not always tell you to fuck off. We might unhinge our jaw and load you up with venom.

PSA brought to you by Venomous Bitches of the World.

 

[AlteredEgo]

This is true. Sometimes I say, "You're making me feel unsafe," or "I'm beginning to feel like I'm going to have to defend myself." Sometimes I just go ahead and create safety for myself. Let the chips fall where they may