Shyness isn't the same to all people . Some are more shy than others .I thought I was shy too, till I read this:
What is shyness?
- Shyness is when children do not join in with others but they would like to.
- It can mean:
- not speaking to others, even when asked a direct question
- not taking part in games and activities
- not going into places such as the school playground unless they are with someone they know
- being very embarrassed if they get attention - even good attention.
I tend to think we are born that way. I'm a shy person, I hate being in the spotlight, I prefer to be in the background somewhere.
I guess this goes hand-in-hand with being introverted \ extroverted.
The one thing I hate about being shy is always being reminded of it by others, like there's something wrong with me. It gets tiresome hearing "What's wrong, you're so quite" or "do you ever talk". I don't guess people can ever figure out that maybe I don't have anything to say at the time.
I often wonder how they would react if I responded "boy, do you ever shut up"?
I'm a real shy guy myself.
And i think another reason is the fear and anxiety of how people will react or perceive you.
I tend to think we are born that way. I'm a shy person, I hate being in the spotlight, I prefer to be in the background somewhere.
I guess this goes hand-in-hand with being introverted \ extroverted.
The one thing I hate about being shy is always being reminded of it by others, like there's something wrong with me. It gets tiresome hearing "What's wrong, you're so quite" or "do you ever talk". I don't guess people can ever figure out that maybe I don't have anything to say at the time.
I often wonder how they would react if I responded "boy, do you ever shut up"?
Just be yourself.
I can relate. I'm an active listener, but not much of a talker. I enjoy sitting with a group and listening to the conversation, but generally don't have anything to say myself. It takes me a while to ponder and process what people say. It's often the case that by the time I think of anything to contribute, the conversation has long since moved on to something else.
I laughed so loud when I read that I think the neighbors were looking out the window to see what was going on. (Because, you know, I'm usually very quiet.) I simply must find the chutzpah to say that the next time someone asks me why I don't talk.
Another reason why I don't talk much is because I won't talk over someone else. I someone else starts talking, I'll stop and let them speak. My intent is to pause, and then continue, but often the conversation never comes back to me. As you know, in any social situation there are often one or two people who almost never stop talking and who tend to dominate the conversation. If someone else tries to talk, they'll ignore it and just keep going. I'm not like that. As a quiet, introverted person, I feel like I get conversationally "run over" by the chatty, extroverted people, which I find frustrating and irritating.
I'm a real shy guy myself.
And i think another reason is the fear and anxiety of how people will react or perceive you.
I am extremely shy to the point where sometimes I wont even go into a shop because I feel afraid to talk to the shopkeeper. I know it's ridiculous but I can't overcome it. I have always been shy since being a child and now that I am 35 I seem to be worse than ever before. My mother was a shy person when she was younger but now isn't as bad. There are so many things I would love to do but feel that I can't because of it. I wont even take a holiday now because I feel scared to meet new people, I had started taking holidays in the greek islands, which I love, but now I just daren't. If anyone knows how I can stop feeling like this it would turn my life around
It doesn't seem to me that I was born shy because my parents have a lot of pictures from my early childhood in which I was obviously outgoing. My own hypothesis is that several things contributed to the development of some shyness.
When I was four my parents told me I was adopted. They did it in all the right ways and probably chose to do it so early because they wanted me to hear it from them. However, I think it was too young and that it made me unsure of my place in the world. When I was adopted, my parents had been married a few years and had remained childless. They thought they were infertile so when I cam along, I was the center of attention. As is sometimes the case with childless people who adopt, they promptly started making their own every two years and I felt displaced. Finally, with these things going on, I lacked confidence when starting school and took any teasing or bullying to heart.
In my teenage years, I learned to compensate fairly well but that uncertainty persist in unstructured situations in groups of strangers. One on one is fine, although I still tend to be fairly quiet and listen carefully. Fairly often, people tell me that I'm very smart. I thank them and make a joke of it by saying that the key to being perceived as smart is avoiding saying things that are stupid That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Dave
Its funny that you say that Mem, I hide round the corner if I see my mums neighbour. Will it really need meds. I like coming on here because nobody really knows me and I can put pics on which are virtually anonymous. I would love to be able to socialize or go on holiday. I feel like I am wasting the best years of my life hiding behind a locked door, but can't understand why
:biggrin1:Lol, Thats if I dare to see a doc face to face
Yeah, I know what you mean. Sometimes I have things to do and really dread doing it, then when I eventually do it, it's like no big. I quite often wish I was like just dead because of all this, I can't see it gettin any better and my life feels worthless. Fortunately I have a young niece who thinks I am gods gift to her and I live for her, she is the daughteer that I never had:biggrin1:
One problem that I do have (besides procrastinating) is being overwhelmed when I have to do something. There is so much anxiousness beforehand and then afterwards it was no big thing.