Ok, this one's not sick and it's kinda old, but here goes:
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
One day, Little Red Riding Hood was skipping through the woods on her way to Grandma's house.
All of a sudden, one of the 3 little pigs jumps out and exclaims "Red Riding Hood, Red Riding Hood! Be careful, the big bad wolf is on the loose and he's going to kill you!" She just smiles, pats her basket and says "Don't worry Pig, I'll be okay." And she continues on her journey.
Then, Brer Rabbit jumps out of the woods and cries "Red Riding Hood, Red Riding Hood! Be careful, the big bad wolf is on the loose and he's going to kill you!" Again, she smiles, pats her basket and reassures Brer Rabbit saying "Don't worry, I'll be just fine." And she skips along.
Suddenly, before you know it, the Big Bad Wolf jumps out and growls "Aha! Red Riding Hood! I've caught you alone and now I'm going to kill you!!"
Ol' Red looks the Big Bad Wolf straight in the eye and with a sly grin reaches into her basket, pulls out a semi-automatic pistol, and kicks off her panties saying "The hell you are! You're gonna EAT ME, just like the book says!!"
Ba-dum-bump!