Sick jokes that make you laugh anyway

T-Lex

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I'm absolutely not a homophobe, it's just a gag I heard the other day.

Two gay guys are having sex when all of a sudden a fire breaks out in the house. Who gets out the house first, the top or bottom? The bottom, because all his shit's packed.

Well, I'm gay and I laughed out loud at that one! :biggrin1:
 

T-Lex

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Ok, this one's not sick and it's kinda old, but here goes:

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD

One day, Little Red Riding Hood was skipping through the woods on her way to Grandma's house.

All of a sudden, one of the 3 little pigs jumps out and exclaims "Red Riding Hood, Red Riding Hood! Be careful, the big bad wolf is on the loose and he's going to kill you!" She just smiles, pats her basket and says "Don't worry Pig, I'll be okay." And she continues on her journey.

Then, Brer Rabbit jumps out of the woods and cries "Red Riding Hood, Red Riding Hood! Be careful, the big bad wolf is on the loose and he's going to kill you!" Again, she smiles, pats her basket and reassures Brer Rabbit saying "Don't worry, I'll be just fine." And she skips along.

Suddenly, before you know it, the Big Bad Wolf jumps out and growls "Aha! Red Riding Hood! I've caught you alone and now I'm going to kill you!!"

Ol' Red looks the Big Bad Wolf straight in the eye and with a sly grin reaches into her basket, pulls out a semi-automatic pistol, and kicks off her panties saying "The hell you are! You're gonna EAT ME, just like the book says!!"

Ba-dum-bump!
 

Hotpotatoe

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This is really sick but hear goes

why are black people always thinking about sex?

because their heads are covered in pubic hair
 

bassboy

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A bloke is at the maternity unit. He's been pacing up & down in the corridor for about 3 hours when suddenly a nurse comes out from the birthing room. "Mr. Smith?" she says.
"Yes Nurse" he responds shakily, "Is there any news?"
"Well yes" says the nurse, "There's some good news & some bad news"
"Oh" says our hero, "I think you'd better give me the bad news first"
"Your baby has been born & I'm very sorry to say that he has got ginger hair. I really am very sorry"
"Ginger Hair!!! Oh God, Oh Fuck. Shit Shit Shit!! What's the good news?"
And the nurse says "It's Dead!"
 

tal94

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what is the difference between Maddie and the little old woman who lived in a shoe?

The old woman got out of the boot alive!
 

B_cigarbabe

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Whats the difference, between a bowling ball,and a polish pussy?
you could eat the bowling ball,if you really had to!
Did you hear about the guy who thought "asphalt", meant rectum trouble?How do you empty a truck full of dead babies? with a pitchfork!
cigarbabe:saevil:
 

Manbap

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too many jokes posted her, maybe mine is already there...anyhow, here it goes:

A 15 year-old boy goes to a shirnk and tells him: "I think i am gay". The doctor smiled and asked: "what makes you think that you are gay?". "because my brother is gay", the boy replied. The doctor again smiled and said: " even if your brother is gay, that does not mean you are gay". "but i think my father was gay too" the boy added. ..."no no no, if your father was gay, you are not necessarily gay too"..."but doctory, my grandfather WAS gay"... The doctor upon hearing this, he asked the boy in an amazed look: " what is this , isn't there any one in the family who likes women??" ...."Yes there is " the boy repiled: "my sister does"!!!!!!!!
 

Notthe7

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A guy walks into a whore house and lays down a big sweaty wad of money.
"I want your best hooker."

The guy behind the counter looks up and nods his head, 'Head up to the top floor, first door.'

The guy makes it up the room, ancy but ready to go.

As he walks in the room he sees the hooker getting cleaned up from her last fiasco. 'Take a seat baby, I'll be right back.'

The hooker rushes off to the bathroom and the guy is left to his own devices. In the corner he notices something covered with a blanket. He goes to the blanket and uncovers it. A bowl of what appears to be somewhat apple shaped fruits sit in the bowl. Shrugging he grabs one of them feeling a gooey mixture in his hand. Shoving it into his mouth, he chomps lightly.

As the hooker comes back into the room, she sees him eating the apple like fruit.
'What is that?'
'oh i got it from that bowl.'
The hooker runs to the window, screams jumps out and commits suicide.

The guy freaks out, runs down to the man in the front. The guy offers him the next next he has.

The guy heads up to another floor and walks into the room. The hooker tells him to give her one minute to get ready. The guy notices the same bowl with similar looking items, except this one has a few more in the bowl. He shrugs, taking anther one and begins to eat.

As the hooker walks back into the room, she sees what he is doing, screams, runs to the window, jumps and commits suicide.

This continues until he gets down to the nastiest, raunchiest hooker they have. He walks into the room and notices her bowl is FULL of these fruits. Before she can rush off he grabs her, 'LOOK EVERYTHING I EAT ONE OF THESE APPLES THE GIRL COMMITS SUICIDES. WHAT'S WITH THESE APPLES?'

... The hooker stares at me.

'Baby, those aren't apples... Those are last weeks abortions.'
 

garyvidic

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this isnt a sick joke but its damn funny...

mom calls the husband a 'bastard'

and then the dad calls the wife a "bitch"


and billy goes to his mom and says "mom what's a bitch and a bastard?"

and the mom says "well, a bitch is a lady and a bastard is a gentlemen"




and then later billy goes outside and listens to his neighbors, and hears "Put your penis in my vagina!"


So Billy goes to his mom and says "mom whats a penis and vagina?"



His moms says "Well Billy, a penis is a hat and a vagina is a coat"

and then later billy sees his dad shaving and cuts himself and says "shit"


and billy said "Dad, whats shit"

And then his dad says
"Well billy, shit is a type of Shaving cream "


and then billy goes to see his mom cutting the turkey and his mom cuts her finger and says "fuck!"


and then billy says to his mom "Mom whats fuck?"

"Well billy fuck is a way of cutting the turkey"


and Then later the guests arrive and billy goes to them and says


"Hello bitches and bastards, may i take your penis's and vaginas,
my dad's upstairs wiping shit off his face, and my mom is in the kitchen fucking the Turkey"
 
M

Mr Ed in Mass

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What do you call a hooker with a runny nose?..............full

A Chinese couple were in bed,he turns to his wife and say"How about a 69?"
She says "you want Beef and Broccoli at 3AM?"