[Sigh] Why It Happens?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by despereaux, Mar 20, 2009.

  1. despereaux

    despereaux New Member

    Dec 15, 2008
    Likes Received:
    Ok so like other people, I'm having problems and such and it's just numbing me out.

    Like other people, I never really worried about my sexuality and i've dated girls all my life.

    Just this one person, changed everything for me.

    we kinda sorta met backstage of the one of the shows the local college was performing.

    We only talked so little, but i wanted to talk to him more because i thought he was cool and everything. So i looked up him up on myspace and added him hoping he would add me. I thought it was going to be just that but it wasn't.

    We started talking through there and on the 2nd or 3rd message he had given me his phone number for us to text and what not. At first i was hesitant to actually texting him so i just waited. Well the messaging continued on. Since I'm able to check my messages in stuff from my phone, it was the way i responded to him. Well on a Friday my phone's trackball decided to tweak out and i couldn't move it nor reply to his message. So i did something i knew i shouldn't of done. I had text messaged him and then it all started from there on.

    That whole night consisted of us asking each other questions to get to know each other better, and it does sound corny at first but i enjoyed it.

    We had been talking for over a week and it just felt all good. All of a sudden i started having feelings like i hadn't felt before. At first i thought it was just me being stupid, but it got even more and more worse. After a whole talk about it....we had both confessed that we both really liked each other and it was all good i guess.

    Well before i started talking to him, and because his myspace was private i couldn't see any of his info or pictures. And i knew from there that he was gay and that he was seeing someone already.

    It didn't bug me at first because I didn't think it was going to end up like this. having feelings for someone i had just met.

    He keeps telling me that I have no idea how much he would like to act upon his wishes and desires but doesn't want to because he is already seeing someone of 1 year, but says that they're relationship is rocky and that he's trying to work things out.

    I'm not a home wrecker so I don't interfere with people's lives like that. He says he think that his bf might be cheating on him because he's a pot smoker and he doesn't want to believe that he would be but that he's just trying to work things out.

    I just feel like because of that, i'm not being taken seriously. I know we arent dating, but we've shared so much about each other it just feels like we should be together.

    But i really think about it, and i ask myself. If i were to date him, would i be able to fully change my lifestyle for him? since he says he goes to the gay bars and what not just to drink and sex as well.

    I've never done any of that stuff...so it's all new to me.

    I dont know what to do and i have a lot of other personal problems i'm dealing with i just feel like i need him, but another part of me tells me that this isn't real and that he's just messing around with me.

    We talk to each other everyday and I just tell him how i feel about it and he tells me that if he wasn't dating someone he would ask me out in a heart beat. I would like to hang out with him and stuff, but I just feel like he says no because he doesn't want something "bad" to happen. in fact, i think the "baddest" thing we've ever done is talk about sex and that's it. There is no physical contact whatsoever.

    I would just like some words of wisdoms to be able to cope with it and see if i should just wait for him or just move on...

    I think he's a really great person and all, but i just feel like if i cant "have" him then I dont want him to be my friend...
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