Significant Other Uses A “suck Buddy”

LaFemme

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Could you possibly understand or forgive your significant other if he used “cocksucker” or “suck buddy” on the side without your knowledge or consent?

These threads prove ‘justification’ for why men do it.

Married men who use a cocksucker

What causes so many married men to have a suck buddy?

Personally, it disgusts me. I don’t care if I never give head - don’t you dare justify cheating on me. If it wasn’t a part of our agreement, then don’t do it. If I find out, I’ll make sure you are sleeping in your car outside a box store and that you are embarrassed in front of all your friends, family, and work. That shit won’t fly with me.
 

cherryboom66

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Could you possibly understand or forgive your significant other if he used “cocksucker” or “suck buddy” on the side without your knowledge or consent?

These threads prove ‘justification’ for why men do it.

Married men who use a cocksucker

What causes so many married men to have a suck buddy?

Personally, it disgusts me. I don’t care if I never give head - don’t you dare justify cheating on me. If it wasn’t a part of our agreement, then don’t do it. If I find out, I’ll make sure you are sleeping in your car outside a box store and that you are embarrassed in front of all your friends, family, and work. That shit won’t fly with me.
It should be “Ask A Man - Unless The Question Is Fucking Stupid”. I just got a warning for posting a gif, thought I would be clever and not use any words... nope! Not clever enough.

These threads are SO damn irritating.
 

LaFemme

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It should be “Ask A Man - Unless The Question Is Fucking Stupid”. I just got a warning for posting a gif, thought I would be clever and not use any words... nope! Not clever enough.

These threads are SO damn irritating.
Yeah. I get it.
 

TexanStar

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Could you possibly understand or forgive your significant other if he used “cocksucker” or “suck buddy” on the side without your knowledge or consent?

Maybe. Different genders at play here, but the impact cheating would have on our relationship would depend a lot on the circumstances. The circumstance that cheating occurred isn't by itself cause for ending a relationship (for me, I know others are different).

I would also have a lot less issue over same sex cheating than opposite sex (if my wife was cheating on me with another woman, it wouldn't have as much sting as if she was with another man).
 
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merc41

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LaFemme do you discuss sexual boundries with your long term partners. If so how do you handle needs that are not met by you or your partner before hand. Compromise or absolutes. Lets say your partner is into role play and you are not or you are into facesitting and they are not. Just curious.
 

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Maybe. Different genders at play here, but the impact cheating would have on our relationship would depend a lot on the circumstances. The circumstance that cheating occurred isn't by itself cause for ending a relationship (for me, I know others are different).

I would also have a lot less issue over same sex cheating than opposite sex (if my wife was cheating on me with another woman, it wouldn't have as much sting as if she was with another man).
How come? Re: same sex
 

TexanStar

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How come? Re: same sex

Feels dissimilar enough to the nature of the relationship between my wife and I to not feel threatening.

In my head I can just compartmentalize same-sex as "women's stuff" and file it away with all the other stuff my wife gets up to with female friends that I have no interest in (shopping, getting nails done, etc).

She can do "girls night out" and it doesn't bother me at all, but I get jealous if a male co worker brings her a bagel :p
 

cherryboom66

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Feels dissimilar enough to the nature of the relationship between my wife and I to not feel threatening.

In my head I can just compartmentalize same-sex as "women's stuff" and file it away with all the other stuff my wife gets up to with female friends that I have no interest in (shopping, getting nails done, etc).
Strange concept IMO.
 
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TexanStar

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Strange concept IMO.

Possibly. Just is what it is. Her relationships with other women don't trigger jealousy reactions on my part the way that her relationships with other men do.

If she went to a movie with a female friend I don't care. If she went with a male friend I would be jealous. I don't think I'm rare at all in that regard and the sex thing is just an extension of that.
 

cherryboom66

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Possibly. Just is what it is. Her relationships with other women don't trigger jealousy reactions on my part the way that her relationships with other men do.

If she went to a movie with a female friend I don't care. If she went with a male friend I would be jealous. I don't think I'm rare at all in that regard and the sex thing is just an extension of that.

I don’t buy it/understand. Finding out that your wife has been intimate with a female friend every week for the past six months would surely be the same as if it was a man.
 

Tight_N_Juicy

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Cheating is cheating is cheating. No excuses, no rationalizing, it's just a big Fuck No in my book.

My guy knows he can come to me and tell me if there's something he needs sexually that I can't do for him. I would come to him if my needs ever changed. But if he just went and stuck his dick inside another person, or let them stick anything inside him without telling me? That's a boundary he goddamn well better not ever cross.
 

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I don’t buy it/understand. Finding out that your wife has been intimate with a female friend every week for the past six months would surely be the same as if it was a man.

It's fine if you don't understand it, I may have communicated it poorly or you may have had difficulty comprehending it, but the disbelief is a bit uncalled for.

But no, all else being identical, it would not be the same for me to find out that my wife was having trysts with another woman as it would if I found out she was having them with another man.
 

cherryboom66

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It's fine if you don't understand it, I may have communicated it poorly or you may have had difficulty comprehending it, but the disbelief is a bit uncalled for.

But no, all else being identical, it would not be the same for me to find out that my wife was having trysts with another woman as it would if I found out she was having them with another man.
Hearing that you feel other sexualities are less than heterosexuality is a bit shocking really, hence the disbelief. In my mind it’s like threesomes when men just assume women will play together regardless of sexuality, because it’s “insignificant” and not “real”. I blame fake lesbian porn.
 

Tight_N_Juicy

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Feels dissimilar enough to the nature of the relationship between my wife and I to not feel threatening.

In my head I can just compartmentalize same-sex as "women's stuff" and file it away with all the other stuff my wife gets up to with female friends that I have no interest in (shopping, getting nails done, etc).

She can do "girls night out" and it doesn't bother me at all, but I get jealous if a male co worker brings her a bagel :p

Well, girls night out that leads to sex without you doesn't necessarily mean she can't/won't catch feelings for the woman she cheated with.

I'm not actually talking about Your wife specifically, but I know a few men who have this same train of thought. I blew their minds the other day when I mentioned that some bisexual women can and do actually feel romantic feelings for one another as well as sexual attractions.

Sometimes, she (this hypothetical woman) may very well fall for the woman she's with whom she's having an affair.
 

ItsAll4Kim

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I think the concept might seem acceptable, but having your wife actually have sex with another woman without your prior knowledge and consent may not be as okay as expected.

Regarding the OP, this is nothing at all like going to the movies or shopping. Those are known activities, not secrets. Seeking out another person, regardless of gender, to get off, is no better than a full-blown affair. It's still activity based on a lie, a betrayal of trust, and therefore a no-go for me. I would never do this to my wife. And I expect the same in return
 

Tight_N_Juicy

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And... A lot of those men in those threads have a similar reason as to why they think their same sex cheating is not something they should feel bad about, it's just sexual for them. Maybe some men think that if a woman cheats on a man with a woman, it's for similar reasons. Wouldn't be true in my case.

For me, if I had sex with a woman behind my man's back, it wouldn't be "just sex". I get more than enough sex from him, so there would be a reason I felt the urge to have sex with her. It would have to be more significant than just "I feel like fucking, we're having fun, let's just play for the night".
 

TexanStar

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Hearing that you feel other sexualities are less than heterosexuality is a bit shocking really, hence the disbelief. In my mind it’s like threesomes when men just assume women will play together regardless of sexuality, because it’s “insignificant” and not “real”. I blame fake lesbian porn.

Ehm... you added those qualifiers yourself ("insignificant"... "not real"... "less than"), I said no such things (even though the direction of the conversation La Femme started was really about emotionally detached sex).

Well, girls night out that leads to sex without you doesn't necessarily mean she can't/won't catch feelings for the woman she cheated with.

I'm not actually talking about Your wife specifically, but I know a few men who have this same train of thought. I blew their minds the other day when I mentioned that some bisexual women can and do actually feel romantic feelings for one another as well as sexual attractions.

Sometimes, she (this hypothetical woman) may very well fall for the woman she's with whom she's having an affair.

I know. To further clarify, were my wife interested, I would be open to her maintaining an emotionally intimate relationship with another woman. If it were something we discussed in advance, we would have to lay out ground rules to make sure that no one's feelings got hurt, but I would be okay with it.

I wouldn't be okay with her having an emotionally intimate (or emotionless but sexual) relationship with another man.
 

cherryboom66

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Ehm... you added those qualifiers yourself ("insignificant"... "not real"... "less than"), I said no such things (even though the direction of the conversation La Femme started was really about emotionally detached sex).



I know. To further clarify, were my wife interested, I would be open to her maintaining an emotionally intimate relationship with another woman. If it were something we discussed in advance, we would have to lay out ground rules to make sure that no one's feelings got hurt, but I would be okay with it.

I wouldn't be okay with her having an emotionally intimate (or emotionless but sexual) relationship with another man.
You keep saying it’s less than as it doesn’t have the same impact. You ended this post with the same statement.
 
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ItsAll4Kim

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Those threads are chock full of "it's just getting off", "I need to nut every (insert timeframe)", and other excuses that downplay sex as if sex is unimportant. Yet it is important enough to hide, to risk exposure, to risk a marriage and a family, to risk one's health......
 

TexanStar

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I think the concept might seem acceptable, but having your wife actually have sex with another woman without your prior knowledge and consent may not be as okay as expected.

I've been cheated on before (not by my wife) In that cicumstance it was with another man (men). I didn't leave the relationship (not over that).

So I am speaking with experience when I say it would depend on the circumstances around it. The fact that she cheated isn't by itself a reason I would end the relationship, it would depend on the bigger picture of what was going on between us, what led to the cheating, who it was with, how it was happening, yadda yadda.
 
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