Significant Other Uses A “suck Buddy”

[ItsAll4Kim]

Perhaps I shouldn't have confused my original question with the link.

A lot of people seem to assume that if you don't condemn something that you support it.

I don't things are that simple. Over half of people (according to the best estimates of people who study these things and all the data available over the last ten years) admit to infidelity. If you add lying, stealing, cheating, you'll find, in the famous words, that "none of us are innocent".

It would be nice if humans were different, but we're not, and I completely trust your good intentions of taking ownership of all your actions. The problem is that we find excuses, some bad and some as good as a starving person stealing food.

The problem I have, as has been shown here, is that we want sanctions to hurt people who fail our expectations, justified or otherwise. We, well some of you, want to shame them in public, hurt them emotionally, and damage them financially and you want this with "extreme prejudice". This may be human nature, and it may be just as human as to lie cheat etc, bot to me it creates the same so called moral majority that criminalised people for their sexuality only a couple of generations ago.

I don't support contracts as a stick to beat people with, just because they fall out of love with you, or fall in love with someone else, let alone develop their sexuality away from what it was when the contract was signed, or even what they hoped it would be. Yes, agreements end or fail all the time, and yes it is painful, but that doesn't give you the right of vengeance.

I can live with the mantra of taking ownership of your own actions, I can't live with the desire to take ownership of other people's sexuality and sexual needs.

To whom here, specifically, are you referring?

 

[AlteredEgo]

Perhaps I shouldn't have confused my original question with the link.

A lot of people seem to assume that if you don't condemn something that you support it.

I don't things are that simple. Over half of people (according to the best estimates of people who study these things and all the data available over the last ten years) admit to infidelity. If you add lying, stealing, cheating, you'll find, in the famous words, that "none of us are innocent".

It would be nice if humans were different, but we're not, and I completely trust your good intentions of taking ownership of all your actions. The problem is that we find excuses, some bad and some as good as a starving person stealing food.

The problem I have, as has been shown here, is that we want sanctions to hurt people who fail our expectations, justified or otherwise. We, well some of you, want to shame them in public, hurt them emotionally, and damage them financially and you want this with "extreme prejudice". This may be human nature, and it may be just as human as to lie cheat etc, bot to me it creates the same so called moral majority that criminalised people for their sexuality only a couple of generations ago.

I don't support contracts as a stick to beat people with, just because they fall out of love with you, or fall in love with someone else, let alone develop their sexuality away from what it was when the contract was signed, or even what they hoped it would be. Yes, agreements end or fail all the time, and yes it is painful, but that doesn't give you the right of vengeance.

I can live with the mantra of taking ownership of your own actions, I can't live with the desire to take ownership of other people's sexuality and sexual needs.

You invented some of that. Almost Nobody in this thread expressed a desire for vengeance, and absolutely nobody expressed a desire to take ownership of anyone else's sexuality. Many people said cheaters are terrible people. And they are. None of us denied that roughly half of people in couples are cheaters. I will assume EVERY new person I meet is wonderful until proven otherwise. It usually is eventually proven otherwise. Can good people do bad things to other people? Sure. But not repeatedly. They do not make excuses for themselves and carry on.

The ex who I knew cheated on me? I didn't tell his parents, his church. Not even after his cheating gave me a yeast infection concurrent with bacterial vaginosis, and permanently changed the scent of my vagina. I told my friends, because my friends want to share my pain and help me through. This did cost him access to my spheres, but... they are my friends, not his. He told his friends. I was very close to one, and still am 15+ years later. Now we are all friends again. Well... The ex and I are friends. None of my friends will speak to him, which is their choice, and not unfair. He badly hurt someone they love. They are disinclined to forgive. I had to forgive so I could love someone else.

Why did he cheat on me? Because he was a useless piece of shit who wasn't worth my time and energy, let alone the devotion bestowed upon him. He'll tell you the same if you ask him. Did I ever deny him sex? Probably 5 times a year when Christian guilt outweighed the dampness and aching between my thighs. Never lasted more than a couple of weeks. Otherwise, I couldn't keep my hands (nor my vagina) off him. Was I mean? Emasculating? No way! He and anyone else who knew us would tell you I was his loudest cheerleader. I did find his social awkwardness and lack of fashion sense a little embarrassing. So, I taught him what I knew, and he researched the rest. Suddenly, lots of women noticed him, which had never happened before. He says he cheated because he had no idea what it felt like to be desored by so wide a variety of women. He says he couldn't stop after I found out and forgave him because he knew he wanted me to keep loving him, but he just wasn't done feeding his starved inner child. He broke up with me in order to stop hurting me, but he really let me go because he had no idea at the time that I would prove to be irreplaceable.

He never gave me the option of consensual non-monogamy. He literally never asked if we could stay together and fuck other people. I'd have said no. Probably. I don't know. I had a crush on a coworker who knew I did, and tried to bed me every time he saw me. I might have liked permission to lay with him. By the time I was single I had not seen him in years, which pisses me off. I kept my word. I let many opportunities go by. I gave him my 18th through 24th years. He gave me rearranged genital flora because during his 19th through 25th years, he was a waste of his pretty skin and my time.

I have never heard a justification for cheating that made it tolerable to me. I've heard men pouring out guilt and shame for having extra-marital sex while a spouse lay comatose for months or years, or was terminally ill and too sick to consent, let alone perform. Hell, I dated a widower who felt like he was cheating on his wife. I do not consider any of this infidelity.

How do you think the same thinking washes out with sexual choice, preference and nature with bisexuals?

The LGBTQ+ community needs to talk about polyamory

Bisexuals like me?

 

[spaj8987]

As circular as his logic is here, one can imagine the backflips he would perform to justify if he were to cheat. It strikes me that this is an object example of cheaters' behavior, trying to muddy the logic of the situation with flim-flam. Trying to blame circumstance, rather than their own lack of character.

Unfortunately, I don't think anybody's going to penetrate the cocoon he has surrounded himself with.

lol

That didn’t happen.
And if it did happen, it wasn’t that bad.
And if it was that bad, that’s not a big deal.
And if it is a big deal, that’s not my fault.
And if it was my fault, I didn’t mean it.
And if I did mean it…
You deserved it.
Amen.

 

[LadyMarmalade65]

I've never had anybody need such services: I know what I'm doing when it comes to the oral arts. I've actually taught some college students how to overcome their gag-reflex.