Single black women being urged to date outside race

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by sargon20, Feb 27, 2010.

  1. sargon20

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    Well there it is. I say why not? No more Waiting To Exhale.

    Single black women being urged to date outside race


    So many black women are single, she says, because they are stuck in the groove of a one-track song: sitting alone, waiting for that one "good" black man to come along and sweep them off their feet.

    "Black women are in market failure," says writer Karyn Langhorne Folan. "The solution is to find a new market for your commodity. And in this case, we are the commodity and the new market is men of other races."

     
    #1 sargon20, Feb 27, 2010
    Last edited: Feb 27, 2010
  2. naughty

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    Ah.... therein lies the crux of the matter...
     
  3. NCbear

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    Did anyone see Something New with Sanaa Lathan and Simon Baker?

    NCbear (who now owns the DVD)
     
  4. naughty

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    Of course! What did you think? This is no big thing in my family. We do the vanilla chocolate swirl well. LOL!
     
  5. NCbear

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    I thought it was interesting how Sanaa's character was initially put off COMPLETELY by the idea of being set up on a blind date with a White man.

    And amusing how Simon's character was enough "in the know" to understand how she was feeling.

    Seeing as I've never had a long-term relationship with any man who was also White--though not for lack of trying!--I've sometimes had analogous experiences.

    NCbear (who's typically expressed interest in people who are different enough to be fascinating but similar enough--or complementary enough--in personality or values to be comfortable/familiar :smile:)
     
  6. naughty

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    Your last statement is all that any of us can hope for no matter the color. Her parents were the issue in that movie. THeir objection was more socio economic than racial .He was a landscape architect. She was a big time corporate Lawyer. They wanted her to marry someone they considered on her level.
     
  7. invisibleman

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    I don't hate black peeps if they love people of different races. I just have a problem with straight men in gay porn though. That is all. :biggrin1:
     
  8. wallyj84

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    I have no problem with women dating outside their race. If a black woman meets a man she likes, that man's race should not be an issue.

    But I can see why people would be against it. You don't want to create a situation like what you see in Asia, where women feel that just by the virtue of their partner being white that they are "dating up."

    I think there is a difference between being open to dating other races and intentionally seeking out other races. In my opinion, the former is okay, but the latter implies that the woman, or man's, reasons for dating out are in fact a little racist.
     
  9. overly_straight

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    Wouldn't it be nice if we could all not give a shit about race...
     
  10. Blagoblog

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    I don't think the problem is with black women holding out for black men; rather it's with blacks (especially black women) being considered undesirable. OKCupid crunched the data for its online dating service and came up with some surprising conclusions, among them being that black women are far more likely to reply when men send them messages than women of other races and far less likely to get replied to when they send messages to men, and that although black women reply to black men (and black men reply to black women) more than any other race does, blacks appear to reply more to non-blacks than to other blacks: http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2009/10/05/your-race-affects-whether-people-write-you-back/
    The data are less clear when it comes to homosexual matchups, however: Same-Sex Data for Race vs. Reply Rates OkTrends
    This is all after controlling for such factors as attractiveness (as determined by the userbase) and despite the stated preferences of the users and the trend of OKCupid users being younger, more intelligent, and more progressive than the general American population.
    Also, in case this has any relevance, white men are significantly more likely to get replied to, regardless of the race of the women they message, and Middle Eastern women are more likely to get replied to overall.
    Remember, the data separated the factor of race from numerous other important factors; a highly attractive woman is likely to get replied to regardless of her race, but the moderately attractive ones (which turn out to be the vast majority, unlike the men, who were mostly rated unattractive) are more likely to have problems based on their race.

    Then again, for all I know it could be that OKCupid users are far more likely to look outside their own race than the general population, and maybe the typical black woman really is holding out for a black man...
     
    #10 Blagoblog, Feb 27, 2010
    Last edited: Feb 27, 2010
  11. B_talltpaguy

    B_talltpaguy New Member

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    I've been encouraging this for years, but without much success.
     
  12. naughty

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    Interesting that you would bring this up. We discussed this a few months ago and those of us who said that these statistics often rang true got shot down big time. I had a friend who tried Match.com a couple of years ago and said that she and some other black women she knew had had awful experiences on that site. Not only had they not gotten dates but they received unpleasant comments about their pictures. She said she had also had problems with E Harmony who at the time did not use pictures.
    I had tried E harmony before as well and after filling out their 40 page screening test the most response I received were few and far between basically blind , albino and with a kickstand. Now mind this was Eharmony matching what they considered compatible individuals. At that time I said African American as my racial designation. I decided then to test the system. I merely changed my racial designation to "other" (without a picture) and gave it another try. BINGO! It was as if the heavens opened and it was raining men! Most of them were professional (doctors, lawyers, brokers,etc) mostly white but some African American included. Well before I finally met any of these individuals I let them know that part of my other ness was African American. You could have heard a cricket chirp. ALl communication stopped dead. I know most of them were afraid to reject me so I saved them the trouble of feeling guilty for being discriminatory.

    WHen I finally started talking to one man (African American) who was a (PSychiatrist) we carried on all sorts of pleasantries and then the questions like "Do you celebrate Martin Luther KIng's Birthday?" began. I finally said is this your way of asking do I consider myself black? He started laughing. I then told him about my experiment and he felt very bad about it. That I had been rejected sight unseen by those two little words African American. We then exchanged photos and he said he could see why I said other and that he was pleasantly surprised. I didnt quite know how to respond to that one.... But that is my experience with the statistic. Now it could be for many reasons that the matches didnt come for one type of person and many for another but the only thing I changed in my profile was racial desgnation and it made a world of difference, unfortunately....
     
    #12 naughty, Feb 27, 2010
    Last edited: Feb 27, 2010
  13. missphatbooty

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    i would say urged is the wrong word, LOL. its not like white dudes on are on sale or something, "oooh a 2fer".
     
  14. incubus08

    incubus08 New Member

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    Women of any race shouldn't be "urged" to date anyone. You shouldn't be holding out for that one good black man, she should be searching for that one good man. I know people are drawn to people who look and act like them naturally, but when it comes to deciding who your gonna spend your life with you gotta throw all bias aside and find someone who is right for you.
     
  15. naughty

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    I agree with you whole heartedly!
     
  16. D_Circumcisus Skinless

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    is it bad to not want someone because they are not what cranks you up sexually,,,,I mean if you can't get it up because you only like the Green M&M!?
     
  17. naughty

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    I guess the question is how did we come to desire certain characteristics and not others? You like who you like but as is the case of the woman in the article he didnt fit her physical type but eventually she stopped seeing the outside and fell in love with the inside. Probably now the outside doesnt look so bad either.
     
  18. Smooth88

    Smooth88 New Member

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    Like I said in a previous topic I don't agree with race exclusivity. You shouldn't limit your options because somebody really good my pass you by.
     
  19. B_spiker067

    B_spiker067 New Member

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    We are all attracted by the physical initially. After that it is all about the soul.

    That said society sets the standard of beauty most people prefer in any number of ways (i.e. magazines, movies,....) It is a meme imposed on us and not necessarily of our choosing. Pop culture [music] has this element which says a lot for the standard society sets.

    Steve Harvey was on 60 Minutes(? - probably Oprah) talking to some pretty righteous black women, successful and hot in the conventional meme sense, in Atlanta about their options. In part he was pimping his book Amazon.com: Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment (9780061728976): Steve Harvey: Books but I guess he made his points.

    Chinese men are marrying Russian women. More Chinese men than Chinese women (duh?) and the Russian women outnumber the Russian men because the men are drinking themselves into oblivion and eventual death. The Russian women are said to really like the Chinese men for their attentiveness and work ethic.

    Maybe black women should get themselves a Chinese mail order groom and thereby straighten out black men.
     
    #19 B_spiker067, Feb 28, 2010
    Last edited: Feb 28, 2010
  20. sargon20

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    That's what eventually happens as people get to know each other. Eventually the 'outside' becomes far less important than than what's on the inside.

    Even people not involved in romantic relationships can find themselves looking beyond the outside for the first time.


    Interracial Roommates Can Reduce Prejudice

    Huum I'm not certain how that would affect some kind of mass change in any way. Any more so than black men dating white women has changed black women in discernible way.
     
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