Now why do black women inparticular need to be told that it's now ok to date and marry outside the race? I had always felt that there was some conspiracy to keep black women in their place. While a lot of white media reported on the shortage of elgible black men, there was always a brief mention but no explanation as to why dating outside of the race was not an option.
As a joke, my brother bought me the book "The Sista's Rules." Well, after I read it I thought it was a joke. It was written in that ridiculous black English and also said that interracial dating was not an option for black women. I wonder if that was a condition to get it published.
I think it's ridiculous, annoying and offensive to be told that I've been doing for a long time anyway is now ok.
As a joke, my brother bought me the book "The Sista's Rules." Well, after I read it I thought it was a joke. It was written in that ridiculous black English and also said that interracial dating was not an option for black women. I wonder if that was a condition to get it published.
I think it's ridiculous, annoying and offensive to be told that I've been doing for a long time anyway is now ok.
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oh okay then, so men who prefer thin hot bodied women should be urged to date overweight to obese women, because of the numbers. fat women are becoming more and more the norm. and men should learn to not just consider the external but the internal because eventually you wont see this fat woman as a lazy, inactive drain on society but get to know her for who she is, and then tolerate her fat.
yes i do know there is a difference between making oneself fat and being born a certain race. but there are similarities to the social acceptance of dating a fat person, the stereotypes and the preferences that people have, that seem totally natural to them.
with that said, i am fat and black and i date white men. so i am covered, but to imply that people should go after what they are not initially attracted to because its inside that what matters is kinda well, rose colored glasses like. its also funny that women are the ones constantly reminded to explore your options. black women, and other women are being told, date different races, date older men, blah blah blah.
actually let me stop right now before i dive into why there is the perception that there is no social benefit to dating a black women and who actually is responsible for driving down our "value". many men, dont see black women as a viable dating option. and still see white women or hell any woman other than black as a prize. so sure lets tell black women to expand their dating pool and still not do anything to change how they are perceived by the rest of the world.
now i have little room to complain, i do aight, "despite" being a fat nappy headed black women who lives in europe. /ramble
I do wonder if women from other ethnic groups feel the same way. I did see the film the Joy Luck Club which explored the marriage of a Chinese woman to a white society guy. I think it was fiction but it was interesting.
That is true. At a certain point people are going to have their prejudices. All over the world women have been made to feel less than. In this country however Black women have been made to feel least of all.
Have you noticed Hollywood has very little use for actresses over 40? And actresses in general. And f-o-r-g-e-t it if you are a minority actress. Sandar Bullock was thee first actress in all these years to have a $200 million movie. Will that change the thinking in Tinseltown? I doubt it.
Ahhhhh if it were only that simple. Have you been reading what many of the poeple have been saying about their attempts at opening up their dating pool?
Interesting stuff there. I looked through the link and came across a table showing what percentages of people prefer to date people only of their race/ethnicity. According to that table, whites prefer white-only partners far more than non-whites. 45% of whites prefer to only date other whites compared to just 20% of non-whites who would date somebody outside their ethnic background.
I also found this quote from the article particularly insightful, "Black women reply the most, yet get by far the fewest replies. Essentially every raceincluding other blackssingles them out for the cold shoulder." This means black women put out more effort to get a date and still get a cold shoulder from every race.
Ugh, I have been trying for years to say this same thing to a few of my complaining single family members. Men are men regardless of race.
Okay it's my turn! I've dated black women, asian women, spanish women, and white women. I'm attracted to someone because I'm attracted to them not because I was looking for them to be a certain race. If black men can date outside their race then black women should be able to. Now here is the problem. I do not however condone when a woman will intentionally seek out a certain race and only a certain race. I know some black women who will only date white men because they think they have more money, think they are more sucessful, think they are more responsible, and etc. etc. Now I can understand if you've had a lot of trouble with black men and by all means if you meet some1 white, asian, or etc. who makes you happy then by all means be with them. But DO NOT shit on a good black man who walks your way and turn him away just because of past experiences (cough *rommette* cough) jk jk luv ya romm! So date whoever you like but don't immediately put a no date policy on your own race.
-Grif
-Grif
I agree wholeheartedly. I have a question that has nothing to do with this thread though... what is the origin of your nick name? I have my own ideas but I would love to hear your explanation, if you dont mind...
And I'll give you the number one reason that black women get passed down on their dating other races. THE MEDIA. Everytime you see a black woman on tv she's loud, obnoxious, and acts triflin. And no this is not the norm for all black women. But because of this portrayal it is seen as taboo to date a black women as this image of them makes them seem lesser than what they are. Fight black woman fight!
Just a guess, but it's probably because most studies show that African-American women are the least likely to date or marry outside their race/ethnicity of any demographic group.
Back in my single days, several black women told me that her parents forbid her to date white guys. One woman I dated for a while told me that there was no way her folks could find out because she couldn't afford to be kicked out of the house. I found it pretty bizarre, like the kind of scenario you imagined would happen with someone's white daughter dating a black boyfriend. My guess is that some black women genuinely don't consider it an option and still others feel peer pressure not to do so, but my experience is pretty narrow.
Drifterwood
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There's a lot of truth in this, though personally I find this spunkiness sexy, I think it frightens a lot of white boys and maybe men in general.
Maybe Black Women don't know how to play white men, like white girls do? I would generalise that men want a strong woman, but they want that strength as part of the partnership, not grinding his face into the ground. The latter is the stereotype portrayed in much media.
For the record, I am snowflake coloured and I have dated African women, but not African American women.
Well Snowflake, you dont know what you might be missing.... On a serious
note, it has been drummed into many American black women that they have to be strong and bear under whatever life has to give them. I have
often heard the mantra of "I dont need a man" repeated by certain women of color. I think in many of these cases they have not had a good male role model who let them feel safe to know that there were men who would be there for them when the going got tough or to even help carry the load. Consequently , they buffer themselves against the almost inevitable disappointment.
Have you ever seen two dancers that have both been trained as the lead? Wel,l I think many black women have not had the opportunity to feel comfortable enough to take a less dominant role for fear that there will be no one who will step in to the gap and pick up the slack. Result? Often angry, often tired, sometimes defensive female who would love deep down for someone to prove her wrong. But most people are not going to take the time to peel back the layers to find the vulnerable core.
I think at the core of many proclaimed gold diggers is a woman looking for security. So it may seem as though they are cold heartedly narrowing their search for those they feel can provide it. This is not specific to black women. Women of all colors and ethnicities crave security. Some have come to realize that they have to find that within themselves. Others are still searching for that "Prince Charming" to rescue them from the mess.
I have questioned a number of black women who have expressed "preferences" for non black men, and almost to a one when they were being perfectly honest they had either been rejected by Black men and idealized a group of men that they had not really had any actual interaction with for a large part. OF course, there are those who have quite frankly been raised in majority white environments and found that their interests have taken them out of the general black community in order to find someone who is truly compatible.
THat is a deep issue. There are so many generations of self protection you are seeing there. Because of the not so lovely history of race relations in this country there are many parents who bare the emotional scars of generations of hatred. Not to mention the negative stereotypes placed on black women as insatiable and sexually promiscuous. Yes, there are women who fit that stereotype however there are many more who have found themselves constrained by it. There is also the history of sexual exploitation that occured between black women and white men even well into the 20th century . I think that many of these concerns have made black parents feel it was best for all concerned that their daughters date and marry within their own race.
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