Single

[deleted20648181]

Salutations!

The reason why I'm writing this is because I celebrated my 22nd birthday alone yesterday. It has been a tradition of mine throughout my childhood up to now where I celebrated my birthday by myself. Although I have grown to become self-sufficient and independent, there are moments, especially when I celebrate my birthday, where I wish I have someone with whom I can celebrate fond memories with. My 22nd birthday has been different this time because while I celebrated my birthday alone, I see a company of women who are celebrating their girlfriend's birthday. Seeing them gleefully laugh and smile struck a cord in me in many ways as after I left the restaurant, I cried while walking at a park. I know it's odd writing in this because I have no one with whom I can articulate my feelings with this.

I'm not in a rush and I'm happy being single. Yet, I've never been in a relationship---romantic and platonic. I have people (who are in relationships) that tell to me advice that goes along the lines of "There's someone out there for you." Yet, I feel as though this advice is gaslighting because there's no guarantee that everyone would meet the love of their life and it's a extreme privilege to find love. Even as a Black gay guy myself, I have come to terms that I may not find love as I've never as though I belong in both community (Black and LGBT+ communities).

Thank you for reading this!

 

[playklax01]

Don't take that advice as gaslighting, as it's so not meant to be taken like that. It's somewhat true, but agreeing with you it may not for everyone (just being honest). But you're only 22! That is so young in the whole scheme of things! I was 22 once (way back!), and I remember how I felt the same way as you do. I was with someone, but I knew he wasn't the right match for me. After leaving that relationship, I was lonely and thought nothing would ever happen. But then the next year I just happen to come across a personal ad on AOL. I responded to it, he responded back. We went on some dates and hit it off. Who would have guessed from a personal ad?! We were together for 20+ years before getting divorced 5 years ago. Now I'm single again and feeling the same as you, just with a lot more time having passed. I don't get the new world of dating, it totally changed since I was younger. There's no dance clubs anymore, too many dating apps that lead to nowhere. I don't know what to do...

Bottom line, you're not alone, there are many in the same situation. And not gaslighting, but you could end up meeting someone when you least expect it. I hold on to that thought a lot. It's hope. And we need hope.

Are there any Pride events near you that you could inquire being part of? I'm personally on the board of one near where I used to live, in Quincy. We throw a Quincy Pride Day every year for the past 5 years. It's a good opportunity to meet and work with others and participate in creative events that you could help bring to life.