rawbone8
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Sister has babies, father in a coma
- Thread starter dolf250
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Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. It has been a trying weekend and I am still reeling a little. I had to come back to town for the next 3 days to sort out some things here before I go back up and visit dad.
As of now he is doing very well physically. He is nearly breathing on his own, his brain did not swell very much, his punctured lung is re-inflated and he is off of most of the drugs to regulate his body (blood pressure ect) but he is still not actively responding. Yesterday night while I talked with him he squeezed my hand two times in a row very hard. They were about 5X harder than his usual “irreflexive” squeeze. It was while I talked to the nurse about the rest of the family interpreting his squeezing their hands as signs and my saying that I thought they were looking for hope where there may not have been any.
As for my sister, she had been home from the hospital for almost 24 hours when she got the call. She had not had the twins out and did not know how to unfold the stroller, pack up the playpen or what she would need for a few days. She is similar to me in that she sort of rolls with the punches without stressing the little things and she got them packed up, in the car and then drove 1 ½ hours to see him. My grandparents just got back from Portugal and had not seen them yet, so they provided a nice distraction to the hospital setting (yes, she kept them out of the emergency room and “infectious” environments.)
He seems to try to give some signs; today while my sister was telling him to open his eyes his blood pressure spiked and set off the alarm while he was squinting very hard and his face was contorting. Weather it was a coincidental nerve reaction or not I don't know, but we are still trying to be a little positive without being in a dreamworld. Perhaps a reflex, perhaps an honest attempt- time will tell.
Anyhow, thank you all for your support again- it really does mean a lot to me while I try to stay together and do the necessary things. I promise not to use the board for hourly updates, but if things change drastically one way or the other I will post it.
I love you all.
-Danny
As of now he is doing very well physically. He is nearly breathing on his own, his brain did not swell very much, his punctured lung is re-inflated and he is off of most of the drugs to regulate his body (blood pressure ect) but he is still not actively responding. Yesterday night while I talked with him he squeezed my hand two times in a row very hard. They were about 5X harder than his usual “irreflexive” squeeze. It was while I talked to the nurse about the rest of the family interpreting his squeezing their hands as signs and my saying that I thought they were looking for hope where there may not have been any.
As for my sister, she had been home from the hospital for almost 24 hours when she got the call. She had not had the twins out and did not know how to unfold the stroller, pack up the playpen or what she would need for a few days. She is similar to me in that she sort of rolls with the punches without stressing the little things and she got them packed up, in the car and then drove 1 ½ hours to see him. My grandparents just got back from Portugal and had not seen them yet, so they provided a nice distraction to the hospital setting (yes, she kept them out of the emergency room and “infectious” environments.)
He seems to try to give some signs; today while my sister was telling him to open his eyes his blood pressure spiked and set off the alarm while he was squinting very hard and his face was contorting. Weather it was a coincidental nerve reaction or not I don't know, but we are still trying to be a little positive without being in a dreamworld. Perhaps a reflex, perhaps an honest attempt- time will tell.
Anyhow, thank you all for your support again- it really does mean a lot to me while I try to stay together and do the necessary things. I promise not to use the board for hourly updates, but if things change drastically one way or the other I will post it.
I love you all.
-Danny
Dolf, congratulations on your good news, and I'm sorry about your bad news. Feel free to PM me if you need to.
One of the best things ever to happen in my life (meeting and falling in love with my partner) was followed soon after by the worst thing in my life (my Mom died.) I was talking to my best friend of about 30 years, and mentioned to her that it seemed like I was never able to gain something good, without having to give up something good. She said, "DC, don't think of it like that. Tawse became a part of your life to prepare you, to help you get through your loss, and to fill some of the emptiness in your heart."
Dolf, I hope your Dad continues to improve. My thoughts are with you. And enjoy your new arrivals. Being an uncle is one of the greatest gifts you'll ever receive.
That's so often true, agnslz. But a good friend of mine put it into perspective for me.
One of the best things ever to happen in my life (meeting and falling in love with my partner) was followed soon after by the worst thing in my life (my Mom died.) I was talking to my best friend of about 30 years, and mentioned to her that it seemed like I was never able to gain something good, without having to give up something good. She said, "DC, don't think of it like that. Tawse became a part of your life to prepare you, to help you get through your loss, and to fill some of the emptiness in your heart."
Dolf, I hope your Dad continues to improve. My thoughts are with you. And enjoy your new arrivals. Being an uncle is one of the greatest gifts you'll ever receive.
One last thought people; Write a will and a living will for crying out loud! Don't put your family through trying to get things in order because you were too damned scared to admit that you are not immortal; it really is not fun and not very easy when you are not able to sign a piece of paper. Now get off that chair.:twak:
madame_zora
Sexy Member
Amazing. With all you're going through, you still have time to give us your lessons, thank you.
As a former member of the death care industry, I have harped on this very thing many times. It's not a matter of if we'll die, but when. Since none of us knows, the proper time to get our shit in order is today. Now. Then we don't have to bother with it again, until something changes, like address or preference of how things are to be arranged. Wouldn't it be a great gift to your family if all they had to do when you died was grieve? It's too hard to have to conduct business too, without the advantage of having a clear head. And as cruel as it may seem, there are many in the industry who will take advantage of your grief for financial gain. People who are not grieving make more modest arrangements than people who are still so connected emotionally to the deceased person's body. The natural tendency is to try to show how much you loved the person by how much you spend. Those "last gifts" are not likely to be appreciated by the person who has passed on though.
Danny, keep your positive outllook. I know I told you to be prepared for either outcome, and I mean that, but it sounds like he WAS responding to the sound of your voice in the only way he could. I'd rather err on the side of caution and talk to him as much as possible. Most nurses will tell you that this is the one thing the family can do to help get a response from a person in a coma. If he can get back, it helps if he wants to.
I'm leaving today, but you can call me anytime if you find the time.
Big hugs,
Jana
DaveyR
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I thought that I would post what will be the final update unless something changes.
On Thursday our family met with the doctor. She had told us that unless a miracle occurs my father will die in the state he is in- she does not expect to see any improvement. They will ween him from the ventilator, move him closer to home and eventually from the hospital to a long term care facility where he will live out his days.
We put a do not resuscitate order on him as well as a do not intubate order. If he contracts pneumonia they will keep him comfortable but will not put a ventilator back in him. If his heart stops it will remain that way. If we see improvement we can rescind the order, but for now it remains.
Friday I cleaned out his room in McMurray, saw the RCMP, his company, his union, got his damage deposit back and disposed of his car. What a wreck- it was basically T-boned by a semi trailer (I will not bother with the explanation here) and the body was ripped off the frame and pushed into the middle on the passenger side. The only place where it would not be a closed casket funeral for him to be sitting was the drivers seat- as an example the passenger seat ended up 6” wide and the dash was touching the seat and the floor. I also saw what caused his head damage; the passenger side door post came through and hit him on the head- I can now understand and accept why it only looks like a cut but was so much worse.
Anyhow, one last reminder; I would assume that if the law does not recognize same-sex partners it would be particularly important if you are gay to get a will as the estate is divided up by the court according to a formula that would likely not recognize your partner- Get a will. Get a living will. Take it from me that our Mme.Z is not blowing smoke up your collective ass's nor trying to sell you a burial plot when she says:
Thanks again for your prayers and /or your thoughts for both myself and my family. It has been a trying week to say the least.
-Danny
On Thursday our family met with the doctor. She had told us that unless a miracle occurs my father will die in the state he is in- she does not expect to see any improvement. They will ween him from the ventilator, move him closer to home and eventually from the hospital to a long term care facility where he will live out his days.
We put a do not resuscitate order on him as well as a do not intubate order. If he contracts pneumonia they will keep him comfortable but will not put a ventilator back in him. If his heart stops it will remain that way. If we see improvement we can rescind the order, but for now it remains.
Friday I cleaned out his room in McMurray, saw the RCMP, his company, his union, got his damage deposit back and disposed of his car. What a wreck- it was basically T-boned by a semi trailer (I will not bother with the explanation here) and the body was ripped off the frame and pushed into the middle on the passenger side. The only place where it would not be a closed casket funeral for him to be sitting was the drivers seat- as an example the passenger seat ended up 6” wide and the dash was touching the seat and the floor. I also saw what caused his head damage; the passenger side door post came through and hit him on the head- I can now understand and accept why it only looks like a cut but was so much worse.
Anyhow, one last reminder; I would assume that if the law does not recognize same-sex partners it would be particularly important if you are gay to get a will as the estate is divided up by the court according to a formula that would likely not recognize your partner- Get a will. Get a living will. Take it from me that our Mme.Z is not blowing smoke up your collective ass's nor trying to sell you a burial plot when she says:
Thanks again for your prayers and /or your thoughts for both myself and my family. It has been a trying week to say the least.
-Danny
I am so sorry to hear about your father.....but I would like to thank you for bringing up an important subject " a will". Your tragedy made me face my own parents mortality, and yes it wasn't a fun conversation however I gained such a perspective on what my parents last wishes would be.
For example my mother made it very clear that if she is in a coma, she does not want to be put on a ventilator and be a vegetable for the remaining days of her life. They have given me clear instructions how their assets should be divided up and have given me a copy of their will, one copy is at their attorney's office. My parents are relatively young, 56 and 60 however you never know, and I am glad that I approached the subject about death, ( since I don't think I would have) if you would have not posted about your fathers stituation.
I know it's not much consolation Dolf, but at least you have opened my eyes and I know that whatever unfortunate events will happen, that I will be able to carry out my parents wishes without the guitly feelings whether I made the right decsion. For that I thank you.
Lots of hugzzzzz,
debxxxxx
For example my mother made it very clear that if she is in a coma, she does not want to be put on a ventilator and be a vegetable for the remaining days of her life. They have given me clear instructions how their assets should be divided up and have given me a copy of their will, one copy is at their attorney's office. My parents are relatively young, 56 and 60 however you never know, and I am glad that I approached the subject about death, ( since I don't think I would have) if you would have not posted about your fathers stituation.
I know it's not much consolation Dolf, but at least you have opened my eyes and I know that whatever unfortunate events will happen, that I will be able to carry out my parents wishes without the guitly feelings whether I made the right decsion. For that I thank you.
Lots of hugzzzzz,
debxxxxx
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