Six week wait after c-section. Gathering info for our Petite
- Thread starter B_Nicodemous
- Start date
B_subgirrl
Sexy Member
- Joined
- May 15, 2010
- Posts
- 5,547
- Media
- 0
- Likes
- 33
- Points
- 73
- Location
- NSW, Australia
- Sexuality
- 99% Straight, 1% Gay
- Gender
- Female
If it happens, he'll be fine, and who cares what us lot think!
:frown1:
Not to mention the anal, the deepthroating, the excitement when you got deeper . . . :biggrin1:
I think I'm brave and I'd still be blushing :smile:
Ah, okay. Not worth risking it then. It hadn't even occurred to me that cervical bumps could pull on the uterus - should have thought of it. And pregnancy could definitely be an issue. You certainly can't use any form of contraception except condoms - or maybe the often-a-failure-diaphragm (not sure if it's suitable straight after birth) - if you decide to breast feed.
Oh, I did :biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1:
I found Petite's post very reasonable. In fact, my impressions of your post were the same as hers.
Holy f***.
Ok I have re read both Lady and Miss Petites posts and I think I have found the point of contention.
Yes Lady, while you did not explicitly say that petite would /is caring more about sex than her baby's well being the wording you chose to use tended to skew it that way. Hell I thought that was what you were saying, so I re read it a few dozen times.
I think what casts your otherwise wonderful posts about your experience in such a bad light were these two sentences:
I bolded the offending words. They give a rather accusatory tone to an otherwise wonderful post. At best they said "I don't really know you and so this sounds maybe harsher than I meant for it to" and at worst they say "why the hell are you putting yourself before your child; that's terrible"
If you remove those lines, what you are left with is a heartfelt sharing of one mother's experience with another. Which I am going to go out on a limb and say was.
However your second post sounded snooty and accusatory.
Now granted petite did use a firm voice, I suppose, when answering you. Guess what. She gets harassed by people here on a weekly basis for what she says, how cautious she is, how adventurous she is, so she may have been at the not so cheery point when dealing with you. However she was not mean or rude. She answered your points as best as she could and if she took the thrust of your original post wrong, well so did at least two more of us, and that puts the onus on you to clarify things, my Lady.
Petite's explanation could have been to you as well as a preemptive explanation to others who are thinking along similar lines as you were.
What I didn't see in your second post was an apology of any kind. You see, that would have been the mature and gracious thing to do. Even if you didn't mean something the way another took it, you apologize for the misunderstanding and clarify your sentiments. Then she could have apologized for misconstruing your statements and we could have all moved on with out the need for this off topic conversation.
Yes the eye roll was a tad immature. My dear Miss Petite, you are going to be a mom fairly soon, you may as well practice setting an example of how to behave and carry on a polite conversation for the more immature members of LPSG
I know it can be frustrating, but think of it a free practice for when your son is two, five or fifteen:tongue:. In all honesty though, I have been known to do that as well, and in the large scheme of things it is a very minor, trifling thing. Perhaps she would have used an emoticon of an exasperated face if one was available. In that case the eye roll is a fair substitute.
Again, My Lady, I thought the rest of your first post was wonderful. I would argue for petite to re read it skipping the aforementioned lines.
Of course an apology on your part, My Lady, would do wonders at this point as well. You are already a mom, I am sure you understand the importance of owning up to your mistakes (perceived or otherwise) as well as extending the olive branch?
Ok I have re read both Lady and Miss Petites posts and I think I have found the point of contention.
Yes Lady, while you did not explicitly say that petite would /is caring more about sex than her baby's well being the wording you chose to use tended to skew it that way. Hell I thought that was what you were saying, so I re read it a few dozen times.
I think what casts your otherwise wonderful posts about your experience in such a bad light were these two sentences:
I bolded the offending words. They give a rather accusatory tone to an otherwise wonderful post. At best they said "I don't really know you and so this sounds maybe harsher than I meant for it to" and at worst they say "why the hell are you putting yourself before your child; that's terrible"
If you remove those lines, what you are left with is a heartfelt sharing of one mother's experience with another. Which I am going to go out on a limb and say was.
However your second post sounded snooty and accusatory.
Now granted petite did use a firm voice, I suppose, when answering you. Guess what. She gets harassed by people here on a weekly basis for what she says, how cautious she is, how adventurous she is, so she may have been at the not so cheery point when dealing with you. However she was not mean or rude. She answered your points as best as she could and if she took the thrust of your original post wrong, well so did at least two more of us, and that puts the onus on you to clarify things, my Lady.
Petite's explanation could have been to you as well as a preemptive explanation to others who are thinking along similar lines as you were.
What I didn't see in your second post was an apology of any kind. You see, that would have been the mature and gracious thing to do. Even if you didn't mean something the way another took it, you apologize for the misunderstanding and clarify your sentiments. Then she could have apologized for misconstruing your statements and we could have all moved on with out the need for this off topic conversation.
Yes the eye roll was a tad immature. My dear Miss Petite, you are going to be a mom fairly soon, you may as well practice setting an example of how to behave and carry on a polite conversation for the more immature members of LPSG
I know it can be frustrating, but think of it a free practice for when your son is two, five or fifteen:tongue:. In all honesty though, I have been known to do that as well, and in the large scheme of things it is a very minor, trifling thing. Perhaps she would have used an emoticon of an exasperated face if one was available. In that case the eye roll is a fair substitute.Again, My Lady, I thought the rest of your first post was wonderful. I would argue for petite to re read it skipping the aforementioned lines.
Of course an apology on your part, My Lady, would do wonders at this point as well. You are already a mom, I am sure you understand the importance of owning up to your mistakes (perceived or otherwise) as well as extending the olive branch?
Hi Petite. I'm sending good thoughts your way, Darling. Wish I could help you see into the future, but I gave birth to my lovely daughter naturally. Hah, laugh at naturally - had all the drugs my body could bear! But I didn't get my drive back until about a month later. Could have waited six months, however, as he wasn't interested. I was only 18 at the time (as was he), but don't know if that makes any difference.
I just noticed this too.
Nico, you may be the sweetest, I hope you don't mind if I just let Petite do the kissing.
Trying to stay on topic (I fast forwarded through the nasty stuff)
There should be a law against picking on pregnant women.
Isn't it bad enough that they are being kicked many times a day from the inside out?
One may not feel like having sex for weeks after having a baby.
The hormones. The emotional roller-coaster.
Not feeling attractive (you're beautiful no matter how many kids you have!)
Being exhausted getting up feeding, cleaning, holding, the crying just when you are falling asleep. And if the BoyFriend wasn't demanding enough, you also now have the baby to take care of.
That being said, I do not see the physical requirement or medical need to abstain for so long.
If the medical community would bother to think and put it in perspective, a broken bone is healed in 8 weeks.
Most abdominal surgeries heal much quicker than that.
And what you are doing is slowly try to resume normal sexual activity and not breaking the fall of a Sumo wrestler.
(Apologies if The BF is a Sumo)
Funny how if you have an orthopedic procedure, they start physical therapy as soon as possible.
The PT makes you do things you wouldn't normally do to a level that is uncomfortable to push yourself to recover.
However, if you have a baby they tell you to go home and take it easy and come back in 6 weeks without any thought of physical therapy to aid in recovery and have a speedy return to normal activity.
I have known people who have had a variety of medical procedures and have not quizzed them about doctor recommendations regarding sex, but Gall Bladder removal seems to be much harder than c-section on the body and that is 2 weeks out of work and month before back to normal (everyone is different, I know and maybe the recommendations have changed since - apologies if I am a little off on this recollection)
I think the doctor is worried if something goes wrong she will be blamed.
It doesn't bother the doctor if you can't have sex.
If only bothers the doctor if she can't have sex. :tongue:
I only had vaginal deliveries and I was back at it at 2 1/2 weeks but that was largely due in fact to much pressure I felt from Baby Daddy to start putting out again.
Sigh. no kiss from pitbull...i think I will manage:tongue: lol can I have a manly hug though? Somewhere in the nastiness you skimmed through petite answered the reason form the doctors. It`s that where they have the sutures is lower on the uterus and with her low cervix the bumping would not be condusive the healing. Also even though she is delivering c section her cervix will still have dialated and not fully closed again and coupled with the high risk of post partum pregnancy, it is being advised against. I suppose once the sutures are gone and the incison healed if he wore a condom they might be ok. Buuuuttttt she did ok her for anal so that`s cool! If you change your mind about that kiss...lol you know I jest!
Last edited by a moderator:
wallyj84
Superior Member
It's too bad that people took this post so negatively, because this is honestly the most sensible thing posted in this thread.
:hug: There you go. No problem.
I understand what the doctors are telling her and I think they are being overly cautious.
I will summarize relevant info from the following links so folks don't have to muddy through them unless they want to.
(The wikipedia reference contains a very cool time lapse of a finger healing)
The surgery creates a wound that needs to heal.
The wikipedia reference has a chart.
Most of the phases of healing are complete by 3 weeks.
Wound healing - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
wound has 20% of tensile strength at 3 weeks
at 4 months 60%
Wound
so at 6 weeks 30-35%
Depending on the sutures used, they provide some strength but not very much after 1 month.
The Role of Sutures in Wound Healing
80% of original strength is probably the most that will occur and that is at 6-12 months.
Bottom line from 3 weeks to 6 weeks going from 20% with added support from sutures to 35% is not going to make a big difference.
I don't think a gradual resumption of sexual activity at three weeks would cause any risk to the uterus or abdomen as long as it did not involve a trapeze.
No it's not Wally. It was a sharing of ONE person's experience, as such it was fine. I have already highlighted the offending lines earlier in the thread. Her veiled accusation that Petite was obsessed with sex to the point where a minimum of three of us took it to mean she was heavily implying Petite's fitness as a mother when it came to concern for the baby,; well THAT is what we are finding objectionable.
I have offered Lady J to explain her post, and the next one where she again makes allusions and insinuations about Petite's motives and reasons. In that one she implied that somehow by answering the questions that she, Lady J, raised, Petite was somehow defensive, and had hidden motives and "issues"; which of course any SANE person can see is a big steaming pile of horseshit. It is a tactic used by people to deflect the attention away from their mistake while trying to place blame on, and convince the blameless of, wrongdoing on the wronged party's part. And that is what I and others saw Lady J doing; shifting blame onto Petite, when she, Lady J, was found to be in the wrong.
It is a cowardly and shiftless mechanism, that quiet frankly repulses me.
What I didn't hear in her half assed explanation to petites response was an "Im sorry" either for what she said if that was what she meant, or for any misunderstanding her poor choice of words conveyed. You see Wally that is what adults do, at least the more functional ones, at any rate.
Now I tried to be fair to Lady J, perhaps when there was no reason to be; I sometimes think that my belief in the favor of giving a person the benefit of the doubt is at times misplaced.
I do have a question for you. Other than chiming in to a conversation to come to the defense of a person who has had ample opportunity to defend herself, do you have anything to contribute to the OP?
If you are unsure, I invite you to RE READ the OP of the thread.
Quiet frankly I am irritated that my thread has gotten high jacked by this off topic side thread that smacks of the beginnings of yet another character assassination attempt on petite.
IF I am wrong, then Lady J can correct me and have an adult discourse with myself and petite here, starting with an APOPLOGY.
So unless you are a woman who has given birth by c-section (my main target crowd), vaginally (my second targeted crowd), a man who has first hand knowledge or experience of birth (wife, sister, close friend, again preferably c-section, but vaginal birth is welcome) or a medical professional who has experience through work even if they have no other direct experience, than kindly keep your comments to yourself.
If you are not part of the aforementioned target demographics feel free to ask questions related to the OP.
I don't mean to sound rude or bitchy, but I have tried nice and kind, and that is just not cutting it.
OH! And lest there be any confusion on anyones part about my comment to Petite about the eye roll? It was tongue in cheek. The thrust was to illustrate that even though some members were acting like freaking 5 year olds (like the Lady was), that we (petite and I, and others as well) can try and set a better example, as we would an actual five year old. Personally I think she was COMPLETELY JUSTIFIED in the eye roll. Why? Because adults get the nice rationale response and then get what they get. And sometimes it's an eye roll. That to me is an acceptable answer when one has answered a question to the best of one's abilities, only to have a person continue to act in a derisive and dissmisive manner. Such a person has then proven themselves to be inflexible, and intractable, and they have already made up their mind and will hear anything to the contrary of their preexisting presumptions.
Now if Lady J had posted in the spirit she later claimed to, then she would have left the intentionally inflammatory comments out of it. Period.
I have offered Lady J to explain her post, and the next one where she again makes allusions and insinuations about Petite's motives and reasons. In that one she implied that somehow by answering the questions that she, Lady J, raised, Petite was somehow defensive, and had hidden motives and "issues"; which of course any SANE person can see is a big steaming pile of horseshit. It is a tactic used by people to deflect the attention away from their mistake while trying to place blame on, and convince the blameless of, wrongdoing on the wronged party's part. And that is what I and others saw Lady J doing; shifting blame onto Petite, when she, Lady J, was found to be in the wrong.
It is a cowardly and shiftless mechanism, that quiet frankly repulses me.
What I didn't hear in her half assed explanation to petites response was an "Im sorry" either for what she said if that was what she meant, or for any misunderstanding her poor choice of words conveyed. You see Wally that is what adults do, at least the more functional ones, at any rate.
Now I tried to be fair to Lady J, perhaps when there was no reason to be; I sometimes think that my belief in the favor of giving a person the benefit of the doubt is at times misplaced.
I do have a question for you. Other than chiming in to a conversation to come to the defense of a person who has had ample opportunity to defend herself, do you have anything to contribute to the OP?
If you are unsure, I invite you to RE READ the OP of the thread.
Quiet frankly I am irritated that my thread has gotten high jacked by this off topic side thread that smacks of the beginnings of yet another character assassination attempt on petite.
IF I am wrong, then Lady J can correct me and have an adult discourse with myself and petite here, starting with an APOPLOGY.
So unless you are a woman who has given birth by c-section (my main target crowd), vaginally (my second targeted crowd), a man who has first hand knowledge or experience of birth (wife, sister, close friend, again preferably c-section, but vaginal birth is welcome) or a medical professional who has experience through work even if they have no other direct experience, than kindly keep your comments to yourself.
If you are not part of the aforementioned target demographics feel free to ask questions related to the OP.
I don't mean to sound rude or bitchy, but I have tried nice and kind, and that is just not cutting it.
OH! And lest there be any confusion on anyones part about my comment to Petite about the eye roll? It was tongue in cheek. The thrust was to illustrate that even though some members were acting like freaking 5 year olds (like the Lady was), that we (petite and I, and others as well) can try and set a better example, as we would an actual five year old. Personally I think she was COMPLETELY JUSTIFIED in the eye roll. Why? Because adults get the nice rationale response and then get what they get. And sometimes it's an eye roll. That to me is an acceptable answer when one has answered a question to the best of one's abilities, only to have a person continue to act in a derisive and dissmisive manner. Such a person has then proven themselves to be inflexible, and intractable, and they have already made up their mind and will hear anything to the contrary of their preexisting presumptions.
Now if Lady J had posted in the spirit she later claimed to, then she would have left the intentionally inflammatory comments out of it. Period.
Very cool! And i agree. That is why i think monitoring the healing process is so important. My sisters had vaginal delveries but one at least was good to go at three weeks, lol the first time at any rate.
Thank you for the hug:biggrin1:
Not so many thanks for the laughing fit induced asthma attack at the visual of Petite, The BF and a trapeze. I couldn't get ot out of my head. It kept combining with the ridiculous BF-as-Sumo wrestler picture
LMAO!!!! :biglaugh: And why are we not friends yet? I need to send you a friend request.:smile:
B_subgirrl
Sexy Member
- Joined
- May 15, 2010
- Posts
- 5,547
- Media
- 0
- Likes
- 33
- Points
- 73
- Location
- NSW, Australia
- Sexuality
- 99% Straight, 1% Gay
- Gender
- Female
Not so many thanks for the laughing fit induced asthma attack at the visual of Petite, The BF and a trapeze. I couldn't get ot out of my head. It kept combining with the ridiculous BF-as-Sumo wrestler picture
Or TheBF, as Sumo wrestler, on a trapeze
Or TheBF, as Sumo wrestler, on a trapeze
That's what I kept seeing! lolwith Petite waiting anxiously spread eagle below on the safety net! ROTFLMAO...AGAIN!!!!!:biggrin1:
B_subgirrl
Sexy Member
- Joined
- May 15, 2010
- Posts
- 5,547
- Media
- 0
- Likes
- 33
- Points
- 73
- Location
- NSW, Australia
- Sexuality
- 99% Straight, 1% Gay
- Gender
- Female
I need something stronger than ROFLMAO for that one :biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1:
The sight of a sumo BF letting go of the trapeeze! The build up could be funny "Sumo" grunts as he swings, ending in a Sumo "roar". I will try to convey this: Heee! *swings back over* Hhhei! *swings back over and let's go* HhhhEEEeee!!!! Ok i just died luaging typing that! My ghost is officially typing LOL!
B_subgirrl
Sexy Member
- Joined
- May 15, 2010
- Posts
- 5,547
- Media
- 0
- Likes
- 33
- Points
- 73
- Location
- NSW, Australia
- Sexuality
- 99% Straight, 1% Gay
- Gender
- Female
Landing with expert precision on top of the spread eagled Petite :biggrin1:
wallyj84
Superior Member
Once again, it's too bad that people reacted to that post so negatively.
I have a lot of respect for Petite and would never say anything to insult her or support anything that I felt was trying to insult her. I don't think that LadyJaneGrey was at all insinuating that Petite was an unfit mother. I just didn't get that feeling from her post. I think she was just being honest and saying that there are a lot of things far more important than sex during the first few weeks after the birth of a child.
She might have been a little bit condescending, but overall I can't disagree with the main thrust of her post.
I have a lot of respect for Petite and would never say anything to insult her or support anything that I felt was trying to insult her. I don't think that LadyJaneGrey was at all insinuating that Petite was an unfit mother. I just didn't get that feeling from her post. I think she was just being honest and saying that there are a lot of things far more important than sex during the first few weeks after the birth of a child.
She might have been a little bit condescending, but overall I can't disagree with the main thrust of her post.
The bulk of her post was fine. In fact I defended it myself. It was using the term obsessed that was odd, questioning Petite's motive for inquiring about anal sex as a viable alternate (Petite has posted elsewhere that she is a fan of it) and making it seem that she was sooooo obsessed with sex that she would *gasp* ask her doctor about anal sex.
And that could have been chalked up to a misunderstanding, and I gave the benefit of the doubt on her first post.
It was the second post, where she in so many words called Petite defensive, and that her answering every point in her posts was somehow reflective of her own issues, was off topic. What could have been resolved at that point with an apology (which did not happen) was further irritated by what doesn't even count as an "I'm sorry... but..." you know though half assed apologies that start with a perfunctory apology then become anything but. It wasn't even that. It was a more condescending "Nope I am right, and you took it wrong, and you have issues" statement.
Now it could be that she is not familiar with how lengthy petites posts are, or how thorough she responds to every one who has brought up interesting points. Fine. But before making assumptions about a person, she could have done a 5 minute amount of research and sampled a smattering of petite's posts (which either a simple search would have revealed, or a similar visit to her profile and a search through her posts from that point, simpler yet, would have turned up) If she had done this she would have realized that petite is just thorough, period. That she enjoys anal (after figuring out what worked for her) so it wasn't as odd for hr to be inquiring of her doc about it. That she is HYPER concerned about the welfare of the Baby. That she realizes she may have no sex drive, be in a different level of sleep deprivation, have complications healing, and have a fussy, needy or sick infant, all of which will put sex at the bottom rung of things. Petite has only what she has experienced up till now as a guide. She has always had a high sex drive. It hasn't, until about the seventh month, been hampered by the pregnancy, which happens in some women. The BF already operates on minimal sleep and seems fine. Then she has what she hopes: the baby will be healthy. The baby will adjust to a sleep schedule after those first few frantic weeks of nonstop breast feedings. That she will still feel sexy. This combines with her fears: That other people, both male and female, here and elsewhere on the web and IRL have almost or have broken up during the sexless time that can sometimes extend well past the six week mark. She has her knowledge that they BF is not like that, but also recognizes the physical expression of love is an important part of a relationship. All of which has now been clarified ad nauseum earlier in this thread.
My Sis said for her, she needed, emotionally, that connect. As she says you just went through nine months of having your body distorted by a growing being. You have had at least 5 months (definitely three) of not feeling sexy at all. For her she needed that reassurance that she was still desirable. She loves being a mom, but that new role does not obliterate the old ones. It evolves them. With her second, and all the issues there, she was more like how the Lady described. The difference is that she had the reassurance of the first experience to know that this was an eye blink. She didn't fret about sex in the least though was happy when her and her hubby were finally reunited in that way. She said that there was a part of her that was so full of love for him, the fruits and labor of a love that was a physical reality, made her more in love with him. And that the desire to express it in every way, including the physical, was overwhelming.
When I started this thread, it was based on the following premise: If the baby is healthy, sleeping soundly, and Petite and The BF are feeling frisky before the six week mark, what is the reasoning behind that waiting time for a c-section. Petite's doc has given her some really good reasons some o of which I hadn't even thought of. And she has given them some viable alternatives.
I myself will continue to hope for the health of this little family in all its aspects.
I invite everyone else to do the same.
And that could have been chalked up to a misunderstanding, and I gave the benefit of the doubt on her first post.
It was the second post, where she in so many words called Petite defensive, and that her answering every point in her posts was somehow reflective of her own issues, was off topic. What could have been resolved at that point with an apology (which did not happen) was further irritated by what doesn't even count as an "I'm sorry... but..." you know though half assed apologies that start with a perfunctory apology then become anything but. It wasn't even that. It was a more condescending "Nope I am right, and you took it wrong, and you have issues" statement.
Now it could be that she is not familiar with how lengthy petites posts are, or how thorough she responds to every one who has brought up interesting points. Fine. But before making assumptions about a person, she could have done a 5 minute amount of research and sampled a smattering of petite's posts (which either a simple search would have revealed, or a similar visit to her profile and a search through her posts from that point, simpler yet, would have turned up) If she had done this she would have realized that petite is just thorough, period. That she enjoys anal (after figuring out what worked for her) so it wasn't as odd for hr to be inquiring of her doc about it. That she is HYPER concerned about the welfare of the Baby. That she realizes she may have no sex drive, be in a different level of sleep deprivation, have complications healing, and have a fussy, needy or sick infant, all of which will put sex at the bottom rung of things. Petite has only what she has experienced up till now as a guide. She has always had a high sex drive. It hasn't, until about the seventh month, been hampered by the pregnancy, which happens in some women. The BF already operates on minimal sleep and seems fine. Then she has what she hopes: the baby will be healthy. The baby will adjust to a sleep schedule after those first few frantic weeks of nonstop breast feedings. That she will still feel sexy. This combines with her fears: That other people, both male and female, here and elsewhere on the web and IRL have almost or have broken up during the sexless time that can sometimes extend well past the six week mark. She has her knowledge that they BF is not like that, but also recognizes the physical expression of love is an important part of a relationship. All of which has now been clarified ad nauseum earlier in this thread.
My Sis said for her, she needed, emotionally, that connect. As she says you just went through nine months of having your body distorted by a growing being. You have had at least 5 months (definitely three) of not feeling sexy at all. For her she needed that reassurance that she was still desirable. She loves being a mom, but that new role does not obliterate the old ones. It evolves them. With her second, and all the issues there, she was more like how the Lady described. The difference is that she had the reassurance of the first experience to know that this was an eye blink. She didn't fret about sex in the least though was happy when her and her hubby were finally reunited in that way. She said that there was a part of her that was so full of love for him, the fruits and labor of a love that was a physical reality, made her more in love with him. And that the desire to express it in every way, including the physical, was overwhelming.
When I started this thread, it was based on the following premise: If the baby is healthy, sleeping soundly, and Petite and The BF are feeling frisky before the six week mark, what is the reasoning behind that waiting time for a c-section. Petite's doc has given her some really good reasons some o of which I hadn't even thought of. And she has given them some viable alternatives.
I myself will continue to hope for the health of this little family in all its aspects.
I invite everyone else to do the same.
Similar threads
