Six week wait after c-section. Gathering info for our Petite

Hippie Hollow Girl

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I haven't been on here a while. That is neat that you already know you are having a C - section. I ended up having 2 c-sections with both of my 2 pregnancies. My first was an emergency C-section and they gave me too much anesthesia (because I am short and petite) so you won't have to deal with that. It is much better when it is planned ahead of time. Also I broke my tailbone from pushing for almost 3 hours so you won't have to deal with that. 6 weeks was perfect for me because I was in so much pain just sitting down......and I had issues with trying to get my babies to nurse......and my husband wouldn't go near my breasts when I was trying to breast feed. I don't really remember a moment that I wanted to jump my husband's bones during that time. Breast feeding is a full time job. So, I remember being really really busy, eating, sleeping when I could and trying to breast feed the baby every 3 hours around the clock. My kids wouldn't breast feed so I pumped and put it in a bottle. Around 6 weeks the kid will either be breast feeding like he is supposed to or not. So, then I turned my attention back on to my "over active sex drive". You are lucky that you have family near by. I have never been that lucky. I think it is great you got the green light from the dr. for anal!
 

petite

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I think Pitbull is on to something! He's been sending me PMs with a lot of really useful information, and it's been so helpful. I think he's right.

According to this maternity sex survey on one of my favorite maternity websites, in which 20,000 people responded in 7 days (17,000 women and 3,000 men), one in five women had postpartum sex before four weeks!

Now I know that infection rates after birth are not that high, so I think the Mayo Clinic recommendation about listening to one's body and taking it at your own pace is probably the best one. Trust me, I'm not a masochist when it comes to vaginal or internal pain, so if I feel even a little twinge that doesn't feel right, I'm going to back off and take it easy. :smile:

I already knew that I'm not alone in wondering what my sex life would be like after I give birth because I am a regular reader of several maternity boards. Sex is a very frequent topic on those boards and it's not considered an unusual subject of discussion at all, and there is very little judgment between the women regarding what a mother should or should not be like when it comes to her sex life during pregnancy or her postpartum sex life. It's a very supportive environment.

The data on postpartum sex is not as bleak as this thread would make it seem, and I'm not unusual at all! Nor are Nico's sisters. This is also from the same enormous maternity sex survery:

Only 30% of all pregnant women reported a drop in libido during pregnancy. The other 70% reported no change or an increase in their sex drives.

50% of all couples waited until their second month to have sex again, and 20% had sex within the first month, making it a combined total of 70% of all couples who were sexually active by month two.

85% reported that their attraction level to their spouse either stayed the same or increased after the birth of their child.

See, I'm not some sort of sexual freak or anything. At least not in that way. :biggrin1:

My Sis said for her, she needed, emotionally, that connect. As she says you just went through nine months of having your body distorted by a growing being. You have had at least 5 months (definitely three) of not feeling sexy at all. For her she needed that reassurance that she was still desirable. She loves being a mom, but that new role does not obliterate the old ones. It evolves them. With her second, and all the issues there, she was more like how the Lady described. The difference is that she had the reassurance of the first experience to know that this was an eye blink. She didn't fret about sex in the least though was happy when her and her hubby were finally reunited in that way. She said that there was a part of her that was so full of love for him, the fruits and labor of a love that was a physical reality, made her more in love with him. And that the desire to express it in every way, including the physical, was overwhelming.

I'm glad that you mentioned this. We just talked about this last night!

TheBF and I finally had some romantic time together and we made a promise to make it a priority every day until the baby comes, no matter what. Last night when we were talking and I was reading about other women's experiences with postpartum sex on the maternity boards, a thought occurred to me.

Knowing how thoughtful and sensitive he is about my feelings, I asked him, "After I give birth, do you think that you would resist coming on to me because you wouldn't want to feel like you were pressuring me... because you would feel like you needed to give me as much space and time to heal as I needed and being really patient would be the Good Guy Thing To Do?"

He hesitated and said, "Yes, I think I would probably wait for you to make the first move because I think that's what you would need."

I nodded my head, knowing that's what he would be thinking. Then I said, "But the problem is... I bet I'm going to be feeling extremely unattractive and if you stopped coming on to me, then it's going to make me feel really bad." And we just looked at each other, thinking about that, about what the right thing to do would be.

Then another thought occurred to me and I said, "What if you stop being attracted to me?"

He smiled and said, "I want to have sex with you right now. You're sexy and beautiful and I want you now. I don't think that's going to change." And that made me cry a little bit. And then we had some of the most intimate sex we've had in a long time, the kind where you just keep looking deep into one another's eyes and you realize how perfect your love for this person is. It was beautiful.

I'm glad that we talked about that last night.

Already done :smile:.

You're in my thoughts daily, Petite *hugs*

Thank you so much, subgirrl! I am lucky to have you as a friend. :smile:

I haven't been on here a while. That is neat that you already know you are having a C - section. I ended up having 2 c-sections with both of my 2 pregnancies. My first was an emergency C-section and they gave me too much anesthesia (because I am short and petite) so you won't have to deal with that. It is much better when it is planned ahead of time. Also I broke my tailbone from pushing for almost 3 hours so you won't have to deal with that. 6 weeks was perfect for me because I was in so much pain just sitting down......and I had issues with trying to get my babies to nurse......and my husband wouldn't go near my breasts when I was trying to breast feed. I don't really remember a moment that I wanted to jump my husband's bones during that time. Breast feeding is a full time job. So, I remember being really really busy, eating, sleeping when I could and trying to breast feed the baby every 3 hours around the clock. My kids wouldn't breast feed so I pumped and put it in a bottle. Around 6 weeks the kid will either be breast feeding like he is supposed to or not. So, then I turned my attention back on to my "over active sex drive". You are lucky that you have family near by. I have never been that lucky. I think it is great you got the green light from the dr. for anal!

I am so sorry that you went through all of that during your childbirths!

My mother had terrible difficulties with both her births, and there were some very bad things that happened that I won't discuss here on the forums for reasons of privacy (you can PM me if you want). We have the same size hips, very thin, and this child very large, and when I discussed the issue with the doctors at the practice I chose, we decided that it would be a good choice for me and this child if we scheduled a cesarean. Both of our families are supportive of the decision because of the circumstances, and my father was positively overjoyed to learn that I wanted to have a cesarean.

Personally, I consider myself to be a much more responsible parent for being mature enough to discuss these topics with my doctor and knowing that there are medical risks and reasons why I should.

I was extremely proud of myself for having the courage to ask the responsible questions, even though it made me blush, and I'm still proud of myself. I think most people are too cowardly and embarrassed to bring up a lot of medically relevant questions like that. I think the vast majority of parents probably just nod their heads when the doctor says, and then either take their doctor's advice or ignore it, without ever asking or discussing or learning the reasons why one option is safe or unsafe and what the risks are. I know enough about the hazards if my uterus should heal improperly and about the risks of infection, so talking to my doctor about how much safer it is to have anal sex, which we thoroughly enjoy, made me feel much better and it was good to know. According to Babycenter's forum threads, many women began enjoying anal sex within days of giving vaginal birth, even with episiotomies, (1st or 2nd degree tearing, obviously) without any problems at all, so I'm unconcerned that I'll be having any problems, and my doctor said that she approves of all non-vaginal penetrative sex, so oral sex, external play with toys, and mutual masturbation are also allowed.
 
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petite

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Hi Petite. I'm sending good thoughts your way, Darling. Wish I could help you see into the future, but I gave birth to my lovely daughter naturally. Hah, laugh at naturally - had all the drugs my body could bear! But I didn't get my drive back until about a month later. Could have waited six months, however, as he wasn't interested. I was only 18 at the time (as was he), but don't know if that makes any difference.

Thank you for your good thoughts! I can use as many as I get. :smile:

:hug:

I only had vaginal deliveries and I was back at it at 2 1/2 weeks but that was largely due in fact to much pressure I felt from Baby Daddy to start putting out again.

It's not that unusual to have sex that early, despite the doctor's advice, according to the polls and the threads on the maternity boards. I seriously doubt that TheBF would be pressuring me at all. He's very understanding. :smile:
 

B_subgirrl

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Petite, I asked my mum how she felt about sex after giving birth to my siblings and I. After one birth she had post natal depression and didn't feel like sex for some time afterwards.

After the other three she wanted sex again within two weeks of giving birth. She got pregnant with my brother before her six week check up.

She also wanted me to let you know that babies sleep a lot (no shit), and that leaves PLENTY of time for sex. If your baby is asleep for 16 hours a day, that leaves 10 hours for sleeping and 6 for sex or whatever else you want to do. Just remember that housework is NOT a priority, and learn to sleep when the baby does.

She also said to give you her best wishes :smile:

See, I'm not some sort of sexual freak or anything. At least not in that way. :biggrin1:
Hmmmm . . . :biggrin1:


I'm glad that you mentioned this. We just talked about this last night!
You guys are adorable. I always love how open and honest you are with each other.


Thank you so much, subgirrl! I am lucky to have you as a friend. :smile:
:redface::redface::redface::redface: The sentiment is shared :smile::smile::smile:


We have the same size hips, very thin, and this child very large, and when I discussed the issue with the doctors at the practice I chose, we decided that it would be a good choice for me and this child if we scheduled a cesarean. Both of our families are supportive of the decision because of the circumstances, and my father was positively overjoyed to learn that I wanted to have a cesarean.
I think you made the right decision. My sister's friend had a baby earlier this year. She is significantly smaller than me and I'm 5'. I'm not sure she would have weighed much more than 40kg before becoming pregnant. And her hips were tiny. I was terribly surprised that they didn't schedule a cesarean for her. Instead she ended up being in labour for days, before they finally did an emergency cesarean anyway. I think she would have been much better off if they'd just done it that way in the first place.


Personally, I consider myself to be a much more responsible parent for being mature enough to discuss these topics with my doctor and knowing that there are medical risks and reasons why I should.
Quite simply, knowledge is power.


That why I love you
so insightful
so intelligent
:smile:

Nah, you love her because she puts out (the compliments! :tongue:).
 

Pitbull

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She also wanted me to let you know that babies sleep a lot (no shit), and that leaves PLENTY of time for sex. If your baby is asleep for 16 hours a day, that leaves 10 hours for sleeping and 6 for sex or whatever else you want to do. Just remember that housework is NOT a priority, and learn to sleep when the baby does.

Babies have a way of interrupting your sleep.
They time it perfectly to make you a total Zombie unable to function normally.

That why I love you
so insightful
so intelligent
:smile:

Nah, you love her because she puts out (the compliments! :tongue:).

And I love you too.
If I ever get to Australia I know you would compliment me (and maybe put out too :tongue:)
 

Not_Punny

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Hello Petite -- congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!

On the topic, I didn't think about sex for at least a month after my emergency c-section (first kid). Other than the baby, all I could think about was getting sleep. Some...how. Some...way.

But I was ever so happy when I could walk fully upright without pain. That was an almost orgasmic experience!! :biggrin:
 

LadyJaneGrey

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The thread starter wants me to apologize for finding something odd and expressing that.

I can't unfind it odd if that is an expression.

And I won't apologize for stating it.

I will leave you to your thread now nicodemus and not bother offering my opinion if you seek it again.
 

B_Nicodemous

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The thread starter wants me to apologize for finding something odd and expressing that.

I can't unfind it odd if that is an expression.

And I won't apologize for stating it.

I will leave you to your thread now nicodemus and not bother offering my opinion if you seek it again.

I wasn't asking you to apologize for finding something odd. I was asking you to do so because of the wording of it. I asked you to clarify you position and even stuck up for you. The other apology would have been for the condescending tone you used in your second post. There was no real attempt of reconciliation that I saw on your part, you effort to correct a misunderstanding. Well, there was the start of one, and then you felt the need to turn it back on Petite and insinuate there was something wrong with petite:

The fact you take them as an admonishment of yourself speaks volumes of your own fears.


In fact the fact that whole second post smacked of a condescending arrogance. The way you attempted to bring in to question her reasons for answering thoroughly, to you and the others. If you were familiar with her at all, you would know that is just the way petite is; as petite said in her follow up post. She wasn't being negative, but clarifying her position and answering your questions.

Ok, so you don't want to apologize. Fine. And do not concern yourself with me seeking your advice any time soon dear Lady. I know I am not.

Good journey's Lady, and for what it is worth I did think your first post was informative, and am appreciative of the information you shared. It is too bad that you chose not to be a civil contributor beyond that point.
 

B_subgirrl

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Babies have a way of interrupting your sleep.
They time it perfectly to make you a total Zombie unable to function normally.

I know that's the way it works for some people (many people even), but according to my mum, if you perfect the art of sleeping when the baby sleeps, you can get enough (albeit interrupted) sleep to function normally.

Many people approach the days post-childbirth, with a view to getting back into a normal routine. They want to sleep for 8 hours at night, and be awake in the daytime to do 'normal people stuff' - visiting friends, getting to the shops, housework, etc. But newborns of course, don't sleep for 8 hours at night, so the parents end up getting less sleep as well.

So my mum decided to take a different approach. If she was tired, she slept when the baby slept. Whatever time of day it was. And when she was awake, she didn't waste her awake-time on anything except what was strictly necessary (or desired). And she found it worked for her. She might have been sleeping at strange times of the day and in snatches, but she did have leftover time and energy for sex (and other desired activities).

When my cat was a baby and I had to bottle feed and toilet her every 2 hours around the clock, I followed mum's advice, and it worked for me. Admittedly, I didn't have post-childbirth aches, pains and hormones to deal with. But I did have to feed and toilet every two hours without help, and remained functional.

(Disclaimer: this is largely from my mum's experience and observations, not my own - I'm just passing on what she says).



And I love you too.
If I ever get to Australia I know you would compliment me (and maybe put out too :tongue:)

I'd put out if I liked you half as much as I do :tongue:
 

Pitbull

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(Disclaimer: this is largely from my mum's experience and observations, not my own - I'm just passing on what she says).

Let me tell you of my time in Zombie Land.
Kids and parents are different.

Kid #1 Slept through the night 8 hours straight.
Maybe 5 times in 2 & 1/2 years that she didn't.

Kid #2 - Up every 2 hours - Could set your clock by it - for the first month.
The problem was that my wife slept 8 hours straight.
So I was up every 2 hours.
Diaper
Bottle
Walk the floor
Sing songs
Rock the baby
For a month
With a job during the day.
My wife had 5 weeks maternity leave (and eight hours of peaceful sleep)
What went on in the day - I have no clue.
 

B_subgirrl

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Kid #2 - Up every 2 hours - Could set your clock by it - for the first month.
The problem was that my wife slept 8 hours straight.
So I was up every 2 hours.
Diaper
Bottle
Walk the floor
Sing songs
Rock the baby
For a month
With a job during the day.
My wife had 5 weeks maternity leave (and eight hours of peaceful sleep)
What went on in the day - I have no clue.

That's not a problem - that's you being a sweetheart! No wonder you were a zombie if you did that AND went to work during the day!
 

petite

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That why I love you
so insightful
so intelligent
:smile:

Ah, you know I love you, too! :smile::smile::smile:

Petite, I asked my mum how she felt about sex after giving birth to my siblings and I. After one birth she had post natal depression and didn't feel like sex for some time afterwards.

After the other three she wanted sex again within two weeks of giving birth. She got pregnant with my brother before her six week check up.

She also wanted me to let you know that babies sleep a lot (no shit), and that leaves PLENTY of time for sex. If your baby is asleep for 16 hours a day, that leaves 10 hours for sleeping and 6 for sex or whatever else you want to do. Just remember that housework is NOT a priority, and learn to sleep when the baby does.

It is so cool that you can talk to your mom about stuff like that! Thank you for doing that, and for sharing what she said with me.

Yeah, my OB made it clear that the ban on sex wasn't just because of physical recovery, but also because the risk of getting pregnant again is so high, and it's dangerous to get pregnant again before the uterus has healed. I suspect that TheBF is a very fertile man, so her concern over his ability to impregnate me again isn't without good cause, I think!

Not that TheBF would mind. He brought up having another child just one week ago. :eek::eek::eek:

He's really excited about being a dad! :smile:

She also said to give you her best wishes :smile:

Aw! You told your mom about us? That's so sweet!

You guys are adorable. I always love how open and honest you are with each other.

I finally got lucky! It took a long time for me to find him, and he was worth it!

I think you made the right decision. My sister's friend had a baby earlier this year. She is significantly smaller than me and I'm 5'. I'm not sure she would have weighed much more than 40kg before becoming pregnant. And her hips were tiny. I was terribly surprised that they didn't schedule a cesarean for her. Instead she ended up being in labour for days, before they finally did an emergency cesarean anyway. I think she would have been much better off if they'd just done it that way in the first place.

I've heard this story so many times! It helps a lot that I have such great doctors. I really like them a lot. :smile:

Hello Petite -- congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!

On the topic, I didn't think about sex for at least a month after my emergency c-section (first kid). Other than the baby, all I could think about was getting sleep. Some...how. Some...way.

But I was ever so happy when I could walk fully upright without pain. That was an almost orgasmic experience!! :biggrin:

Thank you! :hug:

I've heard the entire gamut when it comes to stories about the easiness or difficulty of recovering from one, and I have to conclude that it must simply depend on the person and the situation.

TheBF and I actually have OB nurses in our families, with multiple children of their own, and they all have this ridiculous machismo when it comes to childbirth by either method. I mean actual eye-rolling if you mention being afraid of the recovery or any fears about it being difficult or scary. One went on a beach vacation with her family and friends a week after her emergency cesarean, even though she couldn't go swimming she still put on her bathing suit and sat out by the pool, and she told me she was cleaning the house and vacuuming the day after she got home from the hospital, with a look that said that she expects me to do the same. She made me feel like a fool for being worried that recovering from my planned cesarean would be any problem at all!

I've read other accounts about not being able to stand upright for weeks afterwards and the experience being completely life altering and tortuous. I'm not sure what to expect, except to have no particular expectations.

My mom's an OB/GYN but it'd be too awkward to ask her on my part...... >_<

Sorry. But congrats.

Oh, I don't blame you! I wouldn't be able to bring the subject up with family either! I don't think they want to know that much about what it is that we do! :redface:

Thank you for your congratulations. :smile:

I know that's the way it works for some people (many people even), but according to my mum, if you perfect the art of sleeping when the baby sleeps, you can get enough (albeit interrupted) sleep to function normally.

This sounds like a wonderful idea! Thank you for sharing it.

Since at least Thanksgiving I regularly get up in the middle of the night to eat. I learned months ago that if I eat too much at one sitting, that was responsible for a lot of my internal discomfort and pain, so the trick to being able to move without groaning is eating lots of smaller meals. Unfortunately, my small meals don't last me through the night, and when my stomach grumbles, the kiddo kicks me! If I'm not woken up by my own hunger, a small creature inside me will let me know it's feeding time. :tongue:

I feel like he's been training me. :rolleyes:

Let me tell you of my time in Zombie Land.
Kids and parents are different.

Kid #1 Slept through the night 8 hours straight.
Maybe 5 times in 2 & 1/2 years that she didn't.

Kid #2 - Up every 2 hours - Could set your clock by it - for the first month.
The problem was that my wife slept 8 hours straight.
So I was up every 2 hours.
Diaper
Bottle
Walk the floor
Sing songs
Rock the baby
For a month
With a job during the day.
My wife had 5 weeks maternity leave (and eight hours of peaceful sleep)
What went on in the day - I have no clue.

Aw, you're a great dad! I just know that TheBF is going to be like that. :smile:

My OB says that the chunkier the kid is, the longer the child sleeps. I looked it up, and she's right! There's a direct correlation between the size of the child and how many hours it sleeps at a time. My "chunkster" as she calls him :tongue: will hopefully follow that pattern, too. I've got my fingers crossed!
 
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Sassy

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Hi, Petite,

Best of luck with the surgery. I had emergency C-section, after 2 months bed rest (w/ no honey with my Honey), and was pretty horny that same night after the anesthesia wore off.

We waited the 6 weeks, not just because of the chance for infection/pregnancy, but also because my husband wanted the doc's ok, because of all we went through medical-wise throughout the pregnancy.

I commend you, Petite, on checking with the doctors and the maternity boards regarding all your concerns. I had lists of questions that I wanted/needed answered, and the answers helped me to make better decisions and be better prepared.