One day not so long ago, after a very successful quest, I was celebrating with the party in a tavern. Our pockets were full of gold and our spirits were high. Lothar the dwarf was leading us into our third round of drinks and had his arm around the waist of a curvy tavern maid named Tawny. The tavern maids brought our food and entertained us however they could, so they were all youthful and beautiful. The adventures at the table were less pleasing to the eye, but far better in a fight, especially Tor, the giant. He was human but over seven feet tall and twice as broad across the shoulders as any other man. We also had two elves, Elrad the monk and his companion Ella the thief, both tall and thin with flawless faces and speech, just the sort that annoys barbarians like me. The quiet one was the mage of our group, a man in a black cloak named Lod. He had used me as muscle on several quests, but I rarely saw his face under his hood or learned anything about his past. No matter how much we drank, he never spoke carelessly, but he always seemed to be full of secrets. Lothar grabbed one of Tawny's large breasts and grinned through his long black beard. "You ever had the pleasure of a night with a dwarf, darling?" She gasped and squirmed as he squeezed her breast. "Uh, no, actually. Please, sir!" From the way she was struggling it looked like her breast was going to pop right out of her tight blue dress. Ella threw Lothar a glare and then said to Tawny, "You haven't missed much. Who would care for a dwarf dick between the sheets?" Lothar threw back his head and bellowed in laughter. His thick fist slammed the table a few times. Ella's big blue eyes were totally baffled. She glanced at Elrad, but he only shrugged and rolled his eyes. He'd made it well known that he'd stopped trying to understand other races. "For all your learning nobody ever told you that dwarves are the ones with the biggest dicks of all?" said Lothar, breathing deep as he got his laughter under control and wiped a tear from his eye. I laughed. "That's just a myth. It's a stupid rumor spread by overly sensitive dwarves. No one really believes it." "Har, you think so?" Lothar wiggled a large finger at me. "Well let me tell you, the last human maiden I had never saw a bigger manhood before nor since! She couldn't nearly get all of me in her!" "This is a ridiculous discussion," said Elrad calmly, "It is a well known fact that all parts of a body tend to be in proportion, no matter the race. Therefore it is perfectly obvious that a dwarf would tend to have the shortest penis while an elf, being of the tallest race, would tend to have the longest penis." "I can certainly attest to that," said Ella. "Have you had many lovers who were not elves?" asked Lod from deep within his robe, his eyes gleaming as they fixed on her. "Certainly not!" Ella's pale cheeks turned a shade darker, "I simply have personal knowledge that Elrad has an extremely large penis." Tor the giant crossed his arms over his huge chest and chuckled deeply. "I'm not extraordinary for an elf," said Elrad smoothly, "I'm simply tall as elves tend to be. I would be surprised if Tor did not have the largest penis of us all, despite being a mere human, simply because he is generally large." "You're all a bunch of loons and nuts!" Lothar was chuckling as he pulled out a bag of gold and thumped it onto the table. "None of you have got a dick in your pants that can measure even close to a mighty dwarf like me! I'll bet all this gold that mine's bigger than all of ya." Barbarians have to work hard for the gold we get, so I instantly jumped on the chance to take that gold. "I'll take that bet! How much you got there?" Lothar frowned and weighed the bag in his palm. "Let's say 2000 pieces. Maybe a little more in here, but let's make the bet for 2000, since I wouldn't want to swindle more than that from a friend." "2000 it is, then," I said, then glanced around the table, "Anyone else? Whoever's biggest takes it all." "I'm in," rumbled Tor with a huge grin as he tossed his bag of gold onto the table. "It looks like this quest is going to end even more in my favor then I could have imagined," said Lod quietly, then he set his own share of the treasure on the table. Elrad had settled into reading a book, but then Ella shoved her elbow into his side and said, "Hey! Aren't you going to bet? Look at all that gold!" He blinked and stared at her. "Are you serious? I have every reason to believe that Tor will win. I have plans for my share." "Don't be a fool. You are far bigger than the average elf and Tor is just a human. No matter how big the rest of him is, a human penis is still just a human penis." Elrad frowned and sighed. "Very well, if you insist." He put his gold on the table. "But if I lose we're going to split your share equally." "Oh no we won't." Ella put her own sack of gold onto the table and said, "Because I'm betting on Elrad. When Elrad wins, I'm taking half of everything!" "If that's all the bets, then it's time to put 'em on the table," chuckled Lothar as he stood up, dumping Tawny off his knee. "Okay, let's do it," I said as I stood up. Lothar got his out first and it thumped onto the table so hard that it trembled. Even though it was soft, it had the look of being 6 inches long and 2 inches wide. Tawny and Ella both gasped, and there were more gasps from the other tables. After seeing that, I hesitated to pull mine out. "Ha. You fool," chuckled Tor as he unlaced his pants and pulled out his dick, "I gotcha beat." Tor's soft penis must have been at least 7 inches long and just as thick as Lothar's. The tip of it had an odd, blunted shape. Lothar's jaw dropped open. Ella stared at it and said. "Wow. Why does it look so...?" "Got wounded in my fight against the black knight last year," said Tor with a chuckle. "It used to be a couple inches longer." "This is not over yet," said Ella quickly, "All of you guys have got to pull yours out, and then get them all hard. Only erections are fair comparisons." I felt sudden relief as I realized that I hadn't lost yet. I pulled out my dick and let it dangle onto the table. Soft, it was only 5 inches long. I had thought that large until that night. Elrad sighed as he pulled open his pants and set his penis upon the table. It was shorter and thinner than mine; I guess it was about 4 inches long while soft. All eyes turned towards Lod as he opened his robe, revealing that he wore nothing beneath it. With one hand, he placed his hairless genitals on the table, a 3-inch dick resting on balls as large as my fists. Tor could not stop his continuous chuckles. "You fools should never have tried this against a giant!" "Don't listen to him," snapped Ella as she grabbed Elrad's dick and started tugging, "He hasn't seen anything yet. He's all show. You're sure to win." Elrad groaned as Ella put her mouth on his penis, and in moments the pale member swelled to a long, slender shaft with a slight upward curve. It was surely over 8 inches long. "Sorry, elves," chucked Tor, "But that's nothin'." He grabbed his floppy dick in his giant hand and pumped on it for about a minute. We watched it swell until even his huge hand couldn't make his thumb meet the tips of his fingers. His erection had a curve to the left and it had no head, but it was clearly at least 10 inches long. "Whatcha think about that?" He laughed as his huge erection flopped onto the table, causing it to groan under the weight. "I think not even the biggest human is a match for a real dwarf!" growled Lothar as he furiously pumped his dick. In a moment there was another 10 inch erection, just a thick. Lothar's was perfectly straight and much harder than Tor's. Lothar's erection bobbed above the table without anything holding it up, but it was no larger than Tor's. It was impossible to judge by eye which of them would win in a contest of just those two. "Are you joking?" said Tor with a frown. "That's not bigger than mine!" "Have you gone mad? Of course it's bigger! Isn't that obvious?" "Don't worry about it, guys," I said with a grin, "I've got you both beat. Tawny, come help me with this." "Sure!" Tawny hurried to my side of the table and got down on her knees in front of my muscular barbarian body.