Size Modifier

[Gonad]

And I assure you a story where some people "incidentally" have a big cock can be quite powerful. Or even a story where it intervenes, but not all the time. Just look at the Bond novels by Ian Fleming.

I like your point, though I'm sure the example isn't ideal. A novel in the style of James Bond would surely be out of place on this forum. I would expect more focus on the member at issue.

The barbarian could, for example, get back his old dick, without any chance of losing it again (through another method, or by cheating the evil priestess)

I agree that if the barbarian could have found some clever and unexpected way to evade the effects of the priestess's spell, that would have been awesome. Unfortunately, how he might do that is beyond me. He had no magical abilities and no allies with a motivation to do that for him. I had seen several posts suggesting that it would be good for him to keep it. I considered it for a while, but found now way to manage it without failing to kill the priestess. And since her death was so heavily foreshadowed, I couldn't not do it.

If she could have died and then it looked like he was going to lose his dick, but then suddenly he pulls out an ace and says, "Oh, but no, I've outsmarted that fate," that would have been great, but even now I can't see where that would come from.

But somehow, he would be prevented from ever using it again (through a flaw inherent to that method, not being able to gain an erection, perhaps because he's killed or raped the wrong person in the past)

From my perspective, that seems practically the same as what did happen, though I can imagine that some people have more delicate senses than I do. If I had chosen to go that way early enough, I could simply have changed the effect of the priestess's death. Losing the use of your dick would surely be just as effective a loyalty incentive as losing your dick entirely.

He just gives up, which is also very out of character. Barbarians, like Conan, the archetypal one, are heroes and positive characters by definition, albeit utterly bloody... They just don't give up adventuring.

The priestess was dead and he'd lost his penis. I think that justifies a little hopeless depression, though I see your point. Maybe he should have immediately gone on another quest to get his penis back. It could be that I just wanted to finally end the story and I let that affect my depiction of the character.

I kept wanting a surprising twist to happen... A good one would have been the barbarian's victory, but it could have been anything, really.

Easier said than done, though. I notice you don't offer any specifics about how the barbarian could have been victorious in that situation. It is a bit late now, but it would have been good to get a PM from you suggesting good ways to end the story. On the other hand, since I have no plans to write anything by installments in the future, even that won't be useful.

Just find a good reason to. If there's no good reason for something as drastic as penis-shrivelling, well, you'd better learn to write better than that, and explain to the reader why you did it.

I thought the reason was very clear! What part of the reason or explanation do you find weak? The priestess put a spell on herself so that any man who has sex with her will lose his penis if she dies. That has enormous practical benefits and very little downside because as long as she stays alive everyone stays happy. For her, it seems like a very clever ploy to keep men loyal.

Do you need a stronger explanation for why she used this trick on the barbarian? That seems almost too obvious to explain further. He's a barbarian with a sword and no regret about killing clerics.

Do you need a stronger explanation for why Ella killed the priestess? The priestess does evil things and Ella is morally against that, since Ella declares herself to be good. The priestess was the real reason that Elrad briefly lost his penis, and the resulting adventure caused Ella to be raped by a lich. All that stuff was right there in the story.

Do you need a stronger explanation for why the barbarian didn't find some sort of antidote for the priestess's spell? He was quite busy during this story. The one bit were he got a break, he spent it having sex with the priestess. There was nothing explicit, but he just assumed that he had plenty of time to work out that problem before it became an issue.

So there were four reasons why he lost his dick, all of them pretty clear from the story, I thought. I guess you disagree, so feel free to point out which of them was weakly explained or implausible.

A good example of that is the perfectly unnecessary death of one character in the Deryni cycle by Katherine Kurtz (also fantasy setting)... One of the "good guys", married and with kids, and perhaps the most scrupulous of them all, just slips and falls head first on a marble step as they're running from danger. He dies, just like that, and it's completely unnecessary for the plot.

I'm surprised by how much you seem to feel that the barbarian losing his dick was a completely sudden and spontaneous event with no connection to the story. I can't see why else you would bring up a random-slip-and-fall death.

Until now I hadn't highlighted the reasons why it happened, but you seem to understand this story as well or better than any of the other people who have read it, so I expected more from you. On the other hand, I understand that you are disgusted by the loss of his dick and I suppose you are letting that disgust affect your reasoning. I can't fault you for that.

It's absolutely terrible, the reader broods and broods... And a few scenes later, the widow is being (somewhat unsuccessfully) conforted, by the fact that... well, it just happens. And life goes on, and they still need her for the cause, so indeed she goes on, because that's what her late husband would have wanted. And that ends up giving much more depth to the whole novel.

Whoa. Do I understand you correctly that the random pointless death was actually a good thing? I'm amazed that you would come to that conclusion, but I haven't read the book so I will take your word for it.

This guy's dick shriveling in your story, it doesn't bring anything. It's just inviting the reader to witness infantile cruelty at tearing apart the wings of a bird, and slowly at that, because it's predictable and methodical. Since this is a story and a fantasy setting, the reader keeps expecting the bird to escape and magically fly off, because it's a characteristic of the genre you chose to use... But it doesn't.

I admit that I don't really understand the genre that I was mimicking. I just took an inspiration from dungeons and dragons, a game which I've never actually played, and went from there.

I suppose in my mind the barbarian wore out any sympathy with all his raping and murdering. It seemed fine to abuse him at the time. On the other hand, perhaps he did have some of the qualities of an underdog. If you look at him as an underdog then he definitely should have won in the end. I hate stories that have underdogs that don't win.

I wasn't brooding at the story, I was brooding at you.

It's practically the same thing. One way or another, it got your attention, so it's a job well done.

 

[Elro]

I was referring to a higher reason than a material one. I meant a reason for the reader to want him to fail, or at least not care.
Losing one's dick and losing one's erections are two different things here, because the losing of one's erections ISN'T foreshadowed at all. It's a surprise. It's also a surprise that the barbarian would not lose his dick after all.

How it could have ended ? Well, ideas are a dime a dozen... It's seldom imagination that's the problem.

One possible ending that would have been good, and where the barbarian wins : The evil priestess DOESN'T want to have sex with the barbarian (It's perfectly logical : she doesn't want to have sex with the man that raped her, instead she just wants revenge !) So, once he's got his dick back, he is made prisoner with the help of Ella, only to be raped by Jack. The barbarian gets raped, which should be punishment enough for his misdeeds in the eye of the reader, even though the evil priestess wants to keep torturing him for a long time. Ella the elf sees the barbarian get raped, and feels compassion at him (very logical, very characteristic of her). She goes discreetely to free him after Jack's done and is talking with the evil priestess, but she's caught. A fight ensues between her and the priestess (a girl fight, always good for some people). Just as Jack has retrieved his sword and goes to strike Ella while she's immobilized by the evil priestess, Elrad (had you forgotten him ?) comes in through the door and backstabs Jack (Elrad wants to save his girlfriend AND ensure his own penis' existence, so it's perfectly logical he comes in at that point). While the priestess is busy fighting Ella, Elrad puts the priestess to sleep with a poison dart (or a crossbow bolt, or anything, really, a punch in the face would do fine if he weren't an elf), thus rescuing Ella. Ella, still a "good" character, says to Elrad that the Barbarian should be freed, because he's been punished enough, and the priestess should be killed. Elrad is embarrassed, but recomposes himself quickly and tells Ella that he has another plan for the priestess, "she must live knowing what she"s done". He puts the evil priestess in chains in the place of the barbarian and stuff her mouth with a piece of cloth so she can't speak or scream or cast spells, and they desecrate the temple because that's what good people do. They leave, the barbarian in a different direction than the two others. Ella and Elrad keep the immortality belt, because the barbarian thinks dying honorably is better than living forever. As an epilogue, a day or two later, the priestess has awakened and slowly manages to free herself through a silent prayer to her god. Just as she does that, the barbarian comes behind her and puts his sword through her chest. His dick does not shrivel away. Her last words are "but... your dick...". To which the barbarian replies "I went to see a magician. She made it permanent. Huh ! Should have gone there from the start, really."... The barbarian leaves the temple, a sexy magician joining him at his arm. The last scene of the story involves Ella storming out of the inn where whe and Elrad stayed, while Elrad, trying to keep his pants up in front of his shriveled dick, comes after her trying to reason with her. The End, without any lose ends I believe.

If you don't like that kind of thing, I 'm sure I can find something else, it's easy. But frankly it's not my place... You're welcome not to heed any of my advice, of course (some of the arguably best, and certainly most successful litterature to this day have been made by not respecting canons... a thing of exception, but valid nonetheless) but you'd better be prepared to learn to write a lot better than the countless authors who proceed the way I told you.

 

[wallyj84]

This guy's dick shriveling in your story, it doesn't bring anything. It's just inviting the reader to witness infantile cruelty at tearing apart the wings of a bird, and slowly at that, because it's predictable and methodical. Since this is a story and a fantasy setting, the reader keeps expecting the bird to escape and magically fly off, because it's a characteristic of the genre you chose to use... But it doesn't.

That is actually why I liked this story. I WANT the bird's wings to be torn apart. I loved seeing the big dicked barbarian lose his manhood, pride and self confidence. Hell, the only thing that would have made it better for me, is if the barbarian had also become fat and bald.

Edit:

Maybe the barbarian could have become so fat, that he developed man boobs! Gigantic man boobs!

 

[Elro]

Sure, whatever, wallj84, if that's really your trip... It's just not my thing, as I've stated... And not the most common fantasy either, by the way ! As I've said before, if you do get off on that, by all means, do... I just find it very yucky.

All I asked, originally, was for a warning at the beginning of the story, perhaps a synopsis, or the equivalent of something you'd put on the back cover of the book... You know, that sort of thing IS done.

Something to warn off people who aren't into that sort of thing.

My criticism of this story isn't solely based on disapproving of penis mutilation, however, as i'm sure you've noticed.

 

[Gonad]

Thank you for putting so much effort into this, Elro! If only you had be a part of the planning of the last installment. That is a very elaborate ending and I really appreciate the thought you invested.

It seems that you have really kept everyone's motivations firmly in mind. Being raped by Jack is enough of a punishment for the barbarian in both the reader's eyes and Ella's eyes. Elrad suddenly showing up isn't foreshadowed enough, but Ella does have to pick her moment, so she could easily leave the temple and come back later, and that delay would be a fine foreshadow for Elrad's arrival.

In pretty much every installment up to this one you are describing, the barbarian would never have wanted to kill the priestess. I was shocked by your epilogue for a moment, then I realized that the priestess's betrayal and the resulting rape would be more than enough to change the barbarian's attitude.

I only wish I had foreshadowed the magician who cured the barbarian somehow. If only the priestess hadn't killed every good cleric that the story touched. This is why it's not good to write in installments. It also makes the warning you wanted very difficult.

Another difficulty is that I think the priestess had sex with the barbarian too often and too enthusiastically for it to be just a trick to give him false confidence. It's not quite believable that she doesn't actually want to have sex with him. But even if she did plan to have sex with him, it wouldn't change your ending in any meaningful way.

I've been having enough trouble figuring out my next story that I've been considering writing a sequel to this story. I was thinking of creating a party out of the four guys who lost their dicks and going on a new quest to get them back. Now I'm wondering if I should write this interesting alternate ending, though then I wouldn't have a quest for the sequel.

 

[Elro]

The barbarian kills the Evil Priestess in the end because the only reason he kept her around was his dick : she's been nothing but evil all the way, blackmaling him at every occasion, she tried to kill and enslave him, she had him raped, AND after what she's been through she's sure to get revenge if she survives, perhaps even by shrinking his dick again, which is honestly worse than death for a barbarian who strives to die honorably. It's all about tying up loose ends.

You know, I think you don't have to foreshadow everything. When i read your story, I thought Elrad was following the group after all, discreetely, even if you didn't mention it. It would have seemed logical for him to do it. It doesn't look like a Deus ex Machina if it's such a small element of the story. If you foreshadow everything, there's no surprise left, and that's not always good. maybe you could drop very subtle hints, but nothing more... (I mean, a lot more subtle than Ella and the priestess obviously plotting together).

Also, thank you for your kind words, Gonad, but I just whipped this ending up in a few minutes. ideas are easy, one gets six or seven great ones before breakfast... It's the rest of the writing that's the hard part. I could probably give you another one if you're interested. Probably with some oozing tentacled elder god (this is an evil temple, after all, it would be a shame not to use the full potential of such a location).

But it's a moot point, really... Write what you want and what you must (I probably wouldn't spontaneously read a sequel anyway, especially if it has a downer ending involving even more pain and torture for that poor barbarian), but I think this story's done, for good or ill. besides, you've already said that the barbarian gave up adventuring. Should you rewrite this story, you'd have to edit almost all your posts, and even though I don't like your work I couldn't ask that of you : It's such a hassle...

I completely agree with you that writing in installments isn't all that great : you can't rewrite anything, and it makes for piss poor planning, usually... Though your story was remarkable in that is was at least coherent. Some authors write a long story, rewriting it to satisfaction, and then post it in episodes. Many here should take this advice, as finished stories are few and far apart on this forum.

 

[Elro]

Also, I think you may have been too eager to finish this story up to think of something more than just "the next logical step", don't you think ?

 

[Gonad]

After what she's been through she's sure to get revenge if she survives, perhaps even by shrinking his dick again, which is honestly worse than death for a barbarian who strives to die honorably. It's all about tying up loose ends.

Yeah, I'm sure you're right that he has enough motivation to kill her, but he's really not the sort to tie up loose ends. He'd kill her for the rape, the attempted enslavement, the putting a spell on his dick, but the possibility for additional revenge attempts wouldn't concern him. He'd be more likely to chuckle about that and say, "Give me your best shot."

When i read your story, I thought Elrad was following the group after all, discreetely, even if you didn't mention it. It would have seemed logical for him to do it.

He did it the first time because he'd lost his dick and Ella obviously had some plan to get it back. Once he'd gotten his dick back, Ella told him to lay low and stay out of trouble. (At least, she told the barbarian that that she told Elrad that.) Ella probably didn't change those orders because she has no reason to think that she needs Elrad's help and having him around would just put his nice new penis at risk. Elrad had no idea that he needed to keep the priestess alive to protect his dick.

If you foreshadow everything, there's no surprise left, and that's not always good. maybe you could drop very subtle hints, but nothing more... (I mean, a lot more subtle than Ella and the priestess obviously plotting together).

Foreshadowing does not ruin surprises. If a twist is a cake then foreshadowing is the icing. You don't see it coming, just a hint of it, so when it comes it doesn't feel like it popped out of nowhere. Ella and the priestess were shown to be plotting because they were plotting, but nothing was given away about the nature of their plan. It's possible for you to predict the twists because the twists follow naturally from the characters and the situation, not because of the foreshadowing. Also, I'm sure your extensive experience with the plots of stories helps.

I just whipped this ending up in a few minutes. ideas are easy, one gets six or seven great ones before breakfast... It's the rest of the writing that's the hard part.

It's easy to come up with bad ideas, they are everywhere. They are so common that they obscure the good ideas and you have to sort through them like looking for gold in a pile of rocks. If you got seven great ideas before breakfast then they wouldn't be great; they would be average.

I could probably give you another one if you're interested. Probably with some oozing tentacled elder god (this is an evil temple, after all, it would be a shame not to use the full potential of such a location).

Oh, I am definitely interested. The tentacle monster would have been pretty easy if I'd thought of it. The priestess could simply have used it in place of the magic chains, to fulfill exactly the same purpose.

If you feel like sharing any of the other dozens of great ideas you must collect every day, please go ahead and post them or PM me. I'm in the market for a great idea right now. I'm thinking of switching genres, so anything is good.

I think this story's done, for good or ill. besides, you've already said that the barbarian gave up adventuring.

He gave up ordinary adventuring, but I think he'd come out of retirement if he heard about a quest that would get his penis back. And if I did write a sequel, there is no way that it would have him lose his penis again. That would just be too repetitive. I think he'd have to have some sort of victory in the end because it would balance the first story and because after the first story he seems like more of an underdog than ever.

Should you rewrite this story, you'd have to edit almost all your posts, and even though I don't like your work I couldn't ask that of you : It's such a hassle...

Editing posts isn't even possible except immediately after they are posted.

Also, I think you may have been too eager to finish this story up to think of something more than just "the next logical step", don't you think ?

It actually seemed like a pretty good ending at the time.

 

[Elro]

Oh, I wasn't referring to Elrad following them because of his dick... I thought he knew, but I had misread it, sorry. Nevertheless, he'd be looking after his mate Ella. They seemed inseparable at first.

That said, I don't think I have anything more to add to the subject...

Write a sequel or don't, it's all the same to me. Maybe I'll even read it... But I'll start with the last installment, just to be sure it's really my cup of tea !

 

[Gonad]

I don't think I have anything more to add to the subject.

That's a major disappointment. You said things which mislead me to believe that you had more ideas to share.

Write a sequel or don't, it's all the same to me. Maybe I'll even read it... But I'll start with the last installment, just to be sure it's really my cup of tea !

Wow, that is such a spoiler. If you're going to read it like that, I'm not sure that I want you to read it. You are supposed to enjoy the journey, not just the destination.

 

[Elro]

Sorry, but you're the author... I'm all about sharing ideas, but if you're going to write something, it has to come from you !

And I do enjoy the litterary journeys, it's just that when they lead to a disappointing destination, I regret taking them. I prefer taking a glimpse of where I go before I embark. This is especially true after I've read your tales : I never will again embark on a journey without clues as to where it's going or what it's about.

There's a handy little device called "back cover text" that usually prevent such disappointment in reading books... Hence the necessity of posting a warning of some kind in the first installment of some stories. I can't stress that enough.

There are so many things to read in the world, no one can even pretend to read them all... So why should anyone stick, on their free time, with what they don't want to read, when there's plenty of other books that could bring more unmixed pleasure ? Granted, I tend to finish the stories I've started to read, even if I don't like where they're going, but then again the turpitudes in the middle of a plot are normal... That's an important part of reading : Trusting the writer to find a satisfactory outcome in spite of all that happens to prevent it in the story.

I believe I've said that in another form, earlier.

Good day to you, Gonad, and keep on writing even though I'm not reading : You do have an audience here, from what I can tell.

 

[Gonad]

I'm all about sharing ideas, but if you're going to write something, it has to come from you!

Actually, ideas can come from all sorts of places and anyone can write about them. If you are really all about sharing ideas, then please go ahead.

And I do enjoy the literary journeys, it's just that when they lead to a disappointing destination, I regret taking them. I prefer taking a glimpse of where I go before I embark.

There's a handy little device called "back cover text" that usually prevent such disappointment in reading books.

I have never seen back cover text that explains how a book ends. If you have a book like that, I'm curious to know its author and title because that seems like a very strange thing for back cover text to do. I'd like to see it.

 

[Elro]

I never said a back cover text contained spoilers, and you know it. You know exacty what I mean, unless you've never seen a book in your life... The text on the back cover of a book, while not telling you the end, at least tells you what to expect, what kind of thing you'll find in the book... And the tone of it as well, especially if it's gory or down-beat. You know that, I know that.

But that's hardly the problem here. You know what I said, you know what I would have liked... I hate repeating myself.

I'm sorry, but I honestly can't be bothered with giving random ideas to an author I don't really appreciate all that much for something I won't even read, and if I had the time, I'd just write the stories myself. I gave you an alternate ending (among many I'm sure) to show you that you could indeed have gone quite logically and successfully in many different directions with this story, to prove a point... And I believe I proved it.

Listen to what I said or don't, have a warning at the beginning of your next story or don't, go on mutilating fictional dicks or don't, I couldn't care less... I'm growing tired of the whole thing, and less and less friendly to the perspective of reading your work again.

 

[Gonad]

I just whipped this ending up in a few minutes. ideas are easy, one gets six or seven great ones before breakfast... It's the rest of the writing that's the hard part. I could probably give you another one if you're interested.

I'm sorry, but I honestly can't be bothered with giving random ideas to an author I don't really appreciate all that much for something I won't even read, and if I had the time, I'd just write the stories myself.

I never asked you to give me ideas that you don't want to give me. You teased me with the thought that you were full of ideas and glad to share them if I was interested. That's a pretty nasty trick. I'm glad that you are sorry about it, at least.

Listen to what I said or don't

I always listen, though in this case I almost regret it, since it was so misleading.

Have a warning at the beginning of your next story or don't

If the warning you want is of the back cover variety, then it wouldn't have helped with this story. I'm not sure why you are asking for it.

 

[Elro]

Eh, whatever.

 

[Ohgoditshuge]

Shut up and finish the story!!!!!!!

 

[wallyj84]

What are you talking about? This was finished ages ago.

 

[Jigajig]

Wow it took me ages to read it and it was great story. Now the question is are you going to make a sequel or an alternative ending 0_0. Either way would be great.

 

[Curiousguy01]

probably my twisted feeling of justice, but for some reason i saw in your story some hope. It was almost like the "evil" priestess was falling for the barbarian and though uses nasty magic might have just wanted a real companion. Her attitude seemed to change and she was almost caring. On the other hand I'm one for happy endings and stories don't always need to end this way but... would have been cool lol. Anyway the story was very well done, bravo! Amazing writer for sure, maybe the next one i find will end happily lol

 

[Elro]

See ? Even after all this time, people Do want an alternate ending, or for the story to go on and the barbarian to be restored !