As one of the women who admitted to being "submissive" in the doggy thread, I want to clear up a few things.
I, personally, am not just submissive in that position. I am in a different place psychologically and sexually than most of the women on this site, because
I am a true sexual submissive.
To clarify another point before I go on: My sexual submissiveness does not equate to submissiveness in other areas of my life, or to wanting to be anybody's "good little woman" -- it doesn't make me any less independent or worthy of respect, or any less liberated as a woman.
Submissiveness is simply the root of my sexuality, and there's just no use fighting it, denying it, or being ashamed of it anymore.
Sexual submissiveness means that at the deepest and most powerful levels, I am most aroused by being dominated. This preference has not been a picnic to live with. I've had it since I first became sexually aware. In that way, I identify with people who are strongly homosexual. Some parts of our sexuality are "hard-wired" into our brains, regardless of what some people may think or say about "lifestyle choices."
The submissive aspect of my sexuality was something my recent ex, at heart, was unable to handle. Even though I tried to be "normal" for a long time, he always knew of my desires, but he has a very gentle, passive psychology. To even
pretend to be dominant, for him, was nearly impossible, and
definitely not believable.
So, since our split, have I gotten involved in the BDSM scene? No. Do I plan to? Not really -- not in the way a lot of people do. I'm not interested in games with acquaintances or strangers, on line or on dry land. I need a fully rounded relationship with someone I really, really trust. Someone who loves, respects, and cares for me. Someone who has the complimentary sexual preference (dominance) in
combination with the characteristics I cherish outside the bedroom. Someone who is the other piece of my puzzle.
Don't get me wrong -- of course there are many other aspects to my sexuality than submissiveness. I can and will continue to have "vanilla" sex, and enjoy it thoroughly. I am so strongly sexual that I can be very aggressive when I give my own desires free reign, just as much as any other independent woman or man I know.
But to be
truly sexually fulfilled, I
will often need to give up control to my man; having him use my body as he sees fit. And yes, I understand what this means. In true submission, you give up control totally, or not at all. Otherwise, it's not real. A dominant is only truly dominant when he/she has the freedom to make the decisions he/she wants and needs to make, knowing that whatever he/she does, it will be deeply satisfying for both partners...even though the intent/energy is not directed toward satisfying the submissive partner. At least that's the way we see it.
Yes, I did say "we." I am thrilled to say I am in a relationship with a devastatingly intelligent, extremely sexy, loving and insightful man -- someone who is my match not "just" sexually, but psychologically, intellectually, and emotionally. We have many non-sexual mutual interests as well. Up until very recently, I thought that being "in love" didn't really exist, and I wasn't all that impressed by the idea of "soul mates," either.
But I have to say that this new relationship has blown my mind. We both know at a profound level that we belong together, and we fit so well we seem to be made for each other. The bond we have and the levels of understanding and communication defy ordinary description, so I can understand now why people see these things as supernatural events. I am moved on a spiritual level by this love, and that isn't something I take lightly.
Because I'm revealing my new romance in this particular thread, I want to make it clear that it's not "just" about dominant/submissive sexual dynamics. When this man and I started communicating, we didn't even know about that aspect of each other. We fell in love with one another's minds and hearts, and were already powerfully ensorcelled
before we began discussing the more intimate details of our sexual desires.
But when we
really got to talking, fireworks went off. Okay, even that description is inadequate. Maybe more like an atomic explosion. I have
never felt such a strong sexual attraction to a man in all my life. With a few simple words, this man can make me wetter than I would get in an hour fantasizing or reading erotica by myself. And yes, it's okay if ToolMan (my ex) reads this. He knows all about it, and is happy for me.
Along those lines, I will clarify that I did
not leave my husband for this other man. ToolMan and I split for a myriad of reasons, and he is also seeing someone else now -- someone who is a
far better match for him than I can ever be. We are both incredibly happy (although stressed with all the logistics of divorcing, etc). and he just said to me today that although he still thinks I'm God's gift to mankind, divorcing him was the best thing I ever did for him. Hmm... :thinking:
He and I remain close friends and support each other, speaking openly and offering each other advice about our new relationships when asked. For years, we tried to make our relationship work (and you can't say we didn't have lots of really good sex, goddammnit!):tongue: -- but at the deepest levels, we were a sexual, emotional, and psychological mismatch.
Part of the freedom I gained when coming out of my "cocoon" was to accept
all the parts of myself, regardless of what others may think. Granted, I don't talk about my submissive sexuality around the water cooler at work, or to my parents, but I'm at ease with myself, and that's really saying something. Growing up in a fundamentalist religion while struggling against your own inherent sexual preferences is very difficult, and can produce a lot of guilt and self-hatred.
The blue butterflies in my gallery are a testament to my freedom from all of that dogma.
Now, having said ALL of that stuff,:smile: I'll address the OP's question. Does my preference have anything to do with cock size?
Yes, and no. I need a certain "minimum" size of cock to come from intercourse. And my eyes
are definitely bigger than my orifices, so I love to look at and think about enormous cocks.
I'm not so masochistic, though, that I would seriously injure myself by trying to take something that is physically impossible for me to take.
What I need is to be pushed to the absolute limit of what I
can take. :wink:
And is my new love the absolute limit of what I can take???
Oh, yes. He is. :biggrin1:
