Sleeping W A Married Str8 Father

[tewwgb2]

Over the last 2 months I’ve been having an affair with a married str8/DL man, who has a wife and kids. We first met up on a hook-up app, and he was honest—said he was married. So I knew what I was doing—not like I’m innocent. And it’s not like he lied and said he was single and then later disclosed to me he was married. He has always been straightforward.

We’ve since deepened our intimacy and have sex about 2-3 times per week and text or talk on the phone everyday. We also have agreed upon being only with each other, except for the obligatory sex he rarely has to do with his wife.

The more I have gotten to know the guy, the more I like him. And now I’m starting to feel guilty about having an affair with a married man and father.

Can anybody else share their own experiences with this? How did you cope/deal with any feelings of guilt?

 

[jay4422]

I use to male escort as a hung fit top, ran into a few admitted married men. They know what they are doing, they hold a certain image to their family...its their decision to do it on the dl and not be open about it. You could in hindsight be enhancing their relationship. He may feel more fulfulled. I never felt guilt....but my situation was always, im young and got a big dick, they called me up to pay for that top service.

 

[rtg]

It’s not like he lied? What about to his poor wife?!

The easiest way to get past your guilt is to not do it. Then tell his wife what her husband is really like.

 

[buzzrider7]

I don't believe in absolute morality. I do believe, however, that guilt is a clear sign that there is a discrepancy between your conscience and your actions. The only way to silence your conscience, and thus the guilt, is to change your actions so that the two are aligned. So I think you have two choices: stop seeing him and stop the guilt, or continue seeing him and live with the guilt. There's no way to get what you want guilt-free in this. I also believe that if you ignore the voice of your conscience, it is likely to just get louder and start to try to get your attention in other ways (psychosomatic symptoms, etc.). The mind can be a persistent motherfucker when it's trying to get our attention. Good luck!

 

[staplenz]

I think there are two narratives here.
1. Your partner’s narrative - clearly he’s invested in his marriage. You don’t suggest that he’s leaving his family, it seems like he’s seeing you as a strategy to stay sane (by meeting the needs that he can’t in his primary relationship) and stay married.
2. Your narrative. You seem to have a lot of skin in the game, you describe your relationship as an affair, and you’re invested enough to have an emotional response to your actions.

you don’t say whether his wife knows or suspects that he is playing away - maybe this is a price that she’s willing to pay to maintain her marriage. Maybe not. Maybe he’s an asshole. The only thing you have absolute knowledge of is yourself and your boundaries. If you’re okay with a sexual relationship that’ll never go further than it already has, and you can live with that icky guilty feeling, have at it. If you want more, this guy isn’t going to give it to you. If you want to feel good about yourself, either give up the guilt or give up the guy.

 

[Gj816]

Oy where to start?

As a married man who's not getting it at home. Perhaps he chose to start having sex with you because he felt it would be less drama, than if he started having an affair with another woman.

You've gone and let your emotions get in the way. You knew up front that he was married with a family. You had to have known that it was merely sexual release for him. Nothing more. Just a mouth and a hole for him to get off in. You knew that, or at least you should've known that.

My question is why are you feeling guilty? Surely you know that your relationship with this man is nothing to him but sex. He'll never leave his wife and family for you. It'll never be anything more than sex.

You have the power to end it. Thus the feelings of guilt will finally subside. For what it's worth, you're not the first person to have an affair with a married man. You certainly won't be the last.

 

[tewwgb2]

Thank you for your feedback. I read it all and it helps.

 

[EllieP]

This is my experience: Bad Dates, 2 | LPSG

There's never a reason, but a million excuses.

 

[halcyondays]

I'm neither married or in an exclusive relationship but I never feel guilt for hooking up with someone who is. For me it's about physical and sexual intimacy not becoming a couple. Whomever it is is already part of a couple.

You're exclusive with him but if he's cheating on his wife you should expect he'd cheat on you as well. My advice is enjoy your married lover without expectation of anything more than an affair which probably won't last.

If you can't do that or if you're looking for an exclusive relationship get out.

 

[twoton]

I had a girlfriend who was married. At first, I couldn’t care less about her husband. It was too exciting and fun. After a while (a few months) it kinda started to weigh on me more and more.

After it was over between us, I decided wouldn’t do it again. I reasoned that she hooked up with me out of her own free will. But it was still the wrong thing for me to do.

 

[danimal32]

This is one of those situations that could suddenly go very wrong. Today, all is well, but just as an example, think how things would change if somehow she suddenly found out.

I was with a married guy for several years. The biggest downside for me was that we could never go anywhere together. I hated that aspect of our relationship & when I look back on it, I'm sorry that I let it go that long. I knew he was married from the onset.

 

[stustu]

I would ask the married man if his wife knows of this situation.
Is she on board.? I once had a friend who was sleeping with a married man,
and one morning she joined them for breakfast. Awkward!!!
(For me … I want my own man … no sharing)

 

[stustu]

And lastly, what about these children.
They do not deserve this arrangement!

 

[51arledge]

I have for several years had a suck buddy who is straight and married...
I am a construction project manager building one of a kind custom designed houses ("bespoke" for you English lads), and John was a supplier to me of various high end wood species. After we had known each other for a few years and I had come out to him (he's VERY handsome, so I had my motives), he asked if he could take me out to lunch. Over a leisurely business lunch, he awkwardly began to talk about his uptight fundamentalist wife who wasn't interested in sex anymore and then expressed his curiousity about what I did with guys. We then had these type conversations for a few months until one afternoon when he came to my construction site office after all the crews had left for the day. We sat facing each other, he with legs spread wide and showing quite the basket. He announced that he was very interested in a hotel room hookup...and so it began...
Sometimes months go by between our sessions. He has tried sucking me but is half-hearted about it (never swallows, damn it !). He does let me finger his hole and is happy to shoot his load in my mouth. Gorgeous huge dick but it's usually an hour or less of fun, sometimes at the properties I'm building...we like to "christen" each new house.

 

[Tight_End_SC]

It sounds as though you may be falling in love with the guy. If that is so, you are at a deeper level than just sleeping and having sex with the dude and the guilt aspect creeps into the mix. Men love to 'get off' basically but when emotions enter into the exchange, that is when things get tricky.

My two cents: he is getting the better deal out of this and you are having a realization moment. You decide what is OK for you then either proceed with this or move on. He is not going to leave his wife and actually if he did then your guilt really would hit home. Just enjoy the physical interaction if you can and even friendship but know that is really all that it will be.

 

[51arledge]

It sounds as though you may be falling in love with the guy. If that is so, you are at a deeper level than just sleeping and having sex with the dude and the guilt aspect creeps into the mix. Men love to 'get off' basically but when emotions enter into the exchange, that is when things get tricky.

My two cents: he is getting the better deal out of this and you are having a realization moment. You decide what is OK for you then either proceed with this or move on. He is not going to leave his wife and actually if he did then your guilt really would hit home. Just enjoy the physical interaction if you can and even friendship but know that is really all that it will be.

Oh no, this is not about love. He's too volatile for me to want any kind of relationship with. I'm just on it for the ride. Now, my FB...well, that's in another thread!

 

[love2compare]

I believe as well that you are falling in love - because making love can really make you love someone...

...and if anything in one's life doesn't feel right you have to change it. Good luck!

 

[Tight_End_SC]

Oh no, this is not about love. He's too volatile for me to want any kind of relationship with. I'm just on it for the ride. Now, my FB...well, that's in another thread!

If you say so. It's easy to fall for these guys you know.

 

[51arledge]

If you say so. It's easy to fall for these guys you know.

Sometimes it's months between sessions with my suck buddy and it's typically only about servicing him. But with my fuck buddy, we see each other a couple of times per month at least---and it's very reciprocal. In fact, the last time I fucked him and cuddled afterwards, I told him that no one in my adulthood has ever been so caring and giving. I KNOW that I'm falling in love with him; but he is single and gay, AND I knew from the start of our relationship that he will move next spring after completing his graduate degree---AND that I'm not following him.

 

[1225108]

How did you cope/deal with any feelings of guilt?

I stopped doing it. It's a self-worth thing.

Then tell his wife what her husband is really like.

That's a dick move that could also be interpreted as trying to break up the marriage or get some kind of revenge.

For what it's worth, you're not the first person to have an affair with a married man. You certainly won't be the last.

Indeed.