Sleeping with male best friend

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by lokican, Sep 15, 2007.

  1. lokican

    lokican Member

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    Hi it's been a while since i've posted, mostly cuse I haven't had anything to say really. Anyways right now I'm in a situation where I have been fooling around with my best friends (guy). I enjoy fooling around with him but I have a few concerns. First of while we do keep in casual I'm really concerned it might lead to making our friendship to complicated and I don't want to lose him as a friend. Also I don't have the best slef-control.

    Anyone been in a similar situation that can offer any advice?
     
  2. lvsxy808

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    Talk. Discuss. Be clear. Really the only way to handle these things.

    If you're good enough friends and you've already been there, then there shouldn't be any awkwardness between you. Just tell him exactly what you've told us.

    A) I like you a lot as a friend.
    B) I think you're hot and if the chance to have sex with you comes up, I'm more likely that not to give in.
    C) I'm worried that B is going to affect A, and I'd like to know what you think about the situation and how you suggest we handle it.

    Don't go playing any games - just be honest and talk it out, and whatever you end up doing, it should be a joint decision.
     
  3. Gedackt8

    Gedackt8 New Member

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    lvsxy808 is just right. Discuss the matter thoroughly. I've been in a similar situation and there wasn't really any awkwardness at all....The only thing I would really be concerned about is the possibility of one or both of you entering into a relationship with someone else...at that point you'd have to discuss whether you can or should break of fooling around with each other (and for those who are wondering, my friend and I decided not to stop). Just make sure you talk about things thoroughly.
     
  4. robertsmyth

    robertsmyth New Member

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    fucking gross! get me off of this!
     
  5. e1ectricfee1

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    Zing, go with that advice. It gets my stamp of approval.
    Straight-forwardness is always best.
     
  6. earllogjam

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    Seems to me that sleeping with your best friend is the quickest way to end a friendship.
     
  7. GQjock

    GQjock New Member

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    Kinda complicates things...
    not a good idea to mix emotional - sexual stuff with friendship
    Hope it all works out for you

    ... oh yeah and RS? Go get a life :wink:
     
  8. Trigon

    Trigon New Member

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    You lay all that on him, and you'll fuck it up for sure. Christ, he may as well find a damn woman!

    If he's straight, just get ready for the day he's heavy into some cooch and don't want to fuck you anymore. It's coming, so you may as well steel yourself for the blow and try to take it like a man, when it happens. At some point, he's going to cut you off sexually, if only because fucking you feels too routine and committed. Average man needs to stretch his balls, once in a while--don't hate him for that.

    Keep your mouth shut and let your buddy get off with you in whatever wild, freaky way he wants. No judgment. No questions.

    Remember he's probably fooling around with you because he figures he can get off without worrying about your feelings--not something he'll get from most women. If he wanted a relationship with rules and commitment, I promise you there's a world of desperate women just waiting web him up in their insecurities; so give the guy what he can't get from the average chick.

    Mindless, hassle-free, world class fucking! :cool:
     
  9. lvsxy808

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    That's a hell of a lot of assumptions to fit into one post, trigon.

    Where at any point whatsoever did anyone say either of these guys were straight? One is bi, one we don't know. You're projecting here, and being no help at all.
     
  10. cgttown

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    I was in just this situation with a bud, my best friend, in college. Lack of sexual outlets kinda drove us to mess around, and we became sexually involved. When I got a girlfriend and didn't want to play anymore, he was pissed. We were already very emotionally bonded (I'd been to his house several times, met the folks, was the college buddy and best friend), so the relationship became filled with land mines. I never identified myself as "gay," but he later did. Basically, I left the school because this "friendship" became so volatile--to the point we got into a fist fight in the middle of campus. Not fun.

    Years later, we can now talk about our friendship and we communicate by email or phone (occasionally). In retrospect, it fucked up the friendship to a massive degree, and did a number on both of us mentally and emotionally. I wouldn't recommend it, man. Sure, I had a sex bud for awhile, but I lost a relationship with what is probably the only guy who has ever known me at a really gut level. Helluva price for gettin my rocks off if you ask me.
     
  11. dreamer20

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    Enjoy yourself lokican. Your casual relationship is working well and you are still friends. Don't mind all of the different scenarios that are being bandied about by the others. Your present situation is not complicated at all.
     
  12. cgttown

    cgttown Member

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    I think the concern is COULD it get complicated? Yes, it could. Not having self-control, or stating that he does not have it, is essentially saying he thinks it's probably getting complicated and he SHOULD control it, but he's not doing very well at it. His "really concerned" statement, fear of losing the friendship, and nagging feeling that he should control this all add up to "Danger, Will Robinson, Danger!!"

    I'm also wondering what the friend thinks of this. Can these things work out ok? Yeah. But this guy isn't just an fbud, he's a friend. I think it's something to think about twice, or three times even. Just my 2 cents.
     
  13. dreamer20

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    There is no reason to obsess about negative things when all is well cgttown.:smile:
     
  14. Trigon

    Trigon New Member

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    Is it too much to assume that it's so different than no-strings arrangements between men and women? I know guys who had deals like that, and they fucked it up, when they started thinking too hard about it, making up stupid rules or got serious about another woman. Hardest thing about it was that I was sorry it wasn't me getting that deal--never been THAT lucky. :cool:

    It can't be that different with two guys, can it? Shouldn't it be even easier?

    Anyway, it's just sex! It's fucking. Don't think about it. Do it.
     
  15. lokican

    lokican Member

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    Well to make a few things clear, while the person in question is my best friend, I don't think I have romantic feelingsw for him just strong sexual urges. I would classify myself as bi and he once told me he was a closted bi (before we fooled around). Also he is in a relationship with a girl (who is a real bitch) and he has fooled around with other women before. We agreed to never allow it to interfer with our friendship, but who can plan these things.
     
  16. JAGCO1

    JAGCO1 New Member

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    As long as niether of you has romantic feelings for the other, you should be fine. I'm gay, but most of my close friends are straight, and they feel, like I, that most men just want to get off and then go about their business without thinking about it.
     
  17. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

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    Maybe I'm weird or something but I think that if you're going to have sex with someone, it should be someone you like or care about, so the friend thing is cool if you're both on the same page about what's happening. Getting jealous is just a part of relationships. Work it out.
     
  18. guiltrip

    guiltrip New Member

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    Yeah I fool around with my friends too. Thats what friends do. We sleep together too, like when we go snowboarding and have a small cabin. I dont really see what the problem is.
     
  19. fortiesfun

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    I couldn't agree more. Gay men fuck friends. It is that or complete strangers. Isn't it good when a friend comes with benefits?
     
  20. thick_1

    thick_1 New Member

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    Goodness, you have more problems than that...For one, sex is meant to be between a man and a woman...
    Secondly, when you break out with aids, to go crying about it...
     
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