Sleeping with married partners

[Phil Ayesho]

The women who fucked trumpe knowing he was married, also knew he traded in old wives for new models. None of the women fucking trump did not look in the mirror and consider they might be 'new' enough to win the lottery.... be married to Trump for a few years, and get to be a divorcee millionaire.

People who knowingly fuck married people come in two kinds... the self absorbed who simply want the sex and don't give a damn who gets hurt...



or the opportunistic who imagine the guy or gal will leave their spouse for them, or who see the person they fuck on the side as being a bigger, better deal than their spouse.
Men who married before coming successful shop for mistresses who they think they could not have won without their current means.
Women who married solid men shop for men who might be more successful or more ambitious, in their search for a man who will offer more.

On the one hand I do not judge others for the ways in which they try to get thru their lives. I know people who cheated because they were not being sexually engaged at home, and yet were unwilling to end their marriage for a host of reasons...
But then that is also a great way of rationalizing selfish indulgence.

I know people who cheated fully intending to end their marriage... once they had a new relationship on which to rely... who I advised to stop stealing time from a spouse who could Also be out there looking for their next relationship.



For myself, will not be party to cruelty or deceit. I Will not aid and abet the stealing of someone else's time invested in a marriage they don't even know is merely provisional.


But the excuse that the cheater you have sex with is the one doing the misdeed...while you are not, is the most flimsy of narcissistic apologia.
You are not an island.

Sure the cheater will just cheat with someone else...
But if you demure, you are not the one contributing and enabling their behavior.


Handing car keys to a drunk makes you culpable.

 

[At.your.cervix]

People who cheat behind their partner’s back, are liars. They may claim to be in sexless relationships, but they are liars - there is almost no way to verify the truth. I know lots of women who were having regular sex with their husbands and the piece on the side thought otherwise.

It's not always so simple. Marriages can be complicated. While I'm sure that some men would be happy banging a bridesmaid in the back room of their own wedding reception, but that's not universal among those who wind up sleeping with someone besides their spouse. I don’t try to pry into the marriage beds which I’m momentarily usurping, especially with the women with which it’s obviously been just an evening’s tryst. But in at least one long-term involvement with a married woman, I can’t fault her for straying in this limited way. She had been my supervisor at a job which I’d left several years earlier. We bumped into each other at a bar one night and nothing beyond a very pleasant conversation occurred that evening. The next week, I got a call from her asking if I wanted to meet for a drink again. We met, and talked and drank for a couple of hours. Somewhat surprisingly, she kissed me as we parted--I still remember my shock and arousal. I say “surprisingly,” as though there was clearly some palatable sexual chemistry, she was married (I had met her husband twice) and had two children. Two weeks later we met at a downtown hotel. What followed was my having an affair with her, meeting a few times a month for close to two years. Something she said to me after that first time we slept together has always haunted me: “I don’t want to hurt my husband.” I believe her. Over the time we had our liaisons, she confided that she loved her husband, but his sexual desire had almost totally faded—though she was just a few years older than me, in her early 40’s, her husband was nearing 60. He apparently was in every other respect, a very good father, husband, and friend to her, but she was left with a marriage bed bereft of the sexuality which she deeply desired.

Was she lying to him each time she snuck off to meet with me? Yes. But I can’t condemn her for making those lies. Though I never asked her directly, I don't believe that she thought broaching the idea of an open marriage would wind up in anything but hurting her husband deeply. Beyond her concerns about her husband, she loved her children even more, and obviously didn't want to hurt them from any of this. I think that she believed that this was the only way her sexual needs were going to be met. We eventually stopped our meetings when I became involved with another woman who I wanted a monogamous relationship with. But I have no regrets about supplying her with the knowledge that she was sexually desirable and someone who provided immeasurable sexual pleasure to me while we carried on. And to be honest, I still think of her often.

 

[328982]

she confided that she loved her husband, but his sexual desire had almost totally faded

But why do you believe that? She's lying to her husband, why wouldn't she lie about him too? He probably fucks her daily, she just wants more and doesn't care where she gets it.

 

[sangheili90]

But why do you believe that? She's lying to her husband, why wouldn't she lie about him too? He probably fucks her daily, she just wants more and doesn't care where she gets it.

It is totally believable, I'd take her word for it as there is no real reason for a woman in that set of circumstances to lie to the guy she is having an affair with. People in marriages and serious relationships cheat for many different reasons, in this particular case it's apparent that her sexual needs were not getting met but that he clearly was meeting her emotional needs, was most likely financially stable and was a good parent towards their children. It is in the best interest of both herself and her children for her to maintain their marriage, and by sleeping with @At.your.cervix she was able to fulfill her sexual needs. If she repressed her sexual needs it would have possibly eventually spilled over into other things into her marriage and from there a possible divorce.

 

[At.your.cervix]

But why do you believe that? She's lying to her husband, why wouldn't she lie about him too? He probably fucks her daily, she just wants more and doesn't care where she gets it.

If you take the premise that if somebody lies to one person we should expect that they'll lie about anything to anyone, then since every human being lies at one time or another, logically we ought not believe anyone, ever. I believe I truly knew this woman, and the way which she expressed her thoughts about her family, when she did so, was entirely credible. She was also a good person, even if flawed by a deep want to continue to be a sexual being; had you known her, you'd say the very same thing.

 

[328982]

It is totally believable, I'd take her word for it as there is no real reason for a woman in that set of circumstances to lie to the guy she is having an affair with. People in marriages and serious relationships cheat for many different reasons, in this particular case it's apparent that her sexual needs were not getting met but that he clearly was meeting her emotional needs, was most likely financially stable and was a good parent towards their children. It is in the best interest of both herself and her children for her to maintain their marriage, and by sleeping with @At.your.cervix she was able to fulfill her sexual needs. If she repressed her sexual needs it would have possibly eventually spilled over into other things into her marriage and from there a possible divorce.

Of course there's a reason: to justify the infidelity and make herself and him feel better about it. Suddenly she's doing this to “maintain her marriage” and he's providing a much needed philanthropic service. How convenient

 

[328982]

If you take the premise that if somebody lies to one person we should expect that they'll lie about anything to anyone, then since every human being lies at one time or another, logically we ought not believe anyone, ever. I believe I truly knew this woman, and the way which she expressed her thoughts about her family, when she did so, was entirely credible. She was also a good person, even if flawed by a deep want to continue to be a sexual being; had you known her, you'd say the very same thing.

That's not the premise I took. She's lying to her husband, deceiving and cheating him, so there's no good reason to believe she's being honest about him or the reasons for her infidelity. That's a specific, related matter, not lying about anything to anyone. Of course she's “credible” when you have a vested interest in believing her. I expect her husband found her entirely credible too.

As LaFemme says above: “People who cheat behind their partner’s back, are liars. They may claim to be in sexless relationships, but they are liars - there is almost no way to verify the truth...

“I got cheated on and I was as sexually open and generous as I could be. Imaginative. Turns out I just couldn’t be different women. A friend of mine would have sex on the day her husband was slipping out to cheat. His now girlfriend was told their sex life was over for years.”

 

[Smaller Than the Rest]

Anyone who cheats is fucking scum and deserves to be slaughtered slowly and painfully. There is no excuse or reason to cheat. None. Ever. Period. You don't want to be with someone anymore, fine, have the common fucking decency to break it off.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

Anyone who fucks someone that is in a monogamous relationship, and Knows about that relationship, can eat a flaming pile of shit and choke on the mess for all I care.

Excusing shitty behavior to avoid responsibility is an instant way to lose respect from me.

 

[twoton]

Maybe the people who cheat because they're in sexless marriages are to blame for the marriages being sexless to begin with.

Bob gets bored with Deb and the flame goes out. Deb gives up on Bob because he's simply not interested. Bob realizes he's in a sexless marriage so he looks for sex from someone else.

 

[twoton]

I have a feeling that it can go beyond sex when it comes to torpedoing a marriage. I think that there are people who intentionally make their spouses unhappy so that they will go astray.

 

[thick_cock_306]

Life; and committed relationships are generally made up of more than just sex.
I guess men who do not want their women to stray, should take care of their needs as well, or it is OK, if they get the female version of head elsewhere.

Trust me, with the right person, 10 minutes of missionary can be AWSUM !!!

Of course it's not just about sex...but sex is still an important part of a person's life. It's a constant urge and need. I couldn't imagine how depressing it must be to be a relationship knowing that for the rest of your life the sex you have will be totally unfulfilling.

No...I don't care who it is, ten minutes of missionary for the rest of your life will never be "AWSUM".

 

[Max_Polo]

No thanks. I'll fuck someone more trustworthy. They can cheat if they want, but not with me.

I'm married and faithful, so this question does not arise for me personally. But even beyond the respect for (someone else's) marriage, many single people don't have sex with married people because of the lying issue.

A friend referred a buddy of his to me once and said, "You will like David. Just don't trust him."

I asked what he meant by that and he told me that David had cheated on his wife.

When it was not immediately clear that I understood the relevance, he added, "if he will do that to his wife, what do you think he might do to you?"

Crystal clear.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

Another point I forgot to make in my first post:

Just because someone doesn't feel guilty for taking part in helping someone get cheated on doesn't mean the person being betrayed won't hold it against the asshole who fucked their partner being their back.

I'm not a violent person, but I know myself well enough to know that if I found out my guy was in fact fucking someone else behind my back, and that person KNEW about my relationship with him, I *might* end up in prison for assault or some shit. I might just lose it on the piece of shit.

 

[twoton]

I *might* end up in prison for assault or some shit. I might just lose it on the piece of shit.

I knew she was out with him. I went to a bar where I knew they would be. I was so angry I was out of my head. Just as I got to the door my guardian angel in the form of a very good friend happened to be walking out. I'd never seen my friend there before. He asked what was wrong. He walked me around the block a couple times. I went home.

 

[AlteredEgo]

I'm not currently seeing any married peeps, but I have. I had permission of the significant other, or she was there.

I'm technically married, so everyone seeing me is seeing a married person. But first, they come to my house, see the separate living areas, etc. I won't introduce my ex to someone casual. They won't be able to confirm. But. It is really obvious when you come to my home that we hang out together in common spaces, but have our own bedrooms and bathrooms.

I feel that as long as no one is breaking any promises, whether explicit or implied, it's all good, and not cheating. But cheating? Too unfair.

 

[Max_Polo]

I feel that as long as no one is breaking any promises, whether explicit or implied, it's all good, and not cheating. But cheating? Too unfair.

Agree. Consent is the issue. If the four members of two married couples all consent to partner swap, no harm done.

 

[lapdog2001]

So, what are your thoughts about sleeping with somebody who is married? Any guilt?

I have never knowingly slept with a married woman, and would never do it. My first sexual girlfriend cheated on me, and I was devastated! I could not do that to someone else.

 

[950483]

McDougal didn't express regret until she was outed in the media which smacks of damage/image control on her part. Did she really think it would remain secret when she told friends of the affair? I doubt the sincerity of her guilt expressed a decade after the fact. Hardly matters. Melania cheated with Trump while he was still married.

I continue to have sex with married women and men and feel no guilt. Monogamy is a social construct which creates enormous sexual shame & guilt, sexual repression and unhappy & unfulfilling sex lives.

The sooner we stop putting young people in sexual straight jackets for the rest of their lives the happier adults will be. It's long past time to end the charade of monogamy.

I sort of agree with your views on monogamy, but there is still no excuse for deceit and dishonesty.

 

[twoton]

I think the dishonesty might bother me more than the infidelity. If my S.O. cheated my reaction might be, “If you’re happier with him, go for it. Bye bye.” But being lied to is what would (and did) drive me crazy.

Before we were married, my wife confessed that my best friend had been pressuring her for sex. She told me this after he moved to a different city. They had been friends with benefits prior to our dating, so there was a history there to begin with.

To be honest, I wasn’t upset about could’ve happened, and I wasn’t upset with either of them over it. What bothered me was that it was a secret they were keeping from me. I doubt anything happened between them. I never asked bc it seemed like it hadn’t based on how she told me.