Sleeping with married partners

[950483]

All of the deceit, lies, dishonesty,and gaslighting involved with cheating , and the total disregard for the person they are supposed to love, is just seriously abusive behaviour. I never have and never will knowingly have sex with a married person. If someone is willing to do that to their partner, then they are not someone I want to know.
Why don't they either end the relationship or try honesty? Because they would just rather lie and feel smug about getting away with something. I hope anyone reading this comment and sleeping with someone who is already spoken for will at least spare a thought for the person who is being lied to. It isn't okay as long as they don't find out, because if their perception of reality wasn't being deliberately skewed then they would be free to make their own choices about their life and their body and their finances etc. For the person cheating, I think often a lot of it is about control rather than 'not wanting to upset anyone'.

 

[MisterB]

You never know what someone is capable of...when they are the victim of a cheater...happened just this week.

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/...atest-cheating-jennair-gerardot-a8322981.html

 

[speedjunkie]

Recently, the ex-playmate Karen McDougal said that she regretted having slept with Donald Trump for the pain it caused Melania. I've slept with several women who I knew were married (behind their husband's backs), though never to anyone who I had any sort of friendship with. Though the first time I was scared as hell that the door was going to burst open and her husband was going to unload a shotgun at my face (didn't happen, just in case you couldn't figure that out), since then I haven't had any regrets about any of these liaisons. Unlike Karen McDougal, I've never felt that I was the cause of the infidelity, as I've never sought out a woman knowing that she was married. Just as Donald Trump apparently did, every one of these women initiated the sexual aspect of these encounters. They were looking for a dalliance, and had it not been me, it would have been somebody else--at least to my reasoning. So, what are your thoughts about sleeping with somebody who is married? Any guilt?

I’ve never slept with anyone taken and wanted to know how people like yourself get into that situation. Is it from the site , real life ? I know it’s a sketchy topic so you can’t give too many details but I’m curious.

 

[At.your.cervix]

I’ve never slept with anyone taken and wanted to know how people like yourself get into that situation. Is it from the site , real life ? I know it’s a sketchy topic so you can’t give too many details but I’m curious.

It probably started with me when I was younger and exploring my own sexuality. A few times during that period I wound up being sexual with a few girls who were "going steady" with other boys--never friend's girlfriends. I'll confess that back then it was a sort of conquest rush for me. But I also learned that the girls were choosing to mess around with me, and that their bonds with their boyfriends weren't at all that strong. Each one clearly enjoyed doing something so nasty. Once we were "in the act" when her boyfriend called--I went at it especially fast and deep while she tried to carry on a conversation. We both laughed afterwards. I know that makes me a bit of a jerk, but I never felt that I owed some guy who I didn't know anything, especially since I knew that his girlfriend was probably going to cheat with somebody else if I wasn't around anyhow.

The first married woman who I slept with was back in college with a woman who I met in a local bar. She was a dark haired "townie" in her mid 20's, and was hot as hell. She told me up front that she was married, but we continued to flirt outrageously with each other, as I best can remember. We were both a bit drunk and wound up in a motel. Nothing came from it. The next time was with the wife of a friend who wanted me to fuck her while he watched. The sex was great, but it really messed up their marriage (this was their first cuckolding experience), and our friendship as well. I didn't sleep with another married woman until I was 22. I met her at a party and one thing led to another and we wound up back at my apartment. I didn't find out that she was married until she got up and said she needed to go home; when I asked why not stay with me, she said she had a husband. I never saw her again. There have been a several married women since then, including my ex-supervisor who I mentioned in an earlier posting. Most were women who I met in bars (I probably find myself in such places too frequently). A couple wound up being just one night stands, though most involved multiple encounters, including one which was on and off for a couple of years. But with all of them it was only after things had begun to be amorous that I learned that they were married.

Though not bad looking, I'm not Brad Pit's body double. I just enjoy talking with people, especially women. That coupled with an over-healthy libido has afforded me with a fairly long history of partners over the years--some of which have been married or involved with other men. I hope that helps.

 

[Beelzebub]

Back about 27 years ago I had just gotten divorced. A friend of mine's wife knew a bunch of crap that went down about my ex that I didn't know. We got to be quite friendly with all these talks. One thing leads to another and we are hot and heavy into an affair. Weekends away, stayed at her place for a month while her husband was deployed. Like all seemingly good things this too ended and not in a good way. Everyone found out. I had betrayed a friendship, thinking I had ruined a marriage. Felt low, lowest point in my life, even lower than my own divorce. My own divorce turned out to be the greatest thing to ever happen to me as it led to my current wife. Still feel shitty when I think of what I did, but something the woman from the affair did later took a bit of the sting off. She ended up having an affair with her brother in law, Husband's sister's husband. Tore apart 2 families. That didn't ruin her marriage, she eventually had an affair with the son's football coach, that ended the marriage. Fast forward a dozen years, I was pretty friendly with a couple, worked with the husband. One night of drinking while he was away and his wife and I end up together, things are heading towards a sexual encounter, like Seinfeld says, "it's not sex till the nipple makes an appearance." So call it what you will, but I stop it all in it's tracks and proceed to tell this woman my story of the previous affair. She thanked me and called me the most sensible man she had ever known. She called me Mr Sensible for years after as our private joke. So at least one decent thing came of the previous affair, the knowledge that no matter what I would never cross into that territory again.

 

[meningreentights]

People these days are crazy. Fooling around with somebody's else spouse is a good way to move to the cemetery.

 

[At.your.cervix]

[QUOTE="swoon, post: 7224041, member: 950483"
Why don't they either end the relationship or try honesty? Because they would just rather lie and feel smug about getting away with something. I hope anyone reading this comment and sleeping with someone who is already spoken for will at least spare a thought for the person who is being lied to. It isn't okay as long as they don't find out, because if their perception of reality wasn't being deliberately skewed then they would be free to make their own choices about their life and their body and their finances etc. For the person cheating, I think often a lot of it is about control rather than 'not wanting to upset anyone'.[/QUOTE]
First, a disclaimer: I've had several really wonderful committed exclusive relationships, and I've never cheated in any of them. That said, I'm not quick to be judgemental about others who have strayed outside of their established exclusive relationships. I just don't think that in most situations, that it's all that simple. My guess, although some people care nothing about the vows they make with others, with many people who have affairs, is that they feel a deep need to be desired by another person; in most relationships, over the years, the carnal desires that were so overwhelming at the start of the relationship cool considerably. Just the thought that somebody else is actually attracted to you can be intoxicating to some, especially when you have been made to feel anything but sexually ordinary--or less. Infidelity based on one's insecurity about their self worth, such as this, create an extreme amount of cognitive dissonance, especially when their primary relationship is rewarding in other ways. And yes, sometimes relationships need to be severed because of this; but unless it has lapsed into mutual indifference, that separation can be frighteningly painful. I'm not so sure that a brief, sexually reaffirming, dalliance is necessarily a bad thing for an otherwise loving relationship.

As per the "lie," is it really any more of a lie to feel a strong desire to be sexually intimate with another and keep it to yourself, than to actually sleep with that person in secret? To me, they are all but the same thing: a reflection that the relationship that you are in isn't sexually satisfying to you as it once may have been. Obviously, the "smart" thing to do is to communicate this to your partner and try to work out a mutually beneficial solution. However, doing such requires both great strength, tact, as well as being willing to suffer the potentially extreme consequences of such a confession not being accepted by one's partner. Balancing our private thoughts with our communicative openness is one of the most difficult aspects to maintaining a relationship with anyone, be it between spouses, family members, or just friends.

It's just hard for me to be judgemental about somebody being an imperfect human. Life is often quite difficult to navigate.

 

[ItsAll4Kim]

My first wife had affairs, and I was blindsided and totally unprepared to deal with it when I learned of the first one. I handled it very poorly. Should have ended the relationship then and there, but first tried to fix it, then said "fuck it" and sunk to her level. I screwed any and every woman who would have me.

Needless to say, that didn't fix anything either. I was about as big an asshole as one could be. Hated myself, my life, my wife then, everything. Eventually I came around to the truth that my marriage was over, no counseling would stop her from cheating. I stopped cheating, separated from her, and then met my present wife.

Nothing I do or say can fix the mess that I was, no apology could possibly make right the wrong I committed. I did it, I own it, and will never do that shit again.

 

[629889]

Karma