Slipping Your Number To A Guy In The Gym Changing Rooms

Howwyhere_92

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Advice needed.

Joined a new gym around 4 weeks ago, some guy who has a similar morning schedule to me has been occasionally looking at me around the gym, walking close to me between sets, and doing pretty much anything to train close to me.

Things took another turn around 3 days ago, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday we both finished working out simultaneously. Went to our (extremely large) changing room, picked up towels and went into the shower room. Baring in mind we have 4 very large shower rooms - this guy followed me into the same room, and took the same shower cubical at the end directly opposite me. (It’s private - there are doors).

I can see him in the reflection watching me as I dry myself once I open the shower door, and he purposely comes out naked and flashes me before putting his towel around.

This exact thing has happened three days on the trot now. So this morning I went in prepared, and after showering opposite him again, I headed back into the changing room, him following, and I slipped a piece of paper next to his bag with my name and number on. I didn’t see him take it, although when I next looked his bag and the paper had gone and he was still getting dressed.

I left the gym and haven’t heard from him since.

The reason I haven’t approached him directly and spoken to him is I train with a straight friend every day and it’s not appropriate. Plus he might not even be gay but if I’m reading the signs right.. he is.

I’m 25, and I’d say he looks around 26/27.
He’s taller and bigger than me and extremely attractive.

Any advice on next moves?
Chances are high he will be there again in the morning...
 
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Howwyhere_92

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I dunno about the slipping him the paper with your phone number trick. It is just so..passive, high school, and honestly kinda creepy.

If you are interested, talk to him. Don't play little games.

It’s not that easy when surrounded by 50 straight blokes getting ready for work. Plus he can’t hold eye contact for shit and I feel his nerves.
 
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It’s not that easy when surrounded by 50 straight blokes getting ready for work. Plus he can’t hold eye contact for shit and I feel his nerves.
Ah, ok then. I understand the dynamic.

Just see how it goes. Feel his vibe out. He might be a little scared now because a first move was taken. If that is the case, he might back off for a while, but he'll probably start again with the low key flirting.
 

Howwyhere_92

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Ah, ok then. I understand the dynamic.

Just see how it goes. Feel his vibe out. He might be a little scared now because a first move was taken. If that is the case, he might back off for a while, but he'll probably start again with the low key flirting.


Cool, makes sense. I’ll keep you guys posted. Although it’s a mystery to me why he didn’t text. Surely the hard part is over now lol.
 
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Cool, makes sense. I’ll keep you guys posted. Although it’s a mystery to me why he didn’t text. Surely the hard part is over now lol.
The hardest part is replying. What does he say? Does he even reply at all? If he replies, does that make him gay? If he doesn't reply, then does that mean it's all over? And, if he doesn't want to take it to another level, then what? Does he have to switch gyms now?

That is probably what is going through his head. Confusion, uncertainty, more than a little fear, mixed with wanting to just fucking do it.

Be patient.
 

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You may have thrown him off a bit. He's probably fine as long as he feels he's in control of the situation. When you slipped him your number your confidence was stronger than his and that scared him. Give him time, if it's meant to be it'll happen; if not it won't. One other thing, he might think you and your workout partner are a couple and he doesn't want to interfere. Lots of mitigating factors here to confuse every damned thing.
 

dfw051980

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Update for you all:

He skipped the gym today - must be panicking

there could be so many reasons why. Id say the next time you see him if you guys make eye contact see what his response is. If he avoids eye contact hes either A really not interested or B just not comfortable. Id let it go at that point.
But if you see him and you guys continue the same "dance" theres probably something there but id still let him make the next move. If anything maybe just throw him a smile and maybe he'll step his game up, smiles and just appearing friendly and open goes along way (especially if he perhaps is closeted). but be careful cause u still never know. I once witnessed a really awkward embarrassing moment of hot guy in the gym completely shutting down another guy who tried to talk to him in a friendly/flirty way. It made me cringe.
 
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Hahaha. Back at the gym we did ‘the dance’ again.
Although we didn’t shower at the same time and although we smiled at each other, I felt he was even more nervous. Part of me swears I saw him shaking but the other part thinks I was just imagining it.

Anyway, after my shower, he was in the next room to me getting his bag ready to leave. As he was dressed, and the gym was really quiet, I approached and just whispered “hey, sorry for the other day, maybe I got the wrong end of the stick”.

He just smiled and said “it’s alright”.
 

malakos

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Hahaha. Back at the gym we did ‘the dance’ again.
Although we didn’t shower at the same time and although we smiled at each other, I felt he was even more nervous. Part of me swears I saw him shaking but the other part thinks I was just imagining it.

Anyway, after my shower, he was in the next room to me getting his bag ready to leave. As he was dressed, and the gym was really quiet, I approached and just whispered “hey, sorry for the other day, maybe I got the wrong end of the stick”.

He just smiled and said “it’s alright”.

At this point I strongly advise backing off, by which I just mean give him space, rather than intentionally avoid him. There are a few ways I could see this playing out if you don't:

1) He gets irked by your persistent attempts to (arguably) come onto him, and reports you for harassment.
2) He just continues to play it cool and it goes nowhere.
3) He opens up and you develop an amicable connection.
4) You work on him for a while, and eventually manage to fool around with him.
5) He comes on to you, and you fool around.

1 is a serious possibility. He is showing signs of being unnerved by you. He might be willing to write off simply your giving him your number. But if you persist, I could see him experiencing it as harassment.

2 is also a serious possibility. Given the circumstances, I think this would be a lucky outcome for you. But I don't know that it's worth risking it by continuing to press, because in case it goes the way of 1 instead of 2, that would be pretty bad.

3 is possible, but not as likely. He's not reading like he's comfortable with you. Further, there's nothing in your posts indicating a basis for being buddies. You're just two guys who use the same gym, not even intentionally together as a joint activity.

4 is dangerous, because if you press on in hope of "turning" him, you'll be liable to not get a clear read on his reactions. Approaching him with such a mindset would run the greatest risk of the situation turning sour (and possibly devolving into scenario 1).

5 is of course extremely unlikely. If he were so inclined, he probably would have been much more responsive to you giving him your number. Maybe the response is delayed, but the chances of that are remote.

Let me also add that your updates don't seem harmonious with your remarks in the OP at all. And I think it's more likely that you were seeing what you were wanting to see originally, and it was not a clearheaded interpretation of his behavior, than that someone behaving like in the OP would be spooked by getting a phone number from someone he was teasing. The fact that you're now yourself considering that you may just be imagining things indicates a greater strength to this interpretation.

It's entirely on you to decide if you want to keep prying into this. But at this point it's clear to me that a positive outlook isn't terribly likely, and the possible risks of a negative outcome could be severe. At the least I think it would be worth not going any further than subtle indications that he has your attention, and not to press him at all.
 
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Howwyhere_92

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At this point I strongly advise backing off, by which I just mean give him space, rather than intentionally avoid him. There are a few ways I could see this playing out if you don't:

1) He gets irked by your persistent attempts to (arguably) come onto him, and reports you for harassment.
2) He just continues to play it cool and it goes nowhere.
3) He opens up and you develop an amicable connection.
4) You work on him for a while, and eventually manage to fool around with him.
5) He comes on to you, and you fool around.

1 is a serious possibility. He is showing signs of being unnerved by you. He might be willing to write off simply your giving him your number. But if you persist, I could see him experiencing it as harassment.

2 is also a serious possibility. Given the circumstances, I think this would be a lucky outcome for you. But I don't know that it's worth risking it by continuing to press, because in case it goes the way of 1 instead of 2, that would be pretty bad.

3 is possible, but not as likely. He's not reading like he's comfortable with you. Further, there's nothing in your posts indicating a basis for being buddies. You're just two guys who use the same gym, not even intentionally together as a joint activity.

4 is dangerous, because if you press on in hope of "turning" him, you'll be liable to not get a clear read on his reactions. Approaching him with such a mindset would run the greatest risk of the situation turning sour (and possibly devolving into scenario 1).

5 is of course extremely unlikely. If he were so inclined, he probably would have been much more responsive to you giving him your number. Maybe the response is delayed, but the chances of that are remote.

Let me also add that your updates don't seem harmonious with your remarks in the OP at all. And I think it's more likely that you were seeing what you were wanting to see originally, and it was not a clearheaded interpretation of his behavior, than that someone behaving like in the OP would be spooked by getting a phone number from someone he was teasing. The fact that you're now yourself considering that you may just be imagining things indicates a greater strength to this interpretation.

It's entirely on you to decide if you want to keep prying into this. But at this point it's clear to me that a positive outlook isn't terribly likely, and the possible risks of a negative outcome could be severe. At the least I think it would be worth not going any further than subtle indications that he has your attention, and not to press him at all.


I 100% agree. I’m not so naive that I would let the situation turn bad. After apologising on Thursday, yesterday and this morning I trained at a different time to give him space. Party intentionally and party because it’s the weekend and I’m not on my normal schedule anyway.

One thing I wanted to make crystal, is that I can almost guarantee that he isn’t intimidated by me. Yes, I have come across has being the more confident and open with my stance, but, he was very aggressive (maybe not the right word. Strong?) in his original attempts to catch my attention and tease. I didn’t go into great detail in my OP however I’ll set the scene now.

Day 1 (a week today);

I noticed him for the first time (he may be noticed me today for the first time too, or he’s had an eye on my for a while). It’s a Sat, so we both had unlimited time in the gym. No pre-work schedule. I finished my session and went for a shower - he came too. Although he didn’t get ready for a shower? He went to his locker and watched me get undressed out of the corner of his eye/the mirror reflection (baring in mind our gym is span over 3 floors with the changing room on the ground - this was the first sign of his interest).

He then disappeared. As I walked into the shower room and hung up my towel, showing my back and ass to whoever is at the entrance of the shower and toilet facilities, there he was. Perfect timing as he walked to the toilets just as he would have been able to see my naked. He looked straight at me as he walked past.

afterwards, I came out, got ready to leave, and upon exiting the gym, saw him at the top of the stairs on the gym floor, still training.

day 2/3/4;

Finished training at the exact same time. Got naked. Followed me to the shower room. Took the cubical opposite me by cutting in front of my friend almost as a race to get close by. Left his door to the shower half open and as I went to close my shower door, I saw him stick his head around to look at me, and upon our eyes meeting, he panicked and closed his door. Upon opening my shower door to get dry, in the reflection or the water on the wall, I can see him equally bending his head to the side to catch a glimpse again through the gaps in the shower door. (However I don’t think he knows that I’m aware of him doing this one).

then, each day, he opens, standing stark naked, looks at me, looks down, and then grabs his towel and walks off in-front of me.

then the continuation of the shower/corner of his eye motions watching each other get dressed.

He was a VERY confident tease un until I passed him my number. Then the dynamic changed.

Thanks for all your advice FYI.. it’s much appreciated and keep it coming. Hope I created a more vivid picture in your mind!
 

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That was hot to read. I've passed out notes to about 4 guys at the gym, no luck.

I've tried to put them where they're working out but they usually don't pick it up. So I follow them to their cars and sneak the note into their car trunks lol

One did reply after seeing the note at the machine he was working out in, but he was just wasting my time.
 
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I've lusted after a few guys at my gym over the years as well, and I've had guys lust after me. Some of it I appreciate, and some of it I don't especially when I'm giving them strong clues that I'm not interested in their attention. The reality for me though is that it's not something that is ever going to go anywhere because I'm happily married, and my wife is my best friend.

When there's a guy I'm interested in, I normally start by casually chatting with him when we we're in the locker room, steam room or open shower together. You can normally find out instantly at that point if it's worth pursuing. If they grunt an answer to you, don't make eye contact, or just flat out ignore you, it's time to move on and forget about them. A majority of the time though guys are chatty. Usually they will bring up girlfriends, so you know right away that even if they are showing signs of being attracted to you, it's most likely harmless flirting/curiosity and nothing more. I'm guilty of that I have to admit. I'm like a dog chasing a car. I wouldn't know what to do with it if I caught one. Once I've gotten to know a guy quite well, I might propose working out together on a regular basis and see how he responds to that. If there's no interest, I drop it. I've given my phone number to a couple of guys that I got to know quite well (AKA gym friends), so they can text me if they plan to work out and want to meet up. Only one guy has ever done so. The other guy never texted me, and I think he has now moved away to another province (he told me pre-pandemic that he was planning on doing so). I have connected with a few guys on LinkedIn that I met at the gym, but again nothing has really come from it. I treat that pretty casual because I connect with anyone on LI.

If any guy that I hadn't so much as had a conversation with before slipped me his number, it would unnerve me completely. I honestly think that the guy is just being a flirt and simply exploring his own personal boundaries and curiosities. Nothing more. If he were down, you would have gotten an immediate phone call from him. I would drop it like a hot rock if I were you. Your concern about being outed at the gym will certainly come to fruition if this guy lodges a complaint about you. I've lodged complaints about creepy guys in the locker room at my gym before that just wouldn't take a hint that their behavior is unwanted, inappropriate and unappreciated. In fact, I did this just a few weeks ago about a particularly creepy member. I have only seen him once now since making the complaint. I'm sure he's embarrassed because he's been called out on it and warned by management. He was ALWAYS there when I was there and would just stare at me non stop when I was in the open shower, getting dried off, or at the sinks. I swear he used to time it to be in the locker room with me because I have a pretty consistent workout schedule. He's married and comes from a culture that violently rejects homosexuality. If he wants to explore that side of his sexuality, there are places for that such as the gay village and bath houses in the big city. A suburban Y locker room is not the place for it. It got to the point that I didn't even want to take a shower when he was around. He never exercised while there and would camp out for hours in the hot tub to ogle guys. It was impossible to avoid him, and one day I had just had enough of it. You don't want to be the guy that everyone is avoiding and talking about. When I complained about this member, management knew right away who he was, so I obviously wasn't the only guy complaining about his behavior.
 
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It could also result in this: https://www.lpsg.com/groupdiscussions/fight-in-the-open-shower-locker-room.239121/discussion

I don’t think the fight was really about a towel. My guess is it was about a larger issue at play such as unwanted attention in the locker room which was mentioned by the aggressor after the argument started. It was an unnerving experience to witness let alone experience. The guy who was yelled at never returned again to the gym I would assume out of embarrassment for being called out in front of everyone.
 
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Godslittlejoke

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My thought is that a cornered animal will almost always fight. Give him space. If it's meant to be it will. But listen, if this is just about a hookup, stop wasting your time and go get some elsewhere. If it's about a dating type of relationship; take it slow.
My rule of thumb is you don't get your honey where you make or spend your money. Bad encounters can ruin your ability to peacefully use the gym or to work or shop.
 

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Hahaha. Back at the gym we did ‘the dance’ again.
Although we didn’t shower at the same time and although we smiled at each other, I felt he was even more nervous. Part of me swears I saw him shaking but the other part thinks I was just imagining it.

Anyway, after my shower, he was in the next room to me getting his bag ready to leave. As he was dressed, and the gym was really quiet, I approached and just whispered “hey, sorry for the other day, maybe I got the wrong end of the stick”.

He just smiled and said “it’s alright”.

Dang oh well on to the next. At least he was cool about the situation. Sometimes its hard for us (men who are attracted to other men) to realize sometimes guys have no idea the sexual signals they give off; and the exhibition they display is not pointed towards us. Maybe he likes routine and he just likes to shower next to the same person everyday. or he really likes the attention but not actual interaction (ive seen many guys, gay and straight who are down with the flirting at the gym but nothing else).
But your guy didnt take the bait. But kudos for putting yourself out there, that took guts.