Small breasts, insecurity and the need to sleep around.

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by _Jonesy, Jan 3, 2012.

  1. _Jonesy

    _Jonesy Member

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2009
    Messages:
    558
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    This could turn out to be a totally wild goose chase but it has been interesting me a lot recently and I was curious how other people saw this.

    A few nights ago I realised something, all 10 girls that I have slept with in my life - with an 11th likely happening this week - have all had lower C or lower Bra Sizes. Now personally I find large and smaller breasts attractive as separate entities, in that I actually love them both for different reasons. I am very attracted to smaller boobs on girls but looking at large amounts of cleavage can make me go mental as well. So, is it just me flipping a coin and getting a head every time out of pure chance? Or...

    So I ended up doing a bit of reading and found a lot of young women saying they were insecure about their boob size, generally because of how the media portrays the perfect woman nowadays. One of the biggest replies was from people begging them not to lose their self-respect as they are at risk of sleeping with loads of guys to increase their confidence and over-come their insecurity.

    In-fact, 3 of the girls I have slept with have all said they intend to get boob jobs when they can afford/get to 21 or whatever and even suggested things like: "you can be the first person to touch them if you want", as if it actually made a huge difference to me. If I love a woman I for whatever reason will find their breasts more attractive than anybody else's regardless of size, but I guess a girl wouldn't care if that fact is right or not.

    So, do you think this is why I have mainly come across women like this? Do you think it is that these girls are more likely to sleep with a guy earlier rather than put up a challenge because they want to feel 'as attractive as the girls on page 3' so to speak.

    Note: Obviously I am not suggesting this applies to all women with small breasts as I know many who are perfectly content.
     
    #1 _Jonesy, Jan 3, 2012
    Last edited: Jan 3, 2012
  2. Drifterwood

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2007
    Messages:
    15,724
    Likes Received:
    386
    Location:
    Fingringhoe (GB)
    It probably has more to do with you now associating sexual success with smaller breasted women. Your confidence when chatting them up, probably also puts them at ease if they were to have a complex about their breast size.

    My first ten lovers contained the women with the largest and smallest breasts that I have still encountered, just for reference.
     
  3. dolfette

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2006
    Messages:
    11,901
    Likes Received:
    25
    girls who are happy with their breasts rarely bother talking about them, so the stuff you hear/read will often be negative.

    that your partners all have body image issues just says that you are attracted to and attractive to women who are insecure.
     
  4. _Jonesy

    _Jonesy Member

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2009
    Messages:
    558
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Trust me I am not attracted for that, I always wish I could find girls who are confident. I have self-esteem issues too so that is why I usually end up being more successful with them, but I definitely don't like finding insecure girls - makes me sound horrible lol.

    It just so happens that they also had smaller breasts, which is what got me thinking about this.
     
  5. dolfette

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2006
    Messages:
    11,901
    Likes Received:
    25
    conscious and subconscious attraction don't always match up.

    you may think ''phoar!'' at one woman but find her too intimidating to make a successful approach.
     
  6. rtg

    rtg
    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 24, 2011
    Messages:
    1,202
    Albums:
    4
    Likes Received:
    3,388
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Brisbane (QLD, AU)
    Verified:
    Photo
    You kinda touched on two different things here:
    1. the reasons why girls are insecure about their breasts; and
    2. do girls sleep with guys too soon to make themselves feel better, attractive, etc.?

    Based on my personal experience:
    1. I'm definitely insecure about mine cos of the media. Mine aren't small, but sometimes I've wanted a reduction...other times I want a boob job to make them perkier. Seeing women in movies, magazines, pornos, etc - and knowing that that's what guys essentially get off on - is not so good for our self esteem sometimes. I've only really just come to terms with accepting my breasts.

    2. I have been guilty of this for probably about 95% of the guys I have slept with :( Being single for so long has often made me insecure...so it would make me wanted and attractive. Also, I would always tell these guys up front I;m after a relationship...they said they were too....then I thought that if I slept with them when they made the move too soon, that that would be the first step into the relationship. I thought it would make us 'closer' so to speak. But god was I wrong.
     
    #6 rtg, Jan 3, 2012
    Last edited: Jan 3, 2012
  7. petite

    petite New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 3, 2010
    Messages:
    7,539
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    33
    Gender:
    Female
    I had small breasts when I was your age and I thought I was beautiful because that's the way some men treated me, especially the ones I cared about. I knew that a lot of men liked women with large breasts and that didn't bother me. Enough men appreciated what I had that I felt good about my body, and the men who loved me and cared about me were good to me. Being human and self-aware of my flaws, I had other insecurities, but not about my breasts.

    I wonder if those women had not been treated well by the ones that they cared about? It might have affected me if a man I loved told me that he cared for me despite my small breasts. Perhaps I wouldn't have had such positive feelings about mine.

    Dolfette is correct about not talking about what doesn't bother you. I don't think I ever discussed them. They were just a part of my body, same as my neck, collarbone, and knees. Some people thought those were attractive, too, but I didn't make conversation about them either.

    I probably fit your description of "sleeping around" because I did what I liked and I thumbed my nose at sexist double standards and I never considered my value as a person, a mate, or a woman to be reduced by what I chose to do sexually. Because of people like you, though, I was careful to be discreet (and I didn't consider my sex life to be other people's business). While I didn't feel obligated to be constrained by sexist double standards, I also didn't want to be victimized by sexist double standards. I shouldn't have had to be so concerned about getting a bad reputation or gossiped about, knowing I would be unfairly judged because I'm female. If I was a man, I'd be considered a hero - and that's not right either.

    Incidentally, and this has nothing to do with this thread but another one where I saw you draw this erroneous conclusion: I have never cheated on anyone and I don't believe I ever will. The integrity I have had in my relationships has had nothing to do with how soon I chose to sleep with a man. What I do when I'm single and unattached to anyone has nothing to do with what I do when I've chosen to make a commitment to another person. I slept with the love of my life on our first date because we had unbelievable chemistry with one another. We still do. I adore him and I'm glad that he was smart enough not to judge me the way that you said you judge women because both of us would have missed out on this incredible relationship and all the happiness we have found with one another.
     
    #7 petite, Jan 3, 2012
    Last edited: Jan 3, 2012
  8. _Jonesy

    _Jonesy Member

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2009
    Messages:
    558
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Interesting observations Petite. If anything you have made me realise one thing, I think a vast majority of men my age and local social society assume women to sleep around and cheat these days. I know of very few relationships up to this point of my life where one of the partners hasn't cheater, or ended it to go to somebody else.

    Interesting - is a shame though.

    Also only 2 of those girls have I been serious with and I always treated them with love, and did everything to make them feel beautiful because I thought they were. Regardless, they still felt insecure and still wanted to change.

    I also know that soon after we stopped talking they went a bit wild and had sex everywhere. I never once said I judge them for that, but it was an observation and I notice this much less with women who seem more confident; quite the contrary in fact, they seem to have sex much less and choose their men more carefully.

    Also, when did I say you have probably cheated on somebody? If you meant do I always think women like this will cheat, yes, but only at my age. Or maybe just the women who I seem to notice. But then I seem to get that right a lot, I can just tell and in-fact I didn't get close to 3 girls because I felt like they would and hey, turned out they did.
     
    #8 _Jonesy, Jan 3, 2012
    Last edited: Jan 3, 2012
  9. TheBestYouCan

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 23, 2011
    Messages:
    836
    Albums:
    8
    Likes Received:
    1,451
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    U.S.
    Verified:
    Photo
    “ 'Legs are for men's pleasure, breasts are for babies'.' " - Lib McGovern”
    ― Pat Frank, Alas, Babylon
     
  10. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2010
    Messages:
    9,873
    Likes Received:
    11
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    NSW, Australia
    This could have been written by me! (If I was as well spoken as you are - which I'm certainly not :tongue:).

    I don't think my actions were anything to do with my body parts or my confidence levels either. Strangely enough, I think my behaviour had something to do with my values and beliefs about sex, sexuality and love :eek: Go figure - who'd have thought actions and values might be connected :tongue:.


    Unlike you, I have never been particularly discreet (unless it was required by partners in open relationships). I understand people who are careful because they don't want to risk judgement and victimisation, but I've always felt that I am who I am, and if people don't like it it's their problem, not mine.


    I do believe that both of us tried to explain that in the other thread (not recently, it was some time ago).
     
  11. _Jonesy

    _Jonesy Member

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2009
    Messages:
    558
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    By the way, if I have caused anybody any offense by this thread I am sorry. I definitely didn't have that intent and I actually was just making an observation... I said at the end I didn't think it was universal to all women.
     
  12. petite

    petite New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 3, 2010
    Messages:
    7,539
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    33
    Gender:
    Female
    I was referring to this.

    You did not say that whenever you sleep with a woman on the first date that you believe that you become incapable of being faithful to her, did you? No, you said that you suspect that she does, though, and because of that you would prefer a more "challenging" girl.

    I'ts judgmental and it's a double standard.

    I'm going to have to disagree with that!

    I don't know how to explain without bringing up stuff I don't want to...

    Let me just say that I'm like you and I don't mind if people dislike me, but I've experienced far worse things than just being disliked. I know that's not common, but my personal history has led me to feel more comfortable with a high level of discretion and privacy.

    I think so! But it keeps coming up again!
     
    #12 petite, Jan 3, 2012
    Last edited: Jan 3, 2012
  13. B_debonair87

    B_debonair87 New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2011
    Messages:
    274
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    nyc
    Its different in the black community. We put a higher emphasis on ass than breasts.
     
  14. D_Judith K Rantz

    D_Judith K Rantz New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2011
    Messages:
    396
    Likes Received:
    0
    As a petite female with 32B cups, I am very happy with my size and am grateful that A) I have no back problem stemming from the weight of larger chests, and B) less chance of sagging in my older years. My boobs are the perfect size for my body and there is no way I would ever exchange them for bigger cups.

    You need to try going after women, not girls, who are comfortable with their sizes and that are mature.

    In regards to these girls constantly cheating, like I said in the other cheating thread:
    boys and girls cheat, men and women stay faithful. Unless you have a prior agreement,there is no excuse to cheat. I got some shit for it but who cares.
     
    #14 D_Judith K Rantz, Jan 3, 2012
    Last edited: Jan 3, 2012
  15. helgaleena

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2006
    Messages:
    5,663
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Wisconsin USA
    I'm just glad my breasts are smaller than my head.
     
  16. _Jonesy

    _Jonesy Member

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2009
    Messages:
    558
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    I think that is some of the best advise I have been given on this thread, and yet it should seem so obvious. It is hard to find these women for me though, obviously I'm looking in the wrong places but does anybody have any ideas? Bearing in mind I come from somewhere dominated by students, alcohol clubs and sex (no wonder I have odd, misguided views on women).

    Once again I want to reiterate the fact I genuinely love the female body regardless and am not that shallow - I just had an idea that sounded interesting in my head until I posted it. It just seems that a lot of the girls that are more willing to sleep with me have smaller breasts where the ones with larger ones definitely seem to prefer a challenge. I imagined it might be because they know they can attract a lot of guys with their bodies (image-based society), and the confident girls with small breasts that love who they are don't even want to have sex so I never meet them.

    I think that made sense.
     
  17. D_Judith K Rantz

    D_Judith K Rantz New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2011
    Messages:
    396
    Likes Received:
    0
    Why thank you. I'm glad I could help. Being 22 and not really liking most people my age, I understand your frustration to find someone compatible with you around your age. Personally, I don't like the whole clubbing, partying lifestyle.

    You're quite handsome from what I see in your gallery. You'll find a respectable girl, you just need to look elsewhere and not at parties and clubs.

    PS I am a small-breasted woman and I want sex haha. :tongue:

    But monogamy before sex - there's no way I'm having sex without the an well-established connection, exclusivity and trust. Unfortunately, generally guys my age would rather "hit and run" than build a relationship first. :(
     
    #17 D_Judith K Rantz, Jan 3, 2012
    Last edited: Jan 3, 2012
  18. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2010
    Messages:
    9,873
    Likes Received:
    11
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    NSW, Australia
    We'll just have to agree to disagree then :tongue:


    Understood! :smile:
     
  19. B_625girth

    B_625girth New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2007
    Messages:
    2,372
    Likes Received:
    13
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    midwest
    I have a female friend who at age 29 went from A cup to C cup. She said she always felt insecure because she had small breasts. the rest of her is a very nice package, face, hair, slim body, nice ass and legs. She kind of asked around what people thought about the idea before she had them done. Quite a few folks said she was fine. I told her I thought she looked great, but her looks were not why I liked her. But I also said I knew where she was coming from and if it would help her self image to go for it. well, in the 18 mos since the operation, she really isn't the same person I used to know. She used to pretty happy all the time, good attitude, easy to talk to. now she's grumpy most of the time, and difficult to talk to. then every once in awhile she's just like her old self. it's almost like she got manic depressive after the boob job. we hardly talk anymore and I have no idea what to talk about. sometimes I try to engage conversation and she say little if anything and just walks away.
     
  20. Unnamed

    Unnamed Member

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2011
    Messages:
    443
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    13
    Gender:
    Male
    if it isnt breast, its something else. everbody is insecure. some less than others.
     
Draft saved Draft deleted