Dear Prudence,
I'm a single guy in my late 20s with a steady job and lots of good boyfriend qualities. I'm at the point in my life where I'd like to settle down and maybe start a family. The problem is that I have had a horrible time with women, and it pretty much always comes back to the same problem: I have a very small penis. I have a condition called micropenis, and it has been the cause of the end of a few relationships. One of my ex-girlfriends couldn't stop giggling and said, "Aww, it's so cute!" the first time she saw it. I've had several relationships fizzle out immediately after we start getting intimate. Im starting to get desperate. I can't wait around forever to find a mate who's willing to accept me, and I don't want to trap a woman in an unhappy and unfulfilling marriage where she ends up sneaking around on me. My sex life hasnt been all that pleasurable because there's so much embarrassment and my partner never enjoys it. I've thought about posting personal ads that mention it upfront and asking for a one-sided open relationship. I would be monogamous but my partner would have my blessing to have an occasional lover on the side. I have a feeling I'll probably have to settle for something like this regardlesseither behind my back or with my knowledge. Do you think this is a realistic idea, or would I be just setting myself up to get hurt and manipulated? Should I continue to play the field and hope to find a woman who'll accept my shortcomings (pun intended)?
Lonely
Dear Lonely,
You deserve a partner who is fully committed to you. I bet you do have many good boyfriend qualities, and among them are a sense of humor and forthrightness. Dont settle for a situation in which if your wife says shes working late youll be torn up as to whether shes seeing the boyfriend you tacitly approved. Physically, youre not a typical guy. So I think you should expand your horizons by looking for a gem of a woman who herself may not be typical. Read this article about dating websites for people with disabilities, including Dating4Disabled. There are plenty of women for whom intercourse may not be the primary way of expressing their sexuality but who want a physical connection and would be great and faithful romantic partners. You need to find someone who is eager to explore all the creative ways there are to sexually satisfy each other. If you meet a woman on a website at which people are upfront about their physical capacities, you would be starting off with someone who is aware of and comfortable with your situation from the start. Think of what a relief it would be to get to know a woman without worrying about the theres something I need to tell you conversation. A targeted search for a compatible partner should spare you unnecessary anxiety and humiliation. I hope the happy ending to your quest is that two people who werent sure theyd ever find anyone have found each other.
Prudie