ashlar
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Smile for the camera
- Thread starter Pecker
- Start date
Okay, folks, I promised to let you know of my experience with a colonoscopy as soon as the results came in:
No cancer, no tumors or troublesome polyps, just a little diverticulosis and (ahem) hemorrhoids.
Pappy pretty much covered it - I guess it has become pretty generic. I lay on a gurney in a tiny cubicle with one of those open-back hospital gowns on for about 45 minutes before the doctor was ready for me.
They wheeled me into a room that looked like a large storage closet with big and small cardboard boxes and filing cabinets around the periphery. But there, in the center of the small room, hanging from the ceiling, was what looked like a small, black hose, swinging with the slight movement of air in the room (why are hospital procedures always done in below-freezing temperatures?) Just as they placed my gurney where they wanted it, with the hose (which the more I looked at it, the larger it seemed to get) hanging to my right.
Then they had me turn to my left side and covered me with a sheet but leaving my ass exposed. The monitor was turned on and I could see a closeup of the flooring as the garden hose swung behind me - oddly kaleidoscopic now that they'd injected some happy juice into my i.v.
The doctor appeared behind me, poking at my anus and obviously picking up the large, swinging firehose and pointing the camera tip at my hairy ass, which filled the monitor like fetish porn. More kickapoo joy juice was injected into my i.v. I felt a pressure and suddenly the monitor was showing the inside of Smurf Mountain's claustrophobic caverns. Another injection of sweet bliss.
I rode along with the monitor expecting at any moment to see Papa Smurf waving as I passed by but the doctor would periodically tell me to close my eyes. I'd feel sharp pain (enough to make me yell). More of that blessed stuff went into my i.v.
Then the doctor said, "All done." I was uncerimoniously wheeled back to another outpatient cubicle where I dressed and waited until my daughter arrived to take me home. Unhappily, the euphoric haze from all those injections wore off too quickly.
I spent the rest of the day with every cooking element on the kitchen range covered with pots and skillets. Now there are no more leftovers in my refrigerator.
Was it an unpleasant experience? Somewhat. Would I do it again? Yes. Would I recommend it to my friends? You bet. Just knowing that there's nothing bad going on down there makes it worthwhile.
Get it done, guys.
No cancer, no tumors or troublesome polyps, just a little diverticulosis and (ahem) hemorrhoids.
Pappy pretty much covered it - I guess it has become pretty generic. I lay on a gurney in a tiny cubicle with one of those open-back hospital gowns on for about 45 minutes before the doctor was ready for me.
They wheeled me into a room that looked like a large storage closet with big and small cardboard boxes and filing cabinets around the periphery. But there, in the center of the small room, hanging from the ceiling, was what looked like a small, black hose, swinging with the slight movement of air in the room (why are hospital procedures always done in below-freezing temperatures?) Just as they placed my gurney where they wanted it, with the hose (which the more I looked at it, the larger it seemed to get) hanging to my right.
Then they had me turn to my left side and covered me with a sheet but leaving my ass exposed. The monitor was turned on and I could see a closeup of the flooring as the garden hose swung behind me - oddly kaleidoscopic now that they'd injected some happy juice into my i.v.
The doctor appeared behind me, poking at my anus and obviously picking up the large, swinging firehose and pointing the camera tip at my hairy ass, which filled the monitor like fetish porn. More kickapoo joy juice was injected into my i.v. I felt a pressure and suddenly the monitor was showing the inside of Smurf Mountain's claustrophobic caverns. Another injection of sweet bliss.
I rode along with the monitor expecting at any moment to see Papa Smurf waving as I passed by but the doctor would periodically tell me to close my eyes. I'd feel sharp pain (enough to make me yell). More of that blessed stuff went into my i.v.
Then the doctor said, "All done." I was uncerimoniously wheeled back to another outpatient cubicle where I dressed and waited until my daughter arrived to take me home. Unhappily, the euphoric haze from all those injections wore off too quickly.
I spent the rest of the day with every cooking element on the kitchen range covered with pots and skillets. Now there are no more leftovers in my refrigerator.
Was it an unpleasant experience? Somewhat. Would I do it again? Yes. Would I recommend it to my friends? You bet. Just knowing that there's nothing bad going on down there makes it worthwhile.
Get it done, guys.
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This thread has kept me in stiches. It is absolutely hilarious. There is nothing funnier than true stories about the ahem, anus and all its various "connections". The liquid stuff you drink is called, "Go Lightly." A little rustic on my literary terms, but I think that is an oxymoron. I know the spelling is off. You look it up in the dictionary!
I have had this done several times. Guys i've had it with the joy jouice and without. Take the juice! (IV)
And Pecker sorry about the ahem, hemmoroids. They are organizing a support group for guys with hemmoroids. They want you to be the first member. You can have bragging rights as member number one. Yes Zora, you can join. The reason that the support group is for guys only is so that when you and other ladies post, some moron can bitch that a lady is on the site!
And to you 19 year olds! You think you are waiting until age 40 for the finger up the ass!! Good luck! I remember the first time. No one told me about that test. So there Iam in the doctor's office when he tells me to drop my pants and bend over the table. I said, "Excuse me!" as he was getting the surigcal glove and KY jelly ready. All I know was doctor had big hands. Any one of his fingers would have qualified for this group. And the doctor was an ex military doctor and didn't beieve in gentleness. And I suppose he really wanted to get an image in his mind he would never forget about my youthful prostate! I had no idea about the prostate exam and I was (sorry you young guys) in my early 20's. Doctor mumbled something about we need to establish a norm for the prostate while it is healthy. I wasn't sure when he got through that it was still healthy!
But seriously young guys, the finger up the ass won't hurt at all if you will relax. It took me several of those exams to figure that one out. And prostate cancer is 100 % curable if caught in time. And you always have symptoms like having to pee all the time, or need to pee and can't or pain down there or hurts to come etc. And if caught early enough, you don't lose your abilities to function in bed or out of bed as the case may be.
And young guys you don't want colon cancer either. You don't want a colonoscopy where the colon is removed and you shit out a hole in your stomach into a bag and not at your leisure either! And you really don't want to let the bag get too full. I am not kidding. Any symptoms, see a doctor. Again it is nearly always fixable if caught in time.
Most of us guys just don't lke people putting things up our butts unless we are bottoms and hoses haning from the ceiling don't exactly qualify for what I read bottoms are interested in. Yes some want something long, but not quite that long. Let's see 68 inches and what was the girth! And that hose has power that no penis has ever had when it is hooked up to that air machine! And no penis can blow multiple times like that air machine with a monstor hose!
But Pecker, we are glad you are OK. Haven't been here that long and never looked up your age. I assumed you were college age.
Haven't been here long, but enjoy reading your reactions to other posts. You have a terrific sense of humor.
Here's to cheers for your next test. He did tell you that you get to do this at least every 5 years even if you are symptom free didnt' he?
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