so called "Cougar"?

transformer_99

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"If you think you're being "crucified", you should read through a lot more of the old threads to gain some perspective."

OK, "Crucified" was a bit overstated, but you get my point, you are trying to make a bigger issue of what I posted as a term than it really is.

"The point is people are going to read your posts and assume it reflects how you feel on a topic. Duh. To complain that someone read your posts and questioned you about them without considering the fact that you might have other thoughts on the subject is weak. You've also posted repeatedly in this thread, not just one "brief" response, so you've had several opportunities to alter/expand on your earlier posts. Like I said, what you choose to post is what people will respond to - that's basically the way online message board dialogue happens.
rolleyes.gif
"

Where did you get the impression I'm complaining, you're the one having the issue over terminology and definitions not me.

"Where is this "actual definition" of which you speak? The urbandictionary.com one? Yeah, a site that allows any one to submit their own interpretation of words/phrases (one qualification listed there is that all cougars have to wear pink nail polish
tongue.gif
); I hope you aren't using that as a source. As I mentioned, this topic was discussed before you joined the boards here. Maybe you should check out this ABC News link interviewing the woman who first brought the term to the public eye when her book on the "phenomenon" was published..."

Glad you brought that up, your ABC link and the one who coined the phrase says it's more than 8 years, not the 7+ you defined.

"Sex and relationships columnist Valerie Gibson would call them "cougars" — women who date men more than eight years their junior"

And don't get me started about this being a woman in the first place coming up with the term. You don't have much to stand on the credibility of this, when she herself is talking up her own book, where she stands to make good coin selling the rest of us on the idea. More credibility for you,

"Gibson, who is single but has been married five times — the last time to a man 15 years younger — describes cougars like herself this way: "She's in control. She's very attractive. And she's very sexy.""

Yes, I would say this one has been married more times than Dennis Rodman. I would also think even though the ABC article is 2+ webpages, that it doesn't lay it out like her book does either. Married 5 times, I'll say she's in total control, until the young guy wakes up and realizes that he's not only sleeping next to his mother, he's screwing her.

"Yeah, I am sure there are lots of guys who think it's "interesting" when Sean Connery is paired up with Catherine Zeta-Jones as a love interest in a movie."

I would say to you, that is a movie. But since you brought it up, how preposterous is it ? CZJ happens to be in that very position in her real life by choice. Michael Douglas born in 1944 she was born in 1969, she's 37, and he's 62, 25 years, I guess married since around 2000, she 31, he 56. Certainly you have a better example, one that might even support your theory. Good example though, I'm glad you threw that one out there into the thread . That way you can't throw that one in my face. Gibson even indicates an issue is not only ages when you meet the parents, but one of procreation. I recall she even indicated that the Cougar not discuss/reveal age at all. So what do they do, sit around the dinner table and look at the ceiling ?

"There's a difference between thinking it's interesting (or being envious of it) when it's older man-younger woman and questioning it in a different way when the gender roles are reversed."

Not really, there's no envy involved, go down to any Gentlemen's club for lack of another term during the daylight hours, observe for a little while, you may understand what I'm talking about, that I don't hold that regardless of which gender being at either end of the spectrum. You may start to think more, that the Urban dictionary has hit the definition right on the head regarding cougars, when you see that there are plenty of older men getting attention from 20 somethings. Amazing what some people will do for a buck. Anna Nicole Smith is yet another example, so how can you say I hold any double standard on this ?

You've been a lot of fun and a good sport about this. Anything else you wanna know ? BTW, what surfboard do you ride ? HIC here !
 

dongalong

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I was very naiive when I had my MILF and if I was to find another one I'd try to keep it purely a sexual relationship.

Just after we had sex for the first time, she told me that she loved me, shocked by this and having no idea how to handle such a situation I lied to her and said I loved her too. In my head there was no future, she couldn't and didn't want any more children and I found it difficult to appreciate the signs of age on her face and body, I wanted sex so I carried on the lie.:rolleyes:
She seemed to have a very low self esteem after 2 failed marriages so was extremely jealous, twisting the meaning of everything I said - I ended up not saying much to her! She seemed a bit too desperate to be loved which made it no fun.
It lasted 5 months in total and put me off relationships for a while, especially with older ladies.
 

naughty

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Wow.

That is really quite sad. I am sorry you felt a need to lie in order to get your needs met. I am sorry she had to to be subjected to one more person by whom she felt she was not loved or cherished no matter what her age.... But then not all men or women are monolithic.










dongalong said:
I was very naiive when I had my MILF and if I was to find another one I'd try to keep it purely a sexual relationship.

Just after we had sex for the first time, she told me that she loved me, shocked by this and having no idea how to handle such a situation I lied to her and said I loved her too. In my head there was no future, she couldn't and didn't want any more children and I found it difficult to appreciate the signs of age on her face and body, I wanted sex so I carried on the lie.:rolleyes:
She seemed to have a very low self esteem after 2 failed marriages so was extremely jealous, twisting the meaning of everything I said - I ended up not saying much to her! She seemed a bit too desperate to be loved which made it no fun.
It lasted 5 months in total and put me off relationships for a while, especially with older ladies.
 

D_Cliddorne Clitknocker

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Having had a few experiences with older women....she was 37 and I was 17 and 19 and 30 I found them to be verrrry rewarding. Both women took control, communicated well about there wants and needs and expectations of the relationship, all things men like no matter what the age of their significant other. I must say it has shaped my view of older women to this day. Now 30 I still have a soft spot for an attracive older woman.:smile:
 

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naughty said:
Wow.

That is really quite sad. I am sorry you felt a need to lie in order to get your needs met. I am sorry she had to to be subjected to one more person by whom she felt she was not loved or cherished no matter what her age.... But then not all men or women are monolithic.
I am sorry too, it's one of life's mistakes and lessons. There were times that I was "in love" with her however these were short lived as her jealous rages took advantage of the situation. I liked her a lot and wanted to make her happy which is why I continued the lie, but being with her became an ordeal and I could imagine how her husbands must have felt.
Above all I wanted fun and sex, I wasn't mature enough to have to deal with all her problems. The misery soon outweighed the pleasure, so I ended it.
 

naughty

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Well Sweetie,

It seems there are a number of people out here that we didnt 'break" but are asked to fix over and over again. Unfortunately, for some there is a black hole of fear that pervades everything and everyone they come in contact with during their lives. It is a shame that they repell the one thing they want and need the most. Neediness as you have read on these threads is ageless and sexless.....








dongalong said:
I am sorry too, it's one of life's mistakes and lessons. There were times that I was "in love" with her however these were short lived as her jealous rages took advantage of the situation. I liked her a lot and wanted to make her happy which is why I continued the lie, but being with her became an ordeal and I could imagine how her husbands must have felt.
Above all I wanted fun and sex, I wasn't mature enough to have to deal with all her problems. The misery soon outweighed the pleasure, so I ended it.
 

transformer_99

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ohiodong said:
Having had a few experiences with older women....she was 37 and I was 17 and 19 and 30 I found them to be verrrry rewarding. Both women took control, communicated well about there wants and needs and expectations of the relationship, all things men like no matter what the age of their significant other. I must say it has shaped my view of older women to this day. Now 30 I still have a soft spot for an attracive older woman.:smile:

It would be very interesting to hear your sides of the 17, 19 and 30 year bemchmarks from a perspective, not of what the Cougar wanted, but what you were about. The angle/perspective I'm looking for here is the stage of your life that you were in. Yes, the 37 yeasr old(s), all of them perhaps had a certain maturity about them and knowing what each wanted, like you say, yet still could have been slightly different regarding goals and ideals as all people are. But she at 37 and you at 30, you have to figure that both of you were/are at a stage of your life where knowing what you want is a bit more defined, perhaps realistically almost a given, maybe even congruent.

For me, personally @ 17, I would say that there was a huge difference in development between that and 19 alone, and by 30, Society and my own interactions would have made me something altogether different from my late teens and even where I am today. I graduated HS @ 17, started college that very summer instead of Fall and by the time I was 19, had finished Community College and then transferred to a 4 year University. And by 30, unless I was a totally rudderless ship for a good decade, what I wanted @ 17 & 19, compared to 30 were two vastly different things.
 

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I guess I may have miss spoken, me experiences with older women were at ages 17 and 19. The women were 37 and 30 respectively. Both situations were a bit bizarre, at 17 it was an friends mother, who was in a relationship that wasn't fulfilling, it was a one time thing at a graduation type party after most people had left. She was definately the aggressor and I by no means was not willing. I think she simply wanted to hook up with a young attractive guy. The other was with a woman whose husband was gone in the military and again just wanted some sex. Great for me who was looking for nothing more than that. At 30 yrs old today, I haven't had that experience of an older woman since, but would be very curious so see how my and thier perspective had changed. I would imagine being both mature adults, we would be more on an even plane...different stages in our lives like before, but more perspective on my part as to the intentions of each party.
 

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transformer_99 said:
"If you think you're being "crucified", you should read through a lot more of the old threads to gain some perspective." OK, "Crucified" was a bit overstated, but you get my point, you are trying to make a bigger issue of what I posted as a term than it really is.
Let me break it down one last time.

I initially responded here to point out that you referred to an older man who dates a younger woman as a " 'sugar daddy' " but an older woman who dates a younger man as an "old bag". You did not put quotes around your characterization of women in that context, so it was easy to assume that you were expressing your own opinion in using that term. You could have responded with "oops, I should have put both terms in quotes, because I was using them to illustrate societal prejudices" OR "yeah, I have more of a problem with older women who date younger men because..." but you didn't. BTW, I didn't even go into the fact that this thread is not about people who enter into relationships for financial/material gain, which is an entirely different subject.

You called into question things I said because I wasn't taking the "complete definition" of cougar into account, so I gave you a link to the woman who is credited with bringing that term to greater awareness. She didn't create the term, she first heard it and then studied it. The fact that you do or don't like her or her book is irrelevant. The point was her definition is a very simple one and the original one, at least in terms of the general public, and it makes no judgements. That's far more relevant to the discussion here than urbandictionary.com. If you want to start a thread on what various people consider the term "cougar" to mean, that's a different thread.

Bottom line: I think there's still a double-standard in society about this and I called "bullsh*t" on that via your post, only to give you the opportunity to explain yourself or own it or whatever. You may or may not support that double-standard, but it wasn't hard to take that from your post. If I'm wrong, then I'm sorry; if not, then you're owned. :tongue: I actually don't have a personal postion on the whole "cougar" thing, other than noting the fact that there is now yet another label for women where one does not exist for men (and, sorry, saying "women are free to make one up for men" is a) obvious and b) skirting the issue as to why that different perception should exist in the first place).

transformer_99 said:
You've been a lot of fun and a good sport about this. Anything else you wanna know ? BTW, what surfboard do you ride ? HIC here !
I have an electric purple Evo Fun board. :smile:
 

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There seems to be a lot of stereotypes about what kind of person a cougar is. I just figured a cougar is any woman who likes younger men :confused: . Now I'm hearing all this stuff about fake tans, certain attitudes, etc. I certainly don't try to pretend I'm younger than I am. But then again I also admit I kind of like when guys think I'm 32 or 33. :rolleyes:
 

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stud_hunter said:
There seems to be a lot of stereotypes about what kind of person a cougar is. I just figured a cougar is any woman who likes younger men :confused: . Now I'm hearing all this stuff about fake tans, certain attitudes, etc. I certainly don't try to pretend I'm younger than I am. But then again I also admit I kind of like when guys think I'm 32 or 33. :rolleyes:
S_H, check out the urbandictionary.com listing... notice it basically allows any one anywhere to email in their own "definition". The definition that first brought the term into light was very simple: women who date men more than eight years their junior.

You were right. :smile:
 

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Well heck,

The eight year mark is where it starts getting interesting...




SurferGirlCA said:
S_H, check out the urbandictionary.com listing... notice it basically allows any one anywhere to email in their own "definition". The definition that first brought the term into light was very simple: women who date men more than eight years their junior.

You were right. :smile:
 

D_Cliebert_Chodechoker

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Gisella said:
Well this cougar stuff is new to me...I learn here in LPSG...but i think this older woman younger man relations are going on for ages as a tabu but now is cool and getting in the open without so much shame.

Now 'they' are giving names to it and some paying more attention bcause of the rich and famous gossips and the amount of divorced single woman around freely wanting enjoy themselves, plus nowdays people are looking younger as they get older bcause of many things...now people are in the open and some seing it as a 'new' category in relationships...well, some young men want have the experienced woman at least once and others are attracted to them as parteners and etc...

I'm not impressed by all of that bcause myself am a magnet to attract younger man than I and mostly bcause i dont look my age...and mostly bcause i am a woman that men from different ages find hot and sexy, yes they say that. ..and I feel hot and sexy. Plus I'm energetic alive and some men mostly with same energetic personality approach me...and if things go good we are going to have intimacy but if he is looking for experience trip he would be desapointed..I'm not experienced but energetic as my bf say: I'm a machine not a woman, he get tired bcause i want always more and he is a 30y old fit full of energy just a bit younger than me..still, he give me his all and i still want more.

I would reject any men that would come to me with this cougar mentality...men do not come to me bcause i'm in a category but because i'm a hot sexy woman they are really atracted to...and I know that is true.


Hey hot sexy lady......u into young guys:biggrin1:
 

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Randll86 said:
Cougar, or any label put a fellow human being for that matter usually leads to hate and prejudice. Labels are for things you buy at the store ! :mad:
I couldn't agree more (and I was really trying for a moment there).

Sarcasm aside, labels do not (necessarily, let alone usually) lead to hate and prejudice. If a label is accurate, that obviates the prejudice and if it is complimentary, it will not lead to hate (at least, not usually), although it could lead to envy.
 

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transformer_99 said:
Touche, as you are 36 and appear "hot/hard bodied" for 36, it's all relative.

Not to get into semantics but here's somethng you've probably never considered. First, this appears to be a compliment. I'll take it as such and say "thank you". Second, what you're saying is something i've heard several times: "you look good for your age". Or to use your words, "for 36". Not once have I heard this from the younger guys (if they complimented me, my age wasn't included in the compliment). Each time I heard this comment, it was from a 40+ guy. I understand they meant no harm, but it's an interesting observation nonetheless. However, as you said, it's all relative.

In the case where the guy being 9 years your junior, that's 27, the guy has had an opportunity to get out of HS, perhaps gone to college, start a career and so on. So is that really a cougar situation even ? I mean ,depending upon the 27 year old, you might be in better shape than the 27 year old will ever be at any stage of their life, both mentally and physically. There are so many factors/variables involved in anything.

Yes, including whether or not it's a fling, FWB, or serious relationship. Or whether one could lead to another.

To take my quick replies as my total response to it all is myopic.

No, it's called literacy.

The term "cougar" was thrown out by another, the definition is what it is, I made remarks based upon that, hardly a a case by case situational analysis.

I see you've no problems with sweeping generalizations.

The original post, a 24 year old interested only in 28-38, 38 could be a stretch even if the roles were reversed. And for a 38 yo to pursue the 24 yo male, that's a borderline call too. 24 yo, at best one could be a year or two out of college and that's if they had themselves together. I'd seriously have to question your or anyone else's judgement (mine included) for hooking up with anyone that just left their HS graduation ceremony, and that is the part of the topic of another thread about ex-sex.

I think what's a "stretch" for each individual is a decision they must make for themselves, unless they're Mary Kay Letourneau.

I guess I could have been a little more tactful/less abrasive and not gone as far as "old bag", but it's too late at this stage. Sometimes you have to call it what it is and don't hold back, especially when being candidly open and honest ?

This is not the first taste of tactlessness we've seen from you ("Women are like old houses" for example) and call me Miss Cleo, but I have a feeling it won't be the last. One more thing. You can't make statements and expect your opinions to go unchallenged, as i've witnessed through your back-and-forth with SurferGirl. No need to be defensive. just grow some balls.

Just being candidly open and honest. :biggrin1:
 

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SurferGirlCA said:
Let me break it down one last time.

I initially responded here to point out that you referred to an older man who dates a younger woman as a " 'sugar daddy' " but an older woman who dates a younger man as an "old bag". You did
not put quotes around your characterization of women in that context, so it was easy to assume that you were expressing your own opinion in using that term. You could have responded with "oops, I should have put both terms in quotes, because I was using them to illustrate societal prejudices" OR "yeah, I have more of a problem with older women who date younger men because..." but you didn't. BTW, I didn't even go into the fact that this thread is not about people who enter into relationships for financial/material gain, which is an entirely different subject.

You called into question things I said because I wasn't taking the "complete definition" of cougar into account, so I gave you a link to
the woman who is credited with bringing that term to greater awareness. She didn't create the term, she first heard it and then studied it. The fact that you do or don't like her or her book is irrelevant. The point was her definition is a very simple one and the original one, at least in terms of the general public, and it makes no judgements. That's far more relevant to the discussion here than urbandictionary.com. If you want to start a thread on what various people consider the term "cougar" to mean, that's a different thread.

Bottom line: I think there's still a double-standard in society about this and I called "bullsh*t" on that via your post, only to give you the opportunity to explain yourself or own it or whatever. You may or may not support that double-standard, but it wasn't hard to take that from your post. If I'm wrong, then I'm sorry; if not, then you're owned. :tongue: I actually don't have a personal postion on the whole "cougar" thing, other than noting the fact that there is now yet another label for women where one does not exist for men (and, sorry, saying "women are free to make one up for men" is a) obvious and b) skirting the issue as to why that different perception should exist in the first place).

I don't cave on the definition, you choose to ignore the urbandictionary definition because it's one that supports my stance. A definition I put out long before I posted much of anything else on the subject. It's sequentially my 2nd post as a standalone link and if that didn't clarify what I posted before it and thereafter, then this might break it down for you explicitly. As for the double standard, what is any more or less flattering about referring to the older man as a sugar daddy vs the older woman as an old bag, regardless of quotation marks ? When you bring up the money aspect, liking a book or not as irrelevant, I disagree, society has these variables and factors taht are involved in anything, Cougar relationships, don't occur in a vacuum or controlled environment, no type of relationship does and if you don't think that there are any perks that might accrue from a relationship that don't involve any of the variables mentioned, perhaps you live in a vacuum devoid of external factors, but I surely don't. If Gibson softens the term to be Dr. Phil or Dr. Ruth-like for those who don't want to look at life in the raw for what it is, that is your perrogative, but claiming that you owned me over that is absurd. You have the definition that I made my posts in context of. If you can't argue based on that, then what you have is an issue over terminology or references. I told you time and time again I don't cave on the portrayal of a couger in the light that virtually all of the urban dictionaries definitions seem to gravitate towards. You prefer a watered down version from a 5 time married spinster. If you really want to know what the definition is, from the words of your champion for the cause:
Gibson says the term originated in Vancouver, British Columbia, as a put-down for older women who would go to bars and go home with whoever was left at the end of the night.

I believe that you may want to own the real definition at this point, which is exactly supported in concept by the urbandictionary. I ask you or anyone else, Does Gibson's own acknowledgement of the origin of the word, does this not imply "old bag" ? Gibson's twist on the definition is classically, the perverbial, "putting lipstick on a pig". I'm not buying it, just like an Ann Coulter book. As for the material gain, I only brought it up in context to Gibson peddling her book, she stands to gain more from her spin of the definition.

BTW, What would you call those 5 failed marriages ? Research ?

I have an electric purple Evo Fun board. :smile:

Yep, that's a cool board, easy to ride on less than ideal days. I wound up having to go from a 6'4" Orion Squash tail to a 7'2" Hawaiian Island Creations mini-gun. Just works better for Florida without just caving and outright getting a longboard. No reason to even try when it's 1-1 1/2 foot of surf. The mini-gun works on smaller days with enough flotation for a 200 lber, and really is ideal for storm surge and hurricane surf. Heck I can even travel with it to Costa Rica and so forth. Next Summer I hope to be surfing Maldives.

http://www.tropicsurf.net/index.html
 

SurferGirlCA

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transformer_99 said:
Yep, that's a cool board, easy to ride on less than ideal days. I wound up having to go from a 6'4" Orion Squash tail to a 7'2" Hawaiian Island Creations mini-gun. Just works better for Florida without just caving and outright getting a longboard. No reason to even try when it's 1-1 1/2 foot of surf. The mini-gun works on smaller days with enough flotation for a 200 lber, and really is ideal for storm surge and hurricane surf. Heck I can even travel with it to Costa Rica and so forth. Next Summer I hope to be surfing Maldives. http://www.tropicsurf.net/index.html
The fact that you're still trying to surf the Atlantic suddenly makes everything else you have to say make perfect sense. Good luck with that! :tongue: