Gahhh! I'm so confused with life right now! >.< soo I no for a fact I'm over complicating things, but I really don't know what else to do. So a little backround information, currently I just graduated hs and am attending uci. So I'm bisexual and I've known since i first started hs. I'm not out nor do I want to be. Last relationship I was in was my junior year and that lasted like 6 months with this girl from school. I'm an honors student, an athlete, and a mega band nerd haha. I consider myself decent looking. All my friends that I have don't know personal things about me. I have a bad relationship with my family. I don't talk to any of my siblings and me and my mother are always arguing, and my dad died before I was born. I often don't like to complain because I no I don't have it hard, but sometimes I really just have to vent. Whenever I'm angry or sad or something I often locked myself in my closet and just fall asleep in there, and sometimes when I have sleepless nights, which is very often, I like to sneak out of my room and just lay on top of my rooftop and look at the night sky. I've been doing this since I was 16 haha I'm surpised I haven't got caught. Anyways I do have a gay older brother, but I really dislike him. Number one cuz he's excentricly gay and number two becuz I'm a bit of a homophobe. Also I really just hate how he is as a person. He is nothing but a lazy slob who thinks he's the greatest. As much as I hate to admit it I act exactly like my mom. We share the trait of naturally being organized and always sticking up for ourself, and were both hard headed. However we both have a different mindset. I like to analyse things, people and words. My mom is someone who had a bad childhood and I guess she just doesn't take shit from anyone. Anyways I have other siblings like my older sister who is a very caring and compationate person. I'm not close to her either, but she is really awesome and kool and has been good to me all my life. Oh back in middle school I use to have thoughts about suicide but I grew out of that. Though I wasn't diagnosed with depression throughout my life I no I probably was. However I never had any symptoms like lack of sleep or cutting myself or anything like that. I don't want to talk to a shrink, idk y but I don't think a professional therapist could help me nor do I want his or her help. You know I've always planned to lose contact with the world after I graduate college. I still kinda intend to do that, but yeah. So my problem is, how to deal with my thought and emotions and feeling now that I'm going headed off to college at the end of this month. I mean I hope now that i'm gone that the stress load will drop, but what if it doesn't. I wouldn't no what to do. Also there's this girl I've known since my freshman year, and were going to the same college. I was thinking of asking her to be my girlfriend, but like if we were together I wouldn't no how to tell her things like I'm bi or even how she would react to these things.