So Confused

[silvertriumph2]

Hey, FSU.....just chaulk it up as a learning experience...and move on.
The future will be a LOT BRIGHTER....believe me.....many of us have been there, too!

You said it was your First Time with a guy.....well, I am extremely sorry your First Time turned out to be something you would Rather Not Remember...

My first time wasn't so great either...:frown2:

BUT....there will be other times....other people....some will be good and some will not be so good...but, there WILL BE MANY GREAT TIMES TO REMEMBER!

Believe me....and all the others here!

All the BEST...

 

[Chase1600]

it doesn't make sense to me...all of the text we sent and what we told each other....it does not make sense.

this isn't making me feel better about what happened.....

We’re trying to make you feel better about what happened.

Is it correct, FSU, this was your first experience? Listen to what the others are telling you and please don’t take it as being about you.

Remember, despite texts, is it correct this was the first face to face meet. Why he behaved how he behaved is not something we – not even you –can know with certainty. Maybe the chemistry wasn’t right for him, but maybe he is complicated.

There will be people who respond very favorably to you. Trust us, it will happen.

I fear you are letting this lame experience define your own sense of your self and your sex appeal. Forgive my playing the old codger – I know it is tiresome – but trust this old codger, I think you are an entirely normal young person giving way too much importance to a single experience.

You’ll do fine.

 

[516778]

Well, first of all I would like to thank everyone who has responded. I will be honest and say some if the responses were a bit harsh. This being my first time I didn't realize that if you're not interested in someone that it's okay to invite them into your bedroom and bed give them a handjob and cuddle and lay wrapped in their arms the entire night and wake up the next morning and in the end hug them and say thanks for coming over and then say text me later. I didn't realize that was code for I'm not interested in you. Honestly I definitely expected more from him after I specifically stated I wanted him to be honest with me and I do expect more from the gay community because this is not acceptable. You don't lead someone on like this. I must say I'm hurt a little bit but I'm moving on. I just wish I had known these things before hand. It would have saved me a lot of trouble. I'm going to move on and move on to better things.

I guess hindsight is 20/20. I just hope this crap doesn't happen a lot but from what you guys say it's a somewhat a regular occurrence which saddens me.

 

[Uslidenme]

I just saw your pictures and you do have nice wood. Stop trying to be in the other guys head, its a waste of your time. It could be a myriad of things like, hes still not over his last relationship and is trying to move forward but feels stuck, or he's hiv positive and hes afraid of how you will take it or doesn't know how to tell you, or he's very religious and ambivalent about his sexuality or he's married and has children or so forth and so on. The fact is if he isn't ready to move forward then you are kind of dead in the water. You dont' have to give up on him but you do need to adjust your expectations of the situation.
Invite him to something thats non threatening and non sexual. You might get a friend out of it or you might just decide nice package but a lemon and throw it back.

 

[BiItalianBro]

^^^^^^^^^^

Very well said Chase...props for putting yourself out there...but please do not take it personally. Allot of people I have met online are into the idea of a relationship yet cannot follow through for ______ reason(s). There is often a huge disconnect between what people 'say' online, via text and even on the phone and reality. That is their problem not....not yours.

 

[516778]

Thank you so much chase,uslideinme,biItalianbro. Definitely the responses I'm looking for. Thanks you guys. I appreciate the comments it makes it better to deal with. !!!!

 

[D_Tam_Ponds]

I guess guys are jerks in all circles. Sorry you've learned what us women have known for ages.

 

[B_patrickmcc]

Sorry you got burned. Everything you said is true, but unfortunately there are lots of people that are out for nothing more than a quick hookup, but arent honest about it. Its one reason I never hookup with someone that I dont know, male or female.
Nothing wrong with having pure unadulterated lust filled sex with NSA, as long as thats what each party is looking for. In this case this guy did you wrong. I might suggest that if you are looking for a relationship that leads to a sexual one, that you not hop in his bed hours after you meet him. In fact, probably a good idea to have a mutually agreeable plan that you will meet in a public place, and NOT have sex the first night. At least that way, you'll avoid the same trap of having some asshole say he is looking for a relationship, when all he wants is a quicky.

 

[Florida Boy]

He's a deadbeat. He couldn't think of anything else to say at the time. Don't text him back. To reply is his job. When he does, if he does, treat him coldly.

 

[Countryguy63]

it doesn't make sense to me...all of the text we sent and what we told each other....it does not make sense.

this isn't making me feel better about what happened.....

Just wondering, what could we do that would make you feel better about what happened?

 

[Pecker Check]

My experience of 50 years or so is that some guys can't deal with anything but a one night stand. I don't know why. I've been hurt by more than one myself. They seem real enough at the time and give you no clues that they find you (or the time spent with you) wanting. They just can't seem to live with the concept that there could be another time, and another, and another. And rather than be honest, they disappear. You don't need this guy, and anything more you learn about him is likely to be disappointing. Let him disappear.

 

[maxcok]

Well, first of all I would like to thank everyone who has responded. I will be honest and say some if the responses were a bit harsh. This being my first time I didn't realize that if you're not interested in someone that it's okay to invite them into your bedroom and bed give them a handjob and cuddle and lay wrapped in their arms the entire night and wake up the next morning and in the end hug them and say thanks for coming over and then say text me later. I didn't realize that was code for I'm not interested in you. Honestly I definitely expected more from him after I specifically stated I wanted him to be honest with me and I do expect more from the gay community because this is not acceptable. You don't lead someone on like this. I must say I'm hurt a little bit but I'm moving on. I just wish I had known these things before hand. It would have saved me a lot of trouble. I'm going to move on and move on to better things.

I guess hindsight is 20/20. I just hope this crap doesn't happen a lot but from what you guys say it's a somewhat a regular occurrence which saddens me.

You can interpret this as "harsh" if you like, but I think you need a serious reality check:

Newsflash - People say all sorts of things to get their rocks off; sometimes they even say things they think you want to hear, surprise, surprise. This is true for all sorts of people; men, women, gay, straight, or otherwise. You can call it "unacceptable" if you like, but that's reality. Rational people don't generally go to a sex hookup site like Manhunt looking for a long term relationship or have that expectation based on a single encounter. Nor do they complain afterwards if it doesn't lead to a 'dating' situation. Furthermore, people are complicated, especially regarding issues like sex and relationships. You're demanding complete "honesty" from a random stranger on a hookup site? Please. This whole scenario is just a problem of disappointment based on different expectations. Take responsibility for your own expectations and forget about his.

Who knows what his motivations were? We've only heard your interpretation of the events, and I suspect it's not as cut and dried as you describe. Maybe he was put off by you attaching more significance to this "date" than he was comfortable with. Maybe he was being considerate and let you stay the night because it was late and you had travelled a fair distance. Maybe he was trying to let you down easy and avoid an awkward situation. Maybe he has other issues that have nothing to do with you. Whatever the reason, it seems pretty clear he 'just wasn't that into you'. It sounds like he gave you plenty of signals to suggest that, though you seem to be ignoring those, instead trying to attach significance to actions you interpret as expressing interest in you. At any rate, it's rather disingenuous for you to blame him for 'leading you on' and eventually succumbing to your advances when you were the sexual aggressor. i.e. slipping off your underwear, grinding your hardon into his ass, and jacking him off. Maybe he figured that was the only way you would let him go to sleep.

Regardless of all that or whatever else may have been going on, you are plainly obsessing, reading motivations his into every action, and attaching waaaay too much significance to what for him was likely a casual hookup and a random event. Rereading your OP it sounds like you couldn't take a hint and overstayed your welcome. It's pointless to blame him and patently ridiculous to further extrapolate and blame the "gay community" based on a single encounter with a single individual (your first M/M encounter) because he failed to live up to your expectations. It sounds like a girl who lost her virginity and wanted it to be "special". Seriously, stop analyzing him, and don't blame this on the "gay community". Get a handle on your own expectations, don't go to hookup sites looking for a husband, . . . AND MOVE ON!!! Otherwise, you're just going to end up bitter and unsatisfied.

p.s. How old are you anyway?

 

[516778]

Wow. You are so far off that I can't even and won't even begin to break everything you said down. I will say this he stated originally he didnt want it to be about sex, I wasn't the sexual aggressor in any way he had me grabbing his ass, and touching his sides and stomach long beforehand. Even before that he was laying on me constantly grabbing his cock which was a total nod that he was interested. Nobody does that...that much. Don't minimalize everything and put me out like I'm the one at fault. All of my reactions were purely based on the events that took place prior, up to and afterwards we met!! Don't even start to compare me to anything else either. The facts are, I gave you the whole story of course he has his own tale of events but he's not here to share those. I'm telling you what happened and you're deducing from that your reasoning.

 

[maxcok]

Wow. You are so far off that I can't even and won't even begin to break everything you said down. I will say this he stated originally he didnt want it to be about sex, I wasn't the sexual aggressor in any way he had me grabbing his ass, and touching his sides and stomach long beforehand. Even before that he was laying on me constantly grabbing his cock which was a total nod that he was interested. Nobody does that...that much. Don't minimalize everything and put me out like I'm the one at fault. All of my reactions were purely based on the events that took place prior, up to and afterwards we met!! Don't even start to compare me to anything else either. The facts are, I gave you the whole story of course he has his own tale of events but he's not here to share those. I'm telling you what happened and you're deducing from that your reasoning.

He made you grab him and touch him? Neat trick.

I "deduced" nothing, I merely suggested a number of possible reasonable explanations to consider,
the operative word in all of them being "Maybe . . ." Try reading my post again.

Reading all the rationalizations and interpretations in your latest post, I'm tempted to simply say,
"I rest my case," but just to recap:

Newsflash - People say all sorts of things to get their rocks off; sometimes they even say things they think you want to hear, surprise, surprise. . . .

You're demanding complete "honesty" from a random stranger on a hookup site? Please. This whole scenario is just a problem of disappointment based on different expectations. Take responsibility for your own expectations and forget about his. . . .

Who knows what his motivations were? . . .

Whatever the reason, it seems pretty clear he 'just wasn't that into you'. It sounds like he gave you plenty of signals to suggest that, though you seem to be ignoring those, instead trying to attach significance to actions you interpret as expressing interest in you. . . .

Regardless of all that or whatever else may have been going on, you are plainly obsessing, reading motivations into his every action, and attaching waaaay too much significance to what for him was likely a casual hookup and a random event. . . .

Get a handle on your own expectations, don't go to hookup sites looking for a husband, . . . .
AND MOVE ON!!!

p.s. Your signature quote could be a clue: Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired - Robert Frost.

 

[516778]

whatever I'm done talking about this. It's over with.

 

[aqua-illusion]

I found gay men are quite wishy washy...say one thing, mean another, don't take it personal, its trial and error. You'll eventually meet someone who will appreciate you and enjoy your time, until then, its the searching process. It sucks but that's how gay people are. (The ones I've met are a little shallow...have to be a certain amount of goodlooking or make a certain amount of money, hahaha) but, when you find "the one" you'll know and you can think all that time you spent searching was well worth it! Goodluck!

 

[bostonsk8]

Sorry, I have been a lurker on these forums for a long time, I guess I didn't feel connected to the community until now.

FSU - I read your story and had flash backs to when I joined manhunt 7 years ago. I feel for you, it can be tough and confusing on MH.

Sorry for the long winded post, as you can tell you got some memories/emotions stirred up. I didn't realize I had written a book until I tried to proof read it.



I live in Massachusetts and joined Manhunt to check out the "gay scene". I knew I was gay since I was 16 but it wasn't until I was 30 that I stopped dating women and finally was ok with just being myself and stopped pretending.


Anyways after a couple weeks of Manhunt. I met someone and we exchanged emails for about a month, I felt like I really knew the guy. He understood that I hadn't dated a guy before and that I wasn't looking to "hook-up". We talked on the phone a couple times and I got to know him better and finally we got together to have dinner.

It was exciting, I wanted everything to be just right, my clothes, hair,etc. We went to an Italian place in Boston, he was handsome and friendly and I really liked him. After dinner we had a couple beers and walked around the city for a while just talking it was great, I felt really connected to him. We had been together for three hours and he said he didn't want the date to end and asked me back to his place to relax and talk more, I was psyched.

Back at his apartment we sat on the couch and talked, laughed and for a while. He sheepishly asked if he could kiss me, of course I said yes and after making out for a few minutes things escalated and soon our pants on the floor and he was blowing me while he jerked off. I tried to kiss him and jerk him but he would twist away and playfully push me back and go back to blowing me again. After a while he had cum and finished me off as well, my head was spinning from all the beer and I was psyched that things turned out so well.

He excused himself and went to the bathroom to clean up and I got dressed, when he came back he walked me to the door and said goodnight. We hugged and he just held me in his arms for a couple minute, kissed me good night and thanked me for coming over and seemed honestly excited to see me again, we made vague plans to get together the following weekend and I walked back to my car in a happy daze.

Sadly things turned sour pretty quick. The next day I emailed him to firm up our plans and he didn't reply, it was weird I was sure he was online and wondered how he could have missed my email. The next day I sent a second email and got no reply, then I checked the Manhunt "Sent" option and saw he had read both the emails earlier but never replied, It sucked, it felt like I got sucker punched.

I didn't know what the heck happened, I got the courage to call his cell and left a message and the next day another but He didn't return my calls, it fucked me up. I replayed the date in my head a hundred times trying to figure out what I did wrong, did I say something, did I do something, maybe I wasn't good looking enough ? Nothing made any sense. I was kinda depressed and hurt by the whole thing and it took me a couple weeks before I stopped obsessing and started to slowly get over it.

About a month later I ran into him at a local Gay bar, he was standing with a group of guys and I walked by. I caught his eyes and nodded "hi", he just looked away and kept chatting with his friends. I walked by a couple more time through out the night trying to catch him alone but it never happened. I wanted to him to say something, tell what happened by he wouldn't even look at me. It was such a shitty feeling, It made me question whether I could even date guys...


Over the last few years I have met alot of guys and dated a than a few, I learned that for me guys are really complex, alot more complex than my previous girlfriends. I discovered that dealing with being gay can be hard for some guys and they develop emotional tricks / scars to deal with their feelings. Instead of the out right denial I went through in my 20's

Some guys only want anonymous sex, some even build weird plywood walls with holes cut out and invite guys over for a blow job but can't look them in the face.

Some guys acts all innocent and naive and pretend they have never dated guys before until they get you to have sex and afterwards they throw you away like some weird sexual conquest. They have slept with tons of guys but never more than once and pretend they are virgins.

Some guys have crazy hang ups and the imagine that you are the guy for them but after meeting or kissing,etc. They decided you are not and in mid kiss can push you away and ask you to leave, claiming their isn't any Chemistry.


Other people's drama and problems are not your fault. Just try to be yourself and don't get jaded if things don't work out sometimes. Even though I had had my share of bad dates / hookups I stayed with it. I know what I want and I stayed on Manhunt and learned to be a little more reserved and careful with how fast I fell for a guy. I have met a bunch of great guys on Manhunt, in spite of the losers...

Guys that I became close friends for the last 6+ years.

Guys I dated for a few great months before we realized were weren't looking for the same thing.

A Guy I loved and dated for 4 years until his work and our relationship became too much to juggle, we are still friends but not together anymore.

And just a few weeks ago I met someone that reminds me of me when I first joined Manhunt. He is sweet, naive to a fault and sexy as hell but doesn't realize it. After our 3rd date we decided to be exclusive and see where things go so two weeks ago I updated my Manhunt profile, proudly explaining I had found someone special and cancelled my account.

It is tough to be the new kid on the block and Manhunt comes along with some painful lessons but don't be discouraged there are good people out there. Don't let the bad ones scare you away.


-Mark...

 

[516778]

Thank you mark for posting I'm really happy that you decided to comment on my topic and thanks so much for the encouraging remarks. I'm glad I'm not the only who has went through something similar as far as being strung along like this and then just blown off(not to say that not a lot of people haven't been before I posted this but to say that you spoke up and posted a story almost similar to mine). I agree with everything you said and felt. It's exactly how I felt. I do appreciate the comments and I hope everything works out with you and your guy.

I've moved on and I'm not even thinking about him or what happened anymore!!

 

[Deanboy73]

Mark, I had a similar experience, only thing different was that the guy actually talked to me again in the bar and bought me a drink LOL But haven't heard from him since. FSU- Happy to hear that you moved on. It's usually hard when it's the first anyways- most guys expect more out of the relationship. Manhunt is not that great of a site to be on to find a long lasting relationship- IMHO- great for quick hookups though. The only advise to you I can give is that to try and do something casual like lunch or dinner the first time, maybe go out to a movie and leave it at that, call or email the guy within the week and IF you hear back from the guy then you know maybe this is worth following up on. I've saved myself alot of wasted time and heartache by doing that.

 

[516778]

So I guess now my issue is what site do you use to meet people that are looking for relationships and not a quickie. Lol!!!!