so... crush on same sex.

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by somewhatcranky, Mar 15, 2009.

  1. somewhatcranky

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 25, 2008
    Messages:
    172
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Verified:
    Photo
    yes, i have a crush on a member of the same sex.

    this is not new to me. i'm Bisexual... for as long as i can remember. but only 3 years "out." now, i'm married... a wonderful wife who i love very much, and would do anything for... but, sometimes... especially with a crush like this... i don't know what to do.

    when i came out to my wife, she said that if i ever needed to experience the other sex, i could... but i know we'd never be the same. Xtube only can do so much... and i know that i'll never see this strapping young man again, but i just wanted to do DIRTY things to him... and i'm wondering if my resolve will hold out.

    i'm fucked.

    i'm not sure of what i ask from all of you... i'm half drunk as i write this (which is probably why i'm writing this)... and i have no clear direction... although i want to keep my wife because she's the best person i know, and a fine creative partner to boot... but i'm attracted to some straight 19 year old guy from los angeles, who i'll never see again, and i'm married...

    man.. i need therapy.

    i used to just dream about guys i wanted... that was once enough... now, it leads me to distraction... in important everyday things... i can't help but wonder what his penis looks like or how it would feel to hold him.

    God.

    is this to much? have i gone off the deep end?

    i struggle with this every day... i see guys that i say to myself "hey, if i were single, i would totally go after you..." but, my wife even asked me this: why didn't i date the same sex before i was married? i always felt like i was too unattractive to net another male... i'm a guy, i know how guys are (that's a shalow statement, but; hey...), and i just didn't feel like i was cute enough or "butch" (if you're into that sort of thing) enough to get a man-friend. i came real close in college with my roommate, but i don't think i really realized how badly i had it for the cigarette-tobacco-dropping lout until he moved out and away from me. he was straight anyway, so what's it matter?

    my old feelings of being unattractive still ring out even with females... i don't know if it has anything to do with being married, but i feel really unattractive to anyone, male or female.

    my main issue right now is: get over the skinny, shaggy-haired guy and get on with life.

    even if it means that for a very long time i would be left wondering what it would feel like to rub my hands across your chest.
     
  2. Rogercock

    Rogercock Member

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2007
    Messages:
    51
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    East Yorkshire (GB)
    The fantasy is most often better and indeed safer than the reality. Leave it there as a fantasy - it will only bring disappointment, problems and a whole stack of shit.
     
  3. thickmick

    thickmick Member

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2007
    Messages:
    158
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    uk
    I think you might have to leave your wife and keep her as a best freind sounds like to me you could be 100% gay not even bi m8 try talking to someone
     
  4. ohhhey

    ohhhey Member

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2008
    Messages:
    300
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Currently traveling Southeast Asia
    Maybe therapy would be a good idea, because it sounds like your self esteem is in the gutter.
     
  5. D_Percival Puddleford Pukehorn

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2006
    Messages:
    2,474
    Likes Received:
    4
    oh why oh why does the world need to be this complicated what with men who are married with women and find men attractive on the side!?!
     
  6. somewhatcranky

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 25, 2008
    Messages:
    172
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Verified:
    Photo
    noo... i'm positive i'm bi. i like men and women... trust me on that.
     
  7. arthur

    arthur New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2006
    Messages:
    618
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    London, UK
    Mate you should talk to someone!!!

    Don't let it fester, you are probably just focusing all your pent up frustration on this one guy. Whom as you say you will never see. Which will pass, but there will be, trust me, another one that replaces him in time. Need to vent this, or it will eat you up!!! Find a qualified therapist or a very good friend that you trust. But don't let it sit on your chest!!

    Good luck.
     
  8. somewhatcranky

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 25, 2008
    Messages:
    172
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Verified:
    Photo
    not "On the side" it's an even split, and i've known that since i was 14. i just never acted on it... teenage boys (and even teenage girls) are not the best people to "come out" to.

    i have a freind who was flagrantly homosexual... but you got him around a group of guys, and he would put this mask on that he was straight... even though he was pretty effeminate... we all knew, so it wasn't a big deal... but for me, someone who's not effeminate and a bit of a loudmouth around friends, it would have cost me friends (big deal, right? to a teenage boy, friends are very important... even the ones who get you into trouble...) and quite possibly, gotten me beaten up more than i already had been. i was a doughy white-boy with long hair in an inner-city school in the early 1990s... yeah... my city had lots of problems with racist skinheads at the time, so being white and "different" got you singled out by other kids at school, or on the street, and your ass kicked. the fun thing was that while getting our asses kicked and our bikes stolen by non-white, non-different kids, we were also getting out asses kicked by skinheads for being "faggots." hanging out with older deathmetal-types and older punks offered a bit of protection, but not enough... and most deffinetly no compassion in regards to liking boys AND girls...

    i am the product of my environment, i guess.
     
  9. D_Percival Puddleford Pukehorn

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2006
    Messages:
    2,474
    Likes Received:
    4
  10. Dr. Algonquin

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2007
    Messages:
    458
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    SC, US
    Verified:
    Photo
    I think you've got a great thing going with your marriage and you shouldn't jeopardize it. Once you've been with a guy it will be even harder to push the desires aside so you'll probably end up having an open marriage or sneaking around behind your wife's back. You definitely want to avoid the latter but if you think the former could work for the both of you then you might consider it. Otherwise you're in the same spot as every other married person, you're happy with your spouse but still attracted to other people. It just comes down to a matter of devotion and will power.
     
  11. kundalinikat

    kundalinikat Member

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2005
    Messages:
    250
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Seattle (WA, US)
    Somewhatcranky, these other users who have told you to ignore this or put it back in the closet might prefer to let sleeping cocks lie, but yours has obviously woken up :)

    You should tell your wife when you want to get naughty with another guy. You know this! She's your wife, that is supposed to mean that you're somewhat tied together, I would think it at least means that she knows where you'll be sleeping, and that you're using rubbers. :)

    She's already said to you that she is open to you having sex with someone else, someone male. I wonder if you really believe her? Are you in a relationship, a MARRIAGE, that could be open? It sounds like you might be, but you are scared to test the reality of it. You just need to GET OVER YOURSELF and see what happens when you actually try to do this OPENLY. No one but your wife has to know about it, but being your wife, she does kinda have to know about it. The easy way to have your wife and eat cock too is to, you know, let her in on it a little bit and go from there.

    Do you realize how lucky you are, it sounds like you came out to her while you were dating, and she is accepting. Maybe you don't know exactly how accepting because you still haven't tried it out, but you are INCREDIBLY LUCKY with a wife who understands this about you. Do not take this for granted!

    And she doesn't have to be there at the same time, or watch, or have a hot three-way, if you don't want her to, but you shouldn't deceive her, and you shouldn't do something behind her back unless she asks you to leave out details. (Some people who have open relationships don't want to hear every juicy detail :))

    If you are NOT in an open relationship, than you should find that out the honest way, by doing the right thing by your wife. Bring up the next dude (or this one) that you want to bang, ask her if she wants to be in a man sandwich, tell her that he is not as important to you as she is (right? right?) and pay attention to what she wants from you. Maybe she'll tell you not to spend the night because she wants to sleep with you, or give me all the juicy details later when you're in bed because she thinks it's hot, or something nice like that. If she tells you something else, like, she wants you to be completely monogamous, then you have to remind her of what she said, about you fooling around with another man.

    Therapy, therapy, therapy

    If you do it honestly it will be a little social complicated because of three people being involved instead of just you and this dude. But that's why you got married! Have fun.
     
  12. musclemonkey5

    musclemonkey5 New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2007
    Messages:
    200
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    GA
    Ok listen. If this was a girl on the side you would be thinking, "oh dang, I am trying to cheat on my wife". How is it any different because it is a guy. Because you have never experimented you feel you can justify it as getting it out of your system. .....whatever. Ah hah, sure.. You need to be a man and get over this. The real reason you are obsessing over this young man is just that, because you are choosing to obsess over him. You need to get some willpower and just put him out of your mind. Whenever you think of him, think of your wife and of your future happy family. How must your wife feel? Maybe, "oh no, I married a man who is going to be with men and eventually leave me!" That isn't right dude. Get help, or better, get a stronger purpose in life. If you still have self esteem issues left over from college, when you have a beautiful wife, you really need to train your mind. I wold suggest religeon, but not many here are open to it.
    You also really need to get off that gay porn you're watching that is making sure you are thinking about guys all the time. It's you're own problem dude, only you can fix it. Get a close guy friend to keep you accountable, if you're serious about solving this that is. If you're too embarrased to ask a guy friend, then you aren't serious about you're marraige.
     
  13. musclemonkey5

    musclemonkey5 New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2007
    Messages:
    200
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    GA
    You also really need to get off that gay porn you're watching that is making sure you are thinking about guys all the time. It's you're own problem dude, only you can fix it. Get a close guy friend to keep you accountable, if you're serious about solving this that is. If you're too embarrased to ask a guy friend, then you aren't serious about you're marraige.
     
Draft saved Draft deleted