So I got pushed away because I look gay

[Lito]

The most unexpected thing just happened to me just 30 minutes ago. Here’s the story:

I met this wonderful girl about a month ago, in a night club. We started dating, taking it slow and all… and I got more and more attached to her.

We have wonderful moments together, she calls me whenever she can and all, we trade love messages in our cell phones… all that jazz.

Anyway, last Sunday we slept together for the first time, and it was amazing. She reached orgasm for the first time (with someone) and was barely able to move afterwards…

All in all, I was feeling in the clouds and all, and I’m not one to fall in love easily.

Tonight I got a message asking me to meet her in her apartment, because she missed me and all. I left work and drove there, we talked, hugged, but I felt she wanted to tell me something.

After a lot of hesitation, she finally admitted: “yes, there is something bothering me.”

Long story short, with tears involved (not mine, mind you), she told me her friends didn’t like me because they thought I look (EDIT: or act) gay, and that if she hang out with me people would start talking.

She then proceeded to tell me it’s been bothering her like hell, and that she doesn’t know if she can live with this.

I was so stunned I couldn’t say a word. There was the woman I gave my fucking heart to, saying 2 things with made me want to puke:

1) That gay people are somewhat not cool to hang out with (incidental, but the bigotry is there)
2) That she doesn’t know if she can live with it?

What the fuck? She says she likes me, she misses me all the time, but is shaken by something this stupid?

I’m not gay (nothing wrong if I was), but I’m hurt as hell right now. I just left… said I would think this whole mess over.

ps: she said she knows I'm not gay and really feels I'm into her. What's bothering her is the opinion of other people (ie, her friends)

Sorry, there was a point to all this, but I’m just… blah… can’t go on right now.

 

[_avg_]

If you're into a person who's dominated by other people's opinions, then by all means pursue her. If you are looking for someone a little more independent, well...

 

[quick098]

That was gay....

 

[D_one and done]

if shes self-conscious enough to be so easily swayed by people's opinions of her spouse then i say good riddance. it sounds like you two had a good relationship, so i wouldnt advice severing all ties. if she ever gets to a point where shes mature enough to not care about what anyone else thinks, there may be hope for a reconnection. for now, i think you should just make your peace with the situation and go on with your life.

my two cents. hope that helps :biggrin1:

best of luck to you man

 

[B_Demention]

It was very rude of her to bring this up to you. She should've worked it out with her friends if it really was an issue (and it seems a very stupid one at that). It's not your fault you look the way you do and you shouldn't have to change a thing - this is other people's problem. All you can really do is let her work this out by herself. If it's genuinely a dealbreaker for her then I think you had a lucky escape, even if she seemed so great during the time you were dating her.

 

[B_Nick4444]

how does someone look gay? (as opposed to acting like a flame?)

 

[crescendo69]

Metrosexual?

 

[Lito]

how does someone look gay? (as opposed to acting like a flame?)

look in appears to be ( translation problems, I suppose).

Metrosexual?

Not really. I mean, I do work out, am fit, and like my hair... is that a crime?

 

[crescendo69]

No, it is not; sorry if we sounded judgemental.

 

[Principessa]

Lito, I am guessing she is in her late teens early 20's. I can't imagine someone your age being that influenced by her friends. If she knows you aren't gay then those other silly opinions don't matter.

I'm sorry your feelings were hurt; but she needs to grow up and you need a more mature women who can think for herself.

 

[KyNiner270]

Well, I am assuming your are both younger people. As we age something as trivial as you "Look Gay" wouldn't be an issue. In all honesty if you both cared for one another... that just isn't a valid excuse.

This sort of reminds me of the old saying... "If all your friends were jumping off the bridge, would you?"

Seriously, she has alot of soul searching and growing up to do guy. I remember the days when my friends meant alot to me. But I never let them dominate my life to the point of telling me whom I should date. I would say you are far better to let by gones be by gones.

I mean seriously, you had some great sex. Be a man and let it go at that, LOL. I know that is easier said than done. Especially if you had started the whole development of feelings. That sadly just takes time to let go of.

P.S. You sound like a stud miffin in the sack. Go shag all her friends... Then ask them if you are still gay as they are lying there trying to catch their breath, LOL.

 

[Lito]

Lito, I am guessing she is in her late teens early 20's. I can't imagine someone your age being that influenced by her friends. If she knows you aren't gay then those other silly opinions don't matter.

I'm sorry your feelings were hurt; but she needs to grow up and you need a more mature women who can think for herself.

She's actually a 27 years old medical doctor

 

[ActionBuddy]

Dump her... and her awful "friends"! There are plenty of fish in the sea (Brazil) that will appreciate you. why settle for one that is so easily controlled by other peoples' judgments of you... especially when they haven't gotten to know you as a person?

Onan

 

[D_Harry_Crax]

Tell her to go f--- herself.

 

[hockeycock]

She's a dumb bitch. If she can't (or won't) be assertive with her friends about something so stupid, she'll end up going through life getting pushed around and drifting with the wind. Fuck that shit. Walk away and never look back. It'll hurt now but not for long.

 

[Principessa]

She's actually a 27 years old medical doctor

Oh honey, I am sorry, but you can do way better than her!

 

[Lito]

Ok, 4 hours later... my slow mind processed the whole incident, and alas, confusion became anger.

There you go. I'll go to sleep now, and send her on her way tomorrow morning... screw it =D

 

[rimmer9]

Walk away...

 

[auncut10in]

send her a copy of the song Skaterboy by Avril Lavigne

 

[D_Feock Mie]

Just tell her that since you've been with her you have become gay.