So, I have this straight friend...

kennykenjima

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Okay, I don't want this to be another post saying, "Oh I have a friend that is straight but I think he might be interested in having a gay experience." However, there are some things that I just need a second opinion on so I'm turning to you guys for suggestions.

So here is the story. My friend and I are really close. Like brotherly close. We've been this way for over 5 years. When we first started hanging out in college, he'd come over to my apartment and we'd hang out and talk about some deep topics.

Well, one night he came over and started saying "Dude, there is porn on Youtube." I, of course said, no there isn't. After a while we found some videos of naked girls on Youtube. No big deal. After we watch them, he says starts just Googling up porn. We start watching porn together right there. He mostly draws attention to male actor's penis while we watch these videos. He then starts talking about his length and size and how much he ejaculates. Nothing happened, but this continued for about 3 years. He'd come over, and we'd watch porn. He told me one time "Yeah not having a girlfriend can make someone really horny" while we were watching some pretty hardcore stuff. Again nothing happened. I was a VERY shy person, so looking back on it I really wish I would have taken some action.

During these 3 years or so, we'd also "bag tag" each other (when someone taps on the front of your pants). When we did it though, we'd each hold our hand there for a few seconds and really rub it in. One time I did it to him, and he was definately semi-hard. He swivled around in the chair he was in and went "ahhh" but never threw my hand away or anything. When we'd stay in a hotel together, the first thing we'd do at night is watch porn. One particular time he kept saying how horny he was and that he needed to take a cold shower. Again, nothing happend (yes I think I may have blown many chances).

So fast-forward to today. For the past 2 years he has had a very intense job so he doesn't get to come over much anymore. Mostly stays at home because he is so exhausted. We will talk all the time on the phone though. When we talk, it is filled with gay subjects. I should mention that he is convinced I'm gay, although I've never admitted to it mainly because I have only ever been attracted to him. He will always tell me he had sex with another guy friend because he says he "knows it makes me jealous". We will also talk about stuff he hypothetically did with those guys. He also starts asking me what I'd do to him if he was ever passed out drunk (by the way, he told me one time he doesn't trust HIMSELF around me if he was drunk so he never drinks liquor when we are together anymore). He likes me to go into detail. He likes to tell me how much he ejaculates and vice-versa. It's like when he talks to me, he's in "the zone" if that makes sense.

A few more examples:

One night, he was pretty wasted and was sleeping on the couch. I thought it would be funny to wake him up by putting my finger down the back of his pants (I was pretty drunk too). I walked over and saw that his eyes were open. I still thought it would be funny to do it though plus his face was face down and to the side and I could tell his eyes were open because I could see the side of his eyelids move. So I stuck my finger down the back of his pants expecting him to jump. He didn't. he let me keep doing it for like a minute then pretended to wake up.

I was over at his house one night and he started making these sounds on a table with his feet trying to annoy me. I grabbed his feet and held them. After a few seconds, I started rubbing his feet. He didn't pull away or anything. He just let me keep doing it. After 10 minutes or so, he said "I'm going to bed (it was late anyways) and then told me "Well now you have jack off material for the next 2 months now that you got to massage my feet." He also is convinced I fantasize about him.

Recently, we went to a sporting event as well. He started to pretend like he was passing out and kept putting his hands over his face. I would push him on the shoulder but after a few seconds, I'd rest my hand on it. Then I'd start gently rubbing. After 10-15 seconds, he'd say "quit" and pull away. This happened though about 20 times in a row! And each time I'd do it, I could see his eyes were still open between his fingers, so it was like he knew that if he put his hands over his face, I would rub his shoulder.

Sorry for the long post, but I guess my question is what should I think about all of this? There are tons more examples, but I didn't want to make this post any longer than it already is. Is this a gay experience in waiting? Is there some sort of homosexual urge in him? Oh, I should also mention he consideres himself a homophobe. Yeah.
 
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B_theaussieone

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trust your instincts. trust in that over what people here say. Also dont be afraid to go there, if it ruins your friendship then your friendship and his own ego weren't meant for you and move on. you only live once, and your penis doesnt remain hard all your life. go get him.
 

D_22

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When he asks you what you'd do to him, ask him what he'd do to you in response?

It definitely feels he's giving you all these signs and hints but he's also pussy footing around in case he's wrong.

But who knows, really. He could just be playing around with you but it does seem he may be generally curious.
 

cgttown

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I'm not sure from your post whether or not you are gay or straight (and I'm not sure it matters). I think you clearly have an attraction to him, and he's giving all the signs that he has an attraction to you. Both of you seem afraid to pursue that for fear of what it might mean to the friendship or what it might be about you.

I think the porn obsession probably stilted a relationship for you, but it's been years down the road, now. Next time he wants to talk about or joke about sex with you (his effect on you, your effect on him, or whatever), why not just tell him no? Say, "Hey, I'm really tired of joking about all this. I actually am attracted to you and I think you are to me. Why don't we just get over ourselves and explore what that might mean?"

Nothing like being open and vulnerable to either get something started or nip it in the bud. You sound like you'd LIKE there to be something with this guy. PLUS, it sounds like you're intentionally shutting yourself off from other possibilities in your life because you don't know either way about this guy. So go for it one way or the other, already.
 

kennykenjima

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I appreciate the suggestions. I'm really not sure what to do yet. If I would have had the same confidence a few years ago as I do now, I think something would come about. I think for anything to happen now, it would have to "accidentally" happen. As in, for us to be drinking or somewhere that he won't see a lot of (out of town) so he won't associate a repressed urge (if there is one) with something or somewhere that is in his daily life. I think that would give an out for an excuse although we'd both know it would be BS.
 

rbkwp

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Oh, I should also mention he consideres himself a homophobe. Yeah.

wish, you had placed that at the top ...


adding the years up in your post, i think you guys may have a relationship that will possibly go no further
both may have to accept it that way huh
Think i would move on myself .. keep the friendship as/is

tbrh,
i was waiting for you to re-appear before answering, just cautious me, these days ..
 

kennykenjima

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Yeah maybe so. I just keep playing these conversations we have and events that happen in my head like they are a sign. Who knows? Maybe something more needs to happen to give our friendship that extra push towards something or away from something.
 
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This sounds just like what lead up to my first experience with a guy. Great memories!
 

xmarksbreakdownx

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Ok, I think I get what he's doing. He wants to try... something. It might just be jacking off, but he's scared to ask you at risk of messing up the relationship. If you want to do it, invite him over. When he drops hints, pick up on them. I kind of had the same problem with me and my best friend, but I knew I had to ask because if not I'd always wonder, "what if?".
 

B_AZBiGuy

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Next time he tells you what he'd do to you, just bluntly say, "Yeah, well come over here and prove it!" Then wait for his response. If he says, "Okay"... then go for it. If he says something else, then you can reply with, "Yeah, I knew you were all talk. Good thing you're not my type."
 

_mc27

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It's hard to figure it out because i think you're both shy about the things will happen if you started that conversation because you may thing that your friendship might be affected. If you don't make a risk out of it, nothing will happen.

But the best thing is to ask the guy about doing some different stuff and ask him if he is comfortable doing that with you. I think he will understand it because i think he is a open minded guy.
 

_mc27

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It's hard to figure it out because i think you're both shy about the things will happen if you started that conversation because you may thing that your friendship might be affected. If you don't make a risk out of it, nothing will happen.

But the best thing is to ask the guy about doing some different stuff and ask him if he is comfortable doing that with you. I think he will understand it because i think he is a open minded guy.
 

needtonut

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From reading your post I figure the only reason the guy says he's homophobe is because he's having trouble dealing with his own homosexual feelings. You've given no indication that he's straight other than saying he's straight yet you've said many things that leads me to believe he is very curious. Chess games are very slow but someone needs to make a move here. Sounds like you're both in love and just don't want to risk it. He's you're buddy that you've been hanging around with for three years. You guys know each other well. Maybe he needs a back rub with his stressful job. Next time he reminds you he is "straight" give him a deep kiss with tongue.