hooray. I think? So I made friends with a girl in a bar, one thing lead to another (as things usually do) and next thing I know, we're in her kitchen, she ran her hand over my package (exclaimed "Jesus Christ!" which made my night) and we went and had sex. Now I should be all happy about this, but it's not the whole story. You see, I was really turned on, right up to the actual sex, and I just stopped feeling anything. I might as well have been using my forearm to fuck with - I just didn't feel like I was being sexually stimulated in any way. So we fucked for a while, and I had to pull out at one point and jack off a bit to get hard again, she seemed to have a good time (and told me she had a good time), but had to finish me off with a handjob (and it took about 5 minutes). What bugs me about the whole thing is that I simply wasn't turned on by having sex with this person and really didn't enjoy it very much. And it's been playing on my mind recently that I think I may be gay (for a number of reasons, including the obvious "I find men attractive"), and I'm not really sure how to interpret this whole deal. Was this the final nail in the coffin for my not terribly strong feelings for women? Or was it just a bad experience? The girl in question told me a couple of times that she thinks I might be gay, and she was a little evasive when I asked why. We've called a truce on the sexual aspect of our interaction and we're calling it friends as we really aren't terribly into one another. She's offered to go drinking with me to one of the local gay bars, which is an offer I may take up at some point. So I dunno where I'm at at the moment. I feel a bit strange, kind of relieved that I took what was a huge step for introverted little me and lost my virginity, but at the same time disappointed that it was a bit crap, and confused about my own feelings and sexuality. I don't regret it though, if nothing else I've learned about being human and about being me. But I do feel a lot more confident about myself now, and my depression has eased off for the moment. I think I might have to give straight sex another go, maybe with a girl I have stronger feelings for, and I still want to loose my "gay virginity" Anyway, this post is a bit of a rambling. I'm not really sure what the point is except I really don't know what to think right now, and I don't have anyone else to speak to but the internets, as I don't talk sex with my friends.