So... I lost my virginity.

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by SomeGuyOverThere, Oct 25, 2009.

  1. SomeGuyOverThere

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    hooray. I think?

    So I made friends with a girl in a bar, one thing lead to another (as things usually do) and next thing I know, we're in her kitchen, she ran her hand over my package (exclaimed "Jesus Christ!" which made my night) and we went and had sex.

    Now I should be all happy about this, but it's not the whole story. You see, I was really turned on, right up to the actual sex, and I just stopped feeling anything. I might as well have been using my forearm to fuck with - I just didn't feel like I was being sexually stimulated in any way.

    So we fucked for a while, and I had to pull out at one point and jack off a bit to get hard again, she seemed to have a good time (and told me she had a good time), but had to finish me off with a handjob (and it took about 5 minutes).

    What bugs me about the whole thing is that I simply wasn't turned on by having sex with this person and really didn't enjoy it very much. And it's been playing on my mind recently that I think I may be gay (for a number of reasons, including the obvious "I find men attractive"), and I'm not really sure how to interpret this whole deal. Was this the final nail in the coffin for my not terribly strong feelings for women? Or was it just a bad experience?

    The girl in question told me a couple of times that she thinks I might be gay, and she was a little evasive when I asked why. We've called a truce on the sexual aspect of our interaction and we're calling it friends as we really aren't terribly into one another. She's offered to go drinking with me to one of the local gay bars, which is an offer I may take up at some point.

    So I dunno where I'm at at the moment. I feel a bit strange, kind of relieved that I took what was a huge step for introverted little me and lost my virginity, but at the same time disappointed that it was a bit crap, and confused about my own feelings and sexuality. I don't regret it though, if nothing else I've learned about being human and about being me.

    But I do feel a lot more confident about myself now, and my depression has eased off for the moment. I think I might have to give straight sex another go, maybe with a girl I have stronger feelings for, and I still want to loose my "gay virginity" :p

    Anyway, this post is a bit of a rambling. I'm not really sure what the point is except I really don't know what to think right now, and I don't have anyone else to speak to but the internets, as I don't talk sex with my friends.
     
    #1 SomeGuyOverThere, Oct 25, 2009
    Last edited: Oct 25, 2009
  2. ZOS23xy

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    Welcome to the club. Sexuality is one thing. Your sexuality is yet another. Her telling you on your first encounter seems to have confused you. A sensitive time to push the wrong buttons. It all depends on what you think. What you feel.

    If it turns you on, it is an aspect of yourself. There's no question about it.
     
  3. D_Jared Padalicki

    D_Jared Padalicki Account Disabled

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    Awesome man. maybe confusing, but now you have more answers on the questions you were wondering about. U now had sex with a girl, it wasn't that bad, but it wasn't great. So next step maybe another girl to see if it's the same and then a guy. When it feels better with a guy, you know u are one step further in becomming who you really are. Awesome man, wish I also had answers for that :smile:
     
  4. jdick79

    jdick79 New Member

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    It doesn't sound like losing your "str8" virginity was much fun so hopefully losing your "gay" virginity will be more fun for you. If it is, maybe that will tell you something!!

    Don't get depressed just because you don't know whether you want to be with a guy or a girl. You are young and have plenty of time to "play the field" and find what you want. Good luck
     
  5. SomeGuyOverThere

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    Well no, I was confused before hand. I, up until last night, identified myself as bisexual, but I had been suspecting that my feelings for women are there because I'm expected to have feelings for women - a culturally imprinted thought pattern.

    Now I'm really suspecting that I am gay, but I can't think straight at the moment.

    Tanks Pieter. :) Yeah I don't feel bad (though I think she's concerned that I do, I'll probably text her tomorrow as she's working today, and say that I don't regret our time together). I feel like I've tried something new, and learned a bit about it, and about myself.

    If nothing else I've kicked my depression in the teeth - I can't sit here and feel miserable that "nobody finds me attractive, I'll die a virgin" blah blah blah. I know now that that's not true. :)

    Well that's what I'm hoping. :)

    Part of my feeling is like a whole new world has opened up to me just when I thought it was inaccessible. Now I want to explore! :D
     
    #5 SomeGuyOverThere, Oct 25, 2009
    Last edited: Oct 25, 2009
  6. jdick79

    jdick79 New Member

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    There are days I wish I had explored more options with sex (with a guy) when I was younger and maybe I wouldn't want to try it now when I'm married. It makes it much harder later on so don't grow old regretting that you haven't acted on your feelings!
     
  7. IrishWank

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    Had you had a wank long before you went to the bar? The longer you go without wanking, the more sensitive your dick will be and more pleasureable too. If I had a wank maybe 3hrs before I have sex, sometimes I just dont cum, although I would like to.

    You said you didnt feel anything. Do you mean you didnt feel anything emotionally (sexually), or actually no sensation from your dick from the sex? If you mean from your dick, thats weird, cuz if i changed over and fucked a guy in the ass, Im sure I would get a good sensation in my dick from the fucking motion.

    So might be good to work out why you felt nothing. Was it the position you were fucking in, did you wank lately, or are you really not attracted to women.
     
  8. _avg_

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    Three things come to mind:

    1) Virgin expectations
    2) Porn overload
    3) One-night stand

    As a virgin, you may have built-up an expectation for the event that it couldn't possibly match; similarly, as you described it you were very self-conscious about the fact that you were having sex, which probably got in the way of your enjoyment somewhat.

    Personally, I can say that jerking off too much hurt my sex life a bit and watching porn probably made it harder for me to simply let-go and enjoy the moment. Your results may vary.

    Finally, and most importantly, sex with a person you don't love totally pales in comparison to sex in a deep, loving relationship. I too was shocked at how "flat" my ONS sex felt (though I guess there is no such thing as "bad sex" -- it just wasn't as "intense.").
     
  9. cdog204

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    My first time I think I was so overwhelmed mentally by what was happening to really feel much at all. It was sort of an out-of-body experience. Other friends have either described the same thing or near-instant ejaculation, nothing really in between.
     
  10. whatadork

    whatadork New Member

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    Did you use a condom too?

    The first few times I've had sex I really didn't enjoy it much and I kept on losing my erection. The sensation was really dulled for me (like you, I didn't feel anything really) because of the condom I was using which then caused me to worry that I was going to lose my erection, which then caused me to lose my erection. It was really weird because it would go from "barely feeling anything at all" to suddenly realizing that I was at the point of no return. It actually wasn't very enjoyable except for how much I liked the fact that she was enjoying it.

    But my situation was a little different than yours in that I never thought of it as an experiment to see if I was straight. I was always very turned on by her (very easy for me to get hard if the prospect of sex wasn't very close; I would get hard just talking to her on the phone sometimes or I'd be hard knowing that she was coming over).

    The next girl I had sex with was mind blowing. It's what I always imagined sex would be like. But there were a few things different.

    1) I was more comfortable with her by FAR. No nervous energy with her.

    2) I went in condomless the first time I had sex with her (which was ok disease wise because both of us had been tested since our last sexual partners, but wasn't ok pregnancy wise cuz she wasn't on birth control). The initial penetration was AMAZING feeling and then each thrust was SO good especially the way she moved that I orgasmed after like 20 seconds. And the way she moved made me misjudge when I had to pull out, so when I did pull out, I was already to the point of no return and I shot (stimulation free at that point) all over the bed about 2 seconds after I pulled out. This is probably how MOST people's first time was like.

    3) I changed condoms. I tried a new brand of condoms (the ones where everyone insisted was close to wearing nothing at all). With the second girl I had sex with, I started doing this thing (which I don't think is all that wise though) where I would fuck her bareback until I was SLIGHTLY close to orgasm. Then I would pull out, put on a condom and then go until I was done. Of course if we had sex not too long before hand, I would start out with the condom. This method definitely cut down on the chance of pregnancy but definitely not as safe as using the condom from the very start every time. Anyways, the other condoms dulled the sensation too, but not nearly as much. The original condoms really felt like nothing was happening when I was having sex. The new ones felt like I was having sex normally but at like 75% the stimulation.

    So that's what I would consider. You still might be bi, but honestly, if you don't feel any attraction towards women, then you shouldn't force yourself to. If you DO find yourself attracted to women though and it's just the sex that ain't so good, then my advice is you need to find someone you're comfortable with sexually (someone who knows your concerns and won't judge you if you start to doubt yourself), and someone you trust enough and trusts you enough to have sex w/o condoms (ie after you're both tested and she's on birth control), OR instead of the last one, buy condoms that are supposed to feel like "nothing is there". Also if you masturbate a lot, cut down on it and regain some sensitivity. If your issues are from the "death grip" while masturbating, sex with me (unless you're going to bottom) is also going to be disappointing.
     
  11. BIGDP

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    I know this is too simplistic, but I've heard the "am I gay or not" question put this way: Who do you think about when you masturbate? Men or women?

    My personal answer: Lately, it's been a woman getting double penetration from two guys.
     
  12. headbang8

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    SGOT,

    We've both been members of this board since the early days. I seem to recall that this subject has been on the table for quite a while. Great news.

    And you have a good attitude about it, too. It was something nice, not exploitative on either side, and you learned something about yourself. Sounds liek a win-win to me.

    It had been troubling you for a long time. Compare this post to those which you wrote half a decade ago, and I think you'll see how far you've come. Now, time for the next step, whatever that may be.

    My warmest regards to you.
     
  13. KTF40

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    I can't comment on the whole sexuality thing, but if it makes you feel any better I couldn't feel shit the first couple times I had sex. I even completely lost my erection with the second girl I was with and had to stop. This girl was ridiculously tight too (I know this because I fucked her properly a year later). Getting pleasure from sex is much different than getting pleasure from jacking off. Just got to get used to it.
     
  14. jeff black

    jeff black <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    As someone who's had similar experiences, I can offer a few thoughts:

    1) You inability to get into the mood might be due to nerves. You had built up your thoughts about virginity, you were finally losing it and it's possible you were over excited.

    2) Sometimes, one has to do alot of swimming before they become an expert. In other words, keep trying.

    3) In regards to the bisexual/gay thing... don't worry about labelling yourself. Go out, have some experiences, try both sides, see what happens.
     
    #14 jeff black, Oct 25, 2009
    Last edited: Oct 25, 2009
  15. D_Relentless Original

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    Seriously ^ this is good advice, i agree 100%.
     
    #15 D_Relentless Original, Oct 25, 2009
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  16. Florida Boy

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    Everyone in the group is glad you lost your virginity also, sort of. no matter how you cut it, it is a milestone in every boys life. On the gay issue, it is entirely possible that you could have thoroughly enjoyed the experience without having answered the question, "Am I gay?". You do want to for sure if the heterosexual side of things a fair go of it. At the same time, experiences on the gay side may also develop. In either case, go for the flow. At age 22, you have a lot of sexual life in front of you.


     
  17. DiscoBoy

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    First things first, congrats!

    You still sound confused and conflicted with your sexuality, so really just throwing yourself out there and experimenting should/will give you some "answers". Being comfortable with your sexuality and knowing what you want will release a huge load off your chest.
    Great advice ^!
     
  18. SomeGuyOverThere

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    Thanks headbang - and thanks for remembering my little out-pourings of misery over the past 5 years. Yes, this has been a 500 pound gorilla in my head for a long time, and I feel a little liberated now :)

    I think it did go as well as it could have, especially as we both came to the conclusion that we don't work as a relationship. She was fine that I was a virgin, I was thrilled somebody would sex me up :p All in all it would be difficult for me to have gotten a better first time. Of course, it would have been better if I'd manage to cum, but we can't have our cake and eat it.

    Well to be honest, usually men. BUt I'm more familiar with the male anatomy, so it's easier to erm... visualise.

    It was a little unreal to be honest. And I think it can be a bit of a mental overload at the time.

    Yeah - I think the condom was a pretty shit brand, it was like having sex through a plastic bag. I think I'll have to invest in a few brands and give them little "test runs" with Palm and her 5 sisters.

    Thanks Jeff, that's some solid advice :)





    Back to the whole feeling thing I think part of it was that, I'm uncut, and she pulled my foreskin back at the start. Now the thing is that I don't really get much feeling from the head of my cock, I get the best feeling from rubbing my foreskin over the head without pulling the skin back. So part of the problem was I wasn't getting any stimulation from the head. I seem to be a bit weird in that respect - maybe my nerves are defective : /
     
    #18 SomeGuyOverThere, Oct 25, 2009
    Last edited: Oct 25, 2009
  19. denton85

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    OK so let me start with the sensation of not feeling anything. I can say that i have had that a few times when wearing a condom ( i assume you wore one) and since you were a virgin, and most likely didn't buy proper size condoms (assuming you are larger and thicker than average because of being a member on this site) i would say the condom was also probably tight. (which for me using regular trojan condoms leads me to absolutely no sensation. I then went to life style condoms cause they are slightly larger, and was able to feel SOMETHING, but still never orgasm ... Then switched to magnums and the sensation is MUCH better and have come while using them....


    So here is the OTHER issue ... she said that u might be gay, and u don't know why and she wont tell u... well in her case she is scared to offend u, but in most cases like this the guy usually has a few gay traits (like the way u talk, walk, stand, or something less obvious) My personal opinion is that u might be Bi

    The fact that you are so willing to accept the possibility and actuality of it without any problems means that u are open minded, and might actually think u might be into guys. As an open minded guy myself, in a very open minded state in the US, i have thought of the possibility of being into guys... and then have decided that it's not my cup of tea... i have not completely ruled out such random possibilities, however atleast at the moment, i consider myself full blown (99%) straight.

    You however are willing to try it and seem to be willing to go through with it... which for most straight guys like me... i don't even want to kiss a guy let alone think i could even get it up at all for a guy...

    The fun thing is for u ( i consider Bi guys actually lucky cause they can enjoy having sex with either guys or girls, being straight narrows your choices down by 50% even before you start weeding out the people not your type) u have a girl willing to go with u, help u pick up a bi guy, and have a fun and amazing night ....

    I say go with it... and buy larger condoms ...

    Edit: almost forgot anxiety... u might have had a crap load of that... i have an anxiety problem and can understand that... but u seem to have been able to get it up, and eventually cum even if it was manual stimulation so i can fairly say u don't have any sexual dysfunction from anxiety.
     
    #19 denton85, Oct 25, 2009
    Last edited: Oct 25, 2009
  20. SomeGuyOverThere

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    Well I didn't buy the condom, she provided it. I've been in a slump of misery for a long time and didn't even own condoms as I was certain I wasn't going to loose my virginity any time soon. Strangely I'd had a compulsion to buy some Durex Sensitive ones a few times last week and hadn't gone through with it (due to afore mentioned misery).

    Looking at your stats, we have very similar sized cocks, so I might have to try LifeStyle or Magnum.

    The thing is, Durex have a kind of monopoly in the UK (or from what I see in the supermarkets and in those vending machines in the blokes restrooms, Durex has like 90% of the market. I assume it was a bog standard Durex I tried and it was a little tight, but the main thing was it was just too thick i think. - it was like having sex through a bin liner.

    But I've had times where I can't cum before, usually when I'm stressed or tired or upset. Like I've woken up in the morning and felt horny and tired, so whipped it out and had a wank, and then kept wanking, and wanking, and wanking... and eventually actually given up and gone and taken a shower because I was just not going to cum. I don't think it's anxiety related, as you say, because I got it up and with some persistence I can come, but it's unusual.

    And yes, I'm open minded about my sexuality, because I don't think i can know either way until I've "Played both sides of the field" a bit, because I really don't know what I want.
     
    #20 SomeGuyOverThere, Oct 25, 2009
    Last edited: Oct 25, 2009
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