So I thought an Open forum might yield an idea

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by rough_neck_9_1, Oct 11, 2011.

  1. rough_neck_9_1

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    I suppose I should start out by apologizing if I start to ramble. Maybe I'm just trying to shell out my story, and this goes against one of my rules for not ranting to internet about my problems. But I'm starting to get pretty edgy about things and in any case on with the details;

    Running through the cliff notes version of the story, my old man got the cancer and died back when I was twelve. Three months latter my mother's kidney's decide to bail out on her and she went into a series of dialysis treatments for five years before she was able to get a new kidney which in and of itself is proving to be only so effective. On top of that there is no extended family support what so ever given on both sides its a mix of addicts, thieves and dealers about three of which have a job of their own anyway. So in total its me and my only brother trying to float the household, which is going by at a so-so rate and we've been doing it since the old man croaked.

    So here I am, 21 years old, living at home partly taking care of my mother and paying 90% of every paycheck into the house. But it doesn't take much to imagine I still want a girl, hell at this point even one I put time into just for her hole. But as you can imagine it's hard to sell yourself to women when you live at home, and don't have a lot of money to spend. To top that off, I'm a virgin who's had a handful of dates in his whole life. So there's the trap of falling in too deep with the first girl who shows me her vag, let alone tells me she likes me.

    So the point/question I want to end with is, should a guy in my position be even trying to find a girl, or for that matter one to just bang? And advise on how do you sell, "I take care of my sick mother" as a selling point?
     
  2. dolfette

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    i feel very sorry for unfair hand life has dealt you, but those two lines above betray pretty shitty attitudes. i can't imagine any decent woman wanting to get involved with a guy who thinks like that.
     
  3. Getting9

    Getting9 New Member

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    Tell the new girl that your mother lives with you, not vice versa, since you are paying the bills.
     
  4. LaFemme

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    I agree with dolf. At first reading your story made me think you had some depth and character. Then I see you refer to wanting a girl for "her hole", one "just to bang" and one who might show you her "vag". And then using your sick mother as a selling point? Yup, not even a sympathy fuck for you. Maybe if you change the way you view women, it might change the way they view you. A girl could fall for a soft hearted guy who helps his mom; not so much for a guy looking for a hole.
     
  5. TheRob

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    actually women seem to like jerks more...
     
  6. rough_neck_9_1

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    Alright I don't quite know why I feel the compulsion to qualify this, no matter how petty or otherwise further it digs my self pity hole. But the reason I use the words, "her hole" etc, is based in humor. Or at least the idea is to punch up the language out of a place of brutal honesty. It's petty sarcasm and arguably immature, but it makes me giggle which works for me, turning otherwise emotionally frustrating elements into something I can at least have a laugh over.

    One other thing, when I say, "I take care of my sick mother" as a selling point?". It's not out of a place where, "Hey, I do XX, pity me and fuck me". It's more pondering how do you turn that into a conversation without coming off like Norman fucking Bates. You do what you can for family, that's an easy conversation, but it's kind of kicked to ten when you try explaining to a girl 50% of all your free time is limited to taking care of your mother.
     
  7. dolfette

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    kid, this is an open forum.
    it has women posting on it.
    do you think women find your idea of humour funny?
    do you think that brand of humour will win girls over?

    you really need to work on that one!

    you don't need to sell your story.
    either a girl will mind or she won't.
    no girl worth her salt would look down on you for it.
    the real issue is how much time you don't have free.
     
  8. rsny845

    rsny845 Member

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    You are stepping like a MAN. Damn few of any age do that. I say be proud of accepting responsibility beyond your due. You're handling things most 40 yr olds can't. And that is very very attractive.
     
  9. helgaleena

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    Indeed it is. What is unattractive is the way that you think it is funny to speak like that about the very persons you are wishing to see more of. This attitude is what will backfire on you.

    Rephrase. You are a decent human being doing the right thing for your parent, keeping the household, and you deserve love and support. There are women who will respect this and also might find you to be a charming person. They will gladly spend time with you for your own sake. If your group of friendly female supporters includes one who is willing to 'go deeper' you will find that out later.

    'Just a hole' implies hired help. If that is how you feel about sex, put a line item in your budget for a sex worker periodically or save up for a nice rubber doll.
     
  10. LaFemme

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    Your sense of humour sucks. As dolf said - work on it. And as helga said - put some money aside for a doll or sex worker if you can't view sex in a healthier way. Sex generally involves an entire person, not just "a hole". And if you can't afford a sex worker or a doll, there's a thread around here somewhere about fucking watermelons. Apparently some guys find it quite satisfying.
     
  11. Bbucko

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    I would personally suggest that the watermelon(s) not be refrigerated. Room temp would be much more satisfying, I should think.
     
  12. bimetaldude

    bimetaldude Member

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    THIS.
     
  13. LaFemme

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    Thanks Bbucko - room temp, or I hear warmed by the sun is quite nice. :smile:
     
  14. rough_neck_9_1

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    I was always a fan of the ever cheap, roll of TP and lubricated condom trick.
     
  15. ConstantComment

    ConstantComment New Member

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    I agree with this approach for you, OP. As for "the hole" remark, there may be a market likes that approach but it will be very samll and you may not find those women desireable.

    My guy who has been a chubby nerd all his life told me he got rid of his virginity by finding a couple who were looking for a third party. If you're having trouble exectuing this rite of passage, then I am one of those women who is accepting of this sort of creativty. Although there are some women who won't be. So if you go down this route, becareful whom you tell later on.

    I hope your family and economic situation improve. At the same time, be careful of the crude remarks when referring to women.
     
  16. The Dragon

    The Dragon New Member

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    I have a mixed reaction reading this.

    Firstly,
    I want to applaud you for stepping up to the plate and looking after your sick mother in the face of so many obstacles.
    You've sacrificed so much and you've had to grow up and mature very, very quickly to rise to the challenges put before you.

    BUT.....

    In a lot of ways your personal development has been retarded for the sake of your mother and I do sense that there is a lot of emotional baggage, bitterness and compassion fatigue/ burn-out that is typical of full time carers like yourself.
    I urge you to get some support in the way of counselling, any sort of government funded or even community based support groups for personal carers within your area.
    You need to look after you so you can be a better you for your Mother AND yourself.
    Money that could be spent on a prostitute might be better spent on therapy so you can depressurise and vent in a safe, non judgemental environment about the heart-ache of looking after such a high needs person.

    I would seriously look into ways and means via some sort of social security/ government payments/schemes to admit your Mother into some sort of day- over night respite center in order to give you a rest.
    You need it.

    You are not helping your cause at all by projecting your bitterness about your current situation and perhaps latent anger at your mother against women in general for not paying attention to you.

    You need help and you need rest more than you need to get laid at this point.

    Please get help.
     
  17. ConstantComment

    ConstantComment New Member

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    The Dragon said it best. I wish the best for you.
     
  18. D_Rosalind Mussell

    D_Rosalind Mussell New Member

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    I didn't get as far as the hole remark, as referencing to your dad's death as croaking is where you lost me.

    It seems it was your attempt at humor, but perhaps you are feeling a little more resentful than you'd like to admit. There's nothing wrong with it, I walked in similar shoes at 19 years old, but it might help to admit it out loud.

    As far as women go, I'm in agreement with others about being honest and not playing up the pity-fuck scenario. You're better than that, you deserve better than that.
     
  19. Intrigue

    Intrigue New Member

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    I agree with Dragon and Bbw36. I think there is quite a large amount of pent up hostility towards your father for "leaving" you to deal with such a burden. You really need to seek help, talk to someone. Get it the fuck off you chest bub. Otherwise it'll keep coming back out as bile and be directed at whomever is in the way, such as women, friends, other family. You owe it to yourself to talk to someone. I know rage, I know how to talk about it now. And now im better for it, and you will be too.
     
  20. ScotRandom

    ScotRandom Active Member

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    I'm mostly with the sensible remarks that many have left. I've been a carer for my own Mother (though I was 27 & trying to hold down 3 jobs, as well as be there as the main carer).
    Thankfully in the UK we have council funded help, but it was all new to me & there felt like there was frankly no time in the day for so many things. I wish I'd been more clued up on the free support groups & other help available.
    I understand that at such a young age it's difficult to hold onto that sense of humour & I suspect (with benefit of the doubt) that the remarks about women were meant as levity & a (failed) droll way of dealing with a stark reality. Just how do you put a positive spin on being young, with hardly any disposable income? You don't see that as a catch of the day, but rather than diss yourself you aim the hurt at a hypothetical/faceless person (but instead offend some of the women reading the post).
    What you've done so far is commendable & you don't have a book on "How To Get Through Life" (so come on people, cut the guy some slack). However, bear it mind when you're composing your posts on here. The women will read them too & you don't want to be negative about them (however unintentional).
    Good luck young man.
    Scot
     
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