So I thought an Open forum might yield an idea

piratebulldog

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I think it great that there are women who respond to these threads because of the insight they bring to a discussion of this kind. Yes, life has dealt you a very tough hand. The death of your father at such a young age and the lack of role models have taught you a brand of humor and a way of looking at life that is abhorrent to most women. From just the few responses on here, it is time to take a look at both. Try to find a mentor who can truly guide you and teach you how to be a real man and relate to women appropriately. This is not it.
 

rough_neck_9_1

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I ultimetly come to the conclussion what I say has a real offensiveness to it, and understandably. They are horrid things, but for the sake of transperency that is the joke in a nut shell, the barbarity of the language. Which again is fair to find both crass and emotionaly immature, so there's a fair argument there. One that I won't argue against.

I will however argue against the claim of being a misogynist, or at least there seems to be an idea there is an anger directed at women in general. Which isn't the case, the words however caluased are from a place of humor. Which as I've said before, is my method of processing things. It's fair to say you don't like my sense of humor, and even fairer to say its immature, but it isn't a remark of hatred or anger.

Anyway with that last bit of self rightous arguing out of the way. I don't honestly quite know how to say thanks for the replies, jesting or otherwise, namely because saying so leaves me with a weird sense of things. Mostly because this all started out of a place between doubt, self pity and a crude joke on myself, for me anyway. But to ignore the thoughtfullness and sincerity here would be a crime on my part, so cheers and thanks to the boards and members. For the women I apologise for my rather stark sense of humor, I steal my comedy notes from things like Bill Burr, Jim Norton and Joe DeRosa, and I can' quite match their timing or tone. Anyway, I'm rambling now so I'll be sucking on this egg.
 

alx

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I think that some posters take words far to serioulsy and take them out of context.
The whole "for her hole" comment was clearly meant to be non-offensive.
Yes it has truth behind it, for Gods sakes its a 21yr old lad whos not had much sexual contact, its human nature for him to want to fuck just because its a fuck. It's a natural process so why be condemed for mentioning it?... It's honesty! In no way was it meant to be 'objectifying women'.
He's only implying that a relationship might be too much to ask for and that time for just the sex is even a big ask.


.... Back on track> are there not support groups or social groups which you could go to for people in the same position as you are? Maybe finding someone that can relate to your own experiences?
 
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dolfette

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thank you so much for telling everyone in the thread what they're not allowed to be offended by. thank fuck for guys like you setting all us silly women straight!
 

hairyversmuscle

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Here are my thoughts. You are not giving yourself credit for the amazing person you are. You have managed to grow up without a father, you are taking care of your mother, and you have risen above those in your family who have fallen to a life of crime. Not only are you worth dating, you have the traits women are looking for. You are a virgin so you clearly are not a player, you clearly are waiting for the right gal to come along for your first time, and you are sensitive to others feelings and emotions and dedicated to family! WHATS NOT TO LOVE ABOUT THAT!!!! Those are very attractive qualities to women.

To me, you just need to start viewing yourself differently and gain that confidence you deserve! You will be fine, you have persevered through a rough childhood and now you are proving yourself as an amazing adult!
 

alx

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thank you so much for telling everyone in the thread what they're not allowed to be offended by. thank fuck for guys like you setting all us silly women straight!

No problem. Firstly I wasn't "telling everyone", I did clearly state "some people".
Secondly I am not "telling everyone" what they're not allowed to be offened by. I am saying that n my OWN opinion I do NOT find it offensive given the context of the OPs post.
As others have clearly made it an issue of being offensive I've equally made an issue of its non-offence.

Tbh I think I had a valid point saying "some posters take words far too seriously and take them out of context"
It was my opinion based on my own observations.

"Guys like me" would you care to explain what a "guy like me" is exactly? As i assume you mean it to somehow indicate that i am somewhat sexist or something, given your stupid (sorry, really immature) comment implying that i must feel the need to "set all you silly women straight".

I actually thought that some of " you silly women" gave good advice tbh.

...Awaits the bandwagon.
 
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dolfette

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dude, you are wrong to be offended by my post. it's my sense of humour and you're taking the whole 'guys like you' thing out of context.
 

alx

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I think many including yourself think its just a bit of humour, and it is written so.
I feel that your 'humour' is more of a guise with other intentions actually being your main content.

If like you say this is actually 'dolfette humour' at work then I feel there's a time and a place for this humour otherwise you'll just come across wrong in my opinion.

I don't mean that in any kind of malicious way its just you might not be aware of how some might see it.
 

dolfette

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If like you say this is actually 'dolfette humour' at work then I feel there's a time and a place for this humour otherwise you'll just come across wrong in my opinion.
ooooh... you mean like posting ''put time into just for her hole'' on a mixed forum? :smile:
 

alx

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ooooh... you mean like posting ''put time into just for her hole'' on a mixed forum? :smile:


That's my point exactly! When he said that, it did have some truth behide it, it was obvious to me that it was meant with no offence.
Your ' dolfette humour' was out of context and simply didn't have a punch behind it. Not that i think humour was your main intention in this case.
 

dolfette

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the difference being, he wants women to like him.
pointing out things that will put women off is actually kinda part of what he asked us to do. he wanted advice. not saying stuff like that was #1 on the list.
on the other hand, i'm quite happy to put men off me. i'm attractive so i have to make the effort.
 

alx

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the difference being, he wants women to like him.
pointing out things that will put women off is actually kinda part of what he asked us to do. he wanted advice. not saying stuff like that was #1 on the list.
on the other hand, i'm quite happy to put men off me. i'm attractive so i have to make the effort.

From what I read it was obvious that he doesn't go round with that attitude and that it was infact people on here making it a issue, singling out a comment which really didn't have any bearing on the guys attitude towards women. Yes he wanted advice on his situation.

It's not a question of 'putting off' but more of how you are portraying yourself which you may not have been aware of. Just saying.
 

dolfette

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he said it here, where it offended several posters.

whether or not you were offended is immaterial.

he would not have said it had he been aware that it would offend people, because he's not a jerk. in fact he said,

''I ultimetly come to the conclussion what I say has a real offensiveness to it, and understandably.''

and,

''Which again is fair to find both crass and emotionaly immature, so there's a fair argument there. One that I won't argue against.''

which was pretty big of him. he owned his faux pas and by doing so will have earned a lot of respect.
 

B_prettyswinggirl

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I commend you OP for having the stamina and courage to keep your family together. I overlooked the course language while reading your story, but you absolutely can't use those terms or think that a woman whould like being thought of like that. All major hospitals have free support groups for many different things including for primary care givers. It actually may be a good place to connect with a lady who's not only empathising with your situation, but will be able to provide an outlet for releasing some of the burden you have to carry. It sucks that you have to go through what you did at such a young age. You're probably a ton more mature than most men even older than you. Definitely try to keep the humor as best you can. Have you thought of enrolling in a local community college for a class or two? A great way to meet girls and help refine those social skills. I suggest something interactive like a cooking class where you have to talk to lots of other people.
 

alx

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I am aware of his apology, this isn't about his apology. Of course he would apologise as it obviously became an issue.
Id also agree with his statement that out of context its crass and emotionally immature, like wise that can't be argued against.

In my opinion it wasn't out of context with what he was conveying. He himself knows he did not mean it in the way some have interpreted it but an apology is still issued for those who have interpreted it in a different way.

.... Still I don't know what you are trying to achieve by highlighting said apology?
 

helgaleena

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I truly hope the OP took Dragon's and prettyswinggirl's advice and contacted the social workers available at most hospitals, to get linked into the community and county and state support systems in your area.

You grew up in this stress so you might think it's just the way things are. But just like AA for the family members has Alanon, there are all sorts of caregiver help nowadays, either for one-off 'respite' nights or for meetings with others in the same boat.

Who knows? you might find a pretty female 'in the same boat' at one of the meetings and hit it off.
 

dolfette

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my mother has PCKD, her kidneys are failing, she should be on dialysis but refuses, so she's very slowly dying.

i'm a professional carer but i wouldn't nurse her in my home for all the money in the world, let alone working full time jobs on top of that just to keep her there.
i know exactly what help would be available were you in the UK. hopefully there is something for you where you are.
 

atlclgurl

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Whilst everyone else's comments on your post might help you in looking at your "humor", I think its high time some pointed you to some actual help...

Clearly you have a computer, and I would try to pinpoint it closer to "home" for you, but I don't know where "home" is, besides CA.

Here is a website for caregiver's and resources available to you in the state of California. California Caregiver Resource Centers

You are young and so I'm pretty certain your Mom is not a senior, but it can't hurt to take a look at this website either: California Department of Aging - Family Caregiver Program

Here is a link to a website that provides information on financial support for those dealing with your issues. Financial Aid - California

Though it may take some time and energy to contact these agencies, etc... (which you don't have much of), I think it would be time well spent.

Perhaps, once you have some assistance (which seems to be readily available in California), you'll be able to devote some time to finding a girl who's can overlook your clumsy attempts at self deprecation and get to know the guy who steps up when his family needs him.

I wish you the best of luck with all of this.