So, is this why I'm still alone?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by SyddyKitty, Aug 18, 2007.

  1. SyddyKitty

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2007
    Messages:
    2,507
    Albums:
    9
    Likes Received:
    277
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    California
    So, I've been single all my life. We'll start off with my ideas as to why I'm alone.

    I've had experiences with 2 guys in my entire life. The first was my first time handling another person's penis but there was nothing more than mutual masturbation. That was at age 18. At 19, I had my first "date". At the end, he told me I was "definitely one of his top choices" but he still wanted to check out his other options. I can't handle competition (which, I guess makes me a serial monogamist). Needless to say, I didn't see him again after that. The first guy still tries to keep in contact with me, but he only ever talks about sexual things, which doesn't make me want him.

    I don't look bad (except to other people of my race, because black males with long hair is taboo)MySpace.com - Sydney - 21 - Male - Pottstown, Pennsylvania - www.myspace.com/kittysyd. I don't present myself as the slightly bitchy person I make myself out to be in my online profile in the previous link. I'm rather intelligent and talented... along with geeky and a bit quirky, which might be unattractive. I'm rather silent and shy unless I'm around friends. That being said, I've slowly been losing friends since high school and will soon lose all of them and have to start over. I have a very hard time approaching ANYONE, which makes it near impossibly to make friends unless they approach me.

    On the topic of being approached; I'm always told that "Nobody will come to you! You have to approach them!". To me, this doesn't make a world of sense, as I've never been approached in my life. To become friends or more... it's just never happened. Why is that?

    I have very little interest in my own race when it comes to friends and especially a relationship (though, the one I dated was the same base race). I don't turn them away, but they don't approach me anyway. I don't make an effort to get to know anyone, really, unless they are either a co-worker, a friend, or a friend of a friend.

    Over the years of being single and actually wanting someone else (I've wanted a relationship since I was 15) my yearning has grown stronger, my bitterness along with it. I feel no joy for friends when they are in relationships and I tell them not to talk to me about them after they first bring them up (well, my male friends only really... which isn't a large group). This, to me, sounds like it's jealousy. It most likely is, but I don't know a way around it. Self-change isn't something I've ever been good with. Brainwashing myself is just as hard as meditating.


    Uhm... I lost my train of though after the first sentence. I haven't been getting sleep much lately, for some reason. My thoughts are incomplete and out of place, but any feedback/opinions on what I did manage to spew out, would be appreciated. :)

    Edit: I don't like how the link grabs the title from my page upon being posted. It look ugly, having such a long link. x.x
     
  2. hyperionic

    hyperionic New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2006
    Messages:
    92
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Netherlands
    you are very cute.. i dont think you have to worry about anything.. only your own thoughts getting in the way. Maybe the world truly works in the way that the thing you want the most is the thing most out of reach (or something like it). Stop planning it and just relax.. It will come. But yes.. you do have to work it yourself. It's allways nice to get swooped up by some prince but how many times does that really happen. Everybody is insecure.. even the ones with big mouths and attitude to boot. The difference is acting on it.

    If you can get to a place without comparing yourself to others, for example to your friends that do have a relationship, you might be able to relax better. And even be happy for them. 'Their' relationships aren't allways shiny. I guess you want your friends to be happy for you when you find a partner, so give them the same.

    I guess your a bit of a hopeless romantic.. and they allways carry more weight. It's a burden but makes al the more attractive.


    Do you have high standards in men?
     
  3. SyddyKitty

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2007
    Messages:
    2,507
    Albums:
    9
    Likes Received:
    277
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    California
    Well some say I do.. but I don't. x_x I'd say my most unreachable want in a man is him being taller than me. I'm 6'1" tall. x.x Size, down there, isn't as mcuch a requirement as it is preference. I'd like someone my size or larger down there but I can easily love with less. In fact, a preview of my standards can be seen in a post I made to my journal a while back.

    deviouswolf: Renderotica d=

    The white male depicts my ideal guy (he's lacking hair, but I like dark hair on guys.. blonde seriously turns me off). His member size is fully preference, so not required. As you notice he's nowhere near perfect in how fit his body is (I like the cute tummies).. so, physically, my standards aren't bad.

    Mentally, I suppose I'm a bit unsure. I could say exactly what I want mentally but, being unsure, that makes the list long and full of stuff I THINK I MIGHT want. x.x

    Something to add onto my first post. I'm 21 yet still a virgin. I haven't kissed anyone.. and the only things I've done are grope and jerk another guy. x.x So the sexual tension, I'm sure, is apparent in my everyday behavior though I don't notice it directly.
     
  4. hyperionic

    hyperionic New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2006
    Messages:
    92
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Netherlands
    Would you say you are assertive when it comes to getting your guy? If you are not than maybe that is the only problem. Waiting for somebody to take action can take a long time. Do you go to gay bars where you can meet guys in a regular fashion?
     
  5. D_Tintagel_Demondong

    Joined:
    Dec 9, 2005
    Messages:
    4,055
    Likes Received:
    8
    I think the answer is in your gallery. You are always naked!
     
  6. SyddyKitty

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2007
    Messages:
    2,507
    Albums:
    9
    Likes Received:
    277
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    California
    o_O Okay...? XD

    Anyways, no. I'm not assertive at all, Hyper. :c I've been to a gay club once... talked to a few people (yea, I approached them to play some pool... since the only time I can be social is when I'm enjoying myself). I didn't like it overall. I recently turned 21, so gay bars are now legally an option for me. I'd like to give them a try soon, when I'm in less financial trouble (classes are starting soon, so I need to pay this semester's tuition and get at least 400 bucks worth of books.. not to mention other supplies).
     
  7. SpoiledPrincess

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2006
    Messages:
    8,167
    Likes Received:
    29
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    england
    You're a good looking guy but you're still very young, a lot of young people now don't want to be in a relationship, they want to play the field, personally I think that's stupid why insist on playing the field when you could be with someone you love, that's so much more fun than any amount of random sex could be. You can't force yourself to be assertive or loud, anyone can only be what's within their nature to be, but you can put yourself in a position where others can approach you. Maybe you're putting out 'I wanna be in love' vibes, try looking for more friends rather than potential lovers.
    We all lose school friends as they pair off and move away, when I left school (many years ago) I had a stupid amount of friends, now I have a few friends who are close enough to call up now and then and go for an occasional drink with and three very very close friends who I love and I'd trust with my life and I think I'm very lucky to have those three friends, most people don't have that many.
    Get out, mix with people, assume an air of confidence because if you look confident people will perceive you as confident and you'll become more confident.
    I urged a friend to force herself to be more pro active, she started taking a book and just sitting in coffee bars for the morning observing people, she joined craigs list and met people off there aware that they weren't going to be her ideal man but that she'd at least be giving different men a chance, she simply got out more, she became much more confident, met a lot of people who she became friends with. Be more proactive, but in a way that's suitable for you.
     
  8. SyddyKitty

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2007
    Messages:
    2,507
    Albums:
    9
    Likes Received:
    277
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    California
    I used to chime that constantly, in older posts on my journal, so I know exactly what you mean. Getting out more... I recently started hanging out in the local park to study. On my first time out there, this cute guy who was fishing randomly said "hi there" to me. I froze for a second, then returned the greeting. I didn't think much of it until now, but I think you may be onto something with that "getting out there" thing. People definitely don't do that kind of thing at school (or,at least not the one I'm at) so I should probably not consider that "getting out" anymore. :p
     
  9. SpoiledPrincess

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2006
    Messages:
    8,167
    Likes Received:
    29
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    england
    When someone says anything to you in a social setting you should consider it as a sign of interest and try to give them the option of continuing the conversation if they look nice.
     
  10. braumeister

    braumeister New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2007
    Messages:
    116
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    exiled to New England
    One thing about getting out there, make sure it is something you enjoy, or are at least willing to try. If the activity is not something you enjoy, but you're doing it anyway, people will pick up on it sooner or later.

    I grew up in the Pottstown area. Back when I lived there, my advice to a gay man looking for a relationship (or even just a hook up) would be to treck on down to Philadelphia, and to be real careful about being open about being gay in the Pottstown area (not conducive to living a long and healthy life). But the area has changed greatly in the 13, 14 years or so since I moved away, so my advice might not hold any more.

    I do remember there was a park in either Pottstown or Phoenixville that was known as a gay cruising spot. You might already know about it, and in any event, it doesn't sound like you're looking for a random hook-up so I won't go dig it the name of the park.
     
  11. Freeboy

    Freeboy New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 24, 2004
    Messages:
    43
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    United States
    I think you are being extremely hard on yourself. Reading through your post, it seems that you answered a lot of your own questions. I'm not saying their are the correct answers, but these are my thoughts.

    1. Lighten up. It seems as though you have all of the answers as to why you perceive people not liking you. But in the same breath you admit that you don't reach out to people at all. Stop thinking of every encounter as a potential relationship. You have to be friends first before you can have a healthy relationship. Practice being friends (and friendly) to more people. You seem to close the door on a lot of opportunities, then wonder why you are sitting alone in the corner. Start telling yourself that you can really be an asset to other people vs. waiting for them to see greatness in you.

    2. Don't write off your race like that. I'm Black and have a few Black friends with long hair. It's about the quality of the people you associate with. Believe me, there are people around you that will love you for just who you are - but you have to let them. No, they may not all be Black. But, it just seems like you closed a door that you can leave open. :)

    3. Your quirks are just that .. they are your quirks. There's someone else out there that likes many of the same things you do. Build upon that. People relate to others who have like interests. You cannot tell me that there is no one in your area of PA that likes SOME of the same things you do. Impossible.

    4. Try going to more populated areas. I'm not too familiar with where you live. But, change the game up a bit. Go to a coffee shop in the middle of the city, or a bookstore, arts fair, anything. You can't meet people (i.e., friends) sitting in the house. That all goes back to finding people with similar interests. It wouldn't hurt ..

    Hope the comments don't come off as crass. But, I wanted to chime in. You are a nice looking guy who probably has a lot going for himself. I think you are the only one that doesn't see it fully. Peace.
     
  12. SyddyKitty

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2007
    Messages:
    2,507
    Albums:
    9
    Likes Received:
    277
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    California
    I don't like the city. The types of gay people, my age, it tends to attract on the norm... the fact that I always get lost when I go there... >_> I don't like congested areas. Suburban all my life and I'd like to keep it that way. The one date I had was in the city and it was less than enjoyable until we got to the wide-open park inside.
     
  13. D_Joseba_Guntertwat

    D_Joseba_Guntertwat New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2006
    Messages:
    825
    Likes Received:
    1
    If you're not so good at approaching people, use internet dating - it's a good way to meet people who might be interested in you, for either sex or relationships, especially since you're from a small town. That's what I do, I'm hopeless at chatting up people in bars.
    Then again, I'm also single, but at least I get plenty of dates :)
    By the way, you have a great cock! I wish mine was like that.
     
Draft saved Draft deleted