So ive tried to think with my brain instead of my cock, now things have cocked up!

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by alx, Sep 26, 2011.

  1. alx

    alx
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    So I went on holiday and met this girl on a night out, pretty drunk and a bit high at the time. I don't know how but one thing lead to another and she spent the night at mine.

    I got the feeling that she saw that night more than just a one night stand. The next morning I felt really guilty as I knew for me it was just sex but for her it was more than that.
    I kinda felt as if i owed it to her that we repeated on lastnights activities the next night. On the second night I really got to know her so much better and there was an actual connection felt. She seemed to be head-over-heels for me.

    At this point i knew this was going to be a long week, I felt the only moral thing to do was to stay with this one girl all week and not shag about with other lasses. I could she she was a really lovely person and she deserved better than that.

    So as you can guess, every night i was with her. Sex massages, showers, pampering, sex, sex, and more sex.

    It wasn't until one night she said "you make me feel like this could last forever" that I really started shitting bricks.

    I did think to myself "is this chick for real, is she crazy?" But I dispelled this due to the fact that she was actually really down to earth apart from that.


    So we are both back home, she lives the other side of the country (3hrs away) we have texted everyday and called etc, I feel really bad is I don't feel as into 'us' as i think she does. I'm really not trying to lead her on but i just don't have the heart to let her down knowing the way she feels.

    We are now at the point where she wants me to go spend the weekend with her next week. I don't have a frigging clue what to do! I can't just say no but i know 'we' won't get anywhere long term.
    Don't get me wrong there's definitely a connection, infact a really good connection. I just don't want the whole full on relationship thing. I just enjoy the friendship thing with added sex.

    So do I hook up for the weekend? Am I being an arse? Thoughts? Advice?
     
  2. D_Fred Flintstones

    D_Fred Flintstones New Member

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    Ttell her now before its to late lol
     
  3. matelalique

    matelalique Active Member

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    Could you be honest with her about how you feel and leave the decision up to her? Tell her in advance that you think it is getting too serious too quickly, and that you don't think the long distance thing will work out, but that you would love to see her again, hang out and fuck her brains out. (You might revise the wording a little).

    She might be hurt, but she might want to see you anyway, and if she does you don't have to worry about whether you are being a dick.

    Good luck.
     
  4. hsarge

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    Sometimes relationships grow. What is it about her that makes you think she isnt the whole package? Or, aren't you ready for just one lady no matter who?
     
  5. Charles Finn

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    how do you know for sure it won't work some things just take time take the time and see what happens she may be the one that you are looking for
     
  6. redz_rule

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    Just be straight with her about what you're after. It will save all the drama in the long run.
     
  7. Sklar

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    Man up and be fucking honest.

    Sklar
     
  8. Phil Ayesho

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    hmmm...

    Seems to me really disingenuous on your part... I can not bring myself to credit your claims of how you were thinking of her in banging her all week....

    Seems to me she was really giving and great in the sack and you just indulged yourself with no intention of offering more of yourself.
    This is the problem with not being honest about yourself and your feelings... hearts are being toyed with, and you don't seem to really think about that as long as your dick is hard.


    Now you are wondering if you should go to her place and take further advantage, knowing she wants something you are not yet mature enough to value?


    really?

    Leave her be if she is sincere and you are not. Otherwise you are being cruel.


    Hopefully, one day, you will grow out of the lass shagging phase of adolescence, and begin to realize that sex, with love and intimacy, is so much better than boinking a string of strangers.
     
  9. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    If it were me, I would want you to be honest with me.
     
  10. alx

    alx
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    I'm sorry you have misinterpreted what I have written, maybe its the way I have worded it.
    I find your comment harsh and very condescending.

    Yes the plan was for a one nighter, but the first night quickly changed that. I can however tell you I offered her more than just a shag, and yes she was very good in the sack but that really is irrelevant.

    It became clear to me that there most definitely is a connection and yes the nights were really intimate.

    All I'm saying is that she's very clearly into 'us' and I can see why but still it seems far too early. I've always been very cautious. I can see a great friendship in this and it would obvioulsy be good if sex went along side that but i feel that she has higher expectations.

    Tbh I was hope that once I got home the situation would die down and slowly fizzle out but it has seemed to have gone the other way.

    I do genuinely like her and my intentions are good. I just cant deal with this going outta control.

    I don't want to hurt her feelings so i need a way of letting her know where we stand but in a gentle way. If she lived closer and i didn't have stuff that i need to sort out in my life then id gladly engage in a relationship but that's not the case.

    So she wants to meet for the weekend next week how do i go about sorting this dilemma.

    Thanks for all the replys people, even Phil.
     
  11. helgaleena

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    If you do genuinely like her and your intentions are good, then stay honest. You did what felt right so far; simply keep on doing what feels right. If it makes you feel better to give her a hint that you are not going to be exclusive with her, even though it's very nice with her, do that.

    No matter what, avoid making either one of you miserable. Weigh whether accepting her invitation will make you more uncomfortable or more happy. Base your decision on that. Then let her know.

    She may surprise you by being just in it for the great sex! You won't know till you ask.
     
    #11 helgaleena, Sep 27, 2011
    Last edited: Sep 27, 2011
  12. D_John Uppipe

    D_John Uppipe Account Disabled

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    Better to tell her now and be done with it rather than to drag her along and use her just for a fling when she obviously wants more.

    It's not fair to her or to you if you're not into it as much as she is.

    The longer it goes on,the longer it'll take to finish it and the more painful it'll be for her.
     
  13. Remington

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    Like a few others have said, just tell her the truth.

    Less drama.
     
  14. Phil Ayesho

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    Sorry you found it condescending...

    But you are presenting a really conflicted story...
    If you did not mean to offer her any real hope of relationship, then, no, you did not offer her anything beyond a good rogering.

    The problems comes when you claim that there was intimacy, that you were drawn in beyond the level of a superficial fuck... that there was 'connection'
    And yet, you're not "into her" like she is into you...?

    What the heck does it take for you to fall for someone if not connection, intimacy, great sex and, apparently, enjoying each other's company?

    Knowing she is serious about you, and that you are NOT intending to become serious about her... not really willing to entertain the idea... then why are you even considering going to spend time with her?

    There's only one honest answer, and that is because you want to have all that great sex and intimacy, for your own enjoyment, even tho you don't want to
    to go any further with someone who really wants to.


    That is a dick move... sorry if it sounds harsh, but that is what it is.


    Unless, of course, you are Not being honest with yourself.
    Unless, of course, if you, deep down, harbor some affinity that is pulling you toward real relationship with this girl and you just don't want to admit it to yourself.

    If that is the case, then let go of those inhibitions and allow yourself to fall for someone who seems everything a guy could want.

    But, no. If you ain't serious, then leave her alone.
    You would be STEALING from her time she could better spend looking for a guy who wants what she does.
     
  15. helgaleena

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    Phil, I think I agree. But let's keep it positive. Loving one another is never possible if it's ONly a 'dick move'. He's pleasing her, which takes a loving attitude to start with. Let him listen to himself as well as her.
     
  16. Incocknito

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    Just tell her you don't think it will work because of the distance. And say that you would like to go and see her next weekend but you aren't sure if it's a good idea since you won't be able to see each other often. And you don't want to lead her on/get her hopes up.

    Suggest she find someone closer to where she lives. It's easy. If you is a man! jajaja.
     
  17. Corius

    Corius New Member

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    The way in which you have described your encounter indicates to me that you were simply out to get sexual satisfaction mainly for ourself. Yes, youmay have been an impressive bed partner but, by your own admission there was no intention on your part to open yourself up to her thinking you two might become committed partners for sex.

    It seems to me that you have to ask yourself whether you were not simply using the girl for a good time for yourself. If you werre using her, it is important thqt you let her know that she cannot count on you. Better to break it to her now rather than continuing to lead her on.

    IMHO, sex ought to happen haturally because two opersons want and need it as a way to express their affection for one another. If either party is not so inclined there ought not to be any sex between them.

    Plain dealing , even in sexual matters is still a good policy. And I will tell you ahead of time that I could be on the wrong track because I may have misread what you have said.
    I wish you the best.\
     
  18. alx

    alx
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    Well thanks for the extra replys people. Will take it all on board.

    Im finding it hard simply because I don't want to hurt her, however I think whichever way I go about sorting this ultimately she will be hurt. I'm just trying to find the best way to lessen the let down.

    Seriously I'm not making a 'Dick move'.... Why travel hours, hurt someone's feelings, and just simply make my life more difficult simply for a shag? If I wanted that id get down to some local bars.

    I would be happy simply just going to visit her and have no sex, thats not what I'm after. Infact she's relationship material, its just that I don't want to get into a relationship right now. This is where the problem is as I know this is what she craves.

    Many thanks.
     
  19. molotovmuffin

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    Phil's right. You have led her on for the whole time. Yes, you care but you were never going to be in a ltr with her, yet you continued and never told her. That's pretty damned shallow.
    Tell her now and do not go see her.
     
  20. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    It will hurt her more if you drag it out. Just TELL her. Be honest. 100% honest.

    She might choose to keep fucking you anyway. But you need to respect her enough to allow her to make a decision based on the full set of information.
     
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