So ive tried to think with my brain instead of my cock, now things have cocked up!
- Thread starter alx
- Start date
molotovmuffin
Experimental Member
It doesn't matter any more...he's abandoned his own thread because he didn't like what we were saying.
CaledonianLass
Experimental Member
- alx,
I'm still here! I've taken on board the advice, I just think some people were slightly harsh in the views. Everyone's entitled to them and I respect them, its just I think peoples views would be different if they actually knew me in real life.
I know tell me about it. I should have thought with my dick, it seems most people here would agree or atleast pass less a judgement.
Should have just gave her a good rogering, then when I saw her the next day just blank her completely, then when out in the evening flirt around with other women knowing she's just overthere> watching. I think she would feel so much better and would have given her such a boost for her self esteem.... How ignorant of me!
....All I'm saying is that a one nighter turned into a 7 nighter. Yes the chemistry is all there its just i feel she wants something that realistically isn't going to happen due to xyz. She wants this so much more than i do.
molotovmuffin
Experimental Member
No one has been harsh with you. You should have told her that you weren't interested in a ltr before you hooked up the second time. No one has a problem with a one night stand as long as BOTH people involved are in agreement. You evidently didn't convey that, nor did you (in 7 hook ups) convey that you weren't in it for a relationship. In fact, you've waited over a month? Now, you don't want to hurt her...she would have been better off with the scenario you mention above than being lead on for so long.
Way to go.
hungteen19921992
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Text back:
Don't hate the player, hate the game.
No damage done, no feelings hurt, and you can keep on keeping on.
Don't hate the player, hate the game.
No damage done, no feelings hurt, and you can keep on keeping on.
OP, Phil and Molotov are straight-shooters. Their aim was to get to the truth and, according to my read of the thread, that is exactly what they did. You want to have the appearance of being a 'nice guy'...I am sure you Mom and your family think you are a very nice boy. Sadly, you are not. Not where it really counts. Your actions with this girl were really abhorrent. You think that Phil and others have been harsh with you? Not near as harsh as you have been for over a month with the feelings of this girl. It is time now to be the nice guy that you think you are. Do something about the mess that you have made in this girl's life and stop whining about how people have been harsh. Step up and do the right thing. Your self esteem will return when you do something.
B_subgirrl
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I disagree with you (and many of the other posters in this thread). I don't think he's been un-nice at all.
Did he ever say to her that he was interested in a relationship? I don't believe he did (not 100% sure without re-reading the thread). So while he might not have practised full disclosure, unless there's something he's not telling us, he never lied either.
Why does everyone automatically give her the right to expect it to evolve into a serious relationship? Why was SHE assuming that it would do so? Why do people assume that a person will devote their life to another just because they fucked them a few times and enjoyed their friendship?
I want to translate this into American (and I'm a Brit who has been in the US for 10+ years). The boy went on Spring Break, found a woman, had meaningless sex, it was good, and he continued it for a week.
In the US, anyone who promised marriage on Spring Break would be regarded as seriously compromised - Spring Break is Spring Break - and OP, you did Spring Break.
Young man, you went on Spring Break. You get one more shot at telling her she wasn't more than Spring Break. If you go there, you want to do it in person, but might want one final fuck (which is kind of a dick move).
Good luck, and I trust you will know what to do.
Matthew
In the US, anyone who promised marriage on Spring Break would be regarded as seriously compromised - Spring Break is Spring Break - and OP, you did Spring Break.
Young man, you went on Spring Break. You get one more shot at telling her she wasn't more than Spring Break. If you go there, you want to do it in person, but might want one final fuck (which is kind of a dick move).
Good luck, and I trust you will know what to do.
Matthew
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Tend to agree with you on this subgirrl i dont see any malicious intent in the Ops actions at all
To me this further post of his confirmed my understanding of the original post
I would be happy simply just going to visit her and have no sex, thats not what I'm after. Infact she's relationship material, its just that I don't want to get into a relationship right now. This is where the problem is as I know this is what she craves.
Works both ways and despite the OP putting it out there for opinions he has also stated several times he has taken it all on board.
Unlike many who open a thread, never to be heard from again and that does happen frequently.
Feel he needs the support as much as the lady and expect they will work things thru amicably
enz
The boy went on Spring Break, found a woman, had meaningless sex, it was good, and he continued it for a week.
and i think thats absolute crap
How the hell can you suppose this to be correct, give the guy a break i believe your reading / understanding of his posts is all up the shit.
and whats this boy ..young man talk....
To me this further post of his confirmed my understanding of the original post
I would be happy simply just going to visit her and have no sex, thats not what I'm after. Infact she's relationship material, its just that I don't want to get into a relationship right now. This is where the problem is as I know this is what she craves.
Works both ways and despite the OP putting it out there for opinions he has also stated several times he has taken it all on board.
Unlike many who open a thread, never to be heard from again and that does happen frequently.
Feel he needs the support as much as the lady and expect they will work things thru amicably
enz
The boy went on Spring Break, found a woman, had meaningless sex, it was good, and he continued it for a week.
and i think thats absolute crap
How the hell can you suppose this to be correct, give the guy a break i believe your reading / understanding of his posts is all up the shit.
and whats this boy ..young man talk....
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^ Truth. There are options beyond monogamy, especially given the (probable) youth & geographical limitations of the OP and the girl.
alx, it's been about a week now, have you had any further discussions with her about the state of the relationship? Did you decide to visit her?
molotovmuffin
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The fact is that he knew that she was getting serious from the get go, he said so. No, he didn't lie to her but that doesn't make him right either. He, used her for sex, has continued to lead her on about a nonexistent relationship and now that she has basically called him on it...he doesn't want to hurt her. So...she has spent time and energy on a relationship that he never intended on having. He should have told her on the second day that he only wanted to be fwb or fb's. She would have been better off if he had told her the truth and hurt her feelings a month ago.
Omission of facts is the same as lying.
The fact is that he knew that she was getting serious from the get go, he said so. No, he didn't lie to her but that doesn't make him right either. He, used her for sex, has continued to lead her on about a nonexistent relationship and now that she has basically called him on it...he doesn't want to hurt her. So...she has spent time and energy on a relationship that he never intended on having. He should have told her on the second day that he only wanted to be fwb or fb's. She would have been better off if he had told her the truth and hurt her feelings a month ago.
Omission of facts is the same as lying.
I agree with the Muffin here. Being upfront in the beginning could have avoided a lot of mess. Get it over with, expose the truth and move on.
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The fact is that he knew that she was getting serious from the get go, he said so. No, he didn't lie to her but that doesn't make him right either. He, used her for sex, has continued to lead her on about a nonexistent relationship and now that she has basically called him on it...he doesn't want to hurt her. So...she has spent time and energy on a relationship that he never intended on having. He should have told her on the second day that he only wanted to be fwb or fb's. She would have been better off if he had told her the truth and hurt her feelings a month ago.
Omission of facts is the same as lying.
molotovmuffin, I'm not really sure why you quoted my reply. My point was that monogamy wasn't the only option. Frankly, based on the OP's summary of the situation, it sounds like they never had a "state of the union" discussion at all, and that there were assumptions made, mostly by the girl. Is that omission of the facts? Personally I wouldn't be falling in love with someone hundreds of kilometres away, but I'm pragmatic like that.
They had a great week; she saw something more; he was too scared to say otherwise; the relationship has continued back home; he (likely) hasn't said anything to her to straighten the situation. Beyond that we don't know.
alx, may we have an update?
I think the title should be changed to thinking with your cock not your head. You dug yourself intot this hole. The right thing to do would have been to spare her the moment the one night stand ended. Now you have just complicated it by staying with her this long without truly feeling for her. In short you have been leading her on this whole time and now the consequences for breaking it off with her will be greater than when it was just a one night stand.
Honestly there really is no easy answer for this.
Honestly there really is no easy answer for this.
molotovmuffin
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He's already updated us...
Sorry VT, I always forget this forums only quotes one quote, I was trying to get yours and subgirrls replies together.
Fact. She has every right to believe it will/would evolve into a ltr. He knew she was heading that way, he said so. So, he in fact lead her on. She did nothing wrong in this situation, it's all on him. He should have manned up and told her on day two that he did not want a ltr. He knew what he that he was never going to be anything more than fwb or fb but didn't have the courage to tell her...she might have thought differently and not fucked him anymore.
He still hasn't told her yet.
- alx,
This is one post I WILL totally dismiss. You seriously have no idea.
Thanks for your input, alternative angle.
Firstly Matthew may I remind you that I am an adult. Secondly It wasn't a spring break, it was a summer holiday, and frankly can't be compared to the typical American style 'spring break'. I was in Eastern Europe and it wasn't college related whatsoever.
What is it about this Dick move business? I've already said and has also been highlighted by another poster that i really do not care about seeing her for sex.
Also how can you trust I know what to do? I started this thread because I didn't know what to do!
Sorry I've not been on LPSG for a few days as I've been outta town. We text multiple times a day and speak on the phone for hours regularly.
Yes I will be making a trip to see her but i do not know when. I'm sure then I Will guage EXACTLY where we stand and where we go from that. When it comes to crunching point I will explain to her as advised by LPSG members how I feel. Hopefully we can carry on as we are.
he fact is that he knew that she was getting serious from the get go, he said so. No, he didn't lie to her but that doesn't make him right either. He, used her for sex, has continued to lead her on about a nonexistent relationship and now that she has basically called him on it...he doesn't want to hurt her. So...she has spent time and energy on a relationship that he never intended on having. He should have told her on the second day that he only wanted to be fwb or fb's. She would have been better off if he had told her the truth and hurt her feelings a month ago.
Omission of facts is the same as lying.
I genuinely didn't think someone could get attached that strongly so quickly. I knew she was serious but I didn't know it was to this LEVEL of SERIOUS.
You mention I've lead her on with a nonexistent relationship, I'd personally argue that there was a existent relationship, its just the dynamics of what this relationship holds and means to each other.
You say she's "called me on it" and now I've decided I don't want to hurt her. I think you'll find from my first post i did say that from after the first night I didn't want to hurt her.
It wasn't a sudden post holiday thought, far from it.
It's always interesting to find people view things and what they would do, no i don't agree with it all but ill still happily read your points of view. That's half the reason for starting threads.
molotovmuffin
Experimental Member
And yet you still haven't told her. Why? She thinks she is in a ltr and you don't want to go there. You are leading her on by not telling her the truth no matter how you try to spin it. Omission is lying and you are lying and you are seriously fucking with her mentally. I hope you are prepared for the outcome because you're causing major, major damage.
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