So jeremy kyle.

[950483]

Either he was gambling on making you jealous; and that you would take him back / have some really awsum make up sex

Or he was being a total tool

You were 100% right to ask him to leave

I was worried that my boss, who I happened to be working with that night, would think I was being petty.
I couldn't help thinking that he wanted to be kicked out, and that I'd predictably gone along with some kind of narrative in which I was a crazy bitch.
Anyway, I was right to ask him to leave, and I was tactful, polite and kind about it too, and allowed him to finish his drink first.
He emailed me in the small hours about how disappointed he was that I'd caused him a lot of unnecessary embarrassment.

 

[ronin001]

I was worried that my boss, who I happened to be working with that night, would think I was being petty.
I couldn't help thinking that he wanted to be kicked out, and that I'd predictably gone along with some kind of narrative in which I was a crazy bitch.
Anyway, I was right to ask him to leave, and I was tactful, polite and kind about it too, and allowed him to finish his drink first.
He emailed me in the small hours about how disappointed he was that I'd caused him a lot of unnecessary embarrassment.

Hard to say, exactly what was on his mind. Any embarrassment he or his date suffered were entirely due to his actions

 

[950483]

Why do you love this guy?

I know what you're getting at Wally, and no, I don't think the enormous penis has much to do with it. He smells amazing to me. Have you watched 'True Blood'? He smells like a fairy. I find him attractive. It's like a very strong physical attraction, it's like it's written into my DNA. He smells like the right one, he looks like the right one, he behaves like a twat, so I guess he's not the right one.

 

[950483]

British for "sweater".


Narcissists and Psychopaths Love to Stay Friends with Their Exes
by Diana Tourjee

A new study found that many people who befriend their former lovers are narcissists and psychopaths. We spoke with an expert to understand why your troubled ex-boyfriend has been sliding into your DMs.

https://broadly.vice.com/en_us/arti...chopaths-love-to-stay-friends-with-their-exes

That is fairly spot on I think. I have been aware that it's him, and not me, for quite some time. It has shielded me from a lot of upset and damage to my self-esteem.

 

[geitjeshoeder]

Being Dutch, i didn't know about Jeremy Kyle, it's the British version of Jerry Springer as a youtube search learned me. Any episodes worth watching?

Oh and yes, the world is bigger then just one good-smelling person, if you sniff around long enough, then maybe, you could find the right mr wrong.

 

[wallyj84]

I know what you're getting at Wally, and no, I don't think the enormous penis has much to do with it. He smells amazing to me. Have you watched 'True Blood'? He smells like a fairy. I find him attractive. It's like a very strong physical attraction, it's like it's written into my DNA. He smells like the right one, he looks like the right one, he behaves like a twat, so I guess he's not the right one.

I honestly wasn't meaning it like that.

 

[LaFemme]

He may smell like the right one and look like the one, but dear Ms Swoon, he is not the right one.

Sometimes our bodies betray us, something chemical reacts to so something chemical in someone else. He may smell like someone you loved before. Or something in their pattern of behaviour draws us, it reminds us of something so deep in our brain that we instinctively respond to it. If we've always had healthy connections and ideal self esteem, we tend to make good choices; but who among us has that perfect background? And even with a pretty good upbringing, there are those who are great at wearing masks until they've sucked us in.

Don't spend anytime questioning his motives. He's the wrong one. He can't play games with you if he's playing alone. Every time you start to think of him, remember what a douche he is. Taking money from you. Flaunting a girl in front of you. What an asshat. He's weak. You are strong. Rinse and repeat.

You can do this. Worrying about his motives is pointless. He is an idiot. Probably doesn't have two brain cells to rub together. Let you go, didn't he?

 

[701757]

I know what you're getting at Wally, and no, I don't think the enormous penis has much to do with it. He smells amazing to me. Have you watched 'True Blood'? He smells like a fairy. I find him attractive. It's like a very strong physical attraction, it's like it's written into my DNA. He smells like the right one, he looks like the right one, he behaves like a twat, so I guess he's not the right one.

Ah come on, give the guy something to work with.

 

[950483]

He may smell like the right one and look like the one, but dear Ms Swoon, he is not the right one.

Sometimes our bodies betray us, something chemical reacts to so something chemical in someone else. He may smell like someone you loved before. Or something in their pattern of behaviour draws us, it reminds us of something so deep in our brain that we instinctively respond to it. If we've always had healthy connections and ideal self esteem, we tend to make good choices; but who among us has that perfect background? And even with a pretty good upbringing, there are those who are great at wearing masks until they've sucked us in.

Don't spend anytime questioning his motives. He's the wrong one. He can't play games with you if he's playing alone. Every time you start to think of him, remember what a douche he is. Taking money from you. Flaunting a girl in front of you. What an asshat. He's weak. You are strong. Rinse and repeat.

You can do this. Worrying about his motives is pointless. He is an idiot. Probably doesn't have two brain cells to rub together. Let you go, didn't he?

He does always pay back any money at least. He is weak, and I am strong, and that is mostly the dynamic of the relationship. If all else fails he manipulates me by claiming to be suicidally depressed. He does sometimes suffer from depression, so, particularly after seeing TG's thread about supporting a partner with depression, I felt momentarily bad, and doubted myself. After we spilt up he claimed to be depressed, (which is mostly why I agreed to stay friends), said he was going to get counselling, and blamed a coke binge on me, (hence his financial difficulties were all my fault). Since I ignored the email he sent to berate me for causing him unnecessary embarrassment, he has emailed me again in a slightly more benevolent tone, and also tried to reassure me that he's not seeing anyone. All fairly classic stuff for a narcissist to do.

I think that maybe I'm the idiot, because I've been trying to have a relationship with him even though I am often aware of his attempts to wreck my self-esteem. I know he is doing it because he feels rubbish about himself, or is sometimes jealous of me, and just feel kind of sorry for him. Also his masculinity just doesn't seem to be able to handle me going to the local boxing club, or doing door work, it's undermining for him, and he also feels insecure enough about himself that he thinks I will meet someone else. He hasn't said as much, but he isn't good at direct and assertive communication. The crunch finally came when he picked me up from somewhere, and saw me waiting outside talking to a man. He was absolutely vile all the way home to the point where I got out of the car, and slammed the door hard enough to break it. He shouted at me and called me a slut . All without mentioning that he wasn't entirely happy about me talking to wotshisname. He was having tantrums about my timekeeping, the fact that I'd accidentally left my phone at his house, he was actually shouting and punching things when it turned out that I had dropped my phone in his car and it was stuck under the seat, having to drive me around when he has better things to do, and general life stuff that everyone else seems to be able to handle, but he can't. Afterwards he was upset that I didn't even apologise to him for misplacing my phone .

I am now genuinely laughing . He has funny tantrums about things. There are always too sides to every story, but there is reality, and then there's his perception of things, which is a bit like the ball isn't even in the stadium . There is definitely something wrong with me, because I find this quirky and endearing.

 

[950483]

Ah come on, give the guy something to work with.

I'm not a genie .

 

[LaFemme]

He does always pay back any money at least. He is weak, and I am strong, and that is mostly the dynamic of the relationship. If all else fails he manipulates me by claiming to be suicidally depressed. He does sometimes suffer from depression, so, particularly after seeing TG's thread about supporting a partner with depression, I felt momentarily bad, and doubted myself. After we spilt up he claimed to be depressed, (which is mostly why I agreed to stay friends), said he was going to get counselling, and blamed a coke binge on me, (hence his financial difficulties were all my fault). Since I ignored the email he sent to berate me for causing him unnecessary embarrassment, he has emailed me again in a slightly more benevolent tone, and also tried to reassure me that he's not seeing anyone. All fairly classic stuff for a narcissist to do.

I think that maybe I'm the idiot, because I've been trying to have a relationship with him even though I am often aware of his attempts to wreck my self-esteem. I know he is doing it because he feels rubbish about himself, or is sometimes jealous of me, and just feel kind of sorry for him. Also his masculinity just doesn't seem to be able to handle me going to the local boxing club, or doing door work, it's undermining for him, and he also feels insecure enough about himself that he thinks I will meet someone else. He hasn't said as much, but he isn't good at direct and assertive communication. The crunch finally came when he picked me up from somewhere, and saw me waiting outside talking to a man. He was absolutely vile all the way home to the point where I got out of the car, and slammed the door hard enough to break it. He shouted at me and called me a slut . All without mentioning that he wasn't entirely happy about me talking to wotshisname. He was having tantrums about my timekeeping, the fact that I'd accidentally left my phone at his house, he was actually shouting and punching things when it turned out that I had dropped my phone in his car and it was stuck under the seat, having to drive me around when he has better things to do, and general life stuff that everyone else seems to be able to handle, but he can't. Afterwards he was upset that I didn't even apologise to him for misplacing my phone .

I am now genuinely laughing . He has funny tantrums about things. There are always too sides to every story, but there is reality, and then there's his perception of things, which is a bit like the ball isn't even in the stadium . There is definitely something wrong with me, because I find this quirky and endearing.

He's manipulative and abusive. Men don't throw tantrums. They don't use depression or their moods to control you. He is weak, but wants to break you with the sad little tools he has. He is a little boy in a man's body. You cannot possibly help him.

Red's situation is different. She has almost two decades with a man who has treated her like gold. They have invested a lot in each other. He has always been there for her. She is married to a man. Don't let let someone else's relationship inform you on what you should do. Red isn't being manipulated - you are.

Sweetie, you might need to talk to someone about changing your relationship pattern. You deserve so much better. So, so much better than this manufactured drama.

 

[328982]

He smells amazing to me. Have you watched 'True Blood'? He smells like a fairy. I find him attractive. It's like a very strong physical attraction, it's like it's written into my DNA. He smells like the right one,

http://elitedaily.com/dating/sense-of-smell-makes-us-love/1094795/

I think he's still in love with you and couldn't resist seeing you. Bringing the date along was to show how little she means to him. That's why he wore the jumper you gave him - perhaps it even had some of your scent on it. He's pretending it's not over. Personally I'd find that drama irresistible.

 

[950483]

The way he smells is a huge factor. Last winter I had flu, and lost my sense of smell for a bit. During that time I just didn't see the point in him at all. Rather than him smelling good because I'm in love with him, it's most certainly the other way around. I always really disliked whichever deoderant he used. I've never met anyone else who smelt that good. Lots of men smell absolutely horrid, to the point where they should be taken to the vets and put down.

To be fair, I have got a fairly keen sense of smell. It's going to be difficult finding someone else. I will have to think up ingenious ways of getting close enough to smell someone before I decide whether I like them or not. It's easy enough to do at the boxing club, but there is only one man there who smells okay, and I'm just not interested in him.

I think he's still in love with you

I'd like to think that, but I think really he loves himself, and that's what it's all really about.

 

[wallyj84]

You need to get over this guy. Not to be rude, but he sounds like an unpleasant loser.

 

[AlteredEgo]

An ex you can be friends with will shield you, within reason, from his or her new relationships until there is certainty about whether or not such exposures will hurt you.

An ex who is a friend will check in with you regarding how well you're managing financial responsibilities you used to share but which became your sole burden upon splitting.

An ex who is a friend will attend your grandmother's funeral with you, or house sit so you can go and have no worries about your pets and plants.

An ex who is a friend drops off movies or ice cream or something because you are ill.

An ex who is a friend makes sure you have seen the new Blade runner trailer, and has soft plans for seeing Star Wars together.

There is no sexual nor financial pressure. There are no deliberately awkward social set-ups.

Your ex is not your friend, so put him with your other shit bag exes where he belongs.

 

[950483]

You need to get over this guy. Not to be rude, but he sounds like an unpleasant loser.

He's actually worse than that. I'm too embarrassed to tell anyone a lot of it.

I need to make sure I avoid him for long enough, and hope that it helps.

 

[gma26_4521]

MANIPULATION! He knows how to work you. I am not going to say how and when to leave. It has to be on your time and comfort zone. What he did is total manipulation, trying to push your buttons. So sophmorish! The back and forth we all have done. He benefits from the "game" until you are in a place mentally to say no more. I hope you find it soon, and understand it is very difficult. But trust me when you do cut him loose... he won't know what to do. Most men let go last and that is why they are so prone to stalking. My best to you.
'

 

[950483]

An ex you can be friends with will shield you, within reason, from his or her new relationships until there is certainty about whether or not such exposures will hurt you.

An ex who is a friend will check in with you regarding how well you're managing financial responsibilities you used to share but which became your sole burden upon splitting.

An ex who is a friend will attend your grandmother's funeral with you, or house sit so you can go and have no worries about your pets and plants.

An ex who is a friend drops off movies or ice cream or something because you are ill.

An ex who is a friend makes sure you have seen the new Blade runner trailer, and has soft plans for seeing Star Wars together.

There is no sexual nor financial pressure. There are no deliberately awkward social set-ups.

Your ex is not your friend, so put him with your other shit bag exes where he belongs.

Shortly after we split up he suggested staying friends, and I said something like "We weren't friends while we were in a relationship, you never were my friend, so why would we become friends now?" Then I got dragged back in because he was claiming to be depressed. Also, we both moved to this area from elsewhere, so neither of us have any long-term established friendships here, so I thought it kind of made sense, but you're right, it doesn't.

 

[950483]

MANIPULATION! He knows how to work you. I am not going to say how and when to leave. It has to be on your time and comfort zone. What he did is total manipulation, trying to push your buttons. So sophmorish! The back and forth we all have done. He benefits from the "game" until you are in a place mentally to say no more. I hope you find it soon, and understand it is very difficult. But trust me when you do cut him loose... he won't know what to do. Most men let go last and that is why they are so prone to stalking. My best to you.
'

Thank you. Yes, I can see it going in the direction of stalking, and maybe even revenge. I was leaving one or two days before replying to emails from him, whereas he was replying to mine fairly quickly. Then he showed up at my work. Then the emails stepped up a bit. I think I'm going to have to make it clear that he needs to avoid the place in future. I'm likely to be there on my days off sometimes too though, as they do good vegan and gluten free options, and I get a good discount. I'm not sure what to say, or how to handle it yet.

 

[pdxjoe]

Thank you. Yes, I can see it going in the direction of stalking, and maybe even revenge. I was leaving one or two days before replying to emails from him, whereas he was replying to mine fairly quickly. Then he showed up at my work. Then the emails stepped up a bit. I think I'm going to have to make it clear that he needs to avoid the place in future. I'm likely to be there on my days off sometimes too though, as they do good vegan and gluten free options, and I get a good discount. I'm not sure what to say, or how to handle it yet.

Stop replying to his emails after you tell him it is over for good and to stop the stalking or you will take the needed legal action to make it stop. Block his email address or put it in your spam folder and DO NOT answer him in any form. Do not let him control what you do in your life or where you chose to eat and hang out. If you need to get your work management involved, do so sooner than later.