So, so confused.

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by BoxersMan, Aug 11, 2010.

  1. BoxersMan

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    Hey.

    So I've been really self-reflecting this summer about my life and I am extremely confused about where I am going/what I am doing.

    I am in college and declared my major and am basically almost done but I wonder now if it's truly what I want to do with my life. It seems I think of a different job I could do everyday which all require me going to school some more.

    On an emotional level, I've been feeling quite alone. I have been stressing over money and literally haven't bought myself anything for about 6 months because I literally have no room to make any extra purchases. I'm paying bills, food, and tuition. I don't even have enough money to go out every weekend so I literally have to pick and choose when I go out and stuff.

    Now, on top of all that, I am sexually confused and this is the worst. All of my life, I have pictured myself with a girl, having kids with her, sleeping together, etc. However, as of late, I've been attracted to men but only physically. I jerk off to guys and sometimes gay porn, but as soon as I ejaculate, there isn't any attraction. At the same time, during the day, all I can think about is this one girl who is a close friend and how badly I want to date her. I have like mental pictures of us walking down the street hand in hand, having dinner at a nice restaurant, or cuddling together.

    I am also still a virgin, to both, obviously. I don't want to pursue either way because I don't want to upset anyone.

    I really have no idea what is going on, if I am going crazy, etc. I feel like I should talk to someone but I don't have anyone to talk to. I don't want to go to my family because we are already a bit estranged and the only gay person that I "know" are the guys who live across the street from me and at that I am only assuming because one of then is kind of flamboyant and I've never seen any women enter their house.

    Anyone have anything that could help me?
     
  2. Crimsondreamer

    Crimsondreamer New Member

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    BoxersMan,
    I don't think you are going crazy. I think you are just at a normal crossroads that so many people face when they are about to end one thing and start another. It's normal fear and it's all a part of taking another step in adulthood.
    I think it is the same with the sexuality part. There is no hard and fast rule that you have to be attracted to one gender or the other. You have to do what is right for you. It doesn't matter about upsetting anyone it matters what feels the best for you. I think as long as you are honest to yourself and honest to the people you get involved with it will all be fine.
    So, BREATHE! Sit down and reflect a little more and figure out if you chose your major based on what you wanted or what was expected and what makes other people happy.
    I know it is cliche but you should really follow your bliss. We have one life and that is the one we are living right now. You are going to make some mistakes, you are going to take a path or 2 that might not lead to complete happiness but you have to go for it....

     
  3. D_CountdeGrandePinja

    D_CountdeGrandePinja Account Disabled

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    U need someone you can totally be comfortable with - open up and listen to yourself and what the other person has to say. Good Luck.
     
  4. Brick7

    Brick7 Active Member

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    You've reached a major crossroad in your life whre it seems you have to make a lot of different decisions about your future.
    The schooling one is easy. You're approaching the end of your schooling and are facing having to go out into the real world and find employment. It's only natural to want to stay in college, change your major and not graduate. But to do that is a dead-end really. You can't stay in school forever. You're just delaying the inevitable. I'd suggest not changing your major. Graduate and go out and seek employment. You can always go back later for additional schooling if you really want it.

    As for your sexuality, I'd say don't freak out about it. Don't worry about your expectations or the expectations of others. Let what happens, happen. Go where you heart or your dick leads you and don't judge it.
     
  5. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    It's totally normal to be aroused by the same sex in a fantasy sense but in no other area. Women occasionally feature in my fantasies, but I don't want to have sex with one in real life (I know from experience), let alone have a relationship with one.
     
  6. avg_joe

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    No, you are not confused. You just don't have the clear ambition and goals in life. I suggest you talk to a life coach and read the self-help books. As far as I know, the students who go to the public schools are not as broke as the ones who chose to go to the private colleges. By the way, keep in mind that mocking someone and making sarcastic remarks don't work in life either. Figure out and go fuck yourself bitch !!!
     
  7. Belly_Dancer

    Belly_Dancer Member

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    This ^^^

    And this.
     
  8. helgaleena

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    I second what Belly Dancer says! Also, how about taking some online personality tests for free at OK Cupid? They are a socializing site started by Harvard grads, but now global in scale. The members there are often well educated and write or adapt well-known personality tests of all types that can really inform you about yourself, as well as what your Smurf name should be etc...
     
  9. BoxersMan

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    Thanks everyone. (Although a bit confused by avg_joe's last line in his post. Lol)

    I am considering talking to the guy across the street. We'll see.
     
  10. avg_joe

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    Female Body Investigator !!! You know who you are, bitch !!!
     
    #10 avg_joe, Aug 12, 2010
    Last edited: Aug 12, 2010
  11. collegedude1

    collegedude1 Member

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    Why don't you talk to someone like a psychiatrist about all this rather than the guy across the street? That way you'll get a bit more subjective, level approach to all the above questions you brought up...
     
  12. beachbum1971

    beachbum1971 Member

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    Overthinking. Like the Nike commercial: just do it. Ask the girl out and see what happens. Fantasies are fantasies, but if you inclination is to have a family and try girls, start there. My guess is that you are shy, but it sounds like you need to talk to someone more mature to provide some guidance.

    Find a job that is practical, that you would be happy doing, and making enough money at. You might want to be a trapeze artist, but if it would hard to find a job like it and it didn't bring in enough money, then obviously not a good choice. Be realistic. I'm not saying limit your options, but narrow them down. In this economy, just finding a good job is critical.

    You don't have to have your whole life figured out. Just keep moving forward and you will find your way.
     
  13. D_Delbert Dingleberry

    D_Delbert Dingleberry Account Disabled

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    Thanks for trusting us with this question.

    First concerning your degree: It is normal to have doubts about it. Listen to me. Your degree won't matter in 5 years. Most people don't make a career working in the same field that their degree states. You're fine. The purpose of education is to teach you some ways to think. Not to marry you to some specialty because your degree states that what you know.

    You feel some angst because you think you've chosen the wrong field.

    I think you're on the way toward being a success. You've identified that key criteria in being successful -- you've questioned what it is that you would most ENJOY doing. You'd be a failure in terms of job performance and personal happiness if you suppressed those thoughts and simply pressed on without self honesty.

    Most people will make major career changes -- 5 times on average. Treat change as a good and inevitabe thing.

    What you need to do is to go to work and do the best that you can. And keep your eyes open. Do informational interviews in other departments or even at companies doing things that seem to interest you. That's a life-long action item for you.

    Concerning you sexual identity: It's fine to fantasize about men or women or both. Experiment. You shouldn't be seeking long term relationships now anyway. Your life is in flux -- as it should be finishing school -- and getting into a LTR would be a grave mistake at this point. I'm far less concerned about your sexuality than I am about your career question. Where your sexuality is concerned, you have choices but since you are so young you should be patient.

    By the way, as a man who has had attraction to men sexually, I think that it is crucial for me to ask you to form your opinion about your sexuality in the context of full relationships. By that I mean this: Sucking a cock is sexy, but your sexuality includes a much more important life choice: Bonding and loving a man. Think about your sexuality in the whole context of a lifestyle choice. If after busting a nut you feel guilty or conflicted, ask yourself whether you need to commit either way.

    It's OK to spend some time on the fence forming your sexuality. It's OK if you are bisexual. Forever.

    I think you're in pretty good shape.
     
  14. BoxersMan

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    Thanks for that post. It meant a lot.

    It's easy to say go to a therapist but the cost is another factor. I cannot just go to a therapist knowing full well that I cannot pay, so it sucks. That is why I am trying to seek an alternative approach in my neighbor who could have gone through the same things I am feeling.
     
  15. collegedude1

    collegedude1 Member

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    Understandable, but there are free counseling options. Most colleges typically have a counseling center that is free for students, or that can at least refer you to a free/low-cost opportunity.
     
  16. phins2left

    phins2left New Member

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    Ditto Peter on the sexuality. You are who you are, and that will change with time and circumstances. Labels are convenient shorthand for identifying ourselves, but don't feel like you have to fit into one..... You don't. I am 100% certain your school offers free counseling. Nearly all do. You do, though, have to take the step of asking.

    As for your finances, there are a ton of us here who have been poor students and poor generally, and it really really sucks. Rich is better. But until you are rich, don't sit around waiting for big money thinking that when it comes, all of your problems will be solved. Some will, but you'll have a new set to replace them. Life is tough, but it's what you make of that toughness. In college there is a million things you can do for virtually nothing that are valuable to you: art, cultural events, intramural athletics, student organizations, reading (us pre-Internet guys actually spent time in libraries doing things other than cruising :) ).
    Maybe those things aren't exactly your dream, but they add to the whole you, and may be some of the things you end up remembering the most.

    You've got some good advice in this thread, and I hope you circle back and let the board know how it is all coming along for you.
     
  17. pleasureboy

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    has the OP ever actually responded back on all this?
     
  18. BoxersMan

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    Hey yeah, I have been responding. A lot of this advice is very good and I thank you all.

    I am definitely involved with a lot of stuff at school---A LOT. So in a few weeks, hopefully things will pick up. (I work at school too so I should be making some money.)
     
  19. D_Harry_Crax

    D_Harry_Crax Account Disabled

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    Almost all good advice about college majors, jobs, and sexuality. About the money thing, speaking as a professor who spent a lot of time in school, one problem is that most of today's college students want to live in college like their 50 y.o. parents live even though they are young, students, unemployed or underemployed, etc. When I was in college, I was broke, too, but my friends and I didn't have any expectations otherwise. We were broke, almost all the other students were broke, and there wasn't much any of us could do about it. So we did lots of things that required little to no money and were fine.
     
  20. D_Jess_Kilme

    D_Jess_Kilme New Member

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    Hey Buddie, also read the thread Redefining Bisexual by DevonTexas. Lots of good insights into sexual self-identification there.
     
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