Hey. So I've been really self-reflecting this summer about my life and I am extremely confused about where I am going/what I am doing. I am in college and declared my major and am basically almost done but I wonder now if it's truly what I want to do with my life. It seems I think of a different job I could do everyday which all require me going to school some more. On an emotional level, I've been feeling quite alone. I have been stressing over money and literally haven't bought myself anything for about 6 months because I literally have no room to make any extra purchases. I'm paying bills, food, and tuition. I don't even have enough money to go out every weekend so I literally have to pick and choose when I go out and stuff. Now, on top of all that, I am sexually confused and this is the worst. All of my life, I have pictured myself with a girl, having kids with her, sleeping together, etc. However, as of late, I've been attracted to men but only physically. I jerk off to guys and sometimes gay porn, but as soon as I ejaculate, there isn't any attraction. At the same time, during the day, all I can think about is this one girl who is a close friend and how badly I want to date her. I have like mental pictures of us walking down the street hand in hand, having dinner at a nice restaurant, or cuddling together. I am also still a virgin, to both, obviously. I don't want to pursue either way because I don't want to upset anyone. I really have no idea what is going on, if I am going crazy, etc. I feel like I should talk to someone but I don't have anyone to talk to. I don't want to go to my family because we are already a bit estranged and the only gay person that I "know" are the guys who live across the street from me and at that I am only assuming because one of then is kind of flamboyant and I've never seen any women enter their house. Anyone have anything that could help me?