You know, this being a support group and all (and the fact that I am pretty big 'down unda', so therefore I hope that I qualify for support). I am in a situation in my life where I feel like I am losing everything. My home, business, almost all of my friends, financial issues, etc. Anything that I hold dear and valuable to myself is slipping away. I keep hearing that "things will get better, really." "Once you hit bottom there is no way to go but up". And other little pearls like that that do nothing to make me feel any better. Basically, every time I have hit bottom, and thought 'this is the end, it has to get better from here' something else negative happens, and I slip just that much deeper into the abyss. I'm a very intelligent, well educated and logical person. Which is why it scares me so much to be having the rampantly suicidal thoughts that I am having, and they seem to be occurring with far more frequency lately. My close friends think it is some bullshit ploy for attention, or just get pissed off at me. Basically, I am searching for a way out.. a way to do it that will not permanently emotionally scar the person who happens upon me. Plus, I am very averse to guns and whatnot.. so im thinking of taking enough opioid painkillers to put me into a deep sleep, and making sure there is something that will asphyxiate me when I pass out. Right now, my fear of death is basically the only thing keeping me alive, but I believe that the scale of despair will tip to the point that I will no longer feel like I have a choice. I just don't know what to do anymore.