So what do you do?

Principessa

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Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. And no matter how you kill yourself, it's going to permanently scar whomever happens upon your dead body.

Listen to Meg, she is 110% correct.

I'm not sure when or why prescription drugs got such a bad rap; but they aren't awful when used appropriately. You sound like you may have a major depressive disorder. You can exercise until the cows come home. St. John's Wart doesn't help that. You need anti-depressants and therapy. You live in NY, if you have no benefits you may need to go on general assistance to get medi-caid. This will pay 100% for the treatment you so desperately need. I know this because I had to swallow my pride and do it in February of this year.

Another thing, if you really wanted to die I don't think you would be using this site as a cry for help. That's what you have done; but you knew that already . . . didn't you?
 

Principessa

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FYI - It's only been two days but Think_Kink is still traumatized by the suicide of a neighbor. She wasn't even the one who found him! It's not the type of thing people ever forget. People you don't think about like neighbors will be grief stricken and distraught beyond belief; and they will go to their graves wondering what the could have done to help. I can't believe that is what you want your legacy to be.:mad: :frown1:

http://www.lpsg.org/et-cetera-et-cetera/50286-shitty-shitty-day-part-two.html#post830180

http://www.lpsg.org/830172-post1.html
 

IntoxicatingToxin

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I cant say that you are right or wrong, but I am not self destructive. Even in this time of... I don't even know what to call it... I selflessly give to my friends, and always try to be there for them. Which is way more than I can ever say about them.

Well ding! Pay attention to what you just said. That's a big clue right there that something is obviously wrong.
 

snoozan

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This is going to be blunt, and I am saying this only with great understanding of where you are.

IF YOU ARE HAVING SUICIDE IDEATION, YOU ARE CLINICALLY DEPRESSED AND NEED TO SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

You need to deal with this with a professional, period.
 

Love-it

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Even in this time of... I don't even know what to call it... I selflessly give to my friends, and always try to be there for them. Which is way more than I can ever say about them.

You have to learn to be selfish.

Remember that time wounds all heals and time will heal all wounds.

Who needs enemies when you have friends? Most likely you have one or two friends that you can count on, if you are willing to let them listen and remember that you must at least accept their silence as listening and if they have observations you need to hear what they are saying and cogitate on its relevance. You may hear some of the most idiotic advice ever given and you may realize ater that there was a germ of truth within that was hidden to you for the moment.

I reached your point 20 years ago when my wife had an affair, we are still together.

I have a close friend who has been shit on from so many angles, divorce, back injury, lost his job and has had to fight for the last 5 years to try and get a medical retirement from the state, he had to represent himself in the final appeal and proved his case, showing the state doctor was not only wrong but exceeded his authority by making part of his diagnosis in an area that he had no expertise, education or degree in. Next month he finds out if the state will actually pay him anything. So far he only has a moral victory. He can't work in the job he was trained for or the successful business he had before he went to work for the state. His ex-wife turned his two grown children against him, she was self employed and earned as much as he did, but because she did not report it he couldn't prove it in court, she sold some of his major assets acquired before their 2o+ year marriage and pocketed the money, she had an offshore bank account and 27 credit cards that he didn't know about and he had to pay off the credit cards, she took a second mortgage on their house without his knowledge, a spouses signature is not required, thank you California. He has been living off of credit cards, in a small travel trailer and trying to make a bit of money. He still owes his wife quite a bit of money from the divorce and she is trying to attach his almost minimum wage job. He has maintained an even keel throughout all this, still helps where he can and maintains a positive attitude, he has had a few down days but realizes that there is hope and he is willing to help make himself a success.
 

earllogjam

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Everyone has these moments in life - just that some people deal with them better than others. It's a skill you learn, often taught by example. No one has showed them to you. That's all.

I think you need to get your mind off yourself and all your problems- take a break from yourself. It's seems like a downward spiral that just isn't serving you very well. This has worked for me when I feel the whole world is caving in - long walks in nature with fresh air, somewhere beautiful where I can just forget for a while. - Take the focus away from yourself, get a pet, get out of the house, do something physical, take care of some plants, grow something and give them as gifts to your friends, take a yoga class. Don't sit and brood - that is the worst thing you can do. Your mental state is directly connected to how you feel physically so movement, dance, stretching always makes you feel better. I think your intellect is working overtime to make you unhappy. All the shoulds, have to, I gottas, are digging your grave. Just let go for 10 minutes each day - it just puts everything in clear perspective. Then you can go about correcting what is not working for you and start making things better without the emotional baggage clouding and distorting your mind.

I don't think your problems are dire. You just think they are because you have a set way of looking and judging things. This may sound a bit cliche but I have been with people in India who had absolutely nothing, lived on practically nothing yet still were happy; they just accepted their situation and made the best of things. Granted we don't live in India but the lessons are the same.

Take this outpouring of love from all of us to heart. I hope some of my experiences and discoveries can help you. Don't let your emotions destroy you - be kind to yourself.

Boy I hope this didn't sound too Dr. Phil. It's all coming from the right place I guess.
 

JustAsking

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This is going to be blunt, and I am saying this only with great understanding of where you are.

IF YOU ARE HAVING SUICIDE IDEATION, YOU ARE CLINICALLY DEPRESSED AND NEED TO SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

You need to deal with this with a professional, period.
Snoozan is right. All the things you list are on the top 10 extreme "stressors" list. Any one or two of these would be enough to bring many of us to our knees. So there is no surprise at all that you might be severely depressed. If so, depression carries with it a profound feeling of hopelessness that goes far beyond even the painful realities of one's particular situation. Thoughts of suicide are not uncommon with this along with a general inability to make healthy decisions about ourselves.

Talk with your family and friends as you can about this, but there is a good chance that they might be frightened a bit by your powerful feelings of hopelessness. Some might respond to that by avoiding the subject or even avoiding you.

The good news is that although depression can be debilitating and even life threatening, over the last 20 years we have come to learn how to treat depression with extremely good success.

The only reliable way to deal with this is to seek professional help right away like millions have done with great success.

PM me or anyone else who has offered. I would be glad to listen to your story.
 

Lordpendragon

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You have a choice.

One journey has ended. You can decide because it seems that others have ended the first journey that they have also taken away your choice to start a new journey.

Alternatively you can decide that things come to an end whether you decide it or not and start the new journey that is now open to you.