Upon emailing Miss Manners, received this reply:
Dear Kind Reader,
Of course there is a proper etiquette required when visiting a male public rest room, and I will be happy to outline the procedure. The need of evacuation is universal, and if the proper methods are followed, the process in a public environment will be of comfort to all. Let me begin with the steps of correct public urination, whether alone, or in a crowd. Upon entering the facility, determine the optimal urinal of choice. If premises are empty, proceed to the urinal closet to the exit. If the premises are occupied, proceed to the urinal furthest from the current occupant(s). Avoid the designated urinal for those with special needs, as the lower height may lead to the soiling of ones clothing. Do not acknowledge the presence of other occupants, and maintain your head position exactly parallel to the facing wall. With your right hand, lower your zipper. You may now extract your evacuating device from your undergarment (this technique may vary, depending upon the design of said undergarment). Grasp said device with the left hand, index finger under, and thumb over, location approximately ¾ of an inch behind the device opening. Using this gentle grip, device should be pointed at an angle, determined by the operator, to insure stream will not ricochet back into the user. This may differ according to urinal design. Once flow has commenced, gentle patron should raise head, maintaining parallel status to front wall, until eyes are focused directly ahead. Upon termination of flow, user should once again lower head, and in a gentle method, briefly vacillate in an up and down direction, promptly return evacuator to undergarment, and raise zipper. Pivot 90 degrees quickly, and retreat from urinal area. Promptly proceed to lavatory, and cleanse hands with soap and warm water.
Common errors in urinal etiquette that must be avoided:
1) Verbally greeting other occupants, offering to shake hands, or high five.
2) Lowering ones trousers over the buttocks
3) Idle chatter should be avoided, particularly common statements such as Need to drain the monster, Whoa.. this water is really cold, It takes to hands to handle a whopper, wonder where that boil came from, Wish it didnt burn every time I do this, or down boy! Down
4) Placing both hands on the back of the head and gyrating ones hips while exhaling audibly
5) Asking your fellow patron for help in stream guidance while lighting a cigarette
6) Skipping the lavatory, then upon return, pawing the crudités platter.
Hope this is of use to you, kind reader.
Miss Manners
Dear Kind Reader,
Of course there is a proper etiquette required when visiting a male public rest room, and I will be happy to outline the procedure. The need of evacuation is universal, and if the proper methods are followed, the process in a public environment will be of comfort to all. Let me begin with the steps of correct public urination, whether alone, or in a crowd. Upon entering the facility, determine the optimal urinal of choice. If premises are empty, proceed to the urinal closet to the exit. If the premises are occupied, proceed to the urinal furthest from the current occupant(s). Avoid the designated urinal for those with special needs, as the lower height may lead to the soiling of ones clothing. Do not acknowledge the presence of other occupants, and maintain your head position exactly parallel to the facing wall. With your right hand, lower your zipper. You may now extract your evacuating device from your undergarment (this technique may vary, depending upon the design of said undergarment). Grasp said device with the left hand, index finger under, and thumb over, location approximately ¾ of an inch behind the device opening. Using this gentle grip, device should be pointed at an angle, determined by the operator, to insure stream will not ricochet back into the user. This may differ according to urinal design. Once flow has commenced, gentle patron should raise head, maintaining parallel status to front wall, until eyes are focused directly ahead. Upon termination of flow, user should once again lower head, and in a gentle method, briefly vacillate in an up and down direction, promptly return evacuator to undergarment, and raise zipper. Pivot 90 degrees quickly, and retreat from urinal area. Promptly proceed to lavatory, and cleanse hands with soap and warm water.
Common errors in urinal etiquette that must be avoided:
1) Verbally greeting other occupants, offering to shake hands, or high five.
2) Lowering ones trousers over the buttocks
3) Idle chatter should be avoided, particularly common statements such as Need to drain the monster, Whoa.. this water is really cold, It takes to hands to handle a whopper, wonder where that boil came from, Wish it didnt burn every time I do this, or down boy! Down
4) Placing both hands on the back of the head and gyrating ones hips while exhaling audibly
5) Asking your fellow patron for help in stream guidance while lighting a cigarette
6) Skipping the lavatory, then upon return, pawing the crudités platter.
Hope this is of use to you, kind reader.
Miss Manners