Sober

[Pene_Negro_Grande]

Guys felt like kind of talking again...I really kind of didn't want to talk about it because most people think you are in AA or have some serious issues...I am on day 9 of being sober cold turkey...There was nothing crazy or I was not really out of control but made a conscience decision as not to drink alcohol for awhile...A really close friend who I value his opinion told me a couple of weeks ago that he was concerned about me and that I might be partying a little too hard and he was worried about me...That kind of touched me that someone was that concerned about me so I just told him about my sobriety yesterday so I figured I would share here too...I thought it would harder because I am sure I mentioned a couple of times I go out a lot to at least 3 or 4 events (parties) a week and probably don't get home till after sunrise on 2 of those nights...And it is not that I am a club kid or something it is just the industry that I was in and I felt obligated to go to anything I am invited too...

Okay it is hard to convince my friends that I do not drink anymore because I really stop drinking and all other bad habits because they are always still trying to hand me drinks and shots...It is kind of weird because you always see people who had real problems w/drugs and alcohol talk about sobriety and myself I always considered a pretty level headed person and only drink socially which now I see was 3 or 4 nights a week...

Funny easier than I thought because I realize that I really don't like to drink but did it because it was always given heavily at all the parties I attend...I decided to stop beause I was like I work out 5 or 6 times a week and try to take care of myself so figured time for a lifestyle change...Plus another motivation is my dad is an alcoholic and I am not going to be that statistic and I have always hidden my drinking from my family for that reason (I am 28 and my family still doesn't think I drink and I have been drinking since high school) - my mom always told me to be careful drinking because I could easily inherit the alcoholic traits...

I was out last night w/a ton of friends and I was the only sober one...Being sober you notice shit that you wouldn't have before...My friends were all drunken arses and no one could make sense or decisions about our next move and I started to get really aggravated...I can't believe I never noticed that before...I still have a good time and fun though which I thought I would not...Only thing that sucks - I am so over only drinking imported spring water at functions because I still need something to remind me of a drink in my hand (LOL)...Wish me luck because tonight is going to be a real test (3 parties tonight starting from 8pm to 8am)...

 

[Altairion]

Hey dude, I bet tonight will be really tempting for you, but from most of your posts you've sounded like a strong guy, and I bet you can pull through it at least for the night.

As for being the only sober one, I've been there and it does get more annoying than fun at times. That's been one thing I've had to consider if not all my friends are drinking, and it's actually made me drink less during those times.

 

[Pene_Negro_Grande]

Thanks...Yeah I can see that but I am trying to avoid getting upset or aggravated because I was a drinker and don't want to judge and I kind am the sober friend watching out for everyone...When I put my mind to something I like to prove to myself I can do it...My family knows I attend a lot of social events and constantly ask me if I have been drinking and now I can honestly say no and that is pretty cool...

 

[Pye]

I've never been a big drinker (but I can hold my own) but I have noticed that it can be quite fun being sober at a party-- usually there is someone else at the party that is also sober and you can usually sit back and watch how foolish some people act (and sometimes how unappealing). Sure at times you want to have just that lil buzz-- but you make the best of your time at the parties anyway. You feel much better the next morning too!

 

[mavedick]

If your good friend (the one who suggested that you were drinking too much) was willing to risk the friendship to tell you that out of concern for your wellbeing, then you have probably stopped just in time. All evidence shows that alcoholism is hereditary, but it's also still voluntary. I come from a long line of Irish drunks, but we've been sober for three generations now because my grandfather wisely chose to stop before he couldn't anymore. I congratulate you on your sobriety. Nobody needs alcohol to have a good time; but alcohol can make your times so bad that you need it to make you think that you're having a good time. Even though you've stopped before you got to the point of needing AA's help, their saying is still worth remembering: "One day at a time."

 

[Pene_Negro_Grande]

Yeah I guess it takes someone on the outside to notice stuff like that...Like I said I never really thought I drank that much but I actually did use to put down 10 to 15 drinks in a night...Wow just started going through pictures I took at functions and a noticeable trend was a drink in my hand and I look wasted...How embarassing...Do find myself able to get better sleep now too...

 

[steve319]

PNG, first of all, let me say that I have no idea if alcohol is/was becoming a problem for you or whether you do/did need to make a change. Assuming that maybe that is true (based on what you said), let me say that, as someone who has stood in similar shoes, good luck with your decision to change the landscape of your future this way.

I lost a chunk of my life to alcohol abuse, even knowing about our family history and having grown up with an alcoholic father. Bearing witness to the dissolution and early death of a plethora of alcoholics in my family, I still made the choice to start drinking, believing that I was too smart and too strong and too whatever to fall into the trap.

I had a couple of friends who cared enough to tell me that they were concerned as for me as well, and I really paid them no mind. For me, it was all about being right and being the person I thought that I wanted to be, thinking all along that I was the one in control. But alcohol kicked my ass. It took memory loss and what I would have classified as uncharacteristic behavior on my part to scare me into making a change.

Sounds like something your friend said struck a chord with you and might stop you from ending up in a situation where you really don't have control anymore. Good for you!

Once you've had time to process this new situation and to hash out whether the new, alcohol-free life is the path for you, take the time to thank that friend. I'm sure that was a tough thing for him/her to tell you.

Originally posted by Pene_Negro_Grande@Jul 9 2005, 12:32 PM
I always considered a pretty level headed person and only drink socially which now I see was 3 or 4 nights a week...

I've learned that, in my case anyway, being level-headed or intelligent or strong-willed or a great kisser has nothing to do with it if there really is some genetic predisposition in play.

Being sober you notice shit that you wouldn't have before...My friends were all drunken arses and no one could make sense or decisions about our next move and I started to get really aggravated

Oh man, that was an awful feeling for me too; took me a long time to get comfortable being with other drinkers when I'm sober! And I'm not sure "comfortable" is exactly the word for where I am now. I hope your friends don't give you a tough time over this and understand where you're coming from. I know that I lost some friends during my recovery period because, despite my efforts to prove otherwise, they probably thought I had suddenly decided I was "better" than they were or somesuch.

PNG, we all wish you luck on this. Again, I have no idea if you are/were on a dark path there, but if you decide that this is the new path for you, I hope it proves to be a positive one to tread. (I'm sure it will prove better lit! )

 

[madame_zora]

PNG, I also congratulate you on your decision. Having been sober for over a dozen years, I can tell you it's a great way to live. I get to remember what I did the night before now. You sound like what we called in AA a "high bottom drunk" meaning you decided to change your path before you got really bad, I think that's commendable. Not many people can do it, I couldn't. Your inner strength and fortitude will take you far, but I'll add a few suggestions.

Always drive. If you're ever uncomfortable for any reason, you can leave early. This has helped me soooo much! Sometimes I'm uncomfortable because I don't like being around drunks! They're boring, repeat themselves, think they're way funnier than they really are and it can get annoying. I rarely wish to drink when I see other people doing it.

While this is new, do a LOT of nice things for yourself. If you learn to reward yourself greatly for your good behavior, you'll appreciate your own efforts more. This I still do.

Take time for personal reflection. How does life now compare to life before? Look at the positives and negatives and evaluate, often.

Keep talking to your friend who made the effort to approach you. This was most likely an act of love, you've got a true friend there. He thinks more of you that just an acquaintance or he wouldn't have bothered. Keep talking to us too, although in cyberspace, we really do care and want the best for you in your life. I have no doubt you can do whatever it is your will to do, but best of luck to you nonetheless. Jana

 

[Pene_Negro_Grande]

Thanks guys...This really helps...Made it through the night w/o even thinking about wanting a drink...Only thing is that I can notice a little that not drinking is effecting me kind of socially...I mean on the weekends there are at least 15 to 20 guys/girls that we all hang out and go to dance clubs and party to the early hours of the morning...It's like madame_zora being around drunk people were boring and they do repeat themselves and I noticed as hard as I tried not to - I kind of snapped at guys that would ask me the same question over and over again like where are we about to go...I always quickly apologize because I am more like the cement of the group...And usually I am the last to leave the party but I found myself grabbing one friend and say lets go somewhere I don't know anybody because I can't have this many conversations w/people...But I still ran into multiple people that I would not have thought I would see...Now I am changing from the guy who knows and is friends w/everyone to trying to find a moment to myself or w/one other person...I lie to you not - I had 25 voice messages when I didn't answer my cell for 2 to 3 hours...

And actually my friends have been really supportive like I thought they would...I have never had so many red bulls and bottled water offered to me in one night...Tonight I went to 4 different bars/clubs and did feel as social or even dance (which is totally out of character for me)...So I just do not want the soberiety to change me from the good supportive friend I always have been...Don't get me wrong I had a really good time tonight and not bitter at all or get uncomfortable around people that were drinking...I honestly never had the desire or temptation to drink tonight...It is weird but it is like I didn't even remember what I was missing...Thanks for all the support here...

 

[Pene_Negro_Grande]

Originally posted by steve319@Jul 9 2005, 08:26 PM
Once you've had time to process this new situation and to hash out whether the new, alcohol-free life is the path for you, take the time to thank that friend. I'm sure that was a tough thing for him/her to tell you.

PNG, we all wish you luck on this. Again, I have no idea if you are/were on a dark path there, but if you decide that this is the new path for you, I hope it proves to be a positive one to tread. (I'm sure it will prove better lit! )

[post=327985]Quoted post[/post]​

Yeah probably do need to really thank him...I told him about not drinking anymore but didn't really tell him he was one of the people who really made me want to really do it...And actually we had a pretty close relationship already (I considered him one of my best friends already too) so it wasn't that hard for him to tell me and I took as him really caring for me...He has probably told me about his concern for my drinking and partying at least 3 times before and it was always when we were out at a function...He even expressed his concern to my other best friend before and I always dismissed it and told him that I really don't have a problem and I probably just had a little too much to drink that night but I was touched for his concern...It felt like he was being a over protective parent or something...I mean this guy is really a beautiful not only on the outside but the inside too w/perspective and maturity beyond his years (he is only 24)...But now that I think about it - two other guys I consider like a best friend actually told me that they were worried that I might be getting out of control and they are only telling me because they love me...I must have really been in denial because now I feel like an idiot...I have told 3 out of the 4 guys I consider like best friends and I think I am going to call the other one today who lives in a different state because he expressed concern before too and I think he worries because we do not get to see each other as much and he can't watch out for me and when he did live here he had a serious problem w/partying and thought I headed down the same path...Luckily he moved away from the scene to live w/his girlfriend and she put him on the right path...

 

[chrisj428]

Originally posted by madame_zora@Jul 10 2005, 01:18 AM
Always drive. If you're ever uncomfortable for any reason, you can leave early. This has helped me soooo much! Sometimes I'm uncomfortable because I don't like being around drunks! They're boring, repeat themselves, think they're way funnier than they really are and it can get annoying. I rarely wish to drink when I see other people doing it.

Madame Zora,

I couldn't have said it better myself. As many of you read, heavy drinking cost me a friendship because I decided to do something stupid.

While that's all behind me now and I'm moving on (nobody was physically hurt), I have to say that I'm finding more and more the above assessment of drunks to be true. (Mme Zora -- your insight knows no bounds and we're very fortunate to have you here!!&#33

And the advice about always driving -- dead on! Take your own car and then you don't feel as though your stuck somewhere. As long as you're enjoying yourself being sober, stay. And, when the goofballs get too annoying, you can bid them adieu and beat a retreat without having to rely on anyone else.

Congratulations on your decision -- stay strong!!!

 

[Pene_Negro_Grande]

This is so true...Luckily I live in the city so I cab it or can walk a couple of blocks...I try not to drive my car when I go out...But lately I have found myself doing just that...Yeah madame_zora has great insight - that really made great sense when she said that...

 

[deleted4701]

I understand your problem. i was in the music business for more than 2 decades. in that field, no one cares what you drink or smoke, who you sleep with or how late you party at night. as long as you get your job done. i got my job done and was successful in my career. i could drink people under the table and mistook that 'warning sign' as a clear signal that i did NOT have a drinking problem.

In my 50th year i realized i could not stop drinking, no matter how badly i needed to. i started to get the comments from friends that you are getting now. people who i had known since my teen years and early 20's, telling me about incoherent late night phone calls, slurring of words, inability to walk a straight line.
i also woke up with sheets drenched in cold sweat, night terrors, big time depression and isolation worse than solitary confinement. and all this after 2 decades of partying and drinking heavily without any apparent problems!

AA is a program of attraction, not promotion, so i dont want to preach about it, but some people find the meetings a safe haven from the insanity that the alcoholic's life has become.

If you spend enough time in a barber shop, you're eventually gonna get a haircut. I encourage you to find new things to do with your time. curtail your clubbing as much as you can. get involved in sports-no champion ahtlete is drinking on the playing field. some musical events permit less drinking than clubs and pop concerts-check out operas, avant-garde performance artists and musical theater.
rise above the need to run with the crowd - donate some time to people who have nothing to eat, no place to live, can't walk or see or hear. you'd be amazed what unbelievable joy can come from working with others, much more memorable than a night on the dance floor. you can also meet a lot of attractive, sexy people doing these charitable activities-your sex life might actually improve.

And 'friends' be damned-if you have identified a problem area in your life and they refuse to be suppotive-find new 'friends'. alcoholism is a disease. and it's a disease that tells us we are not sick. if you had cancer, would 'friends' encourage you to skip chemo or radiation treatments? would you even care what they said or thought? as some of us are fond of saying, there are over 6 billion people in this world, thousands of them are potential soulmates/friends.

I met and made more true friends in AA in 2 years of sobriety than i did in the 20 years prior to that just living in my home town, working in the music business and travelling around the world.

You are lucky to have realized this so early in your life.

A true alcoholic who remains untreated will end up in jail, an institution (and i don't mean the White House), or a coffin. this disease is patient.

Good luck to you!

 

[madame_zora]

This is such a near and dear subject for me. I was not so fortunate to be able to quit before I had severe consequences in my life. I collected four DUIs, spent time in jail, had to go through court ordered treatment- the expense to my wallet and psyche was immense.

Still, I was a lucky one. I didn't have the urge to drink once I got out of treatment, and life began anew. I can't say I never think about it or have "drunk dreams" (scary, sometimes they have been so real I awoke thinking I had really been drunk), but I have never had an urge too strong to overcome.

When I hear of someone who is fortunate enough and has enough inner fortitude to stop before they get to that point, I can't help but be amazed! PNG, I hope your way will be as easy as mine was, at least the recovery part. You seem to have a great group of guys to spend time with, so you are fortunate there. If you get a chance to befriend a few guys who don't drink, that's a good thing too- you won't always have to be the only one.

Now, all this time later, I don't mind being the only one. I have even bought drinks for friends at times, I just limit my time spent with those who drink heavily. Honestly, social drinkers don't tempt me a bit because I don't have a desire to drink two drinks over the course of an entire evening. I was more likely to drink 10 to 20, sometimes more, so it's the power-drinkers who I sometimes envy. It's hard to accept that there are some people who can drink like that and not turn into idiots (not many, but a few) because that was not the case for me. From the beginning, I've made a concerted effort not to judge another person's drinking habits in preference of worrying about my own recovery. This relieved me of a lot of aggravation.

You're such an awesome guy, you will be fine, I am sure. Keep up your strength, one day you may be the one to pass along the good gift you were given.

 

[Pene_Negro_Grande]

Thanks guys....I feel my soberity is not that big of a deal because I am very lucky to never have had a DUI or been arrested for anything....But I do understand how lucky I am too not to have the desire to want to drink....And I do still go out a lot with my friends but the weird thing is like madame_zora said - I have no desire to drink and I do buy drinks for my friends too....My bartender friends no I don't drink now so they make me non-alcoholic drinks all the time because I still feel the urge to have something to drink in my hand....I almost forget what alcohol taste like....Glad I did stop drinking and I never smoked before, because recently my dad (who is an alcoholic) developed serious health problems contributed to his heavy drinking and smoking and he is in his mid-50's....

 

[KinkGuy]

The only problem with being the sober one, as I "sometimes" find myself with our group of friends? I always wind up being Dad and driving the drunk poofs home! I've even been known to take them home, let them sleep it off at my house and then take them back to pick up (find) their cars the next day. But, I kept them from driving.

 

[Pene_Negro_Grande]

That is totally me now....I feel like an over protective parent with my friends....I find myself taking the keys from my friends or making them call me when they get home if they say they are fine....I have someone every weekend crashed on my couch from drinking and myself refusing to let them drive home....