Social Anxiety and Women/Sex

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by shyyguy123, Nov 9, 2010.

  1. shyyguy123

    shyyguy123 Member

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    I really struggle with social anxiety, I have my whole life. It affects every part of my life but the most bothersome is women and sex.

    I'm 24 this month and I'm still a virgin. I basically hid from the social world until I was about 20/21. I've made some progress the past couple years and at 22 I finally kissed a girl and started dating (haven't been in a relationship though).

    Luckily women have always found me attractive, for whatever reason, and I've had plenty of opportunities to have sex the past couple years but I always seem to be too passive when it's time to make a move. Literally, I've had women in my bed making out with me and for some reason theres too much anxiety to take it further than that. Like I'm afraid of sex or something.

    I don't really know whats wrong with me or how to get over it. I feel like I really need to have sex and get it over with and the longer I wait the worse my axiety is going to be.

    Does anyone have any ideas or personal experience on how to get past this?
     
  2. B_New End

    B_New End New Member

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    Losing my virginity (24 too) was easy because she was aggressive. The next girl, however, I had to bring myself to make the move. Basically, I just looked at the clock, and told myself, when that clock hit 6:34 (about 3 minutes) I am going for it. I just drew a line in the sand, knowing I wanted it, I had to do something, or I would end up saying goodbye and jerking off.

    And just remember these two things:

    1) If you don't, the other guy will
    2) She wants you to fucking get her naked. Seriously. There are 6 billion people on the planet, and it isn't because 3 billion of them like sex and the other 3 billion need to be convinced they like sex. Especially if you have been making out. All you need to do is make the first move. Thighs are fine. upshirt is fine. If she wants to go further, you'll get reciprocation.

    BTW, my experience almost matches yours perfectly. My first g/f was at 20. I had my no-sex til marriage thing going in my head causing problems, which stopped me until I was 24.
     
    #2 B_New End, Nov 9, 2010
    Last edited: Nov 9, 2010
  3. D_Hammond Happydipper

    D_Hammond Happydipper Account Disabled

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    I dealt with Social Anxiety for 4 1/2 years from from 11/05/05 to 8/27/10 and with the depression after that lasted tell 10/30/10

    you just need to figure out what's bugging you, then accept that it happened and it's nothing you can change.. that worked for me.



    I have probably flirted more in the last month and a 1/2 , compared to the 4 1/2 years of Social Anxiety .
    I see my self losing my virginity before the winter is over.
     
    #3 D_Hammond Happydipper, Nov 10, 2010
    Last edited: Nov 10, 2010
  4. Drifterwood

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    Anxiety is perfectly normal in both sexes.

    There is nothing wrong with being a virgin and/or having no experience. But what you should do is to tell prospective partners if it looks like you may be headed for bed. If they are cool, they will very much enjoy bringing out your sexuality. Despite what social and cultural expectations might be, you don't become the stud of the West (even if you wanted to be) overnight.

    Furthermore, unless your first experience calms your anxieties and the relationship develops, keep telling partners you are virtually a virgin until you are comfortable. Any decent sexual partner accepts you for who and what you are.
     
  5. KTF40

    Gold Member

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    This. Put all your cards on the table. Even take it to the next step and tell the girl that you suffer from social anxiety and it prevents you from making a move on her. You'll probably get a laugh and most likely not a pity laugh but a, "oh that's cute" laugh.

    I know it might sound stupid, but for me, once I put it all out there everything becomes easier. Whether it's the girl feeling more open and comfortable with me or vice versa. No point in trying to hide your anxiety because then it just makes things more awkward. Let her know you have anxiety and just go from there.
     
  6. B_New End

    B_New End New Member

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    no no no. Don't tell them you suffer from social anxiety. You can tell them you are a virgin, that's fine, you can even tell them you've made out, but you are afraid of getting them pregnant, that's fine, but for gods sake, don't wimpify yourself and blame your problems on a psychological issue. It just makes you sound like a weak dork emo. (unless you are emo, and with an emo chick, then it's all good)
     
  7. KTF40

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    Not really. Maybe if you come across as a complete "whimp" doing it that might be the case. But the key is to be able to laugh about yourself and your own problems. If you're trying to hide your problems and your fears, especially one like social anxiety, you'll probably come across as awkward and look like a doofus. Trust me, I did that for years and it got me nowhere. You got to be somewhat comfortable with yourself before you can make others comfortable with you.
     
  8. D_Chaumbrelayne_Copprehead

    D_Chaumbrelayne_Copprehead Account Disabled

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    Everyone "suffers" from some level of anxiety in new situations. Some people are able to push past it; some aren't. I've dealt with anxiety, and the problem isn't always the intensity of the feeling.

    The problem is, too often, that we let the feeling stop us in our tracks.

    Is there something that makes you a little bit anxious that you could deal with by facing it head-on, and then start ramping up your new accomplishments from there?

    Know, too, that feelings may be strong and scary ... but they're not facts. Your brain is probably sending you bullshit information about what to be afraid of, but for a good reason (or so it thinks).
     
  9. D_Humper E Bogart

    D_Humper E Bogart New Member

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    If anything, it sometimes helps to just "drop the hammer" and "just do it." Similar to taking a bet against oneself. Anyone who is worth it will be reasonable and understanding.
     
  10. D_Cock_Hudson

    D_Cock_Hudson New Member

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    Social anxiety must affect many men- you are not alone.
     
  11. mexdude

    mexdude New Member

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    Im in the same situation as u described, but im 26, and well, the last thing u want its to live in fear, u have to get courage and beat that fear, cause its inside u, and no one else is going to help u but yourself
     
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