Socially defunct, how to questions.

WessexEN

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your tutor sounds cool :)

She understands the condition well and she understands how hard I work, she even gave me a quote to think of:
Occams Razor: "For all things being equal, the simpliest solution is the best".

She is also very open minded and you really can ask her about anything.
 

dolfette

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She understands the condition well and she understands how hard I work, she even gave me a quote to think of:
Occams Razor: "For all things being equal, the simpliest solution is the best".

She is also very open minded and you really can ask her about anything.
it's great that you can ask her about personal and relationship issues.
and because she knows you, her advice should be better than ours.

it's a good quote and it's often true.
 

WessexEN

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it's great that you can ask her about personal and relationship issues.
and because she knows you, her advice should be better than ours.

it's a good quote and it's often true.

First, the quote, you'll soon understand when you see my program specifications, 16 pages, A5 size and still not done, I got to do the JSDs (Jackson Structured Diagram). I need to write another 2 manuals, plus the program, so thats 3 manuals (Specification, which has to be made before I start, Technical for afterwards and that a programmer can pick it up and move off where I left it and user manual which is pretty obvious.), a program and the artwork to go with it. For my college assignment, I am producing a game, which is a great thing, as I finally learn something I need for next year.

That is, studying game design at university.



Secondly, I have known my tutor for about 1 and a half years now, she is a great resource of knowledge and we both got on soo well. She rarely looses her rag as well (I am much the same, but I loose my rag easier at home than at college.). To be honest, she has given me and everyone else a lot of support, I should be (and I am) grateful for it.

(Then again, I can remember my virtually faultless UCAS statements that she sent to Pomp, I guess thats why they dropped the entry requirements, because I try soo hard.). Anyway, thats all you need to know about my tutor. The previous tutor was just as nice too, but she was far more firm on the rest of them, each to their different methods. The previous tutor used a more firmer approach to some trouble makers (and she did try very hard), while my current tutor uses a more perswuasive approach, or just let them get on with it. (None of this is negative to either tutor, each method is equal!)

I always loved the quote "Tea Party" to a member of 4 people in the group, later given "no names mentioned" when I was pointing out soo many issues with the group, like "no names mentioned". It actually became quite funny after a while.



Anyway, moving on, I think I know how to avoid all these problems now, with the particular 16yo girl, that is, rather taking the plusbus, I'll cut out the bus and just simply walk it to Bedhampton Staiton. The only times I am likely to meet the girl, is Mondays/Tuesdays evenings, the rest of the time is usually by conincidence.
I'll have to ask the guard to "xcess me up" (basically meaning, getting an X/S Over distance" ticket, even if I have a vaild 1 month season ticket.). Thing is, it takes 30 minutes by bus max (15 mins wait + 15 mins travel), walking it is about 1 mile long, as long as I power walk it at a constant speed of 6mph, then I can complete it in 20 minutes, the other good thing, its all downhill, so my legs will be ultra happy, while I carry my heavy laptop and files (10kg total). Its about a mile away too. (But why should I have to walk 1 extra mile, because some b***h wants to trap me into a difficult position, bully, harrass or make my life a misery?)



Lastly, I should applogise to SpoiledPrincess and sugarandspice in the other about my comments. However, I would like to point out, that there are far worse position when it comes to the complete lack of sex and fondling. Either way, and if you both did find it offensive with the way I phrased it, I do appologise.
 

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No I didn't find it offensive in the least, you don't have to agree with everything people say :)

Your tutor sounds like a valuable ally, no one should have to put up with being bullied.
 

WessexEN

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Your tutor sounds like a valuable ally, no one should have to put up with being bullied.

Shes one of these people that give you a path to an answer which did get me thinking, "Is it bullying", which by my, a classmate (female) and her definition was "yes", essentially, if it is repetitive.
 

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Sounds a grim situation. She obviously sees you as a soft target and is showing off to her 'friends' at your expense. I hope you can get it sorted out, and with your tutor's help perhaps the problem will go away.

Like your avatar - at least you don't have to travel on clapped-out old Tube stock on the Island Line! PM me sometime about your programming - I use PowerBasic for my work.
 

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Like your avatar - at least you don't have to travel on clapped-out old Tube stock on the Island Line! PM me sometime about your programming - I use PowerBasic for my work.

@ thedrainman:
VB is very simliar, I tried RealBASIC and found it difficult to use (only because my mac is a white elephant amongst my other 4 PCs (2 laptops 2 desktop, one desktop is defunct.)). I have to say, I am getting more proficent in VisualBASIC, so I'd like to thank you for your offer and keep it in mind for a while.





The tube stock you use (yes, London Underground knackers) are about 70 years old now, they are termed 1938 Tube stock, to the Network Rail register or BR TOPS, Class 483. They were all the last Northern Line dozen which lasted until 1988, sent to Eastleigh works for refurbishment and anti-corrision treatment (a layer of I think an oil that is designed to prevent corrsion, since they are all steel), then shipped bogieless to the island, while being reunined by their bogies. 10 got shipped over, 9 complete sets, 1 complete set as shell only. (All numbered 001 to 009, the shells were un-numbered).
001, 003 and 005 I think are scrapped, so thats 6 sets plus the shells (spares are now hard to find and corrosion is becomming an issue, although they are in better shape than their predecessors), there is talk about replacing them, but the trouble is, what with?

The tube stock of 1973 (Refurbished - Piccadilly Line), 1983 (most are now scrapped anyway - Jubliee Line), 1995 (Northern Line) and 1996 (Jubliee Line replacement of 9 - 16 year old stock of 1983! Plus expansion stock for the Jubliee Line Extension (JLE)) stock are all too long anyway.

The 1967 (Victoria Line automatic train operation) stock, 1972 MKI (most scrapped - Ex Northen Line, repalced by 1995 stock), 1972 MkII stock (Refurbished - Bakerloo Line) and 1992 (Central Line) are all short enough, but all won't be available for some time. The Victoria Line stock, is about 40 years old anyway, assuming they were built and introduced in 1967. (See the pattern?)

Theres also the Light Rail Transit scheme that was proposed, or it could be that the whole railway may revert to steam operation, there is only one minor problem with that, the tunnels at Ryde are of reduced height, because of flooding, hence why tube stock is used, the track bed was only raised by about 2ft as well!


You may wonder why LT were chucking out newer stock at the time, 1962 central line stock. Well, they suffered graffitti attacks frequently and the combanation of the unpainted alluminium and steel frames, meant they suffered eletroylsis through the use of harsh acids, removing the graffitti meant they were structurally unsafe. The Northen Line inherited the best cars for another 10 years, but even then, the 1959 stock, replaced by 2001, were again, well knackered and worn out, those trains also went from the Piccadilly Line, to the Bakerloo Line and then to the Northern Line, so the opportunity wasn't taken, I am not sure why the opportunity of 1972 stock replacement wasn't taken, although, I can guess this is because of the lack of funds/desire at the time.


I also have to use much newer (2001 to 2005 built) Electrostars to go to college and back, this is fine, until you find out how often they love to fail. This afternoon, I was on a set comming home and it was a 4 car star unit, with 2 of 6 motors "cut out" (isolated), which meant that performance was horrid and this isn't good for an intensive timetable, like the Southerns new West Coastway timetable.




@ SpoiledPrincess
College mainly, I guess she is attaining a Level 1 course (I'm on a much higher level, Level 3 currently) and the day after she saw me, the words, as I was comming into college was "allo darling", when we weren't even considered Boyfriend/Girlfriend at all at the time. Yes, she was with her friends, typically.
My tutor has mentioned that if she does continue to the point of bullying on the bus, they CAN sort it. I've had bullying before and it was sorted before the co-ordinator of special needs (I think she is) who I happened to know, needed to do anything, quite simply, because he was told to leave. The student in question was studying public services, constantly not doing the work required in the lessons I had to attend and the lessons that himself and the rest of his classmates (some I knew) attended) and basically, making an arse of himself. After November 06, peace at last.
 

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Before we get started, I know I keep bashing on and on about it, but consider the fact I have Aspergers Syndrome, which does and will cause a lot of problems with relationships, if you have the time, I recommend reading: Asperger syndrome - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

That done? Right.

Now, the problem, I don't mind girls fancing me, but if you notice, there is one big problem with aspies, that is:

" Individuals with AS experience difficulties in basic elements of social interaction, which may include a failure to develop friendships or enjoy spontaneous interests or achievements with others, a lack of social or emotional reciprocity, and impaired nonverbal behaviors such as eye contact, facial expression, posture, and gesture." (from Wikipedia).


Basically meaning that body language is often miss-read, so, small cues can indicate problems. The opposite is true as well, we may take some subtle hints and grossly over exaggerate them. Now, there is a reason why I am asking for help, despite the fact that for a lot of you, its going to be a tough question to answer. Anyway,

I was waiting for a bus, in a slightly pissed off mood..

(LONG STORY STARTS)
Who turns up you may ask?

Well, there was a girl right next to me one evening in January, with her friends, I am sitting on my own (85% of the time, its the same, on my own, travelling to home and college and back). As soon as she sat next to me, her conversation turned a little sexual and a little worrying. At the age of 16, while nearly 22, I thought, this isn't going to work and at the same time, I thought I smelt a rat (so to speak.). The bus gets nearer to Havant and she starts throwing sweets at me and when I get off, she grabs my arse.

After a few weeks of quietness, she was there at the bus stop, waiting for the bus, so she says "maybe we'll sit next to him" while stroking my arm. Ofcourse, the bus moves to the wrong place and I am near last in the queue, while forced to stand.

She does/says nothing. Her friend gets off and I ask "were you being serious about your offer or joking?", she confesses "joking" after repeating the question 4 times, so, I go back to the front. Little scared I confess.

So I get off a stop early and do my usual fast pace walk to Havant Station (and safety).


(LONG STORY ENDS).

Anyway, the point is, I am one of these vunerable people, scared and worried, but with the right person, a very nice person I can be. I feel vunerable, as my mind isn't quite right, as mentioned above. So I get the fear that I maybe exploited or taken advantage of and the question now relates to relationships.

The thing is, I don't want to go out and shag a 16yo girl, as to me (and to the law), its wrong, if she really does choose me, then I guess thats ok, but I am still worried about the legitimacy. If shes been exploiting me this long (and it maybe to her, that she isn't, but appears to me), I am very concerned that this could be applied to most others.


So, how do you detect a genuine person and a time waster? What differences do they have? Because, to me, both can look the same and if one is timewasting, it may categorise someone who isn't timewasting as a timewaster to me.

I'd appeciate any help given and hopefully, its not only me with the same problem.

What a pity -for me- that you are not gay, I would have loved someone like you. I cannot bear normal and usual people...
 

dolfette

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walking is healthier anyway :smile:
and they say that discretion is the better part of valour.

question...
are all those train facts from memory?
if so, i'm impressed and slightly envious!
 

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walking is healthier anyway :smile:
and they say that discretion is the better part of valour.

question...
are all those train facts from memory?
if so, i'm impressed and slightly envious!

All except the unit numbers, I had to look them up to see which ones were scrapped, I thought it was 001, 005 and 009, Wikipedia corrected me on that (oh well, 2 out of 3 aint bad.). I think some cars from units 001/3/5 were also reformed, before they got cut up, but that I'll have to look up and "The Junction" isn't being helpful in that retrospect. thejunction.org.uk


EDIT: Now, if I know that much about mechanical devices, I would be soo supprised if I know more about the DMU at Alresford, than the 2 owners!
 

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@ thedrainman:

@ SpoiledPrincess
College mainly, I guess she is attaining a Level 1 course (I'm on a much higher level, Level 3 currently) and the day after she saw me, the words, as I was comming into college was "allo darling", when we weren't even considered Boyfriend/Girlfriend at all at the time. Yes, she was with her friends, typically.

Perhaps you could tell your tutor how much it's upsetting you and ask if she could take her to one side in a non official capacity and point out to the girl that it's childish and that she is being a bully and she should stop before it becomes an official complaint.
 

WessexEN

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Perhaps you could tell your tutor how much it's upsetting you and ask if she could take her to one side in a non official capacity and point out to the girl that it's childish and that she is being a bully and she should stop before it becomes an official complaint.

If I knew what course she is studying. I only suspect I know her name, but thats it.
 

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Just an update:

For those wondering, I've think I got a way of avoiding the girl. I don't wish to particulary take a later bus, as I would get home too damm late (leave at 17:15, get home gone 19:00), so thats out. Earlier bus disrupts my education, so I decded to take a different approach, walking from College to Bedhampton station, which I tried today and proved to be very plesant, if cold.

It was a little quicker than the bus as well, but the trouble is, if I take the train from Bedhampton, I have to get on the train at Bedhampton, get off in 1 mile (Havant), wait for another train to Chichester, then finally home. All because of the new bloody timetable. Atleast it solves my issue. One of the college friends who I was talking to, she did say I shouldn't let them win, but to be honest, 16yo girls have the law on their side and what I do, it is likely to add to my criminal record. One thing I wish though, is to have a completely clear record though.
 

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sounds like the smart thing to do.
and walking is healthy :smile:
letting her win would be gettng in trouble over her. you're rising above it.
 

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sounds like the smart thing to do.
and walking is healthy :smile:
letting her win would be gettng in trouble over her. you're rising above it.

Telling my tutor about my idea, actually turned out to be different, her recommendation is NOT to walk that far, despite doing a walk in 30 minutes flat!

"Why should you change your route, because the girl in college is causing you misery?".
She is right and she even gave me what she would be talking to her about:

Bullying
Sexual Harrasment

She might also be done for:

Sexual assult in theory, because of where she has so far, touched me (arse, face, ear - ok, not ear, but grabbing my arse without permission is a little far I think.)


Just because they young and immature, doesn't mean they escape the law, and if she doesn't stop (I'll give her a chance), I will be going that far. I think I got a good idea of who she is as I said, but I'll ask them to confirm it first. I don't see her for another 2 weeks though (after I turn 22), so I won't be trying to get into her unconforatble zone.


AS I said, I am not too bothered, if she was being honest, but the fact she choose to mess around on the bus is a differnt matter.
 

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I agree with your tutor, if only because I would be too lazy to walk that far especially in the cold. Given your age differences even if her feelings for you are genuine, her expression of them was totally inappropriate. Can you legally date a 16 yr old in the UK? Why would you want to date this girl after the way she has made you feel so bad? :confused:

Telling my tutor about my idea, actually turned out to be different, her recommendation is NOT to walk that far, despite doing a walk in 30 minutes flat!

"Why should you change your route, because the girl in college is causing you misery?".
She is right and she even gave me what she would be talking to her about:

Bullying
Sexual Harrasment

She might also be done for:

Sexual assult in theory, because of where she has so far, touched me (arse, face, ear - ok, not ear, but grabbing my arse without permission is a little far I think.)


Just because they young and immature, doesn't mean they escape the law, and if she doesn't stop (I'll give her a chance), I will be going that far. I think I got a good idea of who she is as I said, but I'll ask them to confirm it first. I don't see her for another 2 weeks though (after I turn 22), so I won't be trying to get into her unconforatble zone.


AS I said, I am not too bothered, if she was being honest, but the fact she choose to mess around on the bus is a differnt matter.
 

WessexEN

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I agree with your tutor, if only because I would be too lazy to walk that far especially in the cold. Given your age differences even if her feelings for you are genuine, her expression of them was totally inappropriate. Can you legally date a 16 yr old in the UK? Why would you want to date this girl after the way she has made you feel so bad? :confused:

Agreed and even if many say it is legal, that as far as the UK is concerned, the age of consent. The age gap, given I am 22 in 2 days, is very worrying.
The other thing I wasn't impressed with, is the way she referred to my friend who is also female (I actually wanted to go out with her, but she didn't wish to, she also is an aspie.):
"So, wheres that girl you go around with that smells of fish?". Brave statement to make, when you consider to be quite close to the person.
 

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Agreed and even if many say it is legal, that as far as the UK is concerned, the age of consent. The age gap, given I am 22 in 2 days, is very worrying.
The other thing I wasn't impressed with, is the way she referred to my friend who is also female (I actually wanted to go out with her, but she didn't wish to, she also is an aspie.):
"So, wheres that girl you go around with that smells of fish?". Brave statement to make, when you consider to be quite close to the person.
Ugh, that is just rude! No, you are right even if she does have feelings for you best to leave her alone.