Societal attitudes to high sex drives.

[B_subgirrl]

I'm extremely flattered. And particularly coming from you subgirrl. I've always been attracted to tomboys. It's just as well you're on the other side of the planet or I'd pop over to take you for a ride in my 'older' car :smile: It's an AC Cobra replica and it goes like the clappers of doom

You're making me blush again :redface:. Thank you muchly :smile:

But back on topic, and picking up on subgirrl's brilliant point about lack of desire only being a problem if it's bothering the individual: This is why I have tried so hard not to make my wife feel guilty about losing interest in sex (she's post menopausal).

You continue to impress me with the level of support you give your wife. Not because I don't think she deserves it, but because this is the kind of support I would like from my, as yet imaginary, husband if I were going though similar things. You seem to be a rare gem.

I think menopause can be a difficult time for women (and their husbands). It seems to be a period of a woman's life that once again highlights societal attitudes towards the sex drive. By this time of their lives women are traditionally expected to have been providing sex for years (although they aren't supposed to want it too much). Then suddenly they struggle to provide in the way they did in the past. So they and their husbands have to rethink who they are as a sexual person.

But again, I'm going to applaud subgirrl. This time for being a highly sexed girl who doesn't feel guilty about it.

Many thanks, Riven :smile:. You seem to be on a 'Make subgirrl feel good' mission today - and it's working!

Some women find it offensive that I'm so goal oriented when it comes to cumming. It's all fun and games and there's nothing wrong with setting goals. I just try not getting too upset when I can't count past 10.

It just makes me giggle when someone is that goal oriented. I'm happy when I can provide them with entertainment so easily :biggrin1:.

We pretty much knew what was going to happen when the counsellor couldn't figure out where the gap with the communication was. The sex was never really delved into, just the communication.

But the sex was a very important part was it not? Or am I just too sex focused?

I do feel fortunate in that she understands me. I think the last communication hurdle we have is explaining to her that, like you, great sex (even the best sex in the world) will never satiate me. It just makes me want more.

Hard to explain really, without the other person taking offense. Maybe showing her my post explaining what I'm like would help?

Same here with being a tomboy as a child - as long as I can remember (there are pictures of me at age two looking bored next to the doll stroller, but actively playing with the toy train. :biggrin1. However, I didn't have a similar experience as a teen - I was ostracized as a child and teen for being a tomboy. Unfortunately it made me question my own interests, and go to college for a major that I was not suited for at all. It took me years to come to terms with this, and now am struggling to get a job (but in this economy that is common, tomboy or not!) I was also somewhat ostracized for having a high sex drive and actually even for admitting that I like sex! I found a lot of these women's attitudes so antiquated - it was like they were all living in the 1950s or something, and they weren't even BORN until the mid 1960s!

I seem to have been luckier than you in my late teens, and had friends that affirmed my sexuality, rather than making me feel bad about it. Admittedly, many of those friends were male. The female friend I had at the height of my early adulthood sexuality phase (which ended because I entered a LTR) was like me in some ways. We used to joke about how many partners we were up to in a 'ner, ner, I'm beating you' kind of way. Rather like when young blokes talk about sex really. She was a great friend to have at that period of my life. She differed from me in that she was always hoping to find 'the one', whereas I just really loved sex.

I think also that I may "think" myself into having a high sex drive, but at the same time it can be very frustrating because I rarely have sex! (And have really not had that much sex my entire life, for that matter).

I am at that point at the moment - not fun! Although I don't fancy turning the sex drive off again either.

Maybe tomboys fuck harder in general?

I love this idea - doubt there's much truth in it though.

 

[helgaleena]

Menopause does not have to mean the end of sex drive. For me, it is a new beginning. Unlike Riven's spouse I am being freed from a chronic health condition.

 

[B_subgirrl]

Menopause does not have to mean the end of sex drive. For me, it is a new beginning. Unlike Riven's spouse I am being freed from a chronic health condition.

It's nice to hear a positive story about menopause. Most of the time you only hear about the negatives.

 

[whatireallywant]

I think menopause can be a difficult time for women (and their husbands). It seems to be a period of a woman's life that once again highlights societal attitudes towards the sex drive. By this time of their lives women are traditionally expected to have been providing sex for years (although they aren't supposed to want it too much). Then suddenly they struggle to provide in the way they did in the past. So they and their husbands have to rethink who they are as a sexual person.

I seem to have been luckier than you in my late teens, and had friends that affirmed my sexuality, rather than making me feel bad about it. Admittedly, many of those friends were male. The female friend I had at the height of my early adulthood sexuality phase (which ended because I entered a LTR) was like me in some ways. We used to joke about how many partners we were up to in a 'ner, ner, I'm beating you' kind of way. Rather like when young blokes talk about sex really. She was a great friend to have at that period of my life. She differed from me in that she was always hoping to find 'the one', whereas I just really loved sex.


I am at that point at the moment - not fun! Although I don't fancy turning the sex drive off again either.

I've been dreading menopause because I really haven't had much sex, despite having a high sex drive. I don't know if it's that I'm shy, or people think I'm unattractive, or what. I think it's more the shyness.

I grew up in a Bible belt kind of area. The boys I grew up with found me very unattractive and actually barked at me as I walked down the halls at school. The girls were cruel too. And when I was in college I was around a bunch of prudes there too, who didn't think women were "supposed" to enjoy sex (they also thought women shouldn't work outside the home, or if they did, they shouldn't make as much money as men. Crazy! Granted I want a man who makes more money than I make now, but that's because I'm broke! It's not because of any sexist crap! :biggrin1: If I was making a decent amount of money, it wouldn't matter to me who made more.) I also have had quite a few experiences (on those occasions when I did find guys to have sex with) that their sex drives were a lot lower than mine.

Menopause does not have to mean the end of sex drive. For me, it is a new beginning. Unlike Riven's spouse I am being freed from a chronic health condition.

I hope that's the case with me (and that I have someone to have sex with!) I'm in a constant "have to make up for lost time" mentality due to years and years of sex deprivation. A couple of weeks ago I had sex (with my new FB) for the first time in over a year. And that's a typical occurence for me - gaps for 4 and 5 years are not uncommon. It's very frustrating!

 

[B_subgirrl]

I've been dreading menopause because I really haven't had much sex, despite having a high sex drive. I don't know if it's that I'm shy, or people think I'm unattractive, or what. I think it's more the shyness.

It could be the shyness, or maybe the activities you engage in aren't the kind that lead to sex.

I don't see either of my FBs as much as I'd like to, so I could do with another one (or two). But pretty much the only place I go is to uni. And when I'm there I wear my respectable hat, so I'm never going to find a new FB at uni. I think I need to get out more.

I grew up in a Bible belt kind of area. The boys I grew up with found me very unattractive and actually barked at me as I walked down the halls at school. The girls were cruel too. And when I was in college I was around a bunch of prudes there too, who didn't think women were "supposed" to enjoy sex (they also thought women shouldn't work outside the home, or if they did, they shouldn't make as much money as men. Crazy! Granted I want a man who makes more money than I make now, but that's because I'm broke! It's not because of any sexist crap! :biggrin1: If I was making a decent amount of money, it wouldn't matter to me who made more.) I also have had quite a few experiences (on those occasions when I did find guys to have sex with) that their sex drives were a lot lower than mine.

This is really sad! I didn't get much attention at all when I was at school - good or bad. I did have some of the 'popular' girls calling me a slut towards the end of my time at school. I'd never had sex before so I thought it was a bit ridiculous. I pretty much took it as a compliment because they obviously saw me as a threat. Plus my friends and I threatened to fight them - that meant they never pushed their luck too far.

Although I've found that in general society is disapproving of me, I've always had one or two good female friends who supported me even when they didn't understand me.

 

[Attila the Hung]

I have a voracious sexual appetite and so does my gf, and I gotta say I couldn`t care less if anyone would disapprove of it, it is my life not theirs so whats it to them how much sex I have and how often and with whom?

From my experience the people who tend to complain, look down and or disparage such behaviour are only doing so out of envy more often than not, they cannot compete with you so they try and put you down instead and bring you down to their sexless level so that you suffer alongside them.

As I have gotten older I realised that often people condemn and frown upon what they either don`t understand or envy because, and I don`t intend to stop doing what is pleasurable to appease others, we all have only one life to live so lets live it to the fullest is what I say.